My husband does not support me.

[brazcan 37]

HI everyone

After much wait, research and multiple attempts to loose weight, I finally realized that I do not want to keep trying to loose weight by diet and exercise and medication just to regain it all back in a short time. Last July I went to Brazil to have a balloon inserted, but the doctor was very honest in saying that it just was not worth it and that after the 6 months when the ballon was to be removed the weight would start to go up again. He also did not agree with the band due to multiple complications in a long run and poor results after it was removed. He suggested the vertical gastrectomy but I was just not ready for it and decided to try again to loose weight by other methods. During this time I was on Xenical, exercising 3x per week, eating healthy and lighter most of the time. I managed to loose 8 pounds but I quickly "found" them and a couple more.

This months I decided to go for the VSG but in Mexico. To my surprise my husband went ballistic. Initially his argument was about the safety of it being done in Mexico but after many arguments it was clear that he just plain does not want me to do it. No matter how much I try to show results, research, etc he remains firm against it. Again to my surprise, he told me he is not going with me, he is not giving any support when I return (I asked for it as I will be feeling weak, of course and we have absolutely no other family member in Canada) and even said that he does not want to know anything and will not be my emergency contact person. That was way beyond expected. Unfortunately I always noticed he spoiled my attempts to loose weight and became insecure everytime I came closer to a normal weight but until now this was just a suspicion.

I am tense and scared but I have made my decision and I will not change my mind. I am leaving to San Diego on the 5/2 and will spend 2 days there to relax and get to visit a few places. On the 8/2 I will have my surgery and I will be back on the 13/2. I decided to stay a little longer to avoid feeling dizzy during the long trip back to Toronto. With God's permission everything will go well and I will have a good recovery. I hope the support of everyone in this forum will do what he is not doing. I really hope I will have no complications at all and that i will be back to my normal routine soon, feeling much lighter of course.

[srwright66 1]

So sorry your husband is not supporting you.

[lkcraig316 4]

I am so sorry that you are being treated this way. All I can say is that he must have a lot of insecurities to be so adamant about you losing weight.

You know you will always have support here at VST. Anytime you feel nervous, scared, or just want to share a victory, post it on here. You will see how many people are truly there for you.

Lisa

[bloomin_vjf 1]

Wishing you the best... I'm 7 weeks post-op tomorrow and I do not regret it. It was the best thing I did for me. I am looking forward to the coming months knowing that my efforts in eating healthier and exercising will bring benefits.

My husband hasn't ever expressed an opinion either way and it makes me feel very alone. I appreciate the messages of support on this forum and from my friends. You're not alone in your journey.

[A New Life a New Day 0]

HI everyone

After much wait, research and multiple attempts to loose weight, I finally realized that I do not want to keep trying to loose weight by diet and exercise and medication just to regain it all back in a short time. Last July I went to Brazil to have a balloon inserted, but the doctor was very honest in saying that it just was not worth it and that after the 6 months when the ballon was to be removed the weight would start to go up again. He also did not agree with the band due to multiple complications in a long run and poor results after it was removed. He suggested the vertical gastrectomy but I was just not ready for it and decided to try again to loose weight by other methods. During this time I was on Xenical, exercising 3x per week, eating healthy and lighter most of the time. I managed to loose 8 pounds but I quickly "found" them and a couple more.

This months I decided to go for the VSG but in Mexico. To my surprise my husband went ballistic. Initially his argument was about the safety of it being done in Mexico but after many arguments it was clear that he just plain does not want me to do it. No matter how much I try to show results, research, etc he remains firm against it. Again to my surprise, he told me he is not going with me, he is not giving any support when I return (I asked for it as I will be feeling weak, of course and we have absolutely no other family member in Canada) and even said that he does not want to know anything and will not be my emergency contact person. That was way beyond expected. Unfortunately I always noticed he spoiled my attempts to loose weight and became insecure everytime I came closer to a normal weight but until now this was just a suspicion.

I am tense and scared but I have made my decision and I will not change my mind. I am leaving to San Diego on the 5/2 and will spend 2 days there to relax and get to visit a few places. On the 8/2 I will have my surgery and I will be back on the 13/2. I decided to stay a little longer to avoid feeling dizzy during the long trip back to Toronto. With God's permission everything will go well and I will have a good recovery. I hope the support of everyone in this forum will do what he is not doing. I really hope I will have no complications at all and that i will be back to my normal routine soon, feeling much lighter of course.

