Why do people have to be mean?!

[hopeandfaith 6]

Why do some people have to be so mean? My Mother in law has a problem with over weight people has for as long as I can remember and likes to talk about them. She doesn't do it in front of me anymore but she always makes comments to my husband and her other son. She knows this affects her boys...the one started talking crap about how much his wife eats...my husband FINALLY said, Mom it's his LIFE not yours so don't worry about it! I just don't understand WHY she thinks it's her JOB to tell her boys how FAT someone is getting! It makes me SO MAD!! By the way my husband is COMING AROUND and TRYING to be supportive about my up coming SLEEVE! I can talk to him about it now and he LISTENS. I just told him I NEED HIM and his HELP to succeed...I think the I NEED YOU got him. LOL He told me the other night he is fine with my surgery he just doesn't want his mother to find out. He thinks she will be waiting for me to fail or watching to judge me more and I KNOW HE IS RIGHT! I just don't understand how some people can be so CRUEL!!

[Tiffykins 673]

I have figured out that mean people are typically insecure themselves, and the only way they can feel better about their miserable little life is to make others feel worthless or feel bad about their weight, looks, clothes, lack of money etc etc. Just think of it this way; it must be a miserable existence if she expends that much energy on making other people feel bad.

When it comes to your husband, if he's anything like my husband, he's probably a "fixer" and he doesn't know how to help, or how to "fix" the situation so he may feel a little helpless. I told my husband the same thing, that I needed his support, but if he wasn't willing to support me, then he just needed to keep his mouth shut.

[TexasT 99]

My mother-in-law is also "fat-biased", but not so obvious about it. She never said anything to me before I lost weight, but her daughter is obese and she is very vocal about it with her. I feel so sorry for my sister-in-law. The two of them recently visited us and we all went shopping. My MIL stayed by my side the whole time telling me how cute this and that looked on me and completely ignored her own daughter. We were trying on hats and all she said to her daughter was "hats make your face look even rounder", while she told me "hats look amazing on you! You can't leave here without buying one." Then she grabbed hat after hat for me to try on until I got a couple. My SIL just walked off looking dejected. I went after her and took her to the jewelry area, which she has always had a passion for, and tried to tell her how great things looked on her when she tried them on.

I invited her to come back to town by herself sometime (without the judgemental mom), so hopefully she can shop and have fun (she's from a small town and loves to come to Dallas to shop). I know what that feels like to be completely ignored and feel invisible because of how people treat you when you're overweight. No one deserves that.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I think a lot of these people have weight and/or body image issues themselves. My father is probably the most vicious fat-hater I've ever met, and he's struggled with his weight his entire life. He generally hovers around the overweight mark, although he was briefly obese at about 300 lbs, but the way he talks, you'd think he's some sort of fitness icon here to toss pearls of his wisdom in front of all of us fatties.

It's kind of like those homophobic "family values" Republicans who end up getting caught with gay dudes in washrooms, you know? Some of the most vocal homophobes are gay themselves.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I think a lot of these people have weight and/or body image issues themselves. My father is probably the most vicious fat-hater I've ever met, and he's struggled with his weight his entire life. He generally hovers around the overweight mark, although he was briefly obese at about 300 lbs, but the way he talks, you'd think he's some sort of fitness icon here to toss pearls of his wisdom in front of all of us fatties.

It's kind of like those homophobic "family values" Republicans who end up getting caught with gay dudes in washrooms, you know? Some of the most vocal homophobes are gay themselves.

Yes, ha ha! awesome analogy!!

As for the original mother in law of this posting, I automatically wanted to use the B word to describe her, and then I realized that was too cliche and predictable and that her behavior transcends gender - she is an a**-*ole.

[chilo1 62]

I am originally from Paraguay, where being fat is a sin. I have been living in England for 10 years now, and one of the times I went to visit (i had put on quite a lot of weight), a female collegue of mine said "what happened to you, you used to be so pretty, what did England do to you??" I can't explain how I felt, I cried my eyes out (on my own of course) People can be mean and really hurtful

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I put myself into self-imposed banishment from my hometown for the past 8 years, the worst of my fat years. I just couldn't face having people from high school who stayed in our home town (small country town) see me in my "disgrace". A big part of my excitement over losing weight is going to be "returning" home.

[juliarh 35]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you -- I agree with Tiff -- it's usually people who are so insecure themselves that they have to put someone else down to make themselves feel better -- how screwed up is that??

I think it's really insightful of your husband to say don't tell Mom -- that is probably what was behind his negativity in the first place -- he's really between a rock and a hard spot -- wanting to be supportive to you and not make waves with his mom.

I think that now that the air's been cleared, you probably can expect full support from your hubby. But be mindful of your poor SIL -- she's gonna get the full brunt of MIL when you're slim again

Hugs!