female only Body image

[Tiffykins 673]

Maybe others out here can relate to this topic, but I thought I would toss it out there for discussion.

I realized a long time ago that I really didn't see myself as a morbidly obese person. I knew I was fat, but I never realized just how huge I was pre-op. I weighed 270lbs and I'm only 5'2" short. I was literally as wide as I was tall. But, I never really allowed my weight to affect how I felt about myself. I didn't avoid social settings, I dated a lot, I never had issues with self-esteem, I was that "hot fat chick" in my circle of friends. My mom did teach me that before anyone else would love me, I had to love myself, and that meant loving me fat. I wasn't perfectly content with being huge, but I didn't allow it to beat me down, or destroy my self-worth. I was pretty confident, I carried myself really well, and I always dressed very nice (well as nice as plus sized clothing allowed). What I'm getting at is that I never really saw myself as a huge person.

Now, at 120-125lbs, I don't see myself as "tiny". So many of my girlfriends are naturally thin, or average sized, and it's kind of weird to see my friends and realize that I'm considerably smaller than all of them. It took seeing this picture to realize just how small I really am. It's still kind of weird to see it.

My son is 12, and wears a little boys size 10 (regular) or 12 slim, and we now get our jeans confused because his jeans are just a few inches smaller in the length and waist than my pants. It's really weird, and I'm having a tough time grasping my new appearance. Overall, I love the changes. I'm flabby, but I look damn good in clothes, and my husband is the only person that sees me naked so I'm not bothered by the flabbiness. I still reach for bigger sizes, but I'm getting better about choosing appropriate sizes for my frame. At least, I'm reaching for 4s and 6s instead of 10-12s. It's still hard to grasp that I wear an x-small to a small top in most stores. Mentally, it's exhausting to constantly hear "you're so tiny" "you're so compact", what do you say to that? ?? Seriously, I don't know what to say to people. Do I say "thanks", do I just giggle and brush it off? I mean I should be thankful that people say these sweet things to me, but it's not like being "tiny or compact" is a compliment to normal, naturally tiny people. When I do tell people, I've had surgery, they're shocked because I have very few tale tell signs that I've had WLS. I mean honestly even in skirts, leggings, and other revealing clothes, I don't have a lot of skin issues, nor do I look like I was heavy, huge chunky monkey.

I wonder if I'll ever "really" see myself like other people see me. I often think if I could just lose 10 more pounds I'd be "perfect". I'm already preparing for plastic surgery. I've already told my husband that if we don't conceive by January, I'm getting boobs. I know I'll never have a perfect body even with heavy surgical intervention, I'll have something that I don't like. I think that's perfectly normal, but I do want to fix what I can, and deal with the rest later.

I don't think I'll ever be mentally "ok" with how I look, and I'm not going to go to therapy just to have some professional tell me I'm skinny. I know I'm skinny, but if I didn't see myself as a huge person, I don't think I'll ever truly see myself as a tiny person. I have bigger issues that therapy could help with, and my body image is the least of my worries at this point in my life. I just thought this topic could stir up some good discussion, and kind of throw it out there that being skinny isn't as easy for me as I thought it would be. I really thought being "tiny" would just be easy, but I still catch glimpses of myself and think "really, is that my tiny ass?"

Feel free to share anything! ! !

[Lose140 1]

First of all you look amazing!!! I hope I do as well as you. We started at the same size and my goal weight is 125. I feel the same way. I am a very confident person my weight did bother me but I didn't let it get me down. My husband(meanegene) and I are doing this together he goes in on Oct. 8th for his surgery. It is kind of weird when you see your reflection in a window. I think "was that me" I didn't know I was that fat. I never saw it. You are a great inspiration. I will need to have my breasts done as well. I started with an H cupp and now at DDD. Out of the sixteen pounds I have lost I am sure 10 of them came from the boobs.

[breezy 8]

Body image is a topic my husband and I had while we were people watching recently. I pointed to someone that I thought was my size and asked hubby if I was right. He said "no, you're much smaller than that" and proceeded to find someone who was my size. When he finally found someone who had my body type and size, I was amazed! My butt was much smaller than I pictured!

I think, now at 56 years old, I have less emphasis on looking good physically, and that might help me not dwell on expecting to have a perfect body. For instance, my sister said recently that my underarms were "really flabby" and I should pick shirts that have sleeves in order to hide it. I responded that I did pick clothes that had short sleeves for that reason, but I'm not going to dress too warmly and be uncomfortable just to hide it. Don't get