Closet Bandster's pt. 2

[Time to love me 0]

I started this thread a long time ago (are you a closet bandster?) There were so many great posts on this thread.

http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=10035 I would like to follow up with a few questions.

I wanted to say Hi to everyone, I'm finally back. I was due to have the band in Nov. '05 but my grandfather got cancer:cry , I chose to put it off to take care of him in his finaly months. He has since passed & I'm getting back on track. I met with the Dr. on Monday and now I'm awaiting the date.

I'm just thinking it's been awhile and I'm sure many who responded to the post before have now been banded. Did you end up telling anyone? I'm still sticking to just telling my husband. My friends and family are so against WLS. If I go ahead and tell them it will be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I'd be under a microscope 24/7.

To those of you who chose not to tell anyone or just one person. What did you give your friends and family the reason to why you were in the hospital? I know some may have not had to do this, But I have 2 children that will see that I have had surgery and they will tell the world (lol). I'm trying to think of something that will cover me. It may just be too obvious to some people that all the sudden I'm not eating as much or going out for drinks on Thursdays, like I used to. What type of surgery could I tell them I've had? Gosh.. I'm not a good liar... :help:

It makes it even harder because I'm very secretive about WLS for a few reasons. My husband it a politician, I don't want the neg. thoughts that some people may have against WLS affect him and my family is so critical of ME and my weight problem.

Any suggestions would be great!. I welcome any comments, but please don't bash me and tell me I'm shallow. I am anything but that, really. I need to start thinking about me and forget about everyone else. It's just harder than I thought it would be.. *Don't get me wrong, I'm not a shallow person nor am I ashamed of getting the band. I just don't want to be judged or treated differently because I made a decision that will help my health. I don't want to be in a wheel chair so young in life. I'm 34 years old and my doctor told me I have a skeleton of a 60 year old.<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

Thank you, in advance.

[JMO 0]

I have told all that will listen other than my own father. Gosh that sounds bad. But its true, my mom let it slip once but he has never asked me about it or brought it up so when he wants to know i guess he will ask.

As far as what you can say

I am scheduled to have my Gall bladder out lap. The insicions are the same as the bands except the is one less. (only 3) It also has the same recovery time and hospital stay. 4-6 hrs. So if you are cofortable with that tell your kids as far as anyone else just say a "rutine procedure" Not a lie and not TMI lol good luck...

[Time to love me 0]

Thanks Jen,

Wow you are so lucky to be able to share your story with your friends and others. Sorry to here that your Dad isn't responding to the WLS. Doesn't he notice you've lost weight? Well you have a great attitude towards him, good for you. Good luck with your GB surgery. I hope it goes well for you. It will feel great when it's out.. no more pain. OUCH, I remember how painful that was .

I appreciate your input.. but... I had my gall bladdar removed after I had my kids. Go figure!!! It couldn't wait.. could it!! LOL

[Barb 0]

Politics, News Media.........Living in a "glass house"

I only told 3 people very close to me.

[seminole 0]

I only told one person. I do not have to answer to anyone and neither do you. How will your kids know? Do you walk around the house naked? Will you tell everyone your going to the hospital? You will only be in the hospital one or two days. Relax and keep it to yourself. If your friends ask about drinking tell them your just trying to lose some weight and get healthy. They will understand if they are REAL friends....Just do it and do not worry about the trival Bullshit. Remember its all about you and the quality of your life!!!!! Go for it...and keep your mouth shut..

[bandayed 0]

I always have a hard time "coating the truth". When people ask me how I am losing weight I try to say just Portion Control and exercise rather than admitting to the band. 9 times out of 10 though I admit to the band after a few more questions! I just can't keep my mouth shut. I also am not very subtle about food choices and PB problems so I end up "outing" myself that way. Overall though, I tried to keep it quiet at first. At least now the effects of the "glass house" and having everyone watching me and inflicting their expectations on to me are alot easier to handle now that I'm on the successful side of weight loss.............It is a very personal decision and I think that whatever decision you make about telling people or not telling will probably be flexible over time. Once you have had some success and/or are more comfortable living with the band then maybe it won't seem like such a big deal if others know. I find myself very casual (almost) about it now, and I am genuinely surprised at some people's reactions to WLS. I forget that they might still see it as "drastic" because they are not accustomed to it like me & my family/friends.........

[seppi 0]

I told my husband, my mom, my sister and 1 close friend. My kids ages 8 and 12 were told that I had surgery on my stomach. No one except my husband and kids see my stomach so there was no need to explain the scars no anyone else. As far as people asking how I am losing weight I tell them that am on South Beach. The loss is slow and steady so no one has figured it out.

[JMO 0]

Thanks Jen,

Wow you are so lucky to be able to share your story with your friends and others. Sorry to here that your Dad isn't responding to the WLS. Doesn't he notice you've lost weight? Well you have a great attitude towards him, good for you. Good luck with your GB surgery. I hope it goes well for you. It will feel great when it's out.. no more pain. OUCH, I remember how painful that was .

