Tell my boss?

[buchannon 17]

My boss likes to be very open with us, however I'm just not sure she would understand me missing this year's holiday party to go to Mexico and get the majority of my stomach removed. However, I still feel like I should talk to her about it just in case I need to take a couple more days off after the surgery. I'm also a very open and honest person. Everyone in my life outside of work knows that I'm doing this although all but a few don't agree with the choice.

My worst fear is that if I told her, she would see it as an extremely unnecessary risk and let me go for being stupid.

I also assume that once I start losing weight quickly, she will wonder what is up and ask me if I'm on drugs or something. lol I WANT to get it out in the open now rather than later but part of me thinks that I should keep it on the down low until post-op.

Any suggestions?

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I'd just tell her you are having surgery. No need to specify what kind until you feel that it's really necessary. I agree with you that it's better to tell people you had WLS than have them speculate you have cancer or some other terrible disease (I wouldn't think drugs....lots of other things would happen before you lost a disturbing amount of weight on meth or something!).

[AmMatthew 35]

I wouldn't tell anyone before. You'll get negative Nancys (including my cardiologist for my pre-check who said that I wasn't super heavy and should just diet). I've started to tell folks afterwards, one, because they were worried about me, and perhaps more importantly for accountability. As the motivational speaker Zig Zigler said, you want to share your "Give Up" goals with the as many people as possible to keep you honest.

I'm only 2 weeks into this sleeve, and I'm already pretty sure that I know how to beat it with milkshakes and ice cream if I wanted to (thankfully I don't have those cravings). But I think that by telling more people, I'll have more support. I told my boss over the weekend and he was EXTREMELY supportive, since he had started razzing me about my weight gain. I'm not sure that he would have been as supportive beforehand. But after it's done, you can't go back!

[Brian66 85]

I told very few people before the surgery - my children, my mother and a few close relatives. I simply told work that I needed a few days off for some minor surgery - "nothing serious - just something that needs to be taken care of" was how I phrased it. It worked fine and no one had the nerve to ask me what I was having done. When people at work started to notice my weight loss, I responded that I have been working closely with a doctor and a nutritionist which is not untrue. As time has progressed, I have started to tell my extended family and close friends. Of course there may be some people who do not agree with the choice I made, but, if there are, they have kept their opinions to themselves which is the way it should be. I always tell people -- it was not an easy decision to make, but it was the right one for me and I have no regrets.

I know that people have strong opinions about whom to tell and when, but, so far, my approach has worked really well for me.

Good luck to you.

Brian

[Susanne 32]

Put yourself in her position, would you want to be told or not? If you weren't told, how would you feel toward that person?

I think that's the best way to base your decision on.

If she would be upset, disappointed, or lose trust in you for not telling, make sure it is worth it :-(

I had a very close friend who was dating a guy (who was otherwise involved) and she didn't tell me. She was worried I wouldn't approve - and guess what, I wouldn't. But I would have gotten over it.

What I didn't get over was the fact that she kept this a secret from me.

[Waffleking 27]

I've told maybe five people that I'm having the surgery and one of them is my boss. Due to all the time off I need (for appointments and then the surgery itself in a few months), I figured I would just be open with her. She turned out to be extremely supportive of my decision and has been very flexible with all of my appointments so far. Maybe I was just lucky in that department. I do not have a history of calling out sick or anything like that so that might have had something to do with it.

I am, however, very wary of the stigma and negative people. There is a lot of that out there and I am keeping my decision very private, which is unlike me.

[Lila21 36]

I told my boss, and he has been very supportive. I think it's a good idea since might end up having to take more time off if anything goes wrong, and you may not feel great right off the bat. For me, it took a lot of pressure off to know that if I had any issues, I wouldn't have to spring it on my boss that I would be taking time off, etc. I don't think your boss necessarily NEEDS to know, but if it makes you more comfortable, I'd suggest it.

[hopeandfaith 6]

My husband didn't want me to tell anyone....MOSTLY his MOTHER AND FATHER because they are VERY JUDGEMENTAL and have made MANY comments about others GAINING their weight back. My mother in law talks about FAT people ALL THE TIME!!!!

I did however tell my three Vice Presidents of the company that I work for. Two were VERY SUPPORTIVE and one who is a HEALTH-acholic well he said he didn't like the idea but would support me no matter what I did. Started emailing me LOTS of weightloss material...LOL With the time off of work for Doctors appointments it just made me feel better. PLUS, at the time that I spoke with them I NEEDED to have a Male support me....my HUSBAND didn't like the idea either....he told me I was a failure at life....BUT has CHANGED his MIND since we had a VERY GOOD AND LONG talk.