My husband did not support my choice to get sleeved either. I invited him to the pre-op with my surgeon and his mind was so closed I told him to just stay home. I scheduled my surgery and I told him the morning I was leaving. This forum will help a lot. There are wonderful and supportive people on this site. I was lucky. Once I got home my husband did help me and even bought me a card and some Vitamins. I hope your husband comes around. Either way utilize the support on this site and even a therapist if you need it. I wish you much luck.

[Margaret 4]

Everyone has problems with this! I am single and am arranging for my only child to travel a long distance to help me for a few days. I'm blessed beyond words. This website is FOR YOU. We're here for you and I admire your courage and determination! Keep writing and we'll keep helping you along this journey.

HI everyone

After much wait, research and multiple attempts to loose weight, I finally realized that I do not want to keep trying to loose weight by diet and exercise and medication just to regain it all back in a short time. Last July I went to Brazil to have a balloon inserted, but the doctor was very honest in saying that it just was not worth it and that after the 6 months when the ballon was to be removed the weight would start to go up again. He also did not agree with the band due to multiple complications in a long run and poor results after it was removed. He suggested the vertical gastrectomy but I was just not ready for it and decided to try again to loose weight by other methods. During this time I was on Xenical, exercising 3x per week, eating healthy and lighter most of the time. I managed to loose 8 pounds but I quickly "found" them and a couple more.

This months I decided to go for the VSG but in Mexico. To my surprise my husband went ballistic. Initially his argument was about the safety of it being done in Mexico but after many arguments it was clear that he just plain does not want me to do it. No matter how much I try to show results, research, etc he remains firm against it. Again to my surprise, he told me he is not going with me, he is not giving any support when I return (I asked for it as I will be feeling weak, of course and we have absolutely no other family member in Canada) and even said that he does not want to know anything and will not be my emergency contact person. That was way beyond expected. Unfortunately I always noticed he spoiled my attempts to loose weight and became insecure everytime I came closer to a normal weight but until now this was just a suspicion.

I am tense and scared but I have made my decision and I will not change my mind. I am leaving to San Diego on the 5/2 and will spend 2 days there to relax and get to visit a few places. On the 8/2 I will have my surgery and I will be back on the 13/2. I decided to stay a little longer to avoid feeling dizzy during the long trip back to Toronto. With God's permission everything will go well and I will have a good recovery. I hope the support of everyone in this forum will do what he is not doing. I really hope I will have no complications at all and that i will be back to my normal routine soon, feeling much lighter of course.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

That's too bad that he's being such a stubborn fool about it. But good for you for standing up for yourself and realizing it's your own health and your own decision. If he continues to sabotage you and causes you trouble after the surgery, you know what to do.

[AutumnLily 77]

Try to find out if it is the surgery or you losing weight that he has a problem with. Sometimes your loved ones are used to a certain way of life and going and changing it causes distress.

If you dig deep enough you will find the strength to do this with out your husbands help. Try to do all the shopping you need done before you leave so that when you get back you will not have to rely on him. If he truly loves you he will come around eventually. But it may take some time.

In the mean time you can always come here for virtual support. And possibly find someone in your area that you can meet up with.

[cdpa50tx 0]

HI everyone

After much wait, research and multiple attempts to loose weight, I finally realized that I do not want to keep trying to loose weight by diet and exercise and medication just to regain it all back in a short time. Last July I went to Brazil to have a balloon inserted, but the doctor was very honest in saying that it just was not worth it and that after the 6 months when the ballon was to be removed the weight would start to go up again. He also did not agree with the band due to multiple complications in a long run and poor results after it was removed. He suggested the vertical gastrectomy but I was just not ready for it and decided to try again to loose weight by other methods. During this time I was on Xenical, exercising 3x per week, eating healthy and lighter most of the time. I managed to loose 8 pounds but I quickly "found" them and a couple more.

This months I decided to go for the VSG but in Mexico. To my surprise my husband went ballistic. Initially his argument was about the safety of it being done in Mexico but after many arguments it was clear that he just plain does not want me to do it. No matter how much I try to show results, research, etc he remains firm against it. Again to my surprise, he told me he is not going with me, he is not giving any support when I return (I asked for it as I will be feeling weak, of course and we have absolutely no other family member in Canada) and even said that he does not want to know anything and will not be my emergency contact person. That was way beyond expected. Unfortunately I always noticed he spoiled my attempts to loose weight and became insecure everytime I came closer to a normal weight but until now this was just a suspicion.

I am tense and scared but I have made my decision and I will not change my mind. I am leaving to San Diego on the 5/2 and will spend 2 days there to relax and get to visit a few places. On the 8/2 I will have my surgery and I will be back on the 13/2. I decided to stay a little longer to avoid feeling dizzy during the long trip back to Toronto. With God's permission everything will go well and I will have a good recovery. I hope the support of everyone in this forum will do what he is not doing. I really hope I will have no complications at all and that i will be back to my normal routine soon, feeling much lighter of course.

