My husband is a jacka**

[lisabug 10]

I have been wondering for awhile if my marriage would last thru everything. At first my hubby was on board, then off, then on... 2 days before surgery he tells me that he didn't know if he was going to be able to take me to the hospital the day of my surgery. I said that I would take myself. He figured things out and decided to drive me. I spent the next 2 days in the hospital by myself (except for friends) which I was fine with. I did what I needed to do that way( sleep, drink whatever)

He picked me up the yesterday. It took a while to process my discharge. He spent the entire time texting someone or talking on his phone. When his family called he put on the darling husband show for them. We stopped to get my meds and I had to go in to get a few things. I turned around and he was gone. I tried calling his cell phone. No answer. He called be back after a while, he was looking around and was on the other line.

Finally get home, he starts handing me stuff to carry up the 2 flights of stairs (split level). Really!? He doesn't want to get the rest of my stuff out of the car. He did when I ashen my daughter to get it. He went back to work. My mom took my girls to dinner and I showered and went to bed.

Today he gets up and does not say a word to me. Right before he leaves to go to work he starts yelling at me because the cats were in the room with me. They have been like guard dogs since I got home. They are allowed in our room except when we are not home we make them leave our room. Anyway, not once did he ask how I was feeling, if I needed anything, hell ask me about the weather. I know I have inconvenienced him by doing this or at least that is what he has told me. He is overweight himself. He doesn't want the surgery which is his decision. I know he is insecure about me losing weight. He also still thinks that I could have done it on my own. Really, he has seen me try and fail over the years.

Sorry for the whining and rambling.

I am kinda done....

[sleeve 4 me 910]

I'm soooo sorry you're going through this...Remember that Jesus loves you and HE WILL NEVER EVER LET YOU DOWN!!! You can call on him day or night...HUGS!!!!

[chilo1 62]

I'm so sorry this is happening, be strong and look after yourself, at the moemnt that's what you need to concentrate on, big hug!

[BonnieJuneE 5]

Grrrr this makes me so mad! Im so sorry you are going through this and I'm hurting for you lady!

No matter what he is going through emotionally he should at least be concerned about your physical healing process and help you in what ever way possible.

He can work through his own emotions just like you are going to have to in the coming weeks but right now is a time to focus on getting you home, comfortable, hydrated, and healing.

No married man should be more concerned with his phone then with his wife's physical well being. (That would be a MAJOR red flag even if you didn't just have surgery IMO)

Have you confronted him about being such a tool?!?!

(Im using "tool" because I don't think I'm allowed to use the term I would really like to)

[Ibejjo 47]

I am in the same boat as you and I am afraid that my husband will be the same way after I have surgery as well. My husband is also over weight and thinks that I can lose the weight on my own. Our entire relationship has revolved around food and he thinks that we will not have any fun together and I will become a totally different person after surgery. I am trying to reassure him that we can still go out to dinner and hang out with friends and have a great time together. I am going to stay postive about my up coming changes and I pray that our relationship will be able to with stand and continue to grow after this surgery. I think your husband just needs time to adjust to you having the surgery and realize that you are still the same person that he loves and married. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Tiffykins 673]

I don't blame you for being pissed, and don't apologize for venting. He's probably more pissed that you have the balls to take charge of your life, he's worried he'll lose his eating partner, and overall insecure within himself.

It's definitely a challenge when the spouse is not supportive, but you have to do what is best for you and your future health.

[Kris 78]

lisabug, I just have to ask, has your husband always been a jackass but is even more of an ass now than usual, or is this a big change in his behavior towards you? I'm really sorry you are having to go through this. Best wishes for a really speedy recovery and congrats on your surgery!

[NinaX 6]

My husband (not being overweight himself) was not fully supportive of my surgery ("just eat less and exercise more!) but still hasn't been actively unsupportive as your husband seems to be.

Your husbands behaviour says more about his own self-esteem and feelings concering his own weight than it does about his feelings about you!

