HOW DO I DEAL WITH MY DAUGHTER????

[sleeve 4 me 910]

This is very difficult for me ...

I'm so HAPPY with my sleeve. I am basically the same size as my daughter now. She is 5'7 and about 178 lbs. She is even starting to use my clothes, and I'm using some of her things.

The problem is I think she is starting to feel SUPER bad that I am basically getting ready to pass her weight up. I LOVE MY BABY TO DEATH AND DO NOT WANT HER TO FEEL BAD, AND THAT KILLS ME ...I feel that her being overweight is MY FAULT, and that HURTS! She recently said mom you took the "easy" way out, and I know she didn't mean it at all, She just feels bad.

Are any of you going through this? And how do you handle it???? PLEASE HELP!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

How old is your daughter?

Mine had gastric bypass before I did. That was how I found out about the band, from going to her support group. Then I ended up

revising to a sleeve.

Maybe someday, she can have WLS too. Nobody should have to struggle if it's at all possible to get WLS.

[Bryn 3]

maybe you can have a girls night out and just chat with her. I am assuming she is a teenager? and if she is, maybe you two can do activities together like bike riding, going to the gym, hiking etc. to help lose weight together. let her know that she's young and she can change and become healthier so she does not have to take the surgical route. sort of make her feel proud about losing weight and becoming healthier; with you supporting her all the way.

being a kid in today's world is hard enough, let alone if someone is even 10lbs overweight, it just sucks. first step is just to talk to her and she how she feels

[MINI-Me 196]

I think Bryn is on the right track. The good news is that if she is a teenager, she has youth on her side and a higher metabolism. Maybe talk to her & find out her feelings. If she wants to lose weight, maybe you can do it together. You've definitely learned a lot about healthy eating through your dieting attempts and especially with the sleeve. Maybe you can make this a journey you take together - without her having to have surgery.

Just show her love ... that's all a mom can do.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Ok so after I wrote my post, I had a talk with my baby girl and come to find out that she was feeling really bad about my weight loss (ouch)...but I reassured her that I love her and that I only want the best for her, and that I'm her biggest fan and supporter, and that there is NO WAY there is any type of competition going on here WHAT SO EVER!!!

I have also shared with her in the past that I really want her and I to do more activities together (walking, hiking, etc.) , the problem right now is ME. I'M SO TIRED/WEAK!!!!!! But eventually we will get out there .

Thanks so much for the feedback y'all you rock!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I would have told you to exercise/walk/zumba together too, but you didn't give her age.

My daughter and I have had some really great talks about weight and image, etc. I asked her age because you don't look old enough to have

a teenager!

I will be rooting for both of you!

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Ohhhh I'm so sorry, yes she's a teen, 13 going on 14. Thanks for your help

[hopeandfaith 6]

I also had this TALK with my 25 year old. In fact, I wanted to have the surgery last year but she said if I do it she will do it. So I waited and she LOST another 55 last year but over 100 pounds, it took her 2 yrs but she did it! Yesterday she got into her little sisters jeans....now my youngest is upset...it will NEVER end!! LOL

Now she said it's not fair but she is OK with me going through with the sleeve. I told her I will have to exercise just like her to get my weight off but I just need some help!

GOOD LUCK!

[MINI-Me 196]

Ok so after I wrote my post, I had a talk with my baby girl and come to find out that she was feeling really bad about my weight loss (ouch)...but I reassured her that I love her and that I only want the best for her, and that I'm her biggest fan and supporter, and that there is NO WAY there is any type of competition going on here WHAT SO EVER!!!

I have also shared with her in the past that I really want her and I to do more activities together (walking, hiking, etc.) , the problem right now is ME. I'M SO TIRED/WEAK!!!!!! But eventually we will get out there .

Thanks so much for the feedback y'all you rock!

AWESOME news!!!!!

[M2G 1,836]

Awwww, that is SO hard. We never want our failures to become our children's inherited failures. My oldest daughter will be 10 in about 6 weeks and she is already on the overweight side. At my psych eval I brought this up and that of course I don't want my daughter to have to go down this same path, etc. She basically said "each person needs to find their own path, you can guide her, offer her healthy choices, teach her about eating healthy, encourage her to exercise, but at some point this will be HER battle and not yours." It was a wow moment. Of course I will everything that a parent can do to ensure a healthy strong child, but she gets to be an active particpant in her own life. I thought that was very well said.

I'm glad you talked to her. It is funny how other people react or don't react to OUR weight loss. It is always fascinating. I love that you told her this is NOT a competition. You are there for her and always will be and that is the best thing a parent can do!

[juliarh 35]

I so agree with Mommy2Girls -- this is going to be her battle. My mom, in her way as she now acknowledges, wasn't the best role model for me either. But my weight issues as an adult are not her fault. I look at my 14 year old daughter, who is active, happy, and TINY and I wonder, hmmmm, what did I do right? The true answer is nothing. She doesn't have my genes (she's adopted) and she has from day one been a very picky eater. She stops when she's full, doesn't snack all day, etc. Wish I could take credit for it, but I can't. My oldest son, who is my biological son, has my body type -- and he struggles with his weight -- right now, at 18, he's got his weight in check, but I can see with the stress of adulthood, he might gain weight. My youngest son (adopted), has been chubby from day 1. He is overly active, loves all sports, but is overweight. And I look at all 3 of my kids and I think, I can't take credit or the blame -- the only thing that is on my shoulders is to provide healthy food, encourage exercise and sports as much as possible, and try to be a positive role model. Beyond that, I don't think there's anything any of us can do!

[Lisalu 89]

It's not your fault your daughter is overweight. It didn't come from bad models but rather from her genes.

The definitive research on this is by Stunkard (1986?) and shows BMI very consistent between identical twins even those seperated at birth. He estimated that obesity was 80% genetic. Adoption studies show that adopted children resemble their biological families in BMI, not their adoptive ones.

You can still feel guilty about passing along the genes, but your bad eating habits probably had very little to do with it.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

You guys are correct. My 18 year old son is 5'11 and 140 lbs. what happened there??? He got my hubby's genes. Darn those fat genes lol. Now I just need to get some energy to get moving with her.

OK so that this doesn't happen in the future, I have another question for you...since this sleeve thing is such a HUGE event in my life right now, how do I not let it affect my baby? Should I not talk about it in front of her (almost impossible, but I will do it)? Not tell her when I lose? Not show her excitment about the weight loss?

Any suggestions?

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Keep healthy Snacks around instead of chips and Cookies, etc. I have a sweet tooth at night, but I eat sf popsicles and sf Jello with a little low fat cool whip. All you can do is try not to keep fattening things around, and cook a lot of veggies and lean meats.There are plenty of recipes for the South Beach Diet which teaches healthy carbs instead of simple carbs. You can teach her good eating habits, but yes , I would try not to mention how many more lbs you have lost this week to her, if it's upsetting to her.

[SouthernSleever 228]

I would talk to her about it but I would not focus on the weight you have lost but rather getting healthy. She might not be able or ready to lose the kind of weight you have lost but in little ways she can join you in getting healthy IF SHE CHOOSES. I put that in caps because everytime my Mom went on a diet she wanted to do it together and it pissed me off. It was as if she was saying, "Oh now that I'm fat I need a partner and you are fat so..." You can involve her by making healthy dinner together or doing zumba workout or even little things like celebrating victories with mani/pedis instead of food.< /p>