New Chapter

[Brownbear29 0]

Ehrm… I am definitely not one of those guys who is fond of sharing intimate details on the Internet, especially when its fundamental goal is a lack of privacy. But I am here, because I am so scared of this surgery and have a pretty limited support structure. Hopefully opening up here will let everyone know who I am and where I’m coming from in terms of this surgery.

Basically my story is … I am a fat guy. Of course all of my friends and family like to use terms like big-boned,fluffy, squishy, stout, and my personal favorite full-bodied (makes me soundlike a wine). My fiancé likes to say there is “more of me to love” and I am her “big teddy bear”. I tell everyone that I am fat; I’m not ashamed of it.

This fat man started his journey as a fat kid, a roly-poly chubby cheeked fat kid; and I loved it. I never had a problem with being picked on, fat kids are funny and I knew how to box. I also did all right with the ladies, not as good as my friends, and I had to work a bit harder… but good enough for me. Fast-forward to age 22, and I realize being fat is a lot of stress on your body. My joints started hurting, my BP started rising, and little brownbear had trouble finishing. So I got on an organic vegetarian diet and lost about 30 lbs… leading to me crouched over the fridge eating a pound and ahalf of Canadian bacon at 2:30 in the morning. I then tried weight watchers, jenny Craig, Atkins, and pretty much everything else. I’ve lost over 100 pounds and gained back over 150. I am now a 300lb 25-year-old assistant professor who is scheduled for VSG on the 27^th of December and sh*t-scared.

My obvious fear is dying on the operating table. But I think a deeper and much stronger fear is that this surgery will ruin my long running relationship with food. I love food. Food has always been there for me: in kindergarten, when I gave Stephanie Miller my cupcake and got a kiss on the cheek in return; tacos on my tenth birthday when I got hit by a car; lo-mien when my aunt died of breast cancer in 7^th grade; burgers when I fell in love with Kelli Moreno freshman year, and half a cheesecake when she broke my heart junior year. Food has been with me through high school, college, grad school, and my dissertation. And I am so afraid of losing it. And I know this makes me sound like a total lard ass.

My support system for this surgery consists of three people with varying opinions : my mom, my dad, and my baby sister. My mom’s support is unconditional, she would support me in any decision I made. My sister is supportive and a bit jealous, probably because she spends so much time trying to stay in those size 2 mini-skirts. My dad is … less than thrilled, more like disappointed. The first thing my dad did after I suggested this is call me a coward. He said that a real man can handle his problems without resorting to shortcuts. To be honest, he brings up a good point. How can I tell my students to struggle and work hard when I am cheating? As you can see, my dad really knows how to get to me.

I guess you’re asking why I am doing this surgery if I have so many doubts? Well my trigger was when my fiancé dumped me (I know technically she is no longer my fiancé, but I refuse to call her anything else). Now I know what you’re thinking, she did not dump me because I was too fat…. Well at least I choose to believe that. Jill was diagnosed with lupus at the tender age of twelve years old, and has spent the last ten years in and out of Doctors offices. She and her folks are hesitant to settle down with an “obese” individual who has an increased risk for medical issues. So even though love is blind, it prefers a BMI under 28.

Thatis the main reason that no one else knows about this surgery and no one will. I know her family would never approve, and don’t want this surgery to be a barrier. I refuse to be known as the fat guy who needed surgery to stay healthy, even though that is the obvious truth. I am not sure what I am going to tell everyone when they notice the changein my sizes, both portion and waist, but I’ve got a few ideas.

I’m thinking of telling everyone that I had a bleeding ulcer that had to be removed. It has the benefit of showing the exact same post-operational symptoms and explaining my weight loss and portion size. I feel like a jackass for doing this, but I am determined not to let Jill’s family know I had WLS.

[VIV121 0]

Hi Brownbear, just wanted to say that you are not taking a shortcut at all, you've tried all the so called real diets and what happens, you lose then regain the weight plus more, i've been there myself, you certainly are not a coward for going for the surgery and don't let anyone tell you any different, this surgery will be the best thing, at least that is how i look at it, i'm having my sleeve on the 11th jan, yes i am a little scared but with the health issues i have i know having the surgery will drastically improve my health, you will find some great support on this site, the people on here are really great, so just to let you know that you are not alone, be strong and do this for yourself ok, you deserve it.

[bilka 6]

I totally agree that

you are not taking a shortcut at all

You are getting extra help. My fiancè is not that enthusiastic either, my sister's got a killing instct towards me and my mother just said OK.

Whatever. I guess food accompanied all of us here during our lives. I have the best memories of sweets after my father abused me, food as a treat when something went wrong, food to Celebrate, food to cry, food to meet people, food as a way to get to know different cultures,.. I could go on and on.