[cdpa50tx 0]

I am so sorry that you don't have his support. I had a lapband, comlications, had it taken out and now going to have the sleeve in April. I am very fortunate in that my husband supports me 100 %. Please keep us posted and we will be your support. Take care and everything will go great. You keep thinking positive for you.

[bilka 6]

I have a similar story to yours. I too am getting sleeved abroad (greece) on the 8th February, I'll stay a couple of days longer and will come back home on the 12th.

My hubby is not really 100% supportive, he is not coming with me, he sent his sister (who thank God is fun and we are kinda friends), so I am going with my best buddy and her.

During the last few months I found here all the answers I was looking for and all the support I needed.

I have already bought all the stuff I need to make sugar free popsicles and I am going to prepare them before leaving for Greece, so I'll have things ready in the freezer when I get back and I have already bought things to make jelly as well, so he won't have to do anything while I'll be away.

I have the feeling too that my hubby feels insecure about me losing weight (and maybe becoming more attractive)...

Anyway, I wish you the best and let everyone know how it works out!

If you feel down go to the Success Stories section, that's what I do. Read those people's stories and look and the pictures! Tiffykins just posted some photos that really are an inspiration. When my hubby is annoying me I normally show him some pictures of them and he shuts up.

-15 days!!! :thumbs_up:

[JanettRN 0]

I hate to hear that he is so close minded about this. My husband wasn't very supportive either. But, he was open and honest and told me that he was afraid if I lost a lot of weight that I would eventually leave him. I had to do tons of reassuring him that we have been married for almost 15 years, and weight loss wasn't going to change that. I just explained to him that I knew he loved me the way I was, but it was time for me to love myself as well. He was still not happy about it, and we got in to a very heated argument the night before my surgery. But, he did go to the hospital with me, and has been very helpful since. Now that he sees how well I'm doing I think he's even regretting his attitude beforehand. I hope it all works out for you, and I am so glad you are making the decision to do this for yourself Good Luck!

[faithstar 3]

something resonated a little with me and it was when you indicated he had sabotaged your past attempts to lose weight and became jealous/insecure. I really think that needs to be examined closely because, I have learned, you can't let ANYONE sabotage your attempts to be happy. YOU come first with your health. If you're not happy/healthy, how can you be the person you want to be?

I totally disagree with how you are being treated by your husband and even if he didn't like the idea of the operation, point blank refusing to care for you and be your emergency contact is worrying.maybe the problem lies a little deeper than the operation, maybe he is scared and insecure of you changing. However, all of that needs to be examined and talked about, or it will eat you up and more importantly you will eat on it.

[BZButterfly79 19]

First, here is a virtual hug. Second, what is he supporting? That you remain fat and unhealthy and under his thumb? I mean when are man going to learn that the more they resist the more they lose, I didn't have support in the beginning things turned around but I will leave you with a question since you are the only one who has the answers deep inside. Say you don't go through with this surgery and remain the way you are for the rest of your life, your life exactly the way it is now can you handle that? I couldn't and told my husband that if he didn't come along and support me he was going to find himself in a bachelor pad somewhere, why such a harsh statement well...I am not here to be anyone's puppet, I am entitled to happiness, joy, liberty, and all the rest that comes with being born. You need to stop so much time trying to convince him, and take a stand for your life if the sleeve is what you need to help you. In the end EVEN if he becomes your cheerleader it is still your own personal project when you get home from the hospital it's all on YOU to make this work for you. If he is acting this way out of concern for you then that can be eased but it sounds like the man has deep rooted insecurities and let me tell you after surgery these will not sleep...they will awaken many others YOU MUST BE PREPARED, mentally and spiritually so that you can become the you that you deserve. We are always here for you, this site inspires me daily.

[brazcan 37]

Hi everyone

Thank you very much for all your support. I never thought that virtual support was so effective and important. I feel so close to all of you...

I am positive about my decision and I will have it. I am only getting insecure about the doctor, place, price and all these histories about problems with certain doctors. I cannot afford the most expensive doctors but I aso cannot place my life at risk. It is so hard to sort through all the good and bad about the less expensive packages. We dont really know who is a real patinet or not, who is being paid by the doctors or not...

I have my surgery booked for Feb 8 with Dr. Almanza but I am about to cancel it. I started to research the other less expensive packages but there is alway someone telling bad things that makes me very scared. I really cannot afford the ones that charge $7000 or more.

Thanks again everyone. I will try to get more info from people that have been to the less expensive doctors to see what I get.

God bless you all