When I go through rough Patches in my relationship I try to remind myself that "ALL I can take responsibility for is my own life and my childrens life!" I.e. I'm the only one who can take responsibility of and be in charge of how I feel and how I react to situations. I cannot in any way or in any given situation be responsible for how my husband react or feel.

Weight loss surgery is a lot of times called the "divorce-surgery", because it is quite common that relationships take a blow when one of the parties goes through such a big change, If the relationship isn't healthy and stable to start with there is a big chance it will end in such a process. I'm not saying yours will, but I would encourage you to focus on what is important right now: your own recovery and your own health! If your husband doesn't want to be part of that or doesn't have the ability to support you - then you are worth so much more!

My very best wishes to you in your recovery and in your new life!

[lisabug 10]

I am concentrating on myself. I am not allowing him to guilt me about my decision to have surgery. I decide to do this for me and for the right reasons. Either he is along for the ride or I will do this on my own.

I did find out that he lied to me about working last night. He had told me that he worked past midnight to get caught up. Seriously don't be stupid enough to get pizza across town from where your work is and use your debit card and your cell phone to order it.

[klus263 9]

Lisabug,

I was sleeved the same day as you. I am so sorry that your husband is not supporting you. You did not say how hold your daughter is but hopefully she is understanding and can be helpful. I did this for myself and for my health not for my husband. My husband has realized that he is also overweight and he will be getting surgery hopefully in 3 months. If all is going well, you should be feeling pretty good other than moving a slowly and every day will get better and better.

My mindset is if friends and family are not going to be supportive, then they can keep all of their comments to themselves. I am only surrounding myself with positive people and thoughts. Remember you have a group of people here who are behind you 100% and will be here everyday you need us.

[Eloray 3]

Hi lisabug, I just wanted to say my two cents worth. First, congrats on your surgery. Second, Sorry your husband is not on your band wagon at the moment. Third is I know this is a time where you would love to think "whatever honey "but I really feel you need to speak to him and set things right with him. Not that I find fault with you. I would just not like to hear later down the line that you do seperate from him and hurt your family. Things I learned in the past year is sometime we need to humble ourselves to our spouse and pray and pray for him/her. Especially when they are not treating us like they should. Also pray for yourself to be able to love him like you want to be love.God bless Eloray

[lisabug 10]

On a brighter note, I did realize something today. I didn't wish I could eat because I am upset with my husband. In the past I would have gone straight for the pantry. I didn't even think or regret that I couldn't indulge to deal with my stress.

I plan on talking to him tomorrow. There is something going on with him. I was looking at our checking account and he has been eating more in the last 3 days than he would normally eat in a month. He went to 4 different fast food places yesterday alone.

[MuffinsMom 5]

From your description, it sounds like you are married to a child. You'll need to decide what, if anything, you will do about this self-absorbed, manipulative behavior. Understand that it will not change, however.

[determined1 3]

I agree that your husband is a jack a** . My question is WHO is he talking to that is so important? I would inquire if I were you... It may just be a jealousy issue but its about YOU now! Take care of yourself and MOST IMPORTANT GO BY YOUR WOMANS INTUITION! I agree with sleeve 4 me and what she said. He is there for you.! Good luck, keep us posted.

[300PoundsDown 101]

Sorry your husband is being a jerk. Reminds me of my ex husband making me carry the carseat in the house (with the baby in it) when we got back from the hospital after I had a Csection. I actually ripped open my incision doing that. I know what it's like to live with someone who is totally insensitive. The lying is no fun either. However, I have learned that getting upset over what they do is pointless. Don't let him allow your focus to be pulled away from YOU. This is your window of opportunity to get the weight off and he knows it. Statistically people who don't take advantage of that will not be as successful. My mother always says "success is the best revenge" lol...so I say ignore his behavior and focus on YOU. Whatever happens will happen. Give it to God and let Him lead you in the right direction but don't let an insensitive person steal this opportunity from you.