I have the same fear: what am I going to do then?

Well, my life is more than just food. I am worth more. And so are you. This is "just" an extra tool to help us to reach our goal, not a magic wound, you'll have to deal with so many things! It is not a shortcut! You'll be doing everything else on your own, this is why you should be proud of yourself for doing it. Do not be ashamed. Please!

I am not telling poeple either because they would think I have taken a shortcut too, which I won't. It's up to you.

I don't mean to be rude, but why don't you see someone who can help you?

I recently found psychoterapist who is great and understanding and is helping me a lot. I am also attending an OA group in my city. It really helped me talking to people who went through the same experiences...

And, if it can help, I also go from totally excited and completely scared, sometimes within the same hour! I read on this website that many people felt the same and that helped me think that it is normal...

[Tiffykins 673]

Hi there, and welcome ! ! ! I absolutely loved your intro, and while it tugs at my heart strings to read that you are hurting, I want you to know that I'll be here to support you as long as you come back and post, or keep in touch.

I also want you to know that you are NOT a coward by any stretch of the imagination. This is NOT an easy way, I assure you that making the necessary lifestyle changes, and commitment to your long term success will bring it's own struggles that you will you endure. Yes, the forced Portion Control is great initially, but I can still suck down a 3000 calorie milkshake if I choose to do so. It's tough to avoid the Sonic drive-thru for happy hour, half-price slushies, but I haven't had one in almost 2 years now. I live within 10 miles of 2 fricken Sonics, and regardless of which direction I travel east or west, I run into a damn Sonic. VSG makes things easier, yes, but it's NOT the easy way out.

Please keep in touch, reach out to us for support, and do not ever hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or concerns.

[MINI-Me 196]

Welcome ... you now have more support - you have everyone on this board.

To tell or not to tell is your choice. But, after going through this process for almost a year, I can tell you that anyone who calls this "Cheating" or "The Easy Way" is either uninformed or a complete idiot! This is not easy - you will have to monitor your food and nutritional intake for the rest of your life (assuming you want a healthy post-op life). You are making a courageous decision to be be a happier, healthier you. How is that cheating?

Again, welcome to the board. Let us know what questions you have. We will be here for you.

[misspatrice 5]

I felt similar to you. I felt like all weight loss surgeries were the easy way out. Because even though I was "morbidly obese" I had no medical issues and could go to the gym, walk, exercise, etc. I felt like I wasn't one of "those people" who needed it because they were too large to get exercise in. But the fact of the matter is I would lose weight and gain it back. You have to ask yourself how do you feel when you take away other people's opinions???

You want to do it, so do it. . . it's difficult to make such a hard decision when you don't have very much support but you are all the support you need. And this forum helps too. Because everything you are going through . . . every thing you are thinking . . . someone else is or has to and has vented amongst us here.

So come to this forum often and get the support that you may lack in your life. Those that love you will come around when they see all the benefits in the long run.

Good luck

[Oopsseedaisy 90]

The information and support on VST is the best!! I am glad you found this site.

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

BrownBear, this surgery changed my life! I will tell ANYONE who asks exactally what I've done to aid in my weightloss. No shame here....and IF I can help 1 single person by sharing the info on my surgery and the entire process, then I've played it forward, and for this reason, I feel proud. Proud that I FINALLY took control of the situation and my weight. Proud that I took control of my health and most proud that I can now go outside and play with my kids, and that I know I'll be around to see them grow up, get married and have kids of their own. Oh Yeah, and my husband feels proud of my dedication to the lifestyle, the gym and our family!

Being scared is NORMAL. Be scared, it means you're paying attention. But, be excited too, because I firmly beleive this is a great tool, and I would not hesitate to shout it from the rooftops!

Best of luck on your journey! Start your engines!!

[coops 1,790]

Hey Brownbear...

I understand your hesitations about 'sharing' on the internet... believe me, I too felt the same. However, this is a great site that is not only full of great information but tons of support from those who are going through, or have been through each stage that you and I will go through.

I have told a few people in my life about the sleeve and they are close friends and family. My parents' reaction was similar... my day said something like 'Oh my God girl, what is the matter with you?' which, was answered with 'Dad, derrrrrr, morbidly obese, that is what the matter is!!' Before my op very little was spoken about the sleeve, the op and post op life. However, that changed with every pound that I have lost. They are not only support, but 'proud' of me now too.... get that in the back of the net!!!

Basically, what I am trying to say, is that you have to do what is right for you... for whatever reason! You are clearly an intelligent man, and you know what is what regarding your health and life style...

all the best!

