The Husband

[thinoneday 445]

I am new here, as of 15 minutes ago. I went to my primary who informed me that due to my PCOS and my BMI of 42% he wouldn't mind sending me to the Bariatric specialist. So yesterday I went to my first appointment, I believe there will be Nutrition, Psych, and then the Doc sees me. During the class I was like: "OMG I can't believe I got here!" meaning...to this point! But I felt like it was the right step I NEED help, I have been living miserably for the last 10 years because of this weight. Now on to the situation:

My husband of 13 years who married me when I was not fat and who has been bitching about my weight for all these years and truthfully terrorizing me about it because he is so "fit" tells me yesterday when I got home to talk to him about the surgery that the surgery is a cop-out and that if I cannot control what goes in my mouth now why would I control it after surgery. Then I asked hi if he was not supportive he said: "That's not what I am saying, what I am saying is that you have a weakness and you will go back to the same weight if you don't address that." Okay...I see he does have a point but otherwise he is being a jerk. I also showed him the 10% divorce rate post-surgery and that he would need to be supportive and he stated: "I don't see why people divorce because they got skinny-don't put the carriage in front of the horse."

So I showed him a video on Youtube of a beautiful obese woman before surgery and then once she was at her goal, he mentioned she had flabby arms!!! OMG this is driving me nuts, I want to do this for me and he has assured me that the weight is the only problem in our marriage so I am thinking that will be solved but I definitely don't want someone reminding me of flabby this and that after surgery. Have any of you experienced this situation or care to type a few lines to encourage me or discourage me(at this point anything is appreciated).

One thing I know for sure, if I continue to be this weight and unhappy due to it, my marriage will end. What I don't know is if it will get better or if it will get worse once I have the surgery. If there a possibility that the surgery will cause jealousy and insecurity on his part? What have you experienced?

Thank you for reading.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. . but you know your hubbie is wrong if he thinks this surgery is the "easy way out" . . . it's not, in the beginning its easy, but after a while, you have to diet, you have to watch your calorie intake, your carb intake, you have to exercise and everything just like before surgery. . . yes you can gain weight if your not careful. . .but after spending all that money why would you. . . i am 9 months out now and have lost a bunch of weight, my hubbie now thinks this surgery saved me from a potential heartattack, cancer, etc. . . in the beginning he was SSSSOOOOOOOO against WLS, he wouldn't even come to a seminar with me (initally I wanted a lapband). . .he wouldn't even let me go to one. . . it took 2 1/2 years but finally he came to a seminar. . . after it was over we walked to the car in silence. . i got bold and asked so what did you think? He said "No your not getting the band" I almost started to yell at him in fierce anger, I hated him at that moment, but I held my yap got into the car and asked him WHY? in a very calm manner. . .he said "I will not support you with the band or the RNY but I will support you with the sleeve" . . . I nearly fainted! I couldn't believe it, I just looked at him and said "thanks hon" and we drove home. . 3 months later i had it done and we haven't looked back. . . i think he just wanted to be a part of it. . he wanted a decision in it. . . my hubbie used to tell me "you can do it on your own" but the seminar changed all that. . . take hubbie to a seminar if he'll go, have him talk to the doctors, don't say anything at all even if it's getting you mad, maybe he just wants to have a say in stuff. . .just a suggestion. . . good luck. . .

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Wow, he's so insensitive, especially with that "flabby arms" comment about the person who lost her excess weight. Sounds like my father who's put me down about my weight since I was about 4 and then when I got the VSG claimed he never once said I was fat and had the gall to say my boyfriend must have forced me to get the surgery (!). He'll just find another thing to terrorize you about when you lose the weight - saggy skin, criticizing you for dressing too provocatively, whatever - the emotional abuser will ALWAYS find something. I'm not surprised to hear about the 10% divorce rate - lots of people shed the toxic people in their lives along with their bad habits. When you get healthier and more attractive, you'll suddenly realize there's lots of other options around, and he must be afraid of that. And I can't believe he's trying to put you down for failing before you've even had the surgery! Who's he to say that you won't lose weight? It's practically impossible NOT to lose weight with this surgery, unless you sip fraps all day. It sucks that you are stuck with someone who's so discouraging.

[mp8btpc 33]

How can you say something as nasty as that to the person you love? Believe me my husband and I are brutally honest with each other. We are very very open and honest. My husband has gained close to 80 pounds since we married and I cannot imagine tearing him down for his weight. He is the same person on the inside I married, he is the same great father to my children and i find him utterly beautiful. It has been 12 years for us and that hasn't changed.

The sleeve is a tool to help you control the eating. You have to do the work but it takes away the ability to hold as much. It is much easier to see and get results which in turn motivates you. Is it the easy way out? Hell no, but it is effective when used according to the directions hehe.