Need some support!

[hopeandfaith 6]

I’m new to this but need some HELPFUL feedback. When I told my husband about me visiting a doctor for my weight he wasn’t happy. When I found out it was the sleeve he told me I’m a failure at life because I can’t control myself. This HURT!! I just told him he could feel anyway he wanted. I feel like this is ME TAKING CONTROL of my LIFE! Then he told me I couldn’t tell ANYONE I was having this because I should be ashamed. He didn’t even want me telling my MOTHER. I went the next day and talked to my Mom and told her what I was going to do. At first she was scared for me because my oldest sister had the Gastric Bypass and has had lots of problems. She doesn’t regret doing it. After visiting with my Mom for a while she was VERY SUPPORTIVE of my decision. Even told me she has been praying for me to lose weight and get healthy.

Next, I talked to my daughters. My oldest said that is good but it isn’t fair that I will lose my weight fast. See she has lost over 100 pounds in the last two years but she did it on her own. I just told her I’m not as young as you are. She supports me now!

Then was my youngest daughters turn, who wants to be a doctor. At first she said why do you want to do this to yourself? I told her then she said, and I quote, “What are you going to do when you GAIN back all your weight?” I looked at her and said why would you tell me this? Again, my feelings were HURT.

The next day I sat my Husband and my youngest daughter down and told them this is a HUGE decision I’ve made in my life and I NEED support not NEGATIVE feedback. If you can’t be supportive then don’t say anything at all. They both agreed they would TRY to understand. They are both thin & fit and can’t even begin to know what I’m going through.

I found this website and have read and read and read your comments and you have HELPED me so much. I NEED support right now and since I CAN’T tell anyone else I hoping to make friends on here that UNDERSTAND what I’m going through.

HOPING my surgery will be in December! I have to diet for three months for insurance purposes!!

[laylasmojo 10]

OMG I am so sorry for the reaction of you Daughter and Husbend. I really do hope that they come around and realize that you are doing what is best for you and in the ling run best for them because you be around longer by doing it. I am glad that you found this site as you will find alot of help and support here people wont put you donw just to put you down. I completly beleave in that fact that this will work for you as long as you put the work in and the fact that you have made this HUGE decision to me means that you are willing to put the work in. Please dont let them get you down just keep it in the back of your mind that you are going to prove taht you can do this to them. I know I am not very close by to you I live in Las Vegas but if you ever need some one to talk to about this please feel free to send a PM and I can give you my number. Good luck and please keep us updated

[thickinphilly 1]

hopeandfaith

i am so sorry that you did not receive the support from your family that you wanted but the bottom line is this is a decision that you have to make for youself. once you go to the seminars and or classes they will talk about people that have negative feedback and very unsupportive. this is a life altering decision and you need support. your oldest daughter seems to be on board but you need a good support system to get through. now why aren't you able to tell anyone. is this a decision you decided on or is this a demand of your husband not tell. if he is not willing to give you the support you need then you should be able to share this with someone that is willing to be there for you. this is a wonderful site and you most definitely find support here but some times you need someone tangible to give they hug when you need it. now if hubby is unwilling to be that person then i say if you have a best friend or a sister that would there for you by all mean let them know so you can have the support you need. i will add you as a friend i'm here to talk with any time that you need.

thickinphilly

[hopeandfaith 6]

Thank you BOTH so MUCH! My husband is the one that doesn't want me to tell anyone. He doesn't want HIS FAMILY to know! I think it is really funny because his MOTHER HATES FAT people and for the past 28 years let it be known. She would tell my husband OMG look how FAT that girl has gotten...I would look and the girl was a lot thinner them me. Once I said if she is so fat what do you think of me? She said, Oh you have a pretty face...I could NEVER see you as being skinny anyway you are just fine the way you are. This was just last year by the way. I just LAUGHED and walked away. I really don't let her comments bother me. I know this is UGLY but this is what I THINK when she tells me mean things.....I may be FAT but you are UGLY and I can always DIET! LOL

She once told my oldest daughter she better lose weight before she gets into High School or the kids are going to call her FATSO! Two years after she graduated she did tell my daughter she was SO SORRY for the way she treated her when she was growiing up.

I am able to talk to my Sister ...the one who had the gastric bypass but she lives 18 hours from me. ...my husband was MAD at first but I figured he would get over it. THANK GOD my Mother lives close to me and she does tell me she is PROUD of me and what I'm doing!!!

I know once I have my date set I will tell whoever I want. He can't stop me it is my body and my life! Everyday I get out here and read more and it is making me a STRONGER person because I BELIEVE I am doing what is BEST for ME!!

[a.walker 2]

Congratulations on deciding to change your life for you. It sucks when those around you choose not to be supportive, but I hope they will come around. You are clearly a very strong woman, and know what you want and need. I wish you much luck on this journey, and keep us updated on how things are going.

