What would you say? Need advice.

[iegal 460]

Upon deciding to get sleeved - I told only a select few, my BF & best friends who have seen me struggle for years...but not my family. Now my 21 year old daughter found my sleeve surgery info in my bedroom and is upset. Should I come clean? She, as most of my family have never dealt with any weight issues - lucky them (maybe I was adopted). Family has no concept of weight stuggle, depression, self hatred, cycles of success and failures through the years. Daugther & I are having dinner on Monday - suggestions?

[Tiffykins 673]

What is she upset about? I mean is she upset that you hid it from her, or is she upset about that you are having the surgery?

Honestly, when it comes to these things, I personally believe that no one, even family/spouses/partners, have a say. Sorry, but it's my body, my health, and I'm not doing it for anyone other than myself. If someone couldn't be supportive, I didn't need or want them to be part of my journey.

[Motherofskye 0]

Wait a minute- you are already sleeved, and you didn't tell your family? Interesting.... I told everyone I could think of except the people at one of my jobs who are mean and gossipy. Where is the shame in wanting to be healthy for the rest of your life? I am a week post-op today, and while I was fairly healthy and strong when I got it done ( no diabetes or other things), still, I was hoping it wouldn't top childbirth pain and being out of action wise, and for me, it didn't. Total aggravation, about the same. For me, anyway.

Please don't ever feel guilt for doing something solely for yourself. As women, we give to everyone and take care of everyone but ourselves, and then feel quilty when we do something for ourselves. Doing something healthy for ourselves helps us to be there for those we love. This surgery helps us live longer, healthier, happier lives with, and for, those we love.

My husband was actually VERY scared for me to have this surgery. He was afraid I might die. The only thing that helped him get over that was meeting someone else who had it done, talking to doctors where he works about the proceedure, and learning more about it. Information is key. The more you talk it up, about what you learn about it, the less people will worry. I just would slip a little fact in here and there every night as I learned them by reading this forums every night to my husband, and he got used to the idea.

If you've already been sleeved, then it's totally your choice to tell people what you've done or not. It's a personal choice, only you can decide...Good luck!~

[kristykreem 0]

I didn't tell my family, either. It's one of the reasons I'm using the heart avatar instead of a picture of myself. My family doesn't get it, they're all thin, and they've always been mean and gossipy about my being fat. So, as far as I'm concerned, I don't want their negative stuff all over my beautiful experience. I only told friends I knew would be supportive (basically all my friends -- I don't have non-supportive friends). I told my boss I had my gall bladder removed (my boss is also negative and gossipy).

This is my life and I don't owe anybody any explanations. I'm single at the moment, so that aspect hasn't been an issue, but when I'm once again in a serious relationship, I will tell him I've had surgery.

[Filosophia Scandinavia 1]

Great comments above

I will ad

She is upset, but why, because she is concerned?

If you tell her, she might tell the rest of your family.

Is is a lot to deal with yourself, if you are only 21.

I have told, perhaps too many - but it is easier for me to manage. I was surprised, that people were supportive.

You could also make up a bulletproof story.

That you were thinking about it, but decided to go on weight watchers or something.

Or one of your friends had the operation, and you needed to know, what it was about. You can not tell her who it is . it is a secret.

But what about the scarring?

And can you avoid her for the first period, so she doesn't se you drink protein-drinks :-)

You must write your own manuscript for this altered story. So yo9u can answer everything, when you start to loose weight.

For me it was easier just to tell - but if I knew people would not support me, I would rather tell white lie.

I do not want to deal with all the negative stuff, from people who doesnt have the problem.

By the way - the only reason, that I have a photo on here, is that I am from Denmark, and no one knows about the sleeve operation. So very few danes, will ever visit this site.. I would never use my pic in my own country

[Lisalu 89]

I'd tell if asked. No she probably won't understand, but at least you will have told the truth.

[LittleSteve 5]

I think shes gonna work it out, you might as well tell her.

[juliarh 35]

You know, I've only told my parents, my husband, and my kids (18 and younger) -- not told my brothers, not told anyone else. I am the only one in my family who is obese and have struggled all my adult life -- I just didn't want the extra burden of them asking, "so, how're you doing?"

-- that said, my mom-in-law (who has a heart of gold) has routinely withheld surgery information from us until afterwards -- breast biopsies, my father-in-law's colon cancer, her heart attack -- all of this has been very hurtful because I want to be able to pray, assist, whatever. I know she thinks that she's sparing us anxiety, but I get more upset knowing afterward.

But, I think because this surgery is different (it's elective, essentially), that it was a choice you made instead of being foisted on you -- I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your daughter, but I think if you explained it in a sincere, open way, she might be understanding. And if you want to continue to keep it private from the rest of your family, explain that as well.

I think as soon as you start lying, it becomes bigger than what you intended and becomes "cancerous." This might be a good opportunity to have an adult relationship with your daughter . . .

[sleeve 4 me 910]

You should only tell IF you want to...I haven't told anyone outside of my family and close friends and that's ok .

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Oh and my co workers as well lol

[PamelaAM 16]

I am such an open book! I've told everyone! Didn't think I was going to originally but everyone has been so supportive that it felt good to have so many people supportive of my decision. But I do understand that for most/many people, this is something that they want to keep close and not share with everyone. By sharing my story though, I have had so many people then share stories of their relatives, etc who have also had surgery and are so happy with their successes. I also keep thinking that if I can inspire just one other person, then it is worth sharing my story. . .but that's just me :-)

[iegal 460]

UPDATE

Thank you for all the words of wisdom and sharing your stories. Truly helped me decide. Told my daughter and I was pleasantly surprised by her positive reaction. She even said I look amazing...this from a tall & thin 21 year old. She did express concern of me losing to much weight though. Reminded daughter that I had surgery to be healthy, not to hit a number on the scale. Fiting into smaller clothing is a bonus. Again - thank you my sleeve brothers & sisters. You are all an amazing group. No regrets.

[juliarh 35]

So glad it worked out well