pro's / con's to being honest about having surgery

[mrspetendanbury 0]

I feel the exact same way. I am not hiding the fact that I am having this surgery, because I know that I have exhausted all other resources to losing weight. I am more ashamed of losing the weight and gaining it back over the years of me trying to defeat the bulge. I am scheduled for surgery on Janurary 31. I am excited that this tool will help me get my life back.

People may not agree with me but here's my two cents. It disturbs me to see people that want to keep this a secret. I try to skip over those posts.

I have been very open about having this done. I was embarrassed at first and ashamed that I let myself get this way. I wasn't sure what their reactions were going to be. It really didn't matter, this is for me and no one else. My family was OK with it, but not big on me going to Mexico. They got over it. My co-workers are excited for me and have invited me to work out with them after I have my surgery. My boss is now seriously considering it. His wife had gastric bypass and he didn't want any part of that. So maybe my positive input will help him.

For so long I looked in the mirror and lied to myself, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I made empty promises to myself, tried every diet, even damaged my heart with phen-fen.

Ask yourself this: Do you think anybody will believe you are just eating healthy and dieting? Really? REALLY? If you say this and it is found out that you really had surgery, then everyone will see you as a liar. I'm an honest person and am not ashamed that I am having this surgery.

If someone doesn't like the surgery I'm having and give me any negativity, I only have one thing for them and that is a big fat WHATEVER!

Be proud of what you are doing for yourself.

[cwalker 12]

My husband and Daughter knew before surgery, after I called my best friend and told her. I don't care who knows I got "sleeved" and as a rsult 3 people I am close to are in the pre-op stages of getting sleeved. Yes, it did bother me some for everyone to know, the discussions about you,the jealousy was the worse (I mean why should a skinny minny care if I lose weight) but it happened and I would do it again in a heartbeat. People are going to talk about it, let them and show them you can rock your sleeve!!!

[camille01 2]

My surgery is in early Feb .. just wondering what people's experience has been about the benefits / disadvantages about "coming" out to friends and family about "going under the knife". I can see both sides ... great to have support .. but you might get so many negative opinions. I am certainly doing this for myself ... but am not good at lying. Your thoughts?

hi there ,Just thinking about your blog..just think about it like this if you were going into rehab for something that you need to stop doing how many people would support you with your problem,(it could be clepto-is stealing-or alcholisim-or another problem that people go through for help...who do you think you can tell that really wont try to judge you for the problem that you have you are trying to get ride of .......(there is just a few people you can tell that you are going to weight lost clinic to get cancelling)---its your choice who you want to tell that you dont think you will be judged for what you are trying to do for yourself......just tell them that you are going to a weight lose clinic to get some help about your weight.....you will be gone for 1 week and you will have to go back everyother month for cancelling....you wont be lieing..just you wont be telling all the truth......camille01

[Billy363627 15]

You yourself has to own this.. It is really up to you who you tell.. I told three people at my work and my wife's family the others at my work are back stabbers and I really don't care if they know.. You can pass it of as Tiff says by saying I'm just eating really really healthy..It is really up to you and I wish you all the luck..

[iegal 460]

Congrats on your decision to have VSG. 4 months out and I have no regrets.

Really loathe the posts here about how sleevers told everyone who will listen about VSG - how bombastically rude and then to think those of us who do not that we are a bunch of liars. All of us here are or have been overwieght, therefore have experienced the censure of others. Some are okay with "this is who I am - love me or not", but then some of us are uncomfortable telling others about a major surgery to which they are not a vitial person of importance.

I still have not told a lot of people, my mom now knows - but that was almost 3 months after surgery happened and she lives close by. My dad & son do not know. My fiance went with me to surgeon consult. My daughter found out about 2 months after surgery since she found my paperwork. My very close girlfriends know - but I told them prior to surgery. I built a support system who would tell me the truth, support me in the good and bad times. My recovery was not as easy as I hoped, but the incridible results are so worth the journey.

Do what is best for you - if critisim could derail your success, then you do not have to say - "Hey, I have had WLS." Tell person if they are not close to you that you prefer not to discuss your weight as you are sensitive to the subject, which is the truth. If a compliment comes your way - simply reply - "Thank you" for those who are only aquantences.

Good luck!

[lunarose 97]

Hi, I feel uncomfortable lying too. After struggling with my weight so long and trying what worked for others and failing and then feeling bad about myself I would not someone else to feel the same because they thought I did it with diet and exercise. I have told strangers about it when they remark how much weight I have loss and I have yet to get a negative comment in response and truth be told even if I got one I won't care because my happiness over the results to date is what matters. The only person I haven't told the truth to is my 83 year mother who would not understand and would worry.

[newmefeb8 1]

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who posted a reponse .. this was my VERY FIRST TIME using this site .. even SEEING this sight and I certainly JUMPED right in. I appreciate everyone's comments and feedback. No judgement, no wrong nor right ... just life as we live, love, and learn. We are all doing the best we can.

Again, thanks to all! 15 days until my surgery!