I appreciate your input.. but... I had my gall bladdar removed after I had my kids. Go figure!!! It couldn't wait.. could it!! LOL

Oh well guess you can't use that one,.. lol And my surgery is scheduled in july.. So we will see if he notices... lol well good luck

[msbug 0]

I don't plan on telling anyone I work with, my extended family, aside from my parents, and only a couple close friends. I've had my gallbladder out too, so I can't use that excuse. I think I'm just going to tell my boss I'm having some cysts removed from my ovaries. Any mention of female stuff and it should dissuade him from asking questions! As for the questions about how I'm losing weight, I'll tell them I'm doing weight watchers. I lost a lot of weight on WW a couple years ago, so no one should question that.

[diva 0]

I am telling nobody but my husband.

My family is also against WLS-Mom because she isn't distinguishing between bypass and lapband. No matter how much explanation she is totally against. So...I have told her I decided against the lapband and am going with the weight control program at the hospital with nutrionist, exercise physiologist and group behavior modification. Everything I am actually doing but just leaving out the surgery part. In NEMC there is a weight control program and an Optifast program along with the WLS.

And that is my story to everyone.

Reasons for not telling anyone else:

1-my brother who loves me will say I am taking the "easy way out".

2-The rest of friends and relatives will either accuse me of taking the easy way out or watch me like a hawk, offer unsolicited advice and feel I owe them private information about the process.

Bottom line-why is it in the US that we feel we must share our private information with everyone? I honestly feel we have become "Oprah-ized". It is nobody's business.(I'm not talking about your spouse) People are curious, some are genuinely concerned, some wish you fail, others may become jealous, some are just nosy. In truth, people are primarily interested and consumed by their own lives.

Then you will become "the woman who has that band around her stomach".

BTW whatever decision you make-your husband has to be on board.

If you want to share join a support group, since your husband is a politician use us. LBT has been more useful to me on this journey than any group in real life.

In the civilian world-lapband is an unknown curiousity. Tell your family nothing. If they ask-I'm just watching what I eat. Shut up after that no matter how much they interrogate you. It's called "parroting". Repeat "I'm just watching what I eat" to them no matter how many times they press you. You can say it in different ways but with the same meaning "I've found that watching what I eat is good for me", "Nothing special, just watching what I eat", "No, no particular diet, just watching what I eat".

Eventually they will get interested or nosy about something else.

Your kids do not have to know. They don't need to know every personal thing about you and your husband. People go into hospitals for tests and checkups all the time. Don't show them your tummy-supposedly the scars fade. Tell them you are getting a hernia fixed. You can't ignore it since you have to recover. But lapband shouldn't enter into it.

This has nothing to do with shame or lying or decieving. It has to do with privacy. And we have precious little of that in the world we live in.

It has nothing to do with being shallow. It has to do with your health. It is nobody's business.

There are some who tell everyone-that is their choice. There is nothing wrong with telling everyone. But there is nothing wrong with not telling everyone either.

Your body, your health, your feelings, your life, your future, your self esteem, your journey, you did the work, you did the research, your surgery, your doctor, your confidence, yourself.

Read your email name again and again and again. Read the sentence "it will be the biggest mistake of my life" again and again.

[JMO 0]

:rant: I think I'm just going to tell my boss I'm having some cysts removed from my ovaries. Any mention of female stuff and it should dissuade him from asking questions!

Unless you feel the need to explain, you can say i am having surgery and leave it at that. Unless you and your boss are close it should go no further.. Just a thought...

[johnna 0]

wow. i thought i was the only one who wasn't telling a lot of people about it. i haven't told but a few people and asked them not to tell anyone (i can trust that). i told my boss i was taking a weeks vacation. when it went into two weeks (because of dehydration) he questioned me. I told him i had some medical problems that were personal but they were coming along very well (they were at that point). he asked me if it were something that was going to interfere with working such as cervical cancer? i assurred him that it didn't and that if i was just given a few more days i'd be back at it going strong. he accepted it fine. i think if you leave it vague people will assume it is some type of female surgery/problem.

[Time to love me 0]

Wow, thanks for all the great responses. You all have made me feel so much better. I know I will get through this, people get banded everyday and some do just fine with keeping the secret. I know I can do this. Like a few have said.. I'll always have you guys to talk too.I'll have to send my very nosey 12 year old to cheerleading camp for the week I get banded and then that will take care of her. She's a great girl, but boy does she like to know everything and then tell everyone. LOL My two year old, of course, I have no worries.. until she's 12 LOLThank God for this message board, I'd have severe anxiety trying to figure out how to deal with this. My husband is telling me to do what I want and he'll support me. He's such a great guy. He said he'd deal with politics later, family first. As it should be.Once again.. thank you very much.

[Marimaru 7]

For people who will know you had surgery, but not what kind, you could say 'a women thing' or that you had a hernia repaired. I know there's some folks who say gall bladder, but that can come back and bite you if you still have one and it decides to go bad (which is a common occurrence in anyone who has big weight loss, not just WLS patients).

[diva 0]

You're welcome. Sounds like you are getting comfortable about your decision. Good luck with your surgery and good luck to me too!