Don't know what to title this

[beachgirl 2]

You know, I know this isn't a vent your poor problems here so we can help forum. It's been so wonderfully full of helpful info and helped me make up my mind. I even read a couple of weeks ago about a couple all of a sudden with this wls happening they started having major problems. I think most everyone said, "well it must have been problems already there and this is just making them more evident".

I am setting here crying so hard I can't even type and I promise you, we've been married 25 years and nothing like this has happened in years but my surgery is in less than 3 weeks and my marriage is completly falling apart. I'm sorry to burden everyone with this but I can't even function. Cancelling the surgery isn't even an option. I've got to have this done for my health and for me. My husband just bought a tractor, bushhog yesterday afternoon, we have 4, 4 wheelers, I mean I never say no about anything and he is just being sooooooooo rude and nasty to me. I'm just so upset. I've always made good money and until the wreck last year and I was disabled and we still have money it's not that. He made the comment today that I'm worthless since the wreck and that I don't bring in any money, (I've applied for disability and they said I would have no problem with all of my injuries and can draw 1200.00 a month, why? just why do people have to be so mean. It's hard enough knowing this is a couple of weeks out and I'm so sorry to burden you guys, I probably ought to just delete it but I'm just hurting soooooo bad and you guys are just all I have.

So sorry to be so down, all I can look forward to is this surgery. I know, he's never had a weight problem and I know I'm fat but I can't change it over night. Just sad, so sad.

Love you guys, and husbands and wifes, be nice to each other, talking nasty to the other can hurt so bad. so bad.

Sherri:(

[christy668 1]

hey girl! you hang in there! Maybe hes just as worried as you? Or maybe he's having a bad day?

We sometimes are thrown off when our husbands have bad days cause we think we just have them HAHA

I would sit him down and explain to him how this hurt you, maybe he doesnt realize it?

Im not really taking up for him cause lord knows my DH has said some horrible things and done worst LOL but when i sit him down and open his eyes he usually understands if not...a swift kick in his ass will do the trick... haha just kidding

Anytime you wanna vent you feel free to! thats what we are here for girl! We are all one big banded family here for support by any means!:clap2:

Good luck and keep your chin up!

[juliegeraci 7]

Sherri, I'm not quite sure what to say because I don't know the history of your relationship. My husband and I were near divorce about a year ago and we sought out marriage counseling. You shouldn't have to put up with the verbal attacks. Those can hurt more than physical. Just surround yourself with friends and know that this forum is to help YOU get through your surgery. I really hope that things improve because I have the sense that after surgery he may throw more in your face if you are not losing fast enough. I really hope it works out for you. Have a supportive spouse is really helpful during times like this. Take care of yourself because after surgery it will all be about YOU for a change. Best of luck dear.

[BeacheeGirl 0]

girl, you know what helped me when my husband and i used to argue or say hurtful things to each other? i got a journal from the bookstore and instead of instigating or responding to keep things going, i write all of my feelings down in a journal happy or sad every day and since i have been doing this, no argument and no tiff has escalated to anything in months. and, he is so jealous of my journal! he's like, why do you have to write in that, what are you writing, blah blah blah, it makes him uncomfortable that i might record any bad behavior so he has really been trying to be his best all the time! it was really weird but this is what happened!

[HunnyBun 2]

Sometimes people react negatively when they are worried. Maybe he doesnt want you to die and tries to convince himself he doesnt need you in case... I'm no therapist, but I've noticed people acting this way before.

When things were going badly with my ex and he knew I wanted to break it off, he would be super mean to me because he was trying to comfort himself.

[Woodys 0]

Try and relax, there could be many reasons that he said such hurtful things, of course that doesn't make it acceptable. I have lashed out at my husband on occasion and have sincerely regreted everyword, I have done it without just cause. Sometimes we are in moods and just can't help ourselves, sum it up to human nature.....still doesn't make it right though.