[LowCho 1]

I am so sorry that you've not received the support you deserved. Thank goodness for forums such as this ... we completely understand what you're going through. Keep your chin up :-)

[Becca 108]

I completely understand. People who do not have weight issues don't understand that we need this surgery to get well. Hugs!

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I didn't tell very many people. I really feel that it's nobody's business other than my kids and a couple of friends.

I bet your family will be supportive when you have surgery. They will see how great you feel and look. You are making the right decision.

[chilo1 62]

Even though i did get support from my husband I know that deep down he wasn't sure it would work. He's seen me go through all sorts of diets to just put the weight back on, I've even had a gastric balloon in and gained all the weight back and more. The truth is, if you haven't had serious weight issues you cannot completely understand what it's like. I can understand your daughter saying WHEN you've put the weight back on, that's what my girls have seen me do as well, lose weight and then put it all back on. Needless to say my family are amazed now with my results, and I'm only halfway to goal. My mum and dad were very supportive, they know I've struggled with my weight my whole life (I'm 41 now). The advice my mum gave me was spot on, just don't say anything, do what you've got to do and they will see for themselves, so I say the same to you! All the best, you won't regret it

[juliarh 35]

I think Chilo said it perfectly -- just work the sleeve, don't tell anyone, and the results speak for themselves! I've told a total of 8 people -- my husband, my 3 kids, my parents, and one friend. That's it. I'm not putting it out there for everyone to judge. It's my health decision for me -- it has nothing to do with anyone else -- it has everything to do with my health. So, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I hope your husband and daughter come around and see what a good decision you've made!

[hopeandfaith 6]

Thank you all SO MUCH! I don't know what I would have done without this website! I'm THANKFUL that there are other people struggling with the same problems I am. NOT that it is a GOOD problem but at least I'm not alone. Some times I feel like I'm the ONLY one with these silly problems but in truth I'M NOT! I look at before and after pictures and get so EXCITED! I can't wait until I'm comfortable in putting my before and after pictures up!

I did tell my best friend and she had a VISIT with my youngest daughter the other day. She told her you HAVE to SUPPORT your Mother, this is going to be a life changing experience for her. My daughter told her I know at first I was REALLY MAD at Mom but I know she is doing this to help herself. I was SO EXCITED to hear this!! She still watches and COMMENTS on EVERY thing I put in my mouth but at least there is HOPE! I REALLY want her to stay with me in the hospital when I have my surgery. She is going into the Medical field and I think it will be GREAT for her to experience this with me.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING and HELPING ME SO MUCH!

[MINI-Me 196]

Sounds like you have received some good advice from all the people on here.

Another suggestion I have is to take your husband and maybe even your daughter to a seminar given by your surgeon (I think most have them). Let them hear what the surgeon has to say about obesity and traditional weight loss. My husband was very supportive from the beginning, but I know the numbers and statistics really helped him to understand this was the best decision for me.

Good luck ... when you are feeling down, just come out here and talk. We are here for you.

[NikiS 31]

Hi. You have truly received some very sound advice and I agree with everyone especially with taking your family to a seminar so they can see for themselves what is soon to come. To some it may look like the easy way out but it isn't. And yes the weight comes off quickly (in some instances), but you do have to work for it. It's not a solution, just a vehicle to get you to where you want to be which is living a healthy lifestyle, getting a handle on medical issues (if you have any), and ultimately, getting healthy so that you can enjoy your family more. Sharing your decision is completely up to you. However, I would suggest sharing with a close friend or an additional family member because you really will need the support. Although, this is such a super forum I'm sure you will get all of the support that you need as well as answers to so many of your questions. This site has truly been a blessing to me as I'm sure it will be to you. So, chin up and be encouraged! I can't wait to read about your next phase of this process. Please keep us posted.

Have a terrific day!

Niki

[hopeandfaith 6]

Thank you Niki!!! You are SO RIGHT this site has been a HUGE BLESSING but it is the PEOPLE that make it that way!!! I want to learn EVERYTHING there is good or bad so I read these forums everyday. I have to know what to expect!

[M2G 1,836]

Sounds like you have received some good advice from all the people on here.

Another suggestion I have is to take your husband and maybe even your daughter to a seminar given by your surgeon (I think most have them). Let them hear what the surgeon has to say about obesity and traditional weight loss. My husband was very supportive from the beginning, but I know the numbers and statistics really helped him to understand this was the best decision for me.

Good luck ... when you are feeling down, just come out here and talk. We are here for you.

This is an excellent idea! My husband was VERY supportive of me in this process, and I wanted him to do it too. He kept saying, "no, you go ahead, you have a ton of motivation, etc, you will do great at this" THEN he went to the seminar with me and about 2 weeks later went "I need to do this too." I was so happy that he is taking the steps to be healthy as well. Plus in a few months (He is 2 months behind me) we can split a meal when we eat out!!!