Mother in Law totally AGAINST!!

[MommyTawnie 3]

My husband let it slip to his mom that I was having surgery for weight loss. She totally flipped out on me telling me that I can loose the weight on my own, and I don't need surgery to achieve my goal. Then she asked what kind of surgery it was. When I told her the sleeve you would have thought I had told her I murdered someone. She can't understand why I have chosen to have surgery and why it has to be something so invasive. I told her I was considering the lapband, but after further research felt it would be more of a hassel and in the end may fail me or worse require surgery to fix damage it could possibly cause. I have done my research, I have asked every question in the book. I stuck to the 6 month diet which actually ended up being a 8 month diet. I may have lost weight while doing the supervised diet but the last couple of months the weight started coming back. She then went on to tell me I am addicted to surgery. WTH first of all c-section couldn't have been helped. My hysterectomy wasn't my decision it was something that had to happen. My other surgeries were to remove my ovaries because of tumors. I have been through hell and back and still can't seem to loose weight, and now she wants me to change my mind about surgery. It's not going to happen. I have worked to hard to get to where I am. My fear with it all is loosing my husbands support. He tells me he is there for me and is even starting his supervised diet in January for possible surgery this summer/fall. But if his mom is this unsupportive what is it going to do to him when I have the surgery on the 21st? I'm excited about my new journey I just wish everyone would keep opinions to themselves and try to be supportive as well. Will it ever happen though?

[TexasT 99]

I know it's easy for me to say from where I am, but it's really none of her business. You should just tell her you're sorry she can't be supportive of your decision, but that you've done your homework and feel this is your best choice to improve your health and make sure you'll be around to grow old with her son. Then just turn a deaf ear.

People that have never been obese have a hard time understanding why we would want to take what they consider drastic measures to lose weight. If she's overweight also, she may feel that she would never have this opportunity herself so why should you get to benefit from it, and this is her way of saying so (though she would never admit it to herself).

[Kris 78]

TexasT had good advice.

I went through that with my family, when I decided to have the surgery done in Mexico ... at first they were against it or questioning the decision, and saying things like "why can't you just try REALLY HARD to lose weight on your own instead of having surgery?" (grrrr) but eventually they came around, once they realized my mind was made up. My husband is going to Mexico with me and that seemed to ease everyone's concerns.

If your mother in law is an extrovert, she doesn't think before she speaks -- speaking is her way of processing her thoughts and feelings. If you ever have to dump news on an extrovert, try to not be around while they are processing the thoughts -- it can be very upsetting. Easier said than done but good for your mental & emotional health.

Good luck on your surgery!

[MRSKOUBiK 27]

I'm sorry she has to act like that. But, overall it's YOUR body, YOUR health YOUR decision.

So in short GOOD LUCK with your surgery!

[MommyTawnie 3]

I'm not totally worried about what she thinks. This surgery is happening I just wish she could see where I am coming from.. I think her main problem with it all is her friend of 50+ years has always been over weight, and has managed to loose almost 40lbs on his own over the last year, but he is still over weight. She told my husband that this surgery is such a drastic measure to take to loose the weight, and that she doesn't see why I am willing to risk my life for a surgery that's going to help me loose weight. I look at it like this. If I don't have this surgery and I am unable to loose the weight on my own "and lets face it I've been trying for the past 4 years" My health is going to eventually get worse. I have 2 young children "her grandchildren" I want to be here for them. I don't want to live the rest of my life over weight and eventually end up with health problems I am eventually going to develope. My family supports me 100% in my decision to have tis surgery. My mom has been over weight for years now, and has tried the dieting/exercising, and it works for so long and the weight comes back. So she knows where I am coming from in my decision to take a step toward actually being able to rid myself of this excess weight. Very few people in my hubby's family is overweight so maybe that is why she doesn't understand where I am coming from. I just know I am excited about the surgery and I'm not going to let anyone ruin this for me. Surgery date December 21, 2010 my rebirth to a newer happier/healthier ME!!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Sounds like you have a good attitude, way to go!

