My life long journey is about to begin!!!

[danitay 2]

Allright I have been sitting back and reading every post of here for the past month-ish and Now I think I will write about me.

Im 24 I live in Vancouver Canada, I have a 4.5yr old little girl. All my life I have been overweight. I did weight watcher when I was 12 I think maybe even 11.. and until now ive tried it probly 8 times.........when I was 15 it Turned out I had a mass ovarian cycst (22lb tumor) I was huge !!!anyways long story short ...I had major surgery, had to be on bedrest for 3 months. I gained more weight again since I couldnt do anything really! finally I was ona family road trip and in a magazine I bought was a free "south beach diet" book my mom read it and said she was going to try it when we got home I agreed and no one thought I could do it... well after 8 months I lost 60 lbs... I was looking amazing! My Grad year was great I met a guy who was a bit older my first "real" bf... one year later I got pregnant, gained weight back and then some and couldnt loose it after... My relashonaship was rough we fought alot, I had some unerlying depression and anxiety and I tend to be a "emtional eater" ...well it just got worse and worse and worse after being with him for 4 years he was getting to mentally and emotionally abusive I had gaine a fair amount of weight and was misirable due to all situations around me. its been 2 years since being with my ex and lets just say things got even worse...seems to be a pattern?? Honestly I just donnt get how I let this happen to me. I kept seeing the numbers get higher and thinking oh okay ill try harder at this lbs and then id pass that mark and think okay this time! Then I too embarrased to goto Weight Watchers, my anxeity has been getting worse and worse. My weight is ruining me. I cant have as much fun with my daughter.. cause im to tired!...I cant do ALOT of things. and i am tired of it. I am not ready to say my weight yet.. but I can truthfully say it is high then most people on here... I have made the decision to do something about it... I told my parents about the lapsleeve surgery, I did a lot of research for 2 weeks while they were away on a trip, I went to the seminar with my sister who I told about this cause I was driving myself mental on if I should or shouldnt do it. ...My parents have decided to help me out with this, not because they can but becausethey know who I really am, and I am not shining the way I should be. I am going to Puget Sound Surgical Center in Edmond, WA so just over the border. Canadian insurance wont cover it of course, so $17,000 includes 2 years after care program with nutritionist, deitition. its alot of money but I think its worth my life...... I go for my pre-op this Wednesday Oct 20!!! I am SOOOOO nervous! the surgery will be soon after they are saying Mid November!....I am excited but very scared! Theres always what if I dont wake up from surgery and i leave my little girl behind without a mom... ahh tears well when I talk about it. I have tuns of family support which is great. I just hope I can change the way I think sometimes..... Well there it is! I will let you know how Wednesday goes I am doing a surgan consult, psyc asses, and nutrionist assesment...