One Week to Go... and I'm thinking of Chickening OUt

[rain 2]

Dear VGS friends:

Even though we have never met, you all feel very close to me. For months, I lurked here reading of your successes, and of your pain and fears and even some failures.

You were the "wind beneath my wings" that led me through the months of filling out paperwork, fighting with insurance companies, going through endless medical tests.... and finally, I got approval, found a great surgeon, and my surgery is one week from today.

But now... I am suddenly TERRIFIED. I think that I must be out of my mind. WHY WHY WHY can't I just go to Weight Watcher's and do this slowly but surely? Of course... the answer comes back.. BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOUR TIMES ALREADY.

I am just so scared... not so much of dying in the procedure, but of being sick and in pain and throwign up and becoming a "food freak" for the rest of my life. I am terrified about the pain and throwing up.

Now, a new twist, my husband is really upset with me. I didn't tell him about this until I got all the approvals, because I knew he would go ballistic... he is a kind of medical phobic.

I really didn't expect him to take it so hard... he was yelling at me that "my whole life is lie" and I am a liar, and hid things from him... which I DID, because I feel it's my body, and my decision... not h is.

Now I feel I have no support whatsever, and that I would be nuts to try and go through with this. I am so lost tonight, just heartbroken and full of uncertainty and fear.

Tell me: Is there anyone out here who has had the Sleeve anyway, even in the face of a disapproving spouse or partner,? And, how did you get through the times when you were weak and sick???

I am so scared... thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just getting it over with and becoming really fa t and depressed.

I am a mess.. sorry sistas... I hope yuo all have a better Thanksgiving than me.

[StaySea 2]

Hi

I can't offer much on the husband issue. My boyfriend has been supportive....I don't think he understand why I did this but he supported it anyways.

But as for pain and throwing up...from my experience (I am 2 months out) both of these are minimal. I was in pain for maybe the first 12 hrs post op and then it was just a little discomfort for a day and that was it. Maybe a day and a half of "pain" to gain back the rest of my life. To me it's an easy trade off (like getting a tattoo....hurts like hell for a few hours but its there forever). And for throwing up I have only done so once because of my tiny tummy and it was my own damn fault- I ate to fast and it just popped right back up and out. But again throwing up a few times vs holding onto this weight forever and all the possible consequences of this down the road also seems an easy trade off.

Don't let fears of these things that will only last for a short time (if at all) stop you from changing your life and becoming a healthier you.

You will only turn into a food freak if you let yourself. You are in control of what you do and what you turn into. The surgery and adjusting to life isn't easy but on the other hand I haven't found it to be the hardest thing I have ever done either.

Just try and explain to your husband that you've tried the Weight Watchers, the diets, etc...and didn't see the results and that this is a way to get you healthy and happy. I told my boyfriend this surgery would extend my life so I could be around longer to nag him more:P. )

[3636millie 3]

Dear Rain,

It is normal to feel nervous and afraid about now in your journey to a healthier you. I remember one week before my surgery feeling the same way. You will do great. My pain was minimal. If you have nausea, there are plenty of medications that they can give to you through your I.V. The surgeon and nurses will take good care of you.

It is better to have the surgery and MAYBE be miserable for a few days. Being healthy from weight loss after surgery sure beats a lifetime of misery just sitting and watching life go by because of your weight. Within several weeks of surgery I was off all medications for hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes, etc. Before surgery I had all I could do to get home from work and flop down in my chair and eat the "drive through food" I'd purchased on my way home because of lugging around well over 100 lbs of fat all day long. I am at goal now. I am living life. I have so much energy and feel so much better. IT HAS ALL BEEN WORTH EVERY MIN OF THE WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY.

I know your husband is upset. Especially if you "sprung" it on him. He is probably scared. If you can, please sit down with him and go over what you have all ready tried, what you hope to accomplish with the surgery, etc. Explain to him how you are doing this for both of you (which I'm sure you are). Just be sure to talk to him after he has had time to think things through. Let him read the postings on this web site.

Finally, don't let him talk you out of this. This is something you must do for yourself. You will be so much healthier. How can he deny you this if it is going to give you a longer, healthier life? If he can, than just do it for yourself because in the long run, if he can't support you in this life bettering decision, who is to say he will be there for you a few years from now?

