The Fat Girl Wakes Up

[BZButterfly79 19]

I would like to ask any of you willing to be honest with me if like me you envision the moment. What moment? The moment when the anesthesia begins to kick in and there is no turning back, you are not afraid of the surgery anymore you are now fully aware that the person you used to be for the most part will never be again. How do you feel about that, is that or was that a sad moment for you? When you woke up post op did you see the world differently and did your loved ones treat you differently?

I think for me there will be a sadness because I have hidden so many emotions under these layers, so many wishes unfulfilled, and I think you grow accustomed to that self in a strange way. Share your thoughts it's nice for me to get out of my bubble and hear how others think. I am on my way to surgery hopefully not too long from now.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

To be honest, the anesthesia kicked in so quickly for me, I didn't have time to reflect on anything! They gave me an IV saying it had something to relax me, and by the end of that sentence, I was fast asleep. I half-woke up for a few seconds shortly after because I felt them rolling me over and poking needles in my back (spinal). Next thing you know, I was in the recovery room drenched in sweat and covered in some sort of pink stuff speaking French and Spanish, lol.

When I was more coherent, my very first thought was "thank god this is over and by the looks of it, everything went well." It was the first surgery I ever had, so I didn't know what to expect. I also had a lot of family drama immediately preceding the surgery - my father actually threatened to fly to Mexico and stop the doctor from operating on me, lol. I was just glad the surgery happened and there was no way back. One thought I kept having while in the hospital was "Holy crap, I can't believe how easy this was."

[XS-2011 1]

I don't think my moment will happen until I wake up from anesthesia. Now, that my surgery has been approved and I am going through with it, I just imagine how I think my life will be. For starters, I have hidden emotions too. I try to avoid certain areas, I have not applied for certain jobs due to fear of discrimination or uncomfortable working environment. My life has evolved around working night shift and staying in my apartment when I am off. I would love to go the park, mall, or movies at anytime of the day/night instead of trying to go early in the morning when there is hardly anyone at the mall. I live close to a beach and never visit, because I am afraid of the strange looks or the quick turn of the head or eyes whenever I try to make eye contact with someone. When I go out with friends (maybe once a year or 2) I pretend I am busy texting or something when a guy comes over to the table. In my mind, I know he is not at the table to flirt or talk to me and if he does, he will ask me about one of the other women at the table.

So many broken feelings to share.

The psychologist recommended this book called "Thoughts and Feelings" I think I will purchase it this week.

I would like to ask any of you willing to be honest with me if like me you envision the moment. What moment? The moment when the anesthesia begins to kick in and there is no turning back, you are not afraid of the surgery anymore you are now fully aware that the person you used to be for the most part will never be again. How do you feel about that, is that or was that a sad moment for you? When you woke up post op did you see the world differently and did your loved ones treat you differently?

I think for me there will be a sadness because I have hidden so many emotions under these layers, so many wishes unfulfilled, and I think you grow accustomed to that self in a strange way. Share your thoughts it's nice for me to get out of my bubble and hear how others think. I am on my way to surgery hopefully not too long from now.

[Tiffykins 673]

Since VSG was my 2nd WLS, I woke up hopeful. I was so tired and worn out from my disappointing band experience that I was just ready to feel good again.

I was never scared of surgery (either of them). I have the "cut to heal" mentality. If surgery can fix something, do it, and be done with it. So, I was emotionally and mentally prepared for post-op life with the band and the sleeve. I honestly never allowed being obese rule my life. I haven't changed much personality-wise, most of my changes have been physical, and I welcomed each of those changes. It has been liberating to have food be an afterthought in my day, but I attribute that to the loss of physical hunger post-VSG. I'm still a fat girl some days, I still have cravings, and I still love food. None of that has changed since surgery, and I really don't see any of those things as negatives. I have changed my relationship with food, but overall I'm still the same "Tiffany" today that I was 2 years ago before WLS.

My loved ones were supportive to an extent, my husband was deployed so he really didn't have a say in my choice to have a revision (he wouldn't have disagreed or tried to stop me, if he did, he would have lost BIG TIME), for the most part, the world around me seemed the same, nothing really changed. I had major complications that brought a lot of reflection, and new mindset to life in general. I lost my job, my husband was 8000 miles away, and wouldn't be home for 4 more months, my son had school, and I HAD to get better. I remember the fear that I saw in my son's eyes when he saw me in ICU, and him not really able to recognize me. A huge driving force in me willing myself to recover fully was showing my son that no matter how horrible the situation seems, you can rise above it, and WIN. Plus, my husband was coming home, and I only had 4 months to recover and be "healthy" for his homecoming. I was released for regular activity just 2 weeks before his return. I had been limited on what I could eat, limited to walking only no working out, limited driving, it was a long 3.5 months, but I survived and came out on the other side stronger than I ever knew I could be.

