I TOLD Him

[rain 2]

OK, everybody, the power of the community is undeniable. Last night I posted messages saying that I was AFRAID to tell my husband that I was planning the VSG, and asking for advice how I could hide or disguise my surgery, so he wouldn't get mad and think I'd lost my mind.

But, after all of your encouraging and uplifting messages, today I talked to my General Practitioner, and got HIS buy-in and support for the sugery, and then tonight I just drank a glass of wine before dinner and then I TOLD THE HUSBAND!!!

It worked out OK, everybody, and I am not hiding behind a lie any more!! At first he did get very upset and start yelling that he KNEW, all these years, I've been "jealous" fhose girls who have a big surgery and then run around showing off (guess we know where his fears lie), I calmly told him that our doctor was totally in support of me doing this, and that my health was the key issue here, not "running around." I explained that I was reseraching the surgery carefuly, and taking all the medicallyl necessary steps to make sure I had the best doctor and care, and that if he felt better about it, I would NOT involve him in the surgery event at all... but that my health was MY business, and I was NOT going to die of a heart attack, or develop diabetes for him, just because he was afraid of surgery.

It worked!! He calmed down and said that, although he doesn't think I'm fat.. (HA!! I'm nearly 90 pounds overweight), if that is what I want to do, and our doctor supports it, then he will not be the one to disagree.

So, ladies, if any of YOU have squeamish husbands who are big babies about surgery, and terrified of change, BEGIN with getting your doctor's support, and then even the most churlish husband cannot deny that you deserve to do whatever is needed to save your health.

Now.. just crossing my fingers that all the final tests and details work out Thank you all for your support and encouragement.

Rainyh

[myrori 55]

Congrats, my husband needs the surgery himself, badly, but that is another story. His biggest fear is me "getting skinny" and leaving him behind. I told him it was not about skinny, it was about healthy. He has been less then supportive.

[rain 2]

Yes, I think that is the point EXACTLY. This actually did happen to someone I know, it happens, I guess. But my real and true goal here is to get myself healthy. Of COURSE, I woudn't mind being "hot" for once in my life, and no longer being thought of as the girl who "could be so beautiful if you just lost weight..." but actually BECOMING beautiful.

I also KNOW FOR A FACT that I have been discriminated against in job after job because I am fat. They give all the "customer facing" assignments to the cute girls, and hide the fat girl in the back office, even though I am WAY better at my job.

Enough ranting... thanks for the support.

....His biggest fear is me "getting skinny" and leaving him behind. ....

[cheechtrish 1]

Wow- glad im not alone in hubby acting that way- while hes supportive- he has said hes worried about me getting "attention" that i am not used to getting (His worry) and no matter how many times i tell him that its not about getting attention- or 'skinny'... that its about my health!

it gets frustrating when im worried about the surgery but focusing on making my hubby feel OKAY with the way im goign to look.

and im not sure i will even look THAT different.-= yes i have 130 lbs to lose- but im still ME.

right!?

so, anyway- glad im not the only one in this boat!

Cheechtrish

[rain 2]

Hello, Cheechtrish: Thanks for the post. But I have to say... GIRL, you will be unrecognizable, losing that much weight. Somewhere out there, somebody has made software that you can scan your face in and it "reduces" you, or expands you... but, just look at the before/after photos in here... the women and men look like totally different people.

So, no, you are NOT alone. My husband's insecurity is probably not uncommon... but I also think that in the back of his mind he may be worred that if I was at my "fighting weight," and more confident and more social, then I would DEMAND more from our relationship, and no longer "feel lucky to have a husband" because I am a fat girl.

I do have to say.. and I by no means mean that I am an abused wife... but there are times when I bite my tounge, or don't demand things, or "settle" for things less than what my heart truly wants in our relationship because I guess that I don't feel that I DESERVE to be treated like a queen, have what I want, and get MY WAY....

So look out, boys... if I can just work out these final details, and get through the horrible part of the journey of pain and vomiting.. I'll be a high flying, and HEALTHY bird.

Rainy

im not sure i will even look THAT different.-Cheechtrish

[cheechtrish 1]

Rain---- okay then, fair enough. yes the pics are amazing that folks look soo different and i hope i do too.

I know how you feeel on alot of your comments. and i think my hubbys fear is that i will realize i dont have to 'settle'.... not that i feel i did! but i think HE feels like i feel i did!

make sense??

[rain 2]

TOTAL sense... maybe the real problem is the husbands' insecurity about themselves. Mine is heavy too, not nearly as heavy as I am, but a big man who is always calling himself "fat." He eats very healthy though, and works out like a Spartan. I should be in such good cardiac shape!

Maybe by becoming healthy and better looking, we'll also make our husbands more confident.

but i think HE feels like i feel i did!

make sense??