[sadie_mo 2]

Well I caught the same type if remarks from coworkers but at the end of the day it is not up to them. It is easy to tell you it makes no difference what she says but , she us family and you have to see and deal with her. I don't know if there is a nice way to tell someone you don't give a crap what they say and that they are welcome to keep their thoughts to themselves . I got some resistance from family friends and coworkers , but once it was clear I had made up my mind they let it go. It's hard to give advice on how to handle someone I have not met but I would not really acknowledge her when she speaks out I would casually ack like I don't hear her or just leave the room.when she us going on about it. What ever you do good luck and way to go holding your ground

[sadie_mo 2]

Sorry my post is kinda crazy with the spelling it's my trusty iPhone lol

[sadie_mo 2]

Sorry my post is kinda crazy with the spelling it's my trusty iPhone lol

[Christabel 0]

This is exactly the reason I haven't told anyone except close family, one friend, and my boss. My husband and boss both say people are going to start asking questions when the weight starts coming off, and my answer will be that I'm doing a doctor-supervised diet. That way they won't be watching every bite I do or don't take or try to be my food police. It's none of their business. If they want to support the loss, great. If they want to criticize the way it happens, they won't have the chance because they won't know.

[drysdale 0]

Please tell you MIL that the risk of you remaining overweight and having health problems is greater than the risk of VSG surgery. Let her know that you are doing this for yourself, but also for your family so you can be there for them as long as possible.

Good luck You are about a week away! I was sleeved 7 days ago and am starting to feel a little normal.

[MommyTawnie 3]

Thanks to all.. My mother in law is at a stage now where she wants to say something but decides to keep it to herself. Thank goodness!! She will come around is what everyone tells me we will see.. I went in today for my pre-op package and all my instructions.. I start my liquid diet on Thursday. Go back on Monday to be scoped, and pre-registry. Then surgery TUESDAY!!

[54AndCounting 2]

Don't feel like a lone ranger on the negative inputs! I'm having my surgery on Monday, December 20th. I'm a bit anxious, but mostly very excited. I've been battling weight issues since I was about 8 years old. I just don't feel like I deserve to be punished via diets and remarks, any more. When I realized there was something more aggressive I could do and that (thank goodness) my insurance began covering as of November 1st I was thrilled.

I have a great support team of some of my friends and family. The people that are mean spirited, well, they don't know about the surgery. My Dad has issues with any kind of surgical intervention that isn't mandated by medical condition and he just doesn't see weight that way....so, I'm not telling him until after it's over. My cousin is a surgeon and knows my Bariatric surgeon very well. He's shared his insights with me and is very supportive.....that means the world to me 'cause he's a surgeon and knows this one very well. Knows is knowledge, knows his experience, and knows the person. Can't do better than that.

To make this long story even longer, just rest assured that as long as you've done your homework, are in a good frame of mind and have selected a talented medical team, this is the start of something wonderful. The thing is that I KNOW there is a lot of hard work ahead. I just want to be able to see some return on this investment. I've worked hard before and had little or no return for that work. I'm just tickled that I've found this supportive community and that I have people I can talk with that have "been there" and are helping light the way to a new me.

Best wishes to you and I'll keep checking back to see how everything goes for you!

Regards,

Pam

[Waffleking 27]

TexasT had good advice.

I went through that with my family, when I decided to have the surgery done in Mexico ... at first they were against it or questioning the decision, and saying things like "why can't you just try REALLY HARD to lose weight on your own instead of having surgery?" (grrrr) but eventually they came around, once they realized my mind was made up. My husband is going to Mexico with me and that seemed to ease everyone's concerns.

If your mother in law is an extrovert, she doesn't think before she speaks -- speaking is her way of processing her thoughts and feelings. If you ever have to dump news on an extrovert, try to not be around while they are processing the thoughts -- it can be very upsetting. Easier said than done but good for your mental & emotional health.

Good luck on your surgery!

Sombody's read Myers-Briggs!

[Kris 78]

Sombody's read Myers-Briggs!

Yep! I find it to be true more often than not. My mom is an extrovert and I am an introvert (as are my siblings) and we have had some terrible quarrels in the past. My mom has said some terribly cruel things to me & my siblings over the years because she verbalized the first thoughts that came into her head without stopping to think how we would take them. Example: When my sister was a teeneager, my mom saw my sister had a hickey on her neck and her reaction was, "Hickey! You SLUT! What else did you let that boy do to you, you shameless hussy?!" You know, an introvert would probably think the same thing, but end up actually saying, "Dear, did you have a fun date last night?" or something to try to start the conversation out on a better foot. Only as adults did we realize my mom just "processing" her thoughts aloud and she didn't realize we could actually hear her (LOL). Admittedly I have cruel thoughts, but most of the time I am able to process everything in my head and give a more measured response ... not to say I'm never cruel -- I can give as good as I get when I'm in the wrong mood.

It's not such a great thing for extroverts and introverts to live together unless everyone understands how the thought processing works. It helped me A LOT in dealing with my mom and other extroverts in my life (now I mostly either try to drop bad news and get out of the room/off the phone fast, or tune out the initial verbal vomit until the logic starts coming through).