pro's / con's to being honest about having surgery

[slowkat 1]

I agree with bzbutterfly79.. we come here to not be judged but somehow through peoples posts we are.. all the poster wanted was your expierence not what u think about what other people chose to do and how you feel about it.. its everyone's own decision to handle things the way they do. As for me I only told my husband and good friend I don't believe everyone needs to know my business. And it certainly wasn't a shame thing. It's a mind your won business thing.. so the next time you want to sit here and judge people on why they choose not to tell. Take your own advice and skip over the topic

I don't plan on telling anyone. From about the 6th grade to the 10th grade I was fat but then I decided to change & by 12th grade I lost 30lbs, went to college & by the end of the first semester, I lost the remaining 35lbs & KEPT IT OFF for 12 1/2 yrs! Til I had a child & developed hypothyroidism & gained 85 lbs!...totally not expected & totally NOT kewl w/me! While I expected 'baby weight', I expected to lose it too. I could not believe all that hard work I did to lose that 65 lbs & maintain my weightloss just went down the toilet & nothing I could do about it. That was 7 yrs ago & after YEARS of constant struggle to lose just to gain it back, I've just broke down & accepted the fact I need help now. I don't want to tell anyone if I get VSG b/c I first of all don't think it's anyone's business but most importantly, I don't want anyone to think I got surgery in the first place to have lost all the original weight back in high school/college. I don't want to have to explain, 'No, I did that all myself but then got thyroid issues then gained it all back plus 20 more so I had to get surgery'. Knowing the people in my home town (and my relatives), they won't believe me & I'm sure the truth will come out if I happen to go out w/someone & can't eat a 'normal amount'. While, true, it shouldn't matter, I feel like a complete failure & it wasn't my fault. My husband will know b/c it can't be avoided. I hope he keeps my request not to tell other people even though I'm sure he'll tell everyone as soon he finds out. He just doesn't think anything is sacred or secret between husband & wife, which is a shame.

So I guess in telling you all this, do what makes YOU feel good, do what feels right to you. If you feel liberated & not 'ashamed' as I will go for it, if not, keep it to yourself. It's your choice & no one should force info out of you just b/c they're being nosy. Good luck!!!

[a change is comin 3]

I totally feel the same way. I am at the very beginning stage of my healthy life journey & i have told my brother, mother & one co worker, but my boyfriend is not so supportive. He feels i'm a being lazy and could just exerise more & i would lose the weight.....i say easier said than done. I have been trying for 34 years to lose weight and he doesn't really understand that. I hope he turns around because I would truly love to have his help & support, but at the end of the day I have to do this for me and me alone. I prayed and researched on this for a while and also kept putting it off and trying some new fad diet, for all and sometime plus more, weight to come right back. I say it doesn't matter, it's your body and althought the support is great, you have to be your own biggest support.

Hi Newmefeb8,

Who you choose to tell is really up to you! I did not shout it to the roof top, but I did tell those who were closest to me. Some objected and others were supportive, It really didn't matter because my mind was made up, but prepared for some negative reactions.

I did vow that I would not keep my surgery a secret. If people ask, I tell them the truth. So many times I would see poepl who lost weight and ask how they did it. They would lie about some fad diet, knowing they had surgery! This use to tick me off. I have a Blog about it on this site. Feel free to check it out!

Bottomline. is weight loss surgery is not taboo. You are taking the neccessary steps to become healthier. If people don't agree than pooh on them! You have to do what's best for you! Congrats on taking steps to a better future.

Take care!

NewNatalie

[Chinasl45 9]

I have told people about my upcoming surgery. My co-workers are very supportive and I have used this opportunity to educate people. I also didnt want people to think that I was sick and want to do something for me for that reason (that's how my co-workers are. They will collect for you). Now for those who dont like what I'm doing, the can get the finger, the middle! I dont care what people think of me and if they come off wrong, heaven help them! I am going to do this for me and nobody else. You are either with me or against me.....

[tracidee66 0]

I'm kind of caught in the middle of both worlds. I've told: 1 sister, 1 niece, and 5 friends (3 of which have had weight loss surgery ). I wouldn't mind telling more people as it comes up. But, my husband is a very private person and he thinks people will be judgmental so, he prefers we keep it quiet. If he'd had his way NOBODY would have known. I, on the other hand, like the idea of support...I mean people's negativity is their issue not mine. For me it's a fine line to walk and as my date draws closer, I'm trying to figure out ways to explain my absence from some of my regular activities and then the recuperation time before I can get back to some of them. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to tell everybody concerned from the beginning. Oh well.

[chicagoanthony 1]

Well, i waited until the day before surgery to talk to my family. They were semi supportive. But, it was never up to them. People can poke and prod into your personal life with their opinions but at the end of the day these statements are true

You have to live your life

You have to make the most of your life

You can never please everyone

Do what you think is the best decision.

Vertical sleeve hindsight is 20/20 but there are no "re-dos"

In my opinion, you get one chance. just one, to make the most of this life. Give yourself the best fighting chance. Being obese, is a problem. If you can get it fixed, fix it .

Be happy in your own skin, your the only one whos in it.

-Tony

[SFOTraveler 42]

I have told everyone in my life with the exception of 2 people : my boss, and 1 of my coworkers. Everyone else knows the truth. My boss and coworker know that I had surgery but they think that I am just on a very strict diet, per doctor's orders. It's hard not to notice when all I could eat or drink was liquids and purees for awhile. I work in the hospitality industry to I attend a lot of luncheons and formal dinners so hard to hide how much you eat.

