male only Any other gay sleevers out there?

[texasboy92 1]

Yes i survived the holidays too! I was sleeved 11/13/17 and down 56 lbs

[shrinkingscott 6]

This thread seems to be growing dusty, but I had a question. What was your dating experience like following your surgery? I'm about half way to my goal and I'm not sure if I should put my toe out into the dating pool or simply wait until I reach my goal weight. Thoughts?

[three79 29]

Hey Scott, well done on your progress so far!

As far as your question, I think the timing is right when you feel ready. I don't know if there is value in waiting - I was tempted to write some contrived comment about the right person seeing past whatever stage your journey is at.... but... yeah.

I think when YOU feel ready, the time is right. Get out there and sleep your way to the top! (or you know, find someone to "go steady" with... whatever floats your boat) haha

[Frustr8 7,886]

Another one that was active when I first started at last winter was @blizair, believe,he was also a sleeved and did well with it.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Straight lady and now I'm gone guys!

[defibvt 348]

@shrinkingscott first and foremost, congrat's on the great job, You goal is closer then you think. As far as 'dating' goes, think of it as more 're-socialization' skills developing. Our bodies change and people perceive our bodies differently. So take this time to yourself... and if someone comes along... explore what you feel is the right thing to do... No one is going to judge you any differently.... Again, your journey is really just beginning. I wish you all the best!

[DuaneW 2]

Anybody in Chicagoland area? Northwest suburbs here. 6 days post op for RNY.

My husband is supportive and has been with me the entire journey but would be nice to know guys who have had or having the surgery.

(And Happy Pride)

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

[three79 29]

Well done Duane on being almost a week post op! The first couple of months were the hardest (in my opinion) because your body and your brain is adjusting to the new normal... but it’s all worth it :)

[RoryT 2]

Not getting sleeved, but am getting roux en y bypass in 20 days. Im a gay guy I’m Melbourne Australia, and would love to hear from other fellas who have been through the same things... I’m sure our outlook and thoughts would be similar...

[three79 29]

Well done Rory, you wont look back!

[shrinkingscott 6]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate the encouragement. I had a bit of a stall last week, but it was my fault. Luckily, I am back on track and closing in on having sixty pounds gone. Hard to believe it's only been close to two months since I had my surgery.

@defibvt you are so right about it being resocialization. I can tell a big surge in my confidence and I don't feel held back in terms of being more social. I look in the mirror and still see myself as fat, however. I know my body is continuing to change, but I worry if I start dating someone seriously will they accept the stretch marks and loose skin as being part of the entire package.

[simon66 3]

Hello all! So glad to find these boards, and particularly a group of gays talking about this. I'm a 44 year old gay male and I've been heavy all my life. I've had the 3 or 4 times in my life where I lost 40, 60, or once 80 pounds, and eventually put it all back on.

I haven't even been to see a Bariatric surgeon yet, but I have some questions that I believe could be best answered by other gay men who have gone through what I am considering. So, if you have the time, I'd appreciate any replies. I'll try to be as succinct as I can.

I really could write a book here, but the crux of the issue is this. Assuming that the men that I'm attracted to are not generally attracted to me (I've literally only been on 3 first dates and had 1 sexual experience in my life), and that my assumption is that those same people aren't likely to be attracted to the extra skin that comes as a result of losing so much weight, also that I'm 44 and youthful in appearance, largely because I have a full face, and losing weight would impact my appearance in that regard, and the fact that by the time I lose the weight and maybe have the resultant surgery to deal with the extra skin, I'll be closing in on 50 years of age, is it worth it, or should I just do my best to continue to try and accept myself and keep praying that eventually someone will like me?

There are for sure other health related concerns that would impact my decision, but I'm kind of terrified that I'll go through all of this and end up no different on the other side. I just want to be able to date!

[Yazoo71 9]

Hey there, Simon66.

I think that if you go through with this procedure, you really need to do it for yourself. If a guy is going to judge you on how you look or expect you to change to fit some mold that he finds attractive - that's totally HIS issue. You are worthy and deserve more than that... don't settle and don't sell yourself short. I don't mean that to sound preachy at all, just saying no guy is worth jumping over hoops for. The right guy will love you for your heart... and yes, there has to be attraction and everyone is attracted to different things. I've had guys who didn't give me the time of day when I was 350 pound who now try to talk to me... on the flip side - I've had bears who found me hot then a bit dismal now. And ya know, that's fine. lol

I, personally, had this surgery done for health reasons and for the fact that I want to be around as long as possible. I am down to the low 190s and I feel amazing. I have a confidence in myself that I wasn't expecting. I find the biggest changes and epiphanies are all the things that weren't on my radar when I began this journey. Since surgery, I've been taken off all my meds (8) and have plenty of energy. Yes, there is a little extra skin but it doesn't bother me at this time... and perhaps in the future, I may choose to do something about it. But if I do, I'll do it for me. I think I'd rather get some new clothes or save for a car tho... lol.

I also had a rounded and full face... I still look younger than my 47 years but yes, I do notice a difference but again, no complaints. I guess the bottom line when I think of it is... it's all gonna fade in time. It wasn't the reason for me. I had been on diets for 30 years... and like you, I would lose a good amount of weight and then turn around and put it back on and then some. I needed a permanent restriction. This has worked for me so far.

This is not an easy thing... if you do this, make sure it's for the right reasons. There is no going back and it is a life changing thing. I don't regret it for a moment and would do it a thousand times over. I have my life back.

Someone WILL like you regardless... you just have to be patient until you meet. My advice is... focus on you. What makes YOU happy, what YOU want to manifest and when people see you doing that... see you happy in your skin... that is sexy. That will catch the lucky guys eye and he will be lucky to get to know you. Don't settle. Do your thing... everything else will fall into place.

Jon

[simon66 3]

Thank you Yazoo71! I hear you. I've spent the better part of the last 5 years doing just that, and actually putting up photos on the dating apps, and actually asking people to meet in real life on the very rare occasion that anyone actually messages me back. I haven't yet taken the very scary risk of asking someone out in person who I wasn't sure liked me or not, but I'm hoping to do that soon. It has just become too much. 44 years of saying 'someday' is too much when it appears like there are so many people out there who are able to be in relationships or even just date. It seems my world is filled with men who I can talk to but never touch. I think it will have to be the health concerns that drive my decision, as you say. I'm on a lot of meds now to, and this is way to early in life for diabetes and high blood pressure etc... to be such an issue. I'm curious what you meant by:

Quote

I find the biggest changes and epiphanies are all the things that weren't on my radar when I began this journey.

I wonder if you could expound on that?

[defibvt 348]

@simon66

We all have our personal reasons for having the surgery, and in all honesty, the aesthetics and looks were the least of my concerns. Since having surgery, I've contemplated having skin reduction surgery, even at the ancient age of 52. Having surgery is a major event and the greatest benefit is health and quality of life. Both of my parents have died from heart disease or complications from being obese and diabetes. So, for me, it was an easy choice. I have gained energy, motivation and decreased my risks for theses leading causes of death or disability. Good luck on your journey.