Tired of the lack of support

[mskissty 0]

When I decided to have surgery I decided to make a positive change n myself. My DH was there pretending that he was gonna be supportive. We only have one car that he takes to work every day for 16 plus hours while I'm stuck at home with 3 kids under three. He coms home in the wee hours so I can't go wrk out. He doesn't care that there's nothing I can eat at home so I'm stuck eating green Beans out of a can for days. All I ask is that on his way home (hour and a half away) stop and pick me up something from the 24 hour Walmart. Is that too much to ask? Not to meation he was supposed to be supporting me and dieting with me but all he does is buy fastfood and bring it home. No matter if I cook or not. THe thing that really pushed me over today is between sips of a liter of dr pepper he asks me should he join a gym here where we live or where he works. I was livid. I don't have the time to work out in front of the tv because he's never here and I'm always here with the kids. He's not serious enough to diet but can take more time away from home to join a gym. It wuld be different if his job was demanding. He could workout at work all day if he liked. He's right on a beach and alone most of the day. I don't know what to do cause talking to him gets me nowhere. Am I wrong or being too selfish to expect the support he promised.. I would say in the begining but I'm only 7 weeks in.

[TijuanaPlication 87]

Sounds like you're in a tough situation. You don't sound selfish at all. You'll probably have to go lateral on this one... are there any food delivery services you can get (ie purchase some groceries online)? Can you get him to bring home any non-crispy chicken salads from the fast food joint? You could then add some fat free dressing at home.

The 3 kids must be handful. Maybe you could somehow try incorporating the kids into your workouts, like going for a walk with them to a nearby park.

[lunarose 97]

You are not asking too much. Have you tried to ask him why he hasn't been supportive and how it feels like he is trying to sabotage your diet. As far as working out is there never a time when all three are napping? Can you take them to the park? What would happen if you waited until he walks in the door and give him a kiss and head out the door for a run? I don't know about these days but some gym memberships used to offer free childcare while you work out.

[mskissty 0]

Thanks guys... We live in a small town there's no parks around that we could walk to. My kidss are 1,2 and 3 so napping is out only theh 1 yrs old naps its a struggle to keep the older to from waking her up. I tried to make a game out of it to get the kids to do the videos with me but that didn't work either.

I also tried talking to him. He just doesn't care. He only thinks about himself and doing what he wants. He thinks the gym is a great idea for him and doesn't care one bit what I think. He also told me once that he didn't tell me to have surgery . Like its a inconvience to him that he shouldn't have to deal with.. I'm starting to harbor some ill feelings towards him and I feel guilty about it.

[6kiddos 18]

I feel for ya. The week after surgery my dh HAD to go to the HOA meeting, a political mtg, etc. I was left with all six kiddos because he had "obligations". sigh. He still doesn't get that I felt like I was last on his list.

That aside....I have been where you are..though my kids aren't quite as close in age. The only thing that has worked for me is to work out before the kids get up. It was a pain but worth it. Get out your video and pop it in. I understand the not napping thing too. Most of mine were done napping at 2. =)

I would definitely have food delivered. Safeway, etc has home delivery. Is there a day that he has off? When do you do the normal shopping? Plan well when you do. Another option is to ask a friend to get what you need. I have done this before (not because dh wouldn't ...just I didn't have time and she was going there anyway).

Hugs to you! It is really hard emotionally when you feel like those who SHOULD care most don't. Remember, you ARE important. Find something for YOU everyday. I know it is tough with little ones but it is important. Again, hugs!

[mskissty 0]

I wish there was a day he had off with him being the lowest on the totum pole when others don't want to work or take a vacation he's stuck with their shifts as well. When he actually has a day off all the appointments that have been rescheduled when he was forced to work are planned. I also wish there was a grocery store around here much less one that delievers.. We got Super Walmart and that's it.. I seems every day is a new adventure in what to cook for the kids that I can eat as well. It seems the food that I can eat is what the kids are more drawn to..

I find myself working out at the oddest hours 330am was the only time I could fit it in tonight. I guess ll hve to try to do it before they wake in hopes that it doesn't wake them.. Thanks for the advice..