[Lila21 36]

Hiya Brown Bear,

Why do I think you are getting your MFA ? I definitely smell a writer, anyway.... your intro is, I think very close to many of our hearts. I guess my thought is that you should be a bit scared to make this big of a decision, and we all were. It's serious and life-changing, and you have to be ready for that. However, I believe our general attitude of what we "should" be able to do gets us in a lot of trouble. Honestly, I've lost 160 lbs the "real way", I've spent countless hours counting calories, attending weight watchers, hiking 14ers, completing century rides, taking "boot camp" classes, etc. And I gained it back. This is just a tool to help you do the hard work that you are STILL going to have to do. That's all it is. A pox on your Dad's Puritan attitude. I'm sure someone has said this to you already, but would you tell someone with asthma they are a wimp because they are using their inhaler? Or tell someone with a broken leg to buck up and "handle" walking without his crutches? No. These people are using the tools available to them them to become healthier, and so should you.

As to changing your relationship with food, I think someone here put it best as "telling food we can just be friends." You will still enjoy it; just less of it. Hope that helps!

[wannabethinn 4]

Welcome to the Forum Brownbear.

I feel your pain. I am having many of the same thoughts you are having on the eve of my surgery. Scared, nervous and second guessing my decision. Just hoping I have the courage to follow through as I am tired of watching my kids ski down the mountain and not being able to participate, tired of having to turn down my girlfriend's offer of a long Saturday afternoon bike ride because I'm simply too fat. But....on the other hand, I can't imagine my life without my friend and comforter, food.

You have come to a great forum. There is a wealth of information on this forum and many wonderful people to share their experiences and guide you on your way. Wishing you the best.

Renee

[weightnomore 8]

Please feel free to share anything and everything here. We are all willing to listen and encourage.

I just want to address the issue of your relationship with food. I was sleeved two weeks ago and my attitude toward food has completely changed. I don't care whether I have it or not. I do not miss eating lots of food. The little I eat is very satisfying. I have been searching the internet today for a recipe to take to my sister in laws on Christmas and I have not salviated or gotten one ounce of hunger. I have tracked my food today and I have eaten 600 calories and I have not felt one bit of hunger today. It is the difference between eating to live or living to eat. It is an awesome feeling because it is as if I am in control and not the food.

[klus263 9]

Brownbear,

As other as said, we are your support group. I have monthly support meetings that are sponsered by my Doctor's office that I am attending but this group is here for me 24/7. I was only sleeved on Dec 1st.....this is not the easy way out. Far from it-it is a tool like any other diet/pill/excerise etc....But the best thing about this tool it is workable and much better than all other tools that are traditional we have had in the past. I was careful of who I told but now, I see the results. I too had a love affair with food. I was the daughter that always had the family holiday dinners. I would scour cookbooks/internet/magazines for new recipes to try. There was not a cookbook, I had never liked but I am thinking a whole new way. My love affair with still be with me once I get to my goal but there will be a lot less of it or modifications to make it better for me. It was for my health-since getting sleeved I have already discontinued my diabetis medication and look foward in a few months for my PCP to review my cholestrol medication. By then I will only be on allergy pills and I may be able to stop those also. I have done this for myself-of course there is other reason but this was for me and what I needed to do. I yo-yo dieted for years losing and putting back on more weight each time. This is not healthy and I was primed for much more health issues in the future if I did not do something soon.

So, enjoy the ride. It will be a roller coaster but what a ride so far and I can't wait to see how it ends. Good luck and keep in touch.

[SouthernSleever 228]

Brownbear you most certainly aren't a coward. Would you call someone who went through chemo a coward? That they took the short cut to beating cancer by just not trying harder? Of course it's different but there are many studies that show how obesity is in our jeans not just in our heads. I know how you feel about losing food and it was such an issue I worried about pre-op. I always used food when I was happy or sad or bored. Now i'm just bored when I'm bored and that kinda sucks but let me tell you. The high of losing weight is much stronger than the high of eating what you want. I'm not sure how I will get that high once I'm on to maintaining my weight but it is most certainly a high. My suggestion to you, at 25, is move your ass and get that VSG asap (as long as you have a good surgeon who you have researched). I wish WISH WISH I would have done this at 20 or 15 or hell at 12. I'm now 32 and I can see myself wishing for a second youth. <BR><BR>Just an edit to say I went back and reread the previous posters and what I said was basically a repeat of Lila's. Oh well my bad

[chilo1 62]

Hey Brown Bear, I think you are a very brave man! I can understand your fears of losing your best friend-FOOD, i felt the same! The best thing about this surgery is that you won't, you'll just learn how to control your portions and in time enjoy your food in a much healthier way. Good luck on your journey!