Best wishes and I will be praying for you. The sleeve surgery is the best thing I have ever done for myself. It will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself too.

Millie

[Maddie 9]

Most everyone gets scared close to the date of surgery. It's normal. Trust me you aren't the only one who has thought about giving it one more shot at doing it on your own. To be honest, most of us wouldn't even be on this forum if we really thought we could do it on our own.

I can understand hubby being upset to some extent, but you were just waiting to find out if you got approved first. It's not like you had the surgery in secret. Hopefully he can reconsider how he feels about it. But, in the end, it's your body and your decision. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

[thinbefore40 0]

i had the band done almost two years ago and my body rejected it:( i am close to being approved for the sleeve and i too kept alot of this too myself until recently...my husband is also fearfull nervous and some times can come off sounding harsh...give ur hubby some time but as others have said dont give up on your dream:)

Dear VGS friends:

Even though we have never met, you all feel very close to me. For months, I lurked here reading of your successes, and of your pain and fears and even some failures.

You were the "wind beneath my wings" that led me through the months of filling out paperwork, fighting with insurance companies, going through endless medical tests.... and finally, I got approval, found a great surgeon, and my surgery is one week from today.

But now... I am suddenly TERRIFIED. I think that I must be out of my mind. WHY WHY WHY can't I just go to Weight Watcher's and do this slowly but surely? Of course... the answer comes back.. BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOUR TIMES ALREADY.

I am just so scared... not so much of dying in the procedure, but of being sick and in pain and throwign up and becoming a "food freak" for the rest of my life. I am terrified about the pain and throwing up.

Now, a new twist, my husband is really upset with me. I didn't tell him about this until I got all the approvals, because I knew he would go ballistic... he is a kind of medical phobic.

I really didn't expect him to take it so hard... he was yelling at me that "my whole life is lie" and I am a liar, and hid things from him... which I DID, because I feel it's my body, and my decision... not h is.

Now I feel I have no support whatsever, and that I would be nuts to try and go through with this. I am so lost tonight, just heartbroken and full of uncertainty and fear.

Tell me: Is there anyone out here who has had the Sleeve anyway, even in the face of a disapproving spouse or partner,? And, how did you get through the times when you were weak and sick???

I am so scared... thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just getting it over with and becoming really fa t and depressed.

I am a mess.. sorry sistas... I hope yuo all have a better Thanksgiving than me.

[mp8btpc 33]

Your fears are normal and we all had them, I am sure we all questioned why we just couldn't lose weight the "normal" way and keep it off, but statistically it is close to being impossible for people. I am sure you could find some great stats online to help justify to your husband why you feel hopeless about doing it through some non medical method.

I think you should sit down and write him a heart felt letter explaining why YOU want to have the procedure and offer to have him come with you to the doctor and that you are prepared to show him the stats regarding the procedure. I know when I was telling my mother who is in the medical profession and is of the mind that you only have medically necessary procedures, that she was not happy that I was choosing to have surgery and given the fact that I was a "lightweight" it made even less sense for her. But through a heart felt plea with her that I didn't need her to approve of my surgery I just wanted her to support me. I made it clear how bad I was hurting by being overweight and that it was affecting my quality of life. I left it up to her to decide if she would accompany me to Mexico or not. I then gave her a week before I brought up the subject again and asked her if I could get my birth certificate so I could get my passport, because it would take 6 weeks to get and needed to get process started. She then said sooo if someone is going with you they need to get a passport too?I said yes and that I would pay for her passport if she chose to go. She said she would look for hers,......so long story short. I didn't approach her in anger and I wasn't pushy. I just laid out my heart and let her know that I was going to do it but it meant it a lot more for me to have her to support me even though she didn't agree or support the surgery.

Just give him some time to adjust, approach him humbly but with strength that you are making a decision only YOU can make. He is hurt you went behind his back so-to-speak but I think you can smooth it over with a little TLC and some information for him. Let him know you want him involved and that you need him but that you deserve to make your own medical decisions and that he would retain the same right for himself.