[sadie_mo 2]

I think it is extremely hateful to be so rude and loathe

a post if it is an open forum about how you handle it. I cannot help that I am comfortable enough to say it out loud. To each his own I don't judge anyone on their choices I just post mine and wish everyone well. I am here to get and give support not to be judged or "loathed"

[justdance 0]

I'm pretty sure that topic is over and done with. Not sure who you are referring to. But just like your entitled to have your opinion so am I

[NoEscape21 1]

I agree with bzbutterfly79.. we come here to not be judged but somehow through peoples posts we are.. all the poster wanted was your expierence not what u think about what other people chose to do and how you feel about it.. its everyone's own decision to handle things the way they do. As for me I only told my husband and good friend I don't believe everyone needs to know my business. And it certainly wasn't a shame thing. It's a mind your won business thing.. so the next time you want to sit here and judge people on why they choose not to tell. Take your own advice and skip over the topic

I totally agree. Just because some of us may not choose to tell everyone what we did doesn't mean we are being liars or being ashamed of what we did. I am pretty private anyways and dont like people knowing my all my personal business. If someone asked if I got surgery, I would probably tell them, especially if it is someone else that is overweight. I actually had a friend that got RNY and was preaching to me that i just need to diet and exercise because thats how she lost all her weight and that sort of bugged me that she did that but she usually always has a holier than thou demeanor anyways.

I wont pretend I found the magical cure all fatness diet but I am not going to make a point to bring it up either. When it comes down to the heart of it its my own personal decision. Just like the fact that I dont normally tell anyone that I am bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship. Some people may be supportive, a lot definitely wont but either way what I do with my life (as long as I am not hurting anyone!!!) is my own damn decision.

I had a few family members and friends that I told that were VERY unsupportive so I decided not to tell them that I am going through with it until asked later and have made it a point not to talk to co-workers etc about it either.

[NJMOMof2 17]

Everyone has their own reasons for being open or not. It's really a personal decision. I was VERY open when I had the LapBand and kept it quiet when I had the sleeve. I only told my immediate family and closest friends. I told my in-laws the day before the surgery.

I go back to work on monday, down 27 pounds. If anyone asks, I may tell them I had a "TUMMY TUCK" LOL

[beckyboop74 1]

Can't we all just get along? Not everyone is good at expressing themselves as clearly. Just like that telephone game, the initial meaning can get garbled down the line.

Whether or not you decide to be completely open, partially open or completely private.... just be comfortable, secure and set in your own decision re WLS. With that, you can handle anything!

I can't wait for mine!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Can't we all just get along? Not everyone is good at expressing themselves as clearly. Just like that telephone game, the initial meaning can get garbled down the line.

So true! People I have explained the surgery to still think Im getting the lap band or bypass. They don't know. I do know they care about my health, and thats enough. My mom apparently started telling my cousins about my surgery last week. Words out now! Im getting emails wanting to know all the details. I don't mind telling them. They might want to get help too! Best of luck with what ever decision you make.

[KabinKitty 11]

My surgery is in 4 days and I have chosen not to share any details about my surgery with anyone except my husband and one friend. She is overweight and I would like to be a positive influence on her. If I come across someone else who is searching for help I will share my story.

I have been losing some weight on my own and I have shared the fact that I've stopped eating gluten with some of my co-workers. I'm hoping they will contribute my weight loss to that. I feel that because this surgery is so personal and is often misunderstood, it's nobody's business! I am proud of myself for making this choice, but that doesn't mean that I choose to share my decision with anyone. Many of my coworkers would be supportive, but I work with alot of women and most of them would NOT be! I feel recovery will be hard enough without putting up with negative comments, people shooting me dirty looks or just snubbing me. I know some people have tough skin and the negativity doesn't bother them, but I'm not one of them.

I don't plan to lie. I WILL be eating heathier and limiting my portions. I can share that and not be lying. Our oldest son is in the AF and is being deployed in a few weeks to Iraq for a whole year. If anyone asks why I was off for 2+wks I will tell them that he has been stationed in England and across the country for 14 years. While he is here in our town we wanted to spend alot of time with him...again not a lie. I have chosen not to tell him or our other son (who lives out of state) about my surgery. He certainly does NOT need to be worrying about me! In fact they invited us over for supper in three days (the day before surgery). We accepted, but told him and his wife I will only be drinking Clear liquids due to a procedure I'm having the next day.

We need to support one another and not make anyone feel bad for the choices they feel they must make. Haven't you all been judged by others enough for your weight issues? I have and I'm sick of it!! I have felt shame...but NOT for choosing the sleeve!!

[SouthernSleever 228]

Regardless of if you tell everyone or tell no one it doesn't have any reflection on you or your character. When I've dieted before and people have asked me how I lost the weight I would reply with "I eat less and work out more" and that was the truth. People aren't looking for answers from me, its more of just the next step in the conversation. I don't need to add in that "I go to bed hungry. I get very emotional without being able to eat. I no longer binge when no one is looking." The details aren't what people are asking for and are only your business to share if you want. I've only had 1 person ask me how I was losing the weight this time and I told them I had the sleeve. I made that choice on the spot because I believed she wouldn't judge me and also would start gossip. I have told several other people who support me and some friends and basically sometimes even at a resturant when I didn't want to order an adult meal. It is my surgery, my body, my choice and I'll tell whoever I want. It's not dishonest. To think that everyone will be supportive just because you have told them is silly, people are incredibly jealous of someone who's making a good change in their lives.