[HetKF 33]

My Husband was supportive prior to surgery. Post-op he has been an ass. One minute he's nice the next...not so much. My BF suggested he may be jealous and insecure of my surgery/weight loss. Anything is possible....I just know if he keeps this up he will become a single man.

[Eloray 3]

I truly feel sorry for the obstacles you are facing. This is kinda hard but try to find away of feeling like a victim or this surgery will be for not. You need to take your power back and then own it. Here are my suggestions on some of the obstacles is there any way to set up a car pool for your husband? Could you take/pick him to work a few days of the week or month. I had little ones like you and i set up an hour of exercising for me. During that time the kids need to entertain themselves (put on there fav movie) could not interupt me. I made sure every need was taken care of. feeding, drinks, potty time, diapers. if they cried i just let them after awhile of doing this it became eaiser for them and it became routine. some days it didnt work but majority time it did. For eating you must plan for month of groceries if not more. Amazon has some groceries. Do you have church or some kind of group who could help you with rides or with baby sitting. Be resourceful. Let your husband be. Become what you want to be. Pray God will help you see a way. God Bless.

[thinoneday 445]

When I decided to have surgery I decided to make a positive change n myself. My DH was there pretending that he was gonna be supportive. We only have one car that he takes to work every day for 16 plus hours while I'm stuck at home with 3 kids under three. He coms home in the wee hours so I can't go wrk out. He doesn't care that there's nothing I can eat at home so I'm stuck eating green Beans out of a can for days. All I ask is that on his way home (hour and a half away) stop and pick me up something from the 24 hour Walmart. Is that too much to ask? Not to meation he was supposed to be supporting me and dieting with me but all he does is buy fastfood and bring it home. No matter if I cook or not. THe thing that really pushed me over today is between sips of a liter of dr pepper he asks me should he join a gym here where we live or where he works. I was livid. I don't have the time to work out in front of the tv because he's never here and I'm always here with the kids. He's not serious enough to diet but can take more time away from home to join a gym. It wuld be different if his job was demanding. He could workout at work all day if he liked. He's right on a beach and alone most of the day. I don't know what to do cause talking to him gets me nowhere. Am I wrong or being too selfish to expect the support he promised.. I would say in the begining but I'm only 7 weeks in.

Wow he sounds like the jerk of all jerks. . . well honey i don't know your financial situation but this is what i would do . . hire someone to watch the kids, rent a car and get the hell around. He loves it that he has all the power and control and you stay home trapped with the kids ALL day long. . . no way not me. . . I hired a nanny with my kids and went right back to work. . . there was NO way I was going to be at home all the time. . . I joined the gym and did things my way. . what could he do other then go along with it. . . the nanny was great. . . she took them to the doctor and all over the place. . I got to go to work and workout and do what I wanted . . . it didn't hurt them in the least. . . they both grew up just fine. . . that is just my opinion and suggestion. Good luck and no one needs to be a slave of the house

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

A truly terrible situation. You need support, especially loving support. Sounds like he's afraid, and is trying to sabotage your jouney to a healthier, happier you. Do not allow him to do this to you! I'm hearing all kinds of excuses from you, why you can't do this, or can't do that.....don't fall into his trap. FIND A WAY to do what you need, for yourself. FIND A WAY to get the food you need. Plan ahead, stock up. No excuses. FIND A WAY to get the excersize you need. Trade off with another local mother. You take her kids some mornings, then she takes yours. You don't need the gym. Go outside, go for a walk, a run. Work out at home, you don't need fancy machines. Tin cans and a few pieces of wood will help. FIND A WAY, you deserve it, and you owe it to yourself and your children. NO MORE EXCUSES. No more feeling bad. ONLY POSITIVE.....

[mskissty 0]

Thanks everyone.. I have been giving him too much power over me.. I expect support but what's not give can not be missed... I'm gonna do what I have to do for me just like my needs are not his concern his are not mine either. If things don't change Ill be single and sexy in a few months.. Thanks for the advice...