Good luck.

[klus263 9]

I am lucky that my husband has been very supportive. He went to the seminar with me in February when we first discussed surgery....He is currently in his nutrition class and doctor visit and hopes to have his surgery in 2-3 months after me. Take him to the doctor and have him ask questions. Explain why you are doing this. Personally, I am a diabetic on pills which the doctor just doubled the dosage back in July. I have been diagnosed with non alcohlic fatty liver disease, high cholestral. I do not have blood pressure issues but father has already had a stroke and my both of my maternal grandparents had strokes so I have it on both sides of my family just waiting to become an issue. My sister is who is almost 10 yrs older then me whose diabetes is controlled by diet is already experiencing the start of possible kidney failure. She also just this year had knee replacement surgery. I have 2 daughters-one married and one engaged-but I am not yet a grandmother but I so want to be the kind that take care of the grandkids to babysit or has them visit for the summer and can do things with them. For this, I have to be healthy-I have done many of the diets out there and after each one have gain back the the weight and then some. This is a tool that we will use like any other diet but it allows us to be more succesful then by diet alone. Don't chicken out. I haven't belong to this forum long but we can be the support for you.

[myrori 55]

Dear VGS friends:

Even though we have never met, you all feel very close to me. For months, I lurked here reading of your successes, and of your pain and fears and even some failures.

You were the "wind beneath my wings" that led me through the months of filling out paperwork, fighting with insurance companies, going through endless medical tests.... and finally, I got approval, found a great surgeon, and my surgery is one week from today.

But now... I am suddenly TERRIFIED. I think that I must be out of my mind. WHY WHY WHY can't I just go to Weight Watcher's and do this slowly but surely? Of course... the answer comes back.. BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOUR TIMES ALREADY.

I am just so scared... not so much of dying in the procedure, but of being sick and in pain and throwign up and becoming a "food freak" for the rest of my life. I am terrified about the pain and throwing up.

Now, a new twist, my husband is really upset with me. I didn't tell him about this until I got all the approvals, because I knew he would go ballistic... he is a kind of medical phobic.

I really didn't expect him to take it so hard... he was yelling at me that "my whole life is lie" and I am a liar, and hid things from him... which I DID, because I feel it's my body, and my decision... not h is.

Now I feel I have no support whatsever, and that I would be nuts to try and go through with this. I am so lost tonight, just heartbroken and full of uncertainty and fear.

Tell me: Is there anyone out here who has had the Sleeve anyway, even in the face of a disapproving spouse or partner,? And, how did you get through the times when you were weak and sick???

I am so scared... thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just getting it over with and becoming really fa t and depressed.

I am a mess.. sorry sistas... I hope yuo all have a better Thanksgiving than me.

I get why your husband is upset, he feels left out. Even if he never comes around on this issue you have to decide just how bad you want change. Sure I tried telling myself a few times, hey you have lost 50 pounds already you can do this, but then I told myself the truth. If I could do it without surgery I would not be fat right now.

I had to remind myself many times of the real effects of the weight on my health, pre diabetic, back and knee pain, high cholesterol and High blood pressure. Sure it is a LOT more comforting to tell myself I can do this alone and at my pace, but I know where that thinking has gotten me all these years.

Now for the pain and nausea your are scared of,,,I just came home from the hospital today and I did not get sick once, every time I felt ill I told the nurse and they were right there with the shot for nausea. As for the pain, sure there is pain as with any surgical procedure. It sounds like I had more than most folks, but I was at a hospital and the minute I told them I needed something and they brought it. It was never uncontrolled. I still have pain now that I am home, but I have the liquid vicodin for it and it is not forever. I look at this way No pain, no gain.

For a few days of pain I will gain health and and nice looking body.

[rain 2]

Thank you all so much for your wisdom. My surgeon told me that "there is a lot of information out there on the Internet, but not a lot of wisdome." I think he was wrong abou that.

A few days.. mayb e aweek?... have passed now since I told the hubby about my upcoming surgery. He is not accepting this well, and punished me by not eating any Thanksgiving dinner, but holing up in his office and saying he didn't feel well.