Hang in there....he may come to his senses and all will be good again. If he is willing to talk this out I would definately address how he measures your worth....why does everything always have to come down to money?

Carol

[lisah25 3]

Just a guess, but I wonder if he's worried about you doing something to improve yourself, that will make you feel better? Maybe he's gotten used to things the way they are, and feels threatened? Not that would excuse him.

I'm sorry he had to be so mean, you are right when you say that what we say to each other, esp. as spouses, can really hurt.

[fishy 0]

Sounds to me like he's scared of the possibility of losing the new, more attractive girl that you are going to be! Men are so lousy about expressing their true feelings most of the time, and it's possible he doesn't know WHAT he's feeling and needs to work it out.

That being said, he needs to know that he is being hurtful. Otherwise, he will continue to find new (bad) ways to take out his frustrations on you.

Yes, this is a guy talking here.

[Devana 0]

Wow Sherri, I'm sorry you're going through this. A couple of things - you said that nothing like this has happened in years, so I'm assuming that he is not usually verbally abusive toward you, also you said that you know it's not about the money. There are quite a few reasons for your husband to feel scared or threatened. Travelling to another country for surgery, the future of you being more attractive and maybe not wanting him anymore, man, all sorts of stuff. Some guys just don't know how to express their true feelings. That does not excuse his verbal abuse. Maybe expressing your feelings to him (eg you hurt me, I really need your support) will encourage him to do the same, and like you think, I'll bet it has nothing to do with money.

[Carlene 12]

Dear Sherri...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you right on the eve of your surgery. Who understands men? Certainly not me. This may be about money, and maybe not. Your hubby probably loves you just the way you are and doesn't see the need to spend 10K on LB surgery. My husband doesn't understand about me wanting to spend that much on plastic surgery, either. But $400 for a golf club isn't too much...LOL.

But you aren't worthless. He's just being mean spirited. Tell him to knock it off or all the women from Lap Band Talk are gonna come over there and open up a whole can of whip ass on him.

[Marimaru 7]

Sherri,

I'm sorry you are going through all this. Please know that we are all here for eachother on lots of different levels, so please don't feel guilty for posting here for help with this.

People do very strange things when they are afraid, and I'll bet that is what is going on. I really think you need to just sit him down and ask him what is up.

*hugs*

[rorysmom 0]

i'm sorry you're going through this.

is your husband a selfish person? you list all of the toys that he's bought for himself. is that indicative of his approach to money and getting what he wants?

conversly, do you normally not buy for yourself? when you do, is it in comparison to what he buys? does he see this surgery as an extravagant luxury? especially since you aren't working?

if this is the case, then the cost of your surgery, combined with what the others have mentioned, may be making him angry.

[medussa 0]

you Are Not Worthless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ms. Vicki 0]

It is not for me to even begin to understand and explain why you husband said such hurtful words to you. I CAN tell you that we are all here for you.

My husband gets that way sometimes when he feels threatened, but we've done a lot of talking about the surgery and what it means to EVERYONE in the family. Lapband does not just affect the person having the procedure. There are implications that trickle down to each family member. He had a lot of insecurities about how I might want "something better" once I got "skinny".

Maybe it would help to sit down with DH and let him know how you feel. Make sure your words are about YOUR feelings and how important this is to YOU. Then, ask him what fears/concerns he has about it. Communication is usually the key that can unlock all misunderstandings.

Hang in there. We are all here for you.

[Marlluvia 1]

Smile Sherri, it will do you good. I'm sorry this is happening, and can totally relate to your situation. My husband did the same thing to me last week. He made some hurtful remarks that made me feel awful, but he came back and apologized for it a couple of hours later. I just think your husband feels threatened by your upcoming surgery and this is his way of expressing it. Try to take it with a grain of salt and continue with your plans; I'm sure he will come around and everything will be better. You'll see. Feel free to vent as much as you'd like. We are here for support, whether it be for banding or otherwise.