Now for the other 99% of friends and family and coworkers, I have a blog, that I post on my Facebook, and although I was slightly worried about what some of them might think, I get so much positive feedback and people saying "keep blogging, i love it!" that it really keeps me motivated

The one thing that bugs the you know what out of me is when people (especially people close to me) that call the surgery gastric bypass. I wanna scream, ITS NOT GASTRIC BYPASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So different and I made my decision because of that fact!

[sfdavid 1]

I have told everyone in my life with the exception of 2 people : my boss, and 1 of my coworkers. Everyone else knows the truth. My boss and coworker know that I had surgery but they think that I am just on a very strict diet, per doctor's orders. It's hard not to notice when all I could eat or drink was liquids and purees for awhile. I work in the hospitality industry to I attend a lot of luncheons and formal dinners so hard to hide how much you eat.

Now for the other 99% of friends and family and coworkers, I have a blog, that I post on my Facebook, and although I was slightly worried about what some of them might think, I get so much positive feedback and people saying "keep blogging, i love it!" that it really keeps me motivated

The one thing that bugs the you know what out of me is when people (especially people close to me) that call the surgery gastric bypass. I wanna scream, ITS NOT GASTRIC

BYPASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So different and I made my decision because of that fact!

I totally hear you! And no matter how much I try to inform how different the sleeve is from the bypass, they still call it "that bypass thing" or worse, "that band thing". That is one of the reasons I choose to tell folks about my surgery, to help educate on this new, effective and exciting procedure that deserves its day in the sun as well. I'm not always successful but I will keep on preaching the "word of the sleeve".

[TStew 25]

I only have my oldest sister here and the rest of the family is out of state. I told her when i was just thinking about it and she was not supportive at all. She thought I was crazy, especially for considering to MX and she flat out told me that she wouldn't go with me and that I was on my own.

We had our annual Christmas get together with some of her work friends and one of them just happened to bring up her coworker who had WLS and looked terrible because her face was all wrinkled now. I have no doubt my sister was gossiping about me and I'm sure she had already told my nieces and other sisters so I just stopped talking about it.

When I had the surgery, I just told her I was home with the flu and not feeling good for a few days. Then I told her about my recent blood work and the liver enzymes being high and that I decided against surgery but I'm going to do a 21 day liquid fast (which I've done a few times in the past) and totally change my eating habits because I'm scared about the sudden liver issues (which is totally true). And she knows I'm beginning an exercize plan and she also knows that I'm an 'all or nothing' kind of person. She witnessed me lose a lot of weight before so she might not suspect.

She might catch on when I start to lose a lot but I don't think I will lie about it if she confronts me. I'll just tell her that she was totally unsupportive and I didn't want to be the subject of her gossip so I did it without telling her and I went alone.

I would rather not tell my family and coworkers at this point. I'm looking for a new job anyway so hopefully the timing will work out to my advantage!

[MlkPas 5]

I only told my immediate family and closest friends before the surgery -- didn't tell ANYBODY at work because I have a high-profile job and didn't want people gossiping about me. But after about 9 months I was having lunch with some colleagues and one of them looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'okay, EXACTLY what have you done to lose all that weight?" I had the choice of refusing to answer, lying, or telling the truth. At that point I felt like it was pretty clear my surgery has been a huge success, so I said "I had 85% of my stomach cut out and thrown in the trash!" People were pretty surprised, they asked a few questions, but honestly, the conversation moved on to other topics quickly enough and nobody has been interested enough to even ask any questions from that day to this.

The lesson I took from this experience is that nobody cares about our business NEARLY as much as we think they do! LOL

[Farkinelle 3]

I read your post and wanted to ask you, I've had a gallbladder out, and a tubal ligation, technically I am no longer able to get pregnant do I have to go around telling people about that? A surgery to me is a surgery I treat them equal, some riskier than others but to me not telling has NOTHING to do with shame it has to do with respect for myself, I am entitled to have something belong to me, another thing I will say to you is that though a lot of people may say how happy they are deep inside and behind our backs I wonder if they say things like: "poor thing had to have her stomach out cause she couldn't control herself" or "wait till all the weight creeps back up" and "she'll need plastic surgery for sure!". How do I know this? Well, prior to getting fat during the last year I was a normal weight and hanging out with the skinny crowd and I heard that plenty of times about others(from medical professionals). You can REALLY lose weight, A LOT of it by fasting, by doing the HCG protocol, by starving yourself, by drinking slim fast shakes and nothing else and even like us eating small portions and exercising. It is not only by surgery that people lose weight I was not lucky enough to have that kind of will power on my own. Not choosing to put a bumper sticker on my car saying HEY I HAD WLS! doesn't make me a liar. Also there are some people who have family members who terrorized them about being fat mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters, and NEVER once reached out to want to help why are these people entitled to knowing 85% of stomach is gone? I am proud I took control of my life and this as my NUT says is my "own personal project". Put it this way, I went to GNC to buy a shake mix and the store clerk and I started talking and I told mentioned to her my procedure...she made sure to tell me that so and so she knows keeps fainting at work, binging at Olive Garden and throwing up, and that she was so LUCKY because she dropped 120lbs on her own! WOW-you can imagine how I felt leaving the store. Anyway it is what it is.

Well said! I agree with you both...keeping something on a very personal level does NOT make anyone a LIAR.

Do you discuss what happens in your sex life?

Tell everyone your haemorrhoids are sore today or not?

Make common knowledge of your financial situation?

doesn't make you a liar if you don't!