[Maddie 9]

The thing that worried me was how would I now deal with my emotions, since I couldn't run to food like I used to. It turns out that it's not been so tough. Everyday I am getting healthier and happier, and that demon rarely surfaces.

My family had been so worried about my health for years, so when I told them I was doing it, they rejoiced. They saw it as a way of saving my life and they have rooted for me since before the surgery. I am very blessed indeed.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

BBJ and myself had the same exact experience going under. That makes perfect sense too since we had the same Surgeon. Really, I mean everything happened so darn fast I really didn't even have time to think.

I remember though once they plopped my big butt on the OR table, looking up at the bright lights and thinking... here we go... again. After that all I remember was being pushed over for the spinal, then waking up feeling super sleepy. But that is no different than any of my other surgical experiences.

[vicki s 146]

BBJ and myself had the same exact experience going under. That makes perfect sense too since we had the same Surgeon. Really, I mean everything happened so darn fast I really didn't even have time to think.

I remember though once they plopped my big butt on the OR table, looking up at the bright lights and thinking... here we go... again. After that all I remember was being pushed over for the spinal, then waking up feeling super sleepy. But that is no different than any of my other surgical experiences.

Hi Lil, i didn't know we got a spinal too? does everyone get one, or just some doc's do it....?

[vicki s 146]

Since VSG was my 2nd WLS, I woke up hopeful. I was so tired and worn out from my disappointing band experience that I was just ready to feel good again.

I was never scared of surgery (either of them). I have the "cut to heal" mentality. If surgery can fix something, do it, and be done with it. So, I was emotionally and mentally prepared for post-op life with the band and the sleeve. I honestly never allowed being obese rule my life. I haven't changed much personality-wise, most of my changes have been physical, and I welcomed each of those changes. It has been liberating to have food be an afterthought in my day, but I attribute that to the loss of physical hunger post-VSG. I'm still a fat girl some days, I still have cravings, and I still love food. None of that has changed since surgery, and I really don't see any of those things as negatives. I have changed my relationship with food, but overall I'm still the same "Tiffany" today that I was 2 years ago before WLS.

My loved ones were supportive to an extent, my husband was deployed so he really didn't have a say in my choice to have a revision (he wouldn't have disagreed or tried to stop me, if he did, he would have lost BIG TIME), for the most part, the world around me seemed the same, nothing really changed. I had major complications that brought a lot of reflection, and new mindset to life in general. I lost my job, my husband was 8000 miles away, and wouldn't be home for 4 more months, my son had school, and I HAD to get better. I remember the fear that I saw in my son's eyes when he saw me in ICU, and him not really able to recognize me. A huge driving force in me willing myself to recover fully was showing my son that no matter how horrible the situation seems, you can rise above it, and WIN. Plus, my husband was coming home, and I only had 4 months to recover and be "healthy" for his homecoming. I was released for regular activity just 2 weeks before his return. I had been limited on what I could eat, limited to walking only no working out, limited driving, it was a long 3.5 months, but I survived and came out on the other side stronger than I ever knew I could be.

Dear Tiff, if i am being too nosy please tell me to mind my own business, but after just reading your post, i was wondering what happened to you that put you in icu, unrecognizable to your son and made you so limited for 3.5 months.? was it all related to the sleeve? sorry if i asked to much...vicki

[Tiffykins 673]

Dear Tiff, if i am being too nosy please tell me to mind my own business, but after just reading your post, i was wondering what happened to you that put you in icu, unrecognizable to your son and made you so limited for 3.5 months.? was it all related to the sleeve? sorry if i asked to much...vicki

My band had partially eroded into my stomach tissue due to a flipped port, migrating around in my abdomen, pulling on my stomach for several months. My band doctor is a douchebag, and wouldn't help me. I left his practice, and jumped through hoops to get my revision.

I had a leak 2 days post revision. I had to have a 2nd surgery to repair the leak, and was under anesthesia for over 6 hours. My revision took 3ish hours, so within 48 hours I had 2 major surgeries. My complications were related to the damage the band did to my stomach. The ICU part was that my lungs would not recover post leak repair, and I was on a ventilator for those days, and during that time I was pumped full of fluids, I went in weighing 263, came out weighing 297.

I went home with a pic line in my arm that fed me 1800 calories a day with Vitamins, nutrients, Proteins, insulin, all kinds of good stuff for over 2 weeks. I went completely NPO (nothing by mouth) for 22 days. Had drains placed during that time.

6 weeks post op, I was hospitalized with 3 abscesses (2 in my abdominal cavity, and 1 in pelvic cavity) for a week, had 2 more drains placed. Came home on 3 heavy duty antibiotics, couldn't really eat anything more than mushy foods, and that was a chore. I struggled with fatigue, chronic nausea, and just being worn out because my body was just exhausted.

