Funniest Kid Stories...

[Carlene 12]

I have a couple of stories....here's the first one.

I have three sons - Thomas, Patrick, and Kelly (can't tell I'm Irish Catholic, can you?). When I discovered I was pregnant with Kelly, number one son was 4 and number two was 2. We waited a few months and then sat the oldest brother down, ready to deliver THE news.

"Tommy", I said, "I have something to tell you. We are going to get a new baby."

Tommy didn't say a word, but big tears welled up in his eyes and silently slid down his cheeks.

"What's the matter?" I asked, "Don't you want a new baby brother or sister?"

Still trying his best to hold back the tears, my heartbroken little boy said, "No, Mama.....I like Patrick".

[JMO 0]

ROFLAO!!!

Kids are so funny sometimes. We adopted a dog form the animal shelter a few months ago, Her name is roxy. A few days ago she ate my husband food off his plate when he got up from the table to get a drink. Well of course the kids thought it was hilarious, but my DH was not so thrilled. My son said daddy, roxy ate up all your dinner! And my DH replied with " Yep. I think we should take her back to the store" We all laughed and forgot it.

Then my middle son (3yrs) got in trouble yesterday, After his punishment, I asked him if he was going to be good for mommy? He said "if I'm bad will you take me back to the pet store? " I was at a loss for words? But I did reasure him we don't take back pets or family...

[Kat817 19]

Having run a daycare for over 20 years, i could fill this thread!!! These however were from my oldest DD. Sortly after her 3rd birthday, I walked into her room to find her and a friend with no less than 10 barrettes each in their hair (one of her birthday gifts). I laughed at her and told her she was "too cute", she jumped up, hands on hips, and informed me that she was now "Three cute".

About a year later, we had gone with a friend and her 2 kids to Taco Bell. My DD was way more interested in playing with the friends, and looking over the back of the booth into the neighboring booth. I had told her repeatedly to sit down and behave, only to be ignored basically, as 4 yr olds do. I finally had reached the end of my pateince, and told her to "sit her butt down or I was gonna bust it right there in front of God and everybody". Amazingly she did just that....was a perfect angel the rest of the meal. On the way home she wanted to go see Grandpa, so we stopped in, first thing out of her mouth was "Grandpa, God was at Taco Bell!".

Won't be long til my grandkids are filling me full of fun stories too!!

I sent the second one to Readers Digest, and made money on threatening my child!!!

Kat

[Jachut 487]

Well, this is a kind of had to be there moment, but anyway, we were standing at the deli counter in the supermarket one day with the boys, it was before Eliza came along. It was all quiet as everyone waited for their number to be served. Suddenly the cutest little voice (Ewan) pipes up "I'm a REALLY big eater of sausages".

It was so funny, everyone folded.

[RavensRiches 0]

"cars with their heads cut off" = convertibles

"ooshes" = shoes

"moo-moo" = breastmilk, breasts, etc.

[lisah25 3]

My niece is four. On a recent trip with her, she got a cold, so we got her some kids cold medicine. She saw it, and said "Oh goody. That will make me feel better". After she took it, she said "and it's delicious too".

On the same trip, we went into a store and I told her I'd put her in the shopping cart, and her response was "Ah ah captain". No idea where that came from. And when we got to the hotel, she got on the bed, put her hands behind her head and said "I think I'll watch a little TV now".

[DOC 0]

I was flying back to Florida from New York last year with my granddaughter Shannon who was 5 at the time. As we drove past a sign for JFK airport she says....

"that is crazy. Who would name a President after an airport" !!!!! :o

I tried to tell her the President came first, but she who thinks the roads weren't paved when I was her age... didn't understand.

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I have told this story on this site before, but I will share here as well. My son who is 3 has this weird obsession with covering his body in various goos. LOL

One time my daughter came out of their room, all ready to go, and we had just finished getting ready for going out to Breakfast as well. I asked her where andy was, and she said he was getting his shoes. So we waited. I made some coffee, Rob checked the sports scores. I could hear our son singing and dinking around so I called out to him to hurry it up and lets go. He said he couldn't. I called back to do waht I said and lets go. He called out that he couldn't get down. ...huh... ?? I walked into their room and he was on the top shelf of the closet, nekkid, covered from head to toe in Peanut Butter. And I mean covered.

Every time we go to the park I slather the kids over with sunscreen. One morning we woke up and I came out to the kitchen, walking past the kid's door. At this point we had babygates across their door so they couldnot get out and get into stuff. as I passed the gate I noticed a white figure with two green eyes kneeling down behind it staring up at me. I was floored. What was this? It was so white. Andy stands up and he is covered (yes...covered) with balmex (diaper rash ointment). He thought it was sunscreen and thought if he put it on we would go to the park. He was 2 at the time. Anyone who has had a child knows how long it took me to get this stuff off of him.

I work from home. One day I put the kids down for a nap and went to get some serious artwork time in. About 30 minutes later I hear this weaid sound. I get up, and follow the sound into the kitchen. And is standing there, naked (he likes being naked lol) in front of the fridge, breaking eggs on his head and rubbing the yolk and whites all over his face and head.

And the latest version of this. We keep our door locked at night. If we don't, they come in. A lot! Yesterday morning we finished getting ready and I got up to the door to open it when i heard a little knock and the frantic voice of my daughter. I open the door to a sweet child's face that has been drawn on with a marker. shapes and figures and lines all over her face. She tells me Andy did it. uh huh. I go into their room and andy is there furiously drawing on his arm, covering it with green ink. This is to match his other arm, his feet, his palms, and his entire face which is completely covered in green ink.

yes. my son is a freak. and if you tell him that he says, "I sure am!"

[Meow=^..^= 1]

This also might be "ya had to be there" moment, but whateva...

My bestfriend has a daughter, and when she was 2 we had to go to court for a traffic accident that I had at work (we worked together also) So me , her and another co-worker and the baby went to court. We were sitting in the Jury box (small court room) and my case was called. We all went to the "defense table" and left the baby in the box. Yada Yada Yada case is closed, We look over to get the baby and she is sitting on the bench, my purse on her lap, one of my ciggarets in her mouth, lighter in hand (not being able to use the lighter) saying Shit! My best friend and I looked at each other, she was mortified, Frank and I started cracking up as soon as we got out of the courtroom.

[3loves 0]

This is a story about my oldest son. It was published in the local paper.

Yesterday, we had a small thunderstorm go through the area and I was busy unplugging the major electronic equipment such as the TV's and computers. My boys were in tow and became frightened by the thunder. I told them that was just the angels in heaven. The phone rang and I didn't want to use the handset because of the storm, so I hit the speaker button. It was my sister-in-law, Becky. I told her we were having a storm and I would need to call her back. Immediately after hanging up, Bobby my 4 yr old son, asked, "Mommy, why did the angel call?" I told him that wasn't an angel, it was his Aunt Becky. He said, "Oh, I don't know that angel." I had to giggle.

[3loves 0]

Here's some more from the same article as above. They feature this article once a week and it's my favorite.

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried In vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DREW (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

The Sermon I think this mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

[FunnyDuddies 6]

omg 3loves i am laughing so hard i have to go pee now. LOL Thank you for brightening my day!!!