Writing A Eulogy

DevilMayKare · June 11, 2006

Wow, I had one of the most thought-provoking experiences of my life this past week. I'm still absorbing it all. I just thought I'd come on here and share a bit with you because I'm really not sure what do do with this experience.

After a long illness, my Uncle Harry (82) died last week. It wasn't a sad death, it'd been coming for awhile. Uncle Harry was quite a character. He was president of his class in High School and was set to go to Stanford, derailed by WWII, ended up owning a bar and going thru 3 wives--raising 5 children (some his, some not). He lived in on the Balboa Penninsula during the big band era--heyday of swing and was an incredible swing dancer.

Well, there's a piece of the nutshell. Because his son (my cousin) was somewhat estranged from Harry and things are just problematic for a lot of people in the family (who were greatly affected by him--good & bad) I was asked to give the eulogy.

Wow.

We are not a religious family and there was to be no minister and nobody else talking--just ME giving the final words on this man's life to the world. It was just an incredible experience. What do I say? What do I not? Who do I mention? Who do I not? Two of his exwives and a current girlfriend (yes at 82) would be at the funeral as well as family from NY, AZ, UT, SC & of course SoCal. (There ended up being about 60 people at the service.) I spent all week writing it, talked to people about the past and got to know some stuff about my uncle I'd had no idea about.

Anyway, sorry I'm rambling. I'm still processing. Anyone else had this experience?

I will say, there's nothing like writing a Eulogy for someone else to make you take a good look at your own life.

Josette · June 11, 2006

I had to do my mom's back in October and it really just flowed out of me. Everyone was pretty impressed. I just took some time thinking about her life and what she was proud of most about her life. I started it out by saying "I'd like to thank everyone for coming...I don't have to stand up here and tell you how amazing and wonderful my mother was.... you're here because you know this already..."

Carlene · June 11, 2006

I was honored to be asked to write my favorite sister-in-law's eulogy. I had known her since I was a child and loved her dearly. I am sisterless myself, but always told my husband that if we ever divorced, he could have the kids, but I got custody of his oldest sister.

Mvpo8961 · June 11, 2006

I did my grandfather's eulogy when I was 26. I had all the grandkids write a paragraph about him and then incorporated it into one piece. I wore a HOT PINK SATIN AND LACE PANTSET. My grandfather would have appreciated that so I didn't care what anyone else thought.

Myra

paula · June 12, 2006

Kare, I love reading your post.

You always seem to give great insight on things we NEVER think about.

Cant say Ive ever had to do anything like this. How intreresting!

Poor Uncle Harry - may he rest in peace.

Kat817 · June 12, 2006

Please accept my sympathies, Kare. My 1st cousin and I wrote both our Grandpa's and our Grandma's. And like you, in talking with others in preparation to write them, we too learned many new things about them...things we then wished they were here to tell us about. We tried to include different facets of their lives, and let the people there see them for the amazing people we knew them to be. The number of smiles, and nodding heads, led us to believe we had succeeded. I told myself then, that I would pay more attention to what my parents, and others had to say, listen more closely to their stories (even if I think I have heard it a dozen times before!). Now I realize, I have slipped, and your post reminded me, I once again need to slow down and pay attention, we never know how long we have them to listen to! So, thank-you for a needed reminder! May your grief be tempered by the knowledge of the amazing life it sounds like your Unlce Harry had.

Kat

DevilMayKare · June 13, 2006

I told myself then, that I would pay more attention to what my parents, and others had to say, listen more closely to their stories ..I once again need to slow down and pay attention, we never know how long we have them to listen to!

Thanks everyone. I do find myself wanting to ask my Uncle more questions about how things were "back in the Day."

Mostly it's got me rededicated to completing some things I always wanted to accomplish in my life. My kids (my main project) are grown so the rest is icing (uh oh...not a food metaphor). I do keep thinking that my days are waaaay too much about food.

I'd hate it to say on my tombsone:

"She Sure Knew How to Eat."

:faint:

Randi L · June 13, 2006

I recently took my 18 year old niece to ride the Ferry from Newport to Balboa. What memories I have of it in the 50's when I was "small" and the family would go there to sail. The ferris wheel si still there - but it looks so small now, the bumper cars, etc but my most important memory? The chocolate dipped banana's with chocolate sprinkles. Of course I had to have one, and she loved hers too as we walked around. Most of my memories are tied to a food. (sad) Anyway, with regard to any eulogy, it's best to have a few notes, and then speak from the heart. I've been a public speaker for many years, and always felt the preparation was important, but the heart says it all. Living an unusual life is way easier to remember than one of being alone, with no one to remember. Rest in Peace. It was a gift - to ask you to do it.

lisah25 · June 13, 2006

I did a eulogy for my best friend when I was 20. She was 21 and had drowned in a rafting accident. It was VERY hard, but it also helped me remember why I loved her so much. I wasn't the only speaker, so I didn't feel like I had to cover all her life.

What I took away from it all was that you need to start living your dreams NOW and not wait. She had such wonderful plans for her life and was working to make them happen.

Something I had forgotten for too long, and part of why I want to do this surgery.

FunnyDuddies · June 13, 2006

Thank you DMK. I needed this post today.

Dena · June 13, 2006

My father in law died on Feb. 10, 2005 and up until that point I had been so fortunate not to ever have lost anyone close to me. I was very very close to him. Long story short, dh and I were married (with baby) very young (18) and my mother in law didn't like me.......but my fil always made me feel special and I was very close to him. Myself and the minister were the only ones to speak at the service. It was the hardest thing I've had to do, but really made me look at my life a lot closer. My grandfather (the only one I have ever known) died the next day, so right after fil funeral, we had to make a mad dash to Arkansas.......