When to tell???

[VSGandMe2011 (DisneyMomma) 20]

Hi, VSG friends!! I know this question has been asked a million times but every one of us has different circumstances! So, here I go, and I apologize for this being kinda long to begin with!

My name is Dana and I've been married 12 years to my wonderful hubby! We have 2 gorgeous girls (ages 9 & 6) who I homeschool! We've been trying to have one more baby over the last 5 years, but have been unsuccesful. I have PCOS and have been on fertility meds off and on and every time I take the meds, I gain 10 lbs. So, I started out 5 years ago weighing about 225 lbs and I now weigh 288 lbs. We've decided to leave the fertility drugs alone forever, choosing VSG instead and if we have another baby when I get healthy, we'll be overjoyed.....if I don't get pg, we'll count our blessings and move on! I had a friend ask me the other day if we were still trying to get pg. I paused before I answered her because I just didn't want to tell her about WLS!! So, I told her we weren't trying anymore, but I was going to see a dietician in January (not a lie, I am to meet my pre-op requirements!) and see if I can get some help losing weight.

Ok, I don't mind telling people I'm having WLS AFTER I've already had it. It's the before part! My hubby is chairman of our church's deacon body and although our church is loving and supportive, I will be the FIRST person to have VSG or gastric bypass in our whole church, not to mention as a person who holds several leadership positions. I'm not at all sure of what reaction I'm going to get. I KNOW a few people would try to talk me out of it and tell me I just need to pray for more self-control....just a few, but I'd really rather avoid any negativity altogether! Do you agree?? If you were me, would you wait until after to tell?

The other issue I have is when to tell our parents. With my in-laws, I'm not worried about them being unsupportive necessarily. They won't be thrilled, but I don't think they'd discourage me. It's more that my MIL worries and when she worries she gets horrible migraines! With my parents, it's a bit stickier. I don't have a good relationship with my parents right now. My mom tried to committ suicide for the second time a year ago and it was then that I finally realized that we've had a co-dependent relationship my whole life. I started setting healthy boundaries, my parents didn't like it, so we only see them on holidays/birthdays now. Their choice, not mine, but I decided a year ago that I would be healthy mentally and this year decided that my body needed to reflect the new health on my insides!! Anyway, what would you do? I was thinking about calling and telling both sets of parents the night before my surgery. I think they'd all be upset if we told them after the fact!!

I'm having my sleep study done on January 5th, my diet consult and psych eval on January 12th, then we submit everything to my insurance company and I should have a surgery date in February! I'm so excited and feel so blessed that I have a hubby that is so incredibly supportive. I can't hardly wait to start my new life!!! Thank you to those of you who made it through all that!!

[Stacy160 201]

Dearie... ... you're not under any obligation to tell anyone anything, at any time. You can answer their questions honestly (such as your 'going to the dietician' answer), but nothing says you have to give them details... even afterward, when they want to know how you're losing all the weight, you can tell them very portion-controlled meals with very low carbohydrates, and no drinking with meals. That's the truth, right?

I think I'd wait with the in-laws until afterwards, and again you can honestly say that you didn't want your MIL to worry and then suffer Migraines because of you. With your parents, your mother especially, you might be best off just not ever telling them about it, but of course that's your call....I wouldn't tell them ahead of time, in any case.

You'll know what you're comfortable telling who afterwards.... I've loosened up a bit with it, and I still don't announce it, and there are still people who just don't need to know, but once you've lost a bunch of weight and people see you doing healthy things (with your eating, or working out, running, whatever), it becomes easier to tell because now you've got something they can SEE that helps justify it in their eyes. How can they complain about you being active and healthy, right?

Good luck!

[Lila21 36]

I think you should do whatever will make you feel most comfortable right now. You will have challenges as you adjust to your new stomach, and you need to consider what will cause you the least stress. I also decided not to tell people before surgery because I don't want to have people talk me out of it. But, I think you should just do what is most going to be the most supporting of you. Best of luck!

[drysdale 0]

Disney.....somehow, you will know when to tell and who. We all have different reasons for telling or not telling. I told very few people for 2 reasons. First, I have been on so many diets that I have this fear of failure that I am dealing with. I don't want people to know and then me fail to lose weight. My brain tells me there is no way this sleeve will fail, but those are my thoughts. My other issue is people will look at me and think I am not heavy enough to have had the procedure. I am just above 200 and need to lose about 75 lbs. Other than my husband and my daughter, my mom is the only family member who knows. She thinks I should tell other members, but I am not ready yet. And, I will never tell the inlaws. I wouldn't mind my mom and pop in law knowing, but I have a sister that would tell everyone under the sun and make inappropriate comments. So, I just have to figure out how to make it through 3 Christmas dinners.

If you feel compelled to tell others, then you should. If you don't ever want to, then that is okay too. I just feel like once it is out there then there is no taking it back. That is why I have kept mine a secret so far. Who knows how I will feel in 3 months or 6 months? I'll know when I get there. I just think at this point, you should only tell the people you know will be absolutely 100% supportive so you don't second guess your decision.

Good luck! I'm one week out and am sore, but thrilled!

[Becca 108]

I know it is such a big decision of when to tell and who to tell. I have so been there and I do regret saying anything to certain people in my life because of the negative comments. I honestly don't know if telling your family the night before surgery is a good idea. They might say something that could really upset you and you don't want to be stressed when going in for surgery. Of course, I understand if you feel this is the best time to tell them. I wish you the best. I think the main issue is that you are doing this for your health. It is your decision to make and in the end, you have to do what is right for you.

[weightnomore 8]

I didn't tell anyone in my church either except my three good friends. I know that before I researched this surgery I though of it as a last ditch effort for the extremely obese, and I don't really expect people to understand it because I didn't. I told most of my family a few weeks ahead. They were supportive, if a little scared for me.

If people compliment me on my weight loss, I will mostly just say "thank you", but I am comfortable telling about the surgery if the conversation seems to warrant it. Once it is done, it seems like a different situation--as someone above said, they see the results and should understand a little better about why you did it.

[klus263 9]

I understand how you feel. Many years ago we belong to a church and something like this would definatetly not be understand and been acceptable to do. I am sure that you have prayed very much in making your decision and have peace in doing this. If you feel you need to share anything with your pastor or church family, you can let them know you have an "unspoken" if you wish. This is a tool to help lose weight and correct health issues. I have read that VSG will help patient with PCOS. I know personally that I have already put my diabetes in remission and hope to resolve a few more health issues as I continue to lose weight.

As for your parents-tell them when you are ready. I actually did not tell my parents until this past weekend.- I was sleeved on Dec 1st. I didn't go into detail with them but just that I had weight loss surgery and a hiatal hernia repair and he had agreed that I needed to do what I have to to lose weight. We live over 7 hours away from my parents so by the next time I will see them, I hopefully will be close to goal weight.

Just do what is most comfortable for you and your family. Good luck, you are moving in the right direction.