He also walks around grumbling that "it isn't right" my not telling him, and at this point, I am thinking that it is possible that just GETTING sleeved may break us up.

I guess that the peace I have come to is this: Getting sleeved would have broken us up anyway, as he has a very controling nauture, and I think that he would do better with a dog, than a wife. He wants me to sit and heel, and I won't do.

But, after much heart-wrenching soul searching this weekend, I have decided that MY HEALTH and MY HAPPINESS and how I look.. not him, but me, is more important than his hurt feelings.

I will kiss and make up if he wants to, but I will NOT cancel my surgery because he doesn't approve. And if he is the slightest bit mean to me when I get home from the hospital, I"ll leave.

In that case, could I correctly assume that I would be the first "freshly sleeved" woman staying in a woman's shelter? We'll see...

[jane 2]

Dear VGS friends:

Even though we have never met, you all feel very close to me. For months, I lurked here reading of your successes, and of your pain and fears and even some failures.

You were the "wind beneath my wings" that led me through the months of filling out paperwork, fighting with insurance companies, going through endless medical tests.... and finally, I got approval, found a great surgeon, and my surgery is one week from today.

But now... I am suddenly TERRIFIED. I think that I must be out of my mind. WHY WHY WHY can't I just go to Weight Watcher's and do this slowly but surely? Of course... the answer comes back.. BUT YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOUR TIMES ALREADY.

I am just so scared... not so much of dying in the procedure, but of being sick and in pain and throwign up and becoming a "food freak" for the rest of my life. I am terrified about the pain and throwing up.

Now, a new twist, my husband is really upset with me. I didn't tell him about this until I got all the approvals, because I knew he would go ballistic... he is a kind of medical phobic.

I really didn't expect him to take it so hard... he was yelling at me that "my whole life is lie" and I am a liar, and hid things from him... which I DID, because I feel it's my body, and my decision... not h is.

Now I feel I have no support whatsever, and that I would be nuts to try and go through with this. I am so lost tonight, just heartbroken and full of uncertainty and fear.

Tell me: Is there anyone out here who has had the Sleeve anyway, even in the face of a disapproving spouse or partner,? And, how did you get through the times when you were weak and sick???

I am so scared... thinking of cancelling the whole thing and just getting it over with and becoming really fa t and depressed.

I am a mess.. sorry sistas... I hope yuo all have a better Thanksgiving than me.

Honey, it's going to be okay... whatever you decide.

I had my sleeve on Monday. What I can say is I went through the same feelings of panic and I think others have too. It's perfectly normal. When I was in the waiting room, in a hospital gown, IV needle running in my hand... I was very close to giving up and cancelling. But for me, what motivated me was my son. If not for my son I would not have gone through this. Pre-op, I could not keep up with my energetic three year old. I was so fat that going to work was it, and when I came home I had no energy or strength to be mother and wife. For my son, I went through this hellish "death" to be reborn. It has been painful, and depressing, but I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and this miserable feeling is temporary.

You have to weigh what's good for you. If your husband doesn't support your decision, maybe it's fear of a lot of things.. fear of losing you on the operating table, fear or not knowing what you want to do, fear that you will lose a ton of weight and leave him... men are strange creatures... and in a sense you did keep this from him for a long time. His initial reaction is understandable but I say have tons of patience with this and get him on board if this is what you want to do. Involve him, explain to him so that he knows what you know. Explain to him what you are going through in terms of your self esteem, how it's going to improve your sex life and let you do things you couldn't before, what you can and can't do physically, explain to him that if you don't do this for yourself you could die the way that you are going. If you can get your husband on board with your decision, you will feel a lot better about things.

I included my husband in the planning process and explained everything to him. He was basically of the thought that if it makes me happy and will help me live then he will support me. He was at the hospital with me and has been nothing but loving and supportive. I think your husband will get on board once you explain how important it is to you. Just be gentle with him, the way you would want him to be gentle with you on such an important decision.

