what can I tell my nosey boss?

[steph025 0]

Hi guys..I know this question has been asked several times now...I was perusing through all the older posts trying to find the answer but I'm just going to put it out there and ask...

I have to tell my supervisor that I'm having surgery so I can have the time off. I know that most people mentioned that they say they are having surgery and they are going to have to take some time off, and their boss's leave it at that...well mine won't and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it. I feel really uncomfortable and judged by him, and absolutely refuse to tell him the truth. I know if I go in and say I have to take a week or two off for surgery his first response will be "oh what for?" and I don't want to say..."I don't feel comfortable talking about it" because..that just feels awkward. I know that he has absolutely no right to ask questions..but last week in a training he goes "oh cindy isn't going to be here today because she is having surgery on her blah blah (I don't even remember..)" I was really surprised that he felt comfortable enough to announce that..so not only do I not want to tell him..but I also don't want him to announce it to others while I'm out for the week.

I have a really tense relationship with him in the first place and don't want to be caught in a lie. I was thinking about saying I need surgery for a hiatal hernia but don't even know if that's even possible. I'm 25..never had a baby...so I don't know what would cause that. and I guess I could say ulcers..but I've never really taken any medication before to cause ulcers...nor complained about any pain or discomfort in the past. I guess I just don't want to come up with something too far fetched or be caught in a lie. but i absolutely REFUSE to give him more reasons to judge me.

i guess my overall questions is what can I tell them without being totally elusive..?

thank you!

[chilo1 62]

Why don't you tell him that you're getting your gallbladder taken out, that it has been bothering you and your doctor said that you have some tiny stones and it was better taken out in a planned surgery rather than an emergency surgery??

[Tiffykins 673]

Hiatal hernias are pretty common especially with overweight/obese people. You can tell him that, and if he prods any further, just tell him, that your medical history is NOT pertinent to your job duties. If you do not have a physically demanding job, then you can reassure him that you will return to work, and it will not effect your job performance, and that should be his primary concern.

DO not divulge information that you do not want broadcast to your co-workers. He doesn't sound very professional, and above all, you do not have to disclose anything to him.

Gallbladder, ulcer, or hernia surgery all legitimate reasons to give him. Most of the time ulcers can be treated discreetly, and if he asks "why haven't you complained?" Tell him because you are being treated by medical professionals, and surgery has been recommended by your surgeon to resolve your issues before they worsen.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Actually, it is totally illegal for your boss or supervisor to ask or in any way coerce information from you regarding your medical status of any kind, full stop. HPPA laws (spelling?) cover all of this and it is flat out illegal for him to request any information beyond "I'm having surgery". If he tries to get nasty over this, or use the fact that you do not share that info with him, let me tell you what a HUGE opportunity you would have to sue his ass off!!!! You can tell him, "You know that I am having surgery however, I do not feel that it is APPROPRIATE (huge buzz word!) to discuss my personal details." Also, remind him that, "Per HPPA laws, it is inappropriate to pressure me for deeper information." Throw the legal terms out there, and show that you are fully aware of your rights, and watch how fast bullies retreat!!

[M2G 1,836]

I agree that the hernia repair/gallbladder out, etc. are pretty safe bets. I agree that we have HIPPA to protect our medical information, but I also can see where your nosy boss isn't going to be happy with "I'm having surgery". However, I would try that route. Have your story planned just in case he asks, and try to give single word answers. Maybe, just this once, he won't ask what kind of surgery. I agree with Tiffy you could say this and have it not even be close to a lie is this, "I prefer not to share my medical information in the workplace (that way it's not directed at him that you don't want to share), where I have a job to do and as soon as I am cleared by my doctor, I will be back at work in 100% capacity."

I agree that this guy does NOT sound like the type of boss that you want to share your personal medical information with. Good luck, and hold your head high!

[former_vbg 198]

I agree that the hernia repair/gallbladder out, etc. are pretty safe bets. I agree that we have HIPPA to protect our medical information, but I also can see where your nosy boss isn't going to be happy with "I'm having surgery". However, I would try that route. Have your story planned just in case he asks, and try to give single word answers. Maybe, just this once, he won't ask what kind of surgery. I agree with Tiffy you could say this and have it not even be close to a lie is this, "I prefer not to share my medical information in the workplace (that way it's not directed at him that you don't want to share), where I have a job to do and as soon as I am cleared by my doctor, I will be back at work in 100% capacity."

I agree that this guy does NOT sound like the type of boss that you want to share your personal medical information with. Good luck, and hold your head high!

One other suggestion I would throw out there is to talk to your HR Representative and explain that you are going to have surgery, and will be telling your boss, but have this concern due to past situations. The HR rep will KNOW BETTER than to pry into your personal details. Ask the HR rep if he/she has any suggestions for you and that way you are covered if your boss gets miffed if you don't air your personal laundry.

I do understand, this is a two edged sword. Even though we have rights like HIPPA, we all know that if people get on the wrong side of their boss they can make other parts of their work life miserable and none of us like to invite other trouble like that.

[Rusty 0]

One other suggestion I would throw out there is to talk to your HR Representative and explain that you are going to have surgery, and will be telling your boss, but have this concern due to past situations. The HR rep will KNOW BETTER than to pry into your personal details. Ask the HR rep if he/she has any suggestions for you and that way you are covered if your boss gets miffed if you don't air your personal laundry.

I do understand, this is a two edged sword. Even though we have rights like HIPPA, we all know that if people get on the wrong side of their boss they can make other parts of their work life miserable and none of us like to invite other trouble like that.

I agree with all that is said, actually. Yes, it is illegal. Yes, you have the right to not divulge personal medical information. And, it is a double-edged sword. So, my opinion is to tell him the truth. Tell him this. "I have to have surgery. If you are curious about it, I will explain. I understand I don't have to do that, but will do that so you know it is needed and recommended by my surgeon. However, I don't want this information shared with others at all, for any reason. HR already knows the situation." This way you put him on notice that you know your rights, but you include him so the tension doesn't build to a point of relationship destruction.

Just a suggestion, of course.

[steph025 0]

hello! thank you so much for all your awesome input..I think I'm going to tell him that I'm having surgery..and if he asks more I'll just say I've been having stomach problems..I just fear he's going to ask what my symptoms were..etc and I'm not going to know how to answer them. I don't think he's TRYING to be in my business..I think somewhere in him, he is trying to be genuine and might sincerely care...but it just makes me uncomfortable.

It's also strange because technically I'm his intern...and he is my direct primary supervisor, so there is no HR..or person above him to talk to. He is aware of HIPPA and all the legal and ethical things, but I think because he runs his program rather casually and wants us to be open. We had a discussion a few weeks ago about how he is having a hard time evaluating me because I'm shy and don't volunteer a lot of information. That's exactly why I feel weird evading his questions..knowing that he is going to be evaluating me later....

regardless, it's my body..my business..and I have to do what I'm comfortable with. On the other hand..I'm only going to be there for six month months..so would it be the worst thing for me to just be truthful and tell him?

[AutumnLily 77]

regardless, it's my body..my business..and I have to do what I'm comfortable with. On the other hand..I'm only going to be there for six month months..so would it be the worst thing for me to just be truthful and tell him?

There is surgery to repair the esophageal sphincter (opening to your stomach) that was allowing gastric juices to come up. And the recovery will be the same as VSG, no lifting or extrenuous activity for 1 month, Fluid then mushy then small amounts of food. Just say you have very bad GERD and need it to be surgically repaired.

[fancy huh 5]

It's non of his business.. My supervisor, was the same way and I told her, it's really non of your personal concern. All you need to know is that im going to be having surgery and will be off for two weeks and left it at that....

[renniemommie 8]

i see the issue, your boss is just nosey and clueless. Give him lots of info that isn't info and a few lies to toss the trail. I'd try something like, "im having surgery, I wanted you to know, I'll be gone from these dates to these dates, I'll be fine when I get back. I really don't want anyone to know why I am going, you know how office gossip is, but between us, I'll let you know I am having (whatever plausible hernia repair,etc).">He'll tell of course, so keep it plausible. You might not want to say Gallstones, since you may actually face this in the future! Once, my boss asked why I was going (he was just curious), I told him the OBGYN reason I was really going-he never asked again!

[Redcobra 1]

Hi guys..I know this question has been asked several times now...I was perusing through all the older posts trying to find the answer but I'm just going to put it out there and ask...

I have to tell my supervisor that I'm having surgery so I can have the time off. I know that most people mentioned that they say they are having surgery and they are going to have to take some time off, and their boss's leave it at that...well mine won't and I'm having a lot of anxiety about it. I feel really uncomfortable and judged by him, and absolutely refuse to tell him the truth. I know if I go in and say I have to take a week or two off for surgery his first response will be "oh what for?" and I don't want to say..."I don't feel comfortable talking about it" because..that just feels awkward. I know that he has absolutely no right to ask questions..but last week in a training he goes "oh cindy isn't going to be here today because she is having surgery on her blah blah (I don't even remember..)" I was really surprised that he felt comfortable enough to announce that..so not only do I not want to tell him..but I also don't want him to announce it to others while I'm out for the week.

I have a really tense relationship with him in the first place and don't want to be caught in a lie. I was thinking about saying I need surgery for a hiatal hernia but don't even know if that's even possible. I'm 25..never had a baby...so I don't know what would cause that. and I guess I could say ulcers..but I've never really taken any medication before to cause ulcers...nor complained about any pain or discomfort in the past. I guess I just don't want to come up with something too far fetched or be caught in a lie. but i absolutely REFUSE to give him more reasons to judge me.

i guess my overall questions is what can I tell them without being totally elusive..?

thank you!

I think you should consult with your HR department. They have to be confidential and then you can refer him to them. They will tell him that if he runs his mouth about your confidentail data he (and the company) can be sued.

[Firefly2 9]

Oh WOW, I can't believe your boss actually announced you were having surgery! How unprofessional and rude on his part. He should have respected you and not said anything!!!!!

I totally see how you don't want to tell him what you are having done especially since he pulled something like that!! I would just say that you were having surgery and that you need two weeks off. When he asks what you are having done you just say you would rather not say. He should respect your wishes and just put your foot down.

I wouldn't make up a lie and tell him something that your not comfortable with, I just wouldn't say anything.

I'm sorry your having to deal with this.

[Cinderella 2]

ABSOLUTELY illegal for the boss to press you on this.... none of their GD business. Mention that you are going to talk to personnel. I got a letter from my doctor saying that I had MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY, on hospital stationery, but not specifying what surgery.

Get that letter, and have it state how long you have to be off work, and your pushy, nosy boss can't do or say a thing... push back!

Cinderella

[jbcone 0]

My boss is totally the SAME way...he wants to know ALL of my business...I think I am going to tell him that I have to have gallbladder surgery or something like have a cyst removed. When is your surgery? I just set mine for 1/24. Excited and nervous at the same time. Good luck to you