That's the cliffnotes version. . . I do not blame my surgeon for my complications, I was his first and only leak. The band destroyed my stomach tissue in 8 short months, and my port was not accessible to perform an unfill. The tissue was not viable enough to close me up, let the stomach heal, and then come back for the VSG part of the revision. I knew going in my risks, I was fully aware that I could have problems. Plus, I'm not the greatest anesthesia patient. I also have an idiopathic clotting disorder that has to be monitored and medicated before, during and after any surgery.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

There are some things in life to which "you get what you pay for" applies. For me personally, I didn't have the option of using my insurance and had to go private pay. So my pre-op, during-op, and immediate post-op issues all had to do with how I could spend that much money on myself. It's not that I didn't think I was worth it, it's just the enormity of the cost made me realize the enormity of what I was doing, I guess.

I'm 3 months out and have lost about half what I should have by now so I haven't had that moment of shock or disconnect that some folks describe. In the first weeks following surgery when I saw my scars I freaked a little, realizing that I had major surgery. However the quality of my experience was so top notch I never gave it a second thought, as far as pain-complications-etc. were concerned. I don't even remember them putting an iv in. I was just chatting with the anesthesiologist one minute, and waking up in my room the next.

[Tiffykins 673]

There are some things in life to which "you get what you pay for" applies. For me personally, I didn't have the option of using my insurance and had to go private pay. So my pre-op, during-op, and immediate post-op issues all had to do with how I could spend that much money on myself. It's not that I didn't think I was worth it, it's just the enormity of the cost made me realize the enormity of what I was doing, I guess.

I'm 3 months out and have lost about half what I should have by now so I haven't had that moment of shock or disconnect that some folks describe. In the first weeks following surgery when I saw my scars I freaked a little, realizing that I had major surgery. However the quality of my experience was so top notch I never gave it a second thought, as far as pain-complications-etc. were concerned. I don't even remember them putting an iv in. I was just chatting with the anesthesiologist one minute, and waking up in my room the next.

The system showed that you quoted my reply on this thread, but I'm not sure if that was your intent. But, I wanted to clear up any possible misconceptions. Both of my surgeries were covered by insurance. I was referred to the band surgeon, and all was fine until I started complaining about pain and issues with my band. I did seek out my revision surgeon, and since Tricare doesn't cover VSG outside of MTFs, he was my best option with his experience level, and stats I felt confident in surgeon choice. I could have self-paid, but honestly, it wasn't realistic for me to do so with a husband in Afghanistan.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

Hi Lil, i didn't know we got a spinal too? does everyone get one, or just some doc's do it....?

I don't believe every surgeon practices this, but mine does.

[Filosophia Scandinavia 1]

Pre-op - what will I think? Wondering about that too.

Nice question, got me thinking

On the table, lights on, nurses, doctors around me. All kind of machines bipping..

"What am I doing - is this the right thing? Will this really work? Should I have underwent the bypass instead?"

I think I will prepare myself. I use voice recordings alot.

Listening to my thoughts. Using them as a motivator on my MP3

Will tell my self all the great things thatn will know happend.

So my brain is more focused on that,than´what could go wrong.

[lamsunshine 2]

I would like to ask any of you willing to be honest with me if like me you envision the moment. What moment? The moment when the anesthesia begins to kick in and there is no turning back, you are not afraid of the surgery anymore you are now fully aware that the person you used to be for the most part will never be again. How do you feel about that, is that or was that a sad moment for you? When you woke up post op did you see the world differently and did your loved ones treat you differently?

I think for me there will be a sadness because I have hidden so many emotions under these layers, so many wishes unfulfilled, and I think you grow accustomed to that self in a strange way. Share your thoughts it's nice for me to get out of my bubble and hear how others think. I am on my way to surgery hopefully not too long from now.

All I can remember before anethesia is the surgeon telling me I had a big window in my room, the anethesiaologist telling me to take deep breaths twice, and that is it. The next thing I remember is them waking me up and wheeling me through the halls, and feeling nausiated. I was in ICU for the night which is just a normal procedure. When I woke up post up I did see the world, or shall I say my outlook on life different, I was happy that I finalloy had a chance at a healthy life that I know would not of happened it I had not had been sleeved. My love ones treat me the same, but my mom has told me I am different I'm 7 weeks post of she says I am taking more pride in myself, I don't think I act any different, but maybe I just don't see it. I have hidden behind my weight for many years. I have not been on a date in so long that I can not even remember. I don't like being in any kind of crowd. I have decided when I need to deal with emotions I will have to find another way to do that, don't know how yet, but know food will not be the way. Good luck on your journey, I can tell you I do not regret it and wish I would of done something alot sooner.