[FitatFifty 11]

Do it for yourself. I was sleeved in September, minor pain that lasted only a couple of days, no vomiting, no reflux. There will be times when you eat too fast or to much that you'll b be uncomfortable, but those are learning opportunities!! The best part is you will feel so much better such a short time. Perhaps you have good friend or family member who can also provide support? Is there a local support group you can attend? Ask your doc. Support can come from many diffeent sources-i took my Blackberry to the hospital so I could access this site right after surgery. I had a couple of "what have I done moments"right after surgery, but I don't regret my sleeve at all!!!

Good luck

Fit

[vickie6866 4]

I understand about keeping the secret about your sleeve because I am hoping to go to Mexico in the next couple of weeks and have mine and I will be telling no one. I had a lap band for three years, that my husband begged me not to get, and my husband was only person who knew I had it. After it didn't work for me and I went through a lot of problems with the complications and the removal, I wouldn't dare tell him I was getting the sleeve. He is just scared for me, like I'm sure your husband is, but in the end it is my body and my choice. Even though I will have to beg/borrow/steal for the money I will make a way, because I am so unhappy without the help that I need to get my health and life back. Do what is right for you and keep him informed and in the end he will be by your side and support you when you need it.

[tntransplant06 20]

Your husband is being a dick. Period. You are not a liar, it IS your body and you can decide for yourself what you want and need, you don't need anybody's approval, esp a husband who has an issue with the surgery, not you. Do NOT let anybody eff with your mind, it's hard enough to arrive at this decision without others putting in their 2 cents of which they know nothing about.

[rain 2]

Your husband is being a dick. Period. You are not a liar, it IS your body and you can decide for yourself what you want and need, you don't need anybody's approval, esp a husband who has an issue with the surgery, not you. Do NOT let anybody eff with your mind, it's hard enough to arrive at this decision without others putting in their 2 cents of which they know nothing about.

HA HA HA HA! Thank you so much for that straight talk... I needed to hear that. I am sitting here feeling really, really bad about my plan, and again thinking... "maybe I should just postpone it..." But I keep coming back to... it's MY body, MY decision, not his.

I think he is worried that there will be too many leftovers if I am no longer eating like a fieldhand... he hates to throw anything out.

Cheers! And thank.

[rain 2]

Honey, it's going to be okay... whatever you decide.

I had my sleeve on Monday. What I can say is I went through the same feelings of panic and I think others have too. It's perfectly normal. When I was in the waiting room, in a hospital gown, IV needle running in my hand... I was very close to giving up and cancelling. But for me, what motivated me was my son. If not for my son I would not have gone through this. Pre-op, I could not keep up with my energetic three year old. I was so fat that going to work was it, and when I came home I had no energy or strength to be mother and wife. For my son, I went through this hellish "death" to be reborn. It has been painful, and depressing, but I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and this miserable feeling is temporary.

You have to weigh what's good for you. If your husband doesn't support your decision, maybe it's fear of a lot of things.. fear of losing you on the operating table, fear or not knowing what you want to do, fear that you will lose a ton of weight and leave him... men are strange creatures... and in a sense you did keep this from him for a long time. His initial reaction is understandable but I say have tons of patience with this and get him on board if this is what you want to do. Involve him, explain to him so that he knows what you know. Explain to him what you are going through in terms of your self esteem, how it's going to improve your sex life and let you do things you couldn't before, what you can and can't do physically, explain to him that if you don't do this for yourself you could die the way that you are going. If you can get your husband on board with your decision, you will feel a lot better about things.

I included my husband in the planning process and explained everything to him. He was basically of the thought that if it makes me happy and will help me live then he will support me. He was at the hospital with me and has been nothing but loving and supportive. I think your husband will get on board once you explain how important it is to you. Just be gentle with him, the way you would want him to be gentle with you on such an important decision.

Dear Jane:

Thank you so much for you very kind and sweet note of support. You are an angel!!

CONGRATULATIONS on getting your sleeve. I know that you are going to be a superstar. Well, I went through with mine too, and have now lost a little over 20 pounds!!! That's IMPOSSIBLE for me. I still can't believe it. And guess what.. my formerly disapproving husband is suddenly saying things like... "HEY, what happened to your butt? Where'd it go??" and... "YOU LOOK GREAT!" Maybe he was just scared...

Have the happiest holiday ever, Jane.!

Hugs, Cinderella.