Don't let OTHER peoples feed back bring you down. You are doing what is BEST for you not them!! If you get ANY NEGATIVE feedback and need to VENT just sign on to this website and VENT. You have some VERY GOOD people out here for the SUPPORT you need. Like I told my family (husband and daughter) you DON'T know what I go through and how I FEEL! You have NEVER been in my SHOES! I need SUPPORT not negative talk so if you don't have something nice to say then PLEASE don't say anything at all!!!

I hope to get sleeved in December and I'm VERY EXCITED!! GOOD LUCK but follow your heart! If you have a close relationship with your boss then go for it! It really SURPRISED me of the support I did get from mine!!

[myrori 55]

First off, if she were to let you go for having a procedure, well that just would scream law suit to any one, but the fact you think she might think that way maybe a cautionary red flag in your decision process.

I did not tell my boss, but I do not work for a company I work for municipality. I used Fmla time to protect myself and I owed no one any further explanation that FMLA time. I had told a couple of folks where I work and I have no doubt that my bosses now know the reason for my leave, but the hell with them. They were always ready to judge my weight, they will still be there judging my weight or weight loss it is just the environment I work in. For example one time I had a muscle spasm in my neck and my boss told me if I lost weight it would help the spasm????? Ah hello the spasm would be long gone before I could lose weight. That is the kinda off crap I heard for 10 years there. I had unsolicited diets given to me, critiques of my lunches ect. When I dropped 50 pounds before surgery, not one word from them. Wow I think that belongs under rants and raves

Any who you are protected if you use fmla time if you need additional time off.

[mp8btpc 33]

I think it is totally up to you, I personally would never be upset someone I was friends with who wanted to keep something private. As a friend I allow them to share what they feel the need to share, friendships don't come with strings attached. So if you want to tell her something along the lines as mentioned above "that you have a minor medical need that needs attention and that you would rather not get into it" I would think she as a friend would be supportive but not push the issue plus the fact that she is your boss she still has to walk the line of federal regulations and can't push you to share personal medical information. Or wait until you have the procedure and then share so you can get the support you need and not have to worry about the nay sayers pre-op.

[buchannon 17]

Weird, I thought this emailed me with responses, but apparently not. I'm glad I checked back up on this thread, thanks for all the advice everyone.

I'm not particularly worried about telling my boss (or anyone) about the procedure. I AM, however, worried about telling my boss that I'm getting it done in Mexico - as that's what people seem to have the biggest problem with so far. As I think about it more, I definitely want to say something about it to her but I will have to come up with a tactful way of phrasing it.

[mp8btpc 33]

I stopped getting notifications last week sometime and was kinda digging it but last night suddenly around midnight or so my cell phone started buzzing non-stop for an hour and all the notifications I had not gotten the last 6 days poured in. I had to finally put my cell on silent to get some sleep. I went in today and changed my settings to no longer get the notifications emailed to me. My email is a lot less cluttered up with it not coming in! hehe.

Buchanan: i can totally understand why you want to avoid talking about where it is being done. I only told a handful of people where I was going to get it done period. Most of those were family and I dreaded telling a couple of them where it was at so if they didn't ask i didnt tell until we came back. HEHE. Then my mom who went with me and is an RN has been the first to tell them how impressed she was with the facility and the doctors. But yes I didn't want to have to justify my actions to anyone. I felt like I had done my research and they were not going to change my mind either way. Best wishes.

[buchannon 17]

So I ended up telling my boss before the trip and she was extremely supportive. She said her brother in law had done a surgery in Mexico and she knew it was fine. She seemed really excited for me and everything.

Anyway - glad I said something so she knows! (:

[Becca 108]

Glad she was supportive when you told her. Now you can focus on what is really important! Good luck!

[Cinderella 2]

I just told my boss that I was having surgery... and indicated it was a hernia repair, without actually SAYING that. For one thing, they rule "elective surgery" in a different category, and the boss might make you take vacation time instead of sick time, or even go out on unpaid leave.

They can also tell you NOT NOW.... if it is not medically necessary. So good luck with that...

Fortunately, we are protected by the health care privacy laws, so they can't force you to tell anything about your health care. Just say that you're having surgery and leave it at that.

Good luck!

Cinderella