For the singles out there

[former_vbg 198]

I haven't had the surgery yet, but things are rolling right along- so I am certain it is just around the corner.

That being said, I was curious for the single ladies out there how you handled dating. First, if you go out to dinner particularly at the early stages and obviously you can't eat very much- how do you explain that to the guy? I'm not one to share personal information (especially something like that) unless its with close friends or family- so to me I'm not inclined to tell them I had WLS- just too early.

Anyone had any experiences they care to share? How they handled it?

[hugsamber 8]

Thankfully I am not single...I hated dating! But maybe try to avoid going out to dinner and do mini golfing, movie, coffee or something like that. If that's not possible try to order Soup. You can look like you are eating by stiring the soup and fiddling with the spoon. Though your bowl will still look full. Or you order a meal and take bites of everything and then move the food around so it looks like you ate more than you really did. I don't know. Maybe others will have better suggestions.

[DougNichols 124]

can't eat very much- how do you explain that to the guy?

If you're cute and the guy likes you, he doesn't care. I had multiple dates with post-surgery women.

A guy's dating checklist:

1) Is she bipolar or otherwise psychotic? No.

2) Is she married? No.

OK she's all good.

[former_vbg 198]

Thanks for the comments so far. I like the Soup idea. I consider myself a pretty good catch, have a good career and am halfway done with my MBA, have a lot of varied interests. But I know my weight affects my confidence with dating.

[M2G 1,836]

If you're cute and the guy likes you, he doesn't care. I had multiple dates with post-surgery women.

A guy's dating checklist:

1) Is she bipolar or otherwise psychotic? No.

2) Is she married? No.

OK she's all good.

:roll:

I am married so I don't date, but I have been to group dinners where no one noticed what I ate. You can always say something like "oh I wasn't thinking much and ate _____________ (fill in the blank with your favorite snack) just before leaving the house, and now I'm pretty full. Soup is great or ordering off the appetizer menu sometimes is ok too. The other thing you can say is that you are watching your carbs and order a chicken sandwich and leave the bread off (you won't be able to eat the whole chicken breast, but you might be able to hide some of it under the bread .)

:wink1:

[former_vbg 198]

:roll:

I am married so I don't date, but I have been to group dinners where no one noticed what I ate. You can always say something like "oh I wasn't thinking much and ate _____________ (fill in the blank with your favorite snack) just before leaving the house, and now I'm pretty full. Soup is great or ordering off the appetizer menu sometimes is ok too. The other thing you can say is that you are watching your carbs and order a chicken sandwich and leave the bread off (you won't be able to eat the whole chicken breast, but you might be able to hide some of it under the bread .)

:wink1:

That's good! Thank you! Great ideas everyone!

[Leesey 21]

Try dates that dont revolve around food, movies, plays, the zoo etc.

[former_vbg 198]

Try dates that dont revolve around food, movies, plays, the zoo etc.

Well, initial dates are usually best for a lunch or dinner. If things don't go well, it's not committing to a long period of time. After that though, yeah non-food related activities of course.

[BigDawgMark 1]

Ok, I'm a single guy, divorced after 10 years of marriage, so I guess I'll toss in my 2 cents.

Relationships are supposed to revolve around honesty, so be up front with it, don't act like you're a freak because you've had surgery,

So many dates revolve around food, so you're going to have to cross that bridge.

Go out to dinner, order a small dinner and do your routine.

If he notices he may ask, and answer truthfully. If he cringes in fear in disgust, hey, you got a free meal out of it at least!

Be honest, this is you, this is your new life. If you're in the relationship for awhile, they're gonna find out, and if you've lied, I personally, would be upset and wonder, "What else isn't she telling me the truth about"..

When I've told my friends and co-workers everyone has been open and supportive of it, so if you're afraid of being judged, I think people are over that stigma.

[former_vbg 198]

Ok, I'm a single guy, divorced after 10 years of marriage, so I guess I'll toss in my 2 cents.

Relationships are supposed to revolve around honesty, so be up front with it, don't act like you're a freak because you've had surgery,

So many dates revolve around food, so you're going to have to cross that bridge.

Go out to dinner, order a small dinner and do your routine.

If he notices he may ask, and answer truthfully. If he cringes in fear in disgust, hey, you got a free meal out of it at least!

Be honest, this is you, this is your new life. If you're in the relationship for awhile, they're gonna find out, and if you've lied, I personally, would be upset and wonder, "What else isn't she telling me the truth about"..

When I've told my friends and co-workers everyone has been open and supportive of it, so if you're afraid of being judged, I think people are over that stigma.

Thank you for your input. I wasn't suggesting to not ever tell someone, but I'm not inclined to share that kind of information on the first or second date I guess. I believe honesty is a huge thing as well, and you are right it is a new way of living- but I just don't want the focus to be on me for THOSE reasons. When the time is right, I would share and I'm ok at that point that if they can't handle it- to head our separate ways. I would want them to understand and respect my lifestyle choices to support my goals for healthier living.

[BigDawgMark 1]

absolutely agree...it's part of who we are, but not the most important.

[thinoneday 445]

Ok, I'm a single guy, divorced after 10 years of marriage, so I guess I'll toss in my 2 cents.

Relationships are supposed to revolve around honesty, so be up front with it, don't act like you're a freak because you've had surgery,

So many dates revolve around food, so you're going to have to cross that bridge.

Go out to dinner, order a small dinner and do your routine.

If he notices he may ask, and answer truthfully. If he cringes in fear in disgust, hey, you got a free meal out of it at least!

Be honest, this is you, this is your new life. If you're in the relationship for awhile, they're gonna find out, and if you've lied, I personally, would be upset and wonder, "What else isn't she telling me the truth about"..

When I've told my friends and co-workers everyone has been open and supportive of it, so if you're afraid of being judged, I think people are over that stigma.

YOU BET!!! I love this answer. . to me too honesty is the best thing. . if they can't accept that oh well, then they aren't worth my time. . .

[Rootman 1,101]

Um, not single here either but one suggestion - if you DO order a meal don't order the most expensive thing on the menu and then only take 3 bites. Guys DO notice that - and feel abused. That is at least if you're doing the old fashioned date with the guy paying that is.

[former_vbg 198]

Um, not single here either but one suggestion - if you DO order a meal don't order the most expensive thing on the menu and then only take 3 bites. Guys DO notice that - and feel abused. That is at least if you're doing the old fashioned date with the guy paying that is.

Good point. I would never do that, but appreciate the comment. I'm very thrifty by nature and even if the other person is paying, that's not my style.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

_{In the beginning, you do have to order Soup. Anything else is just too filling. I always said things like I had a late lunch or my tummy is a little upset. I am watching my girlish figure and I don't eat large portions. I eat small portions more often.}

_{I usually wait until I find out if I am going to be eating often with the person. Now that I am almost}

_{2 years post op, I can eat quite a bit more. If it's someone I know I will be seeing more often, I just}

_{tell them I dieted for years and just could not lose the amount of weight I wanted to lose so I had the surgery. WLS is a lot more common now, so every guy I have ever told has been very supportive and always tells me who else they know who had WLS., like their friend's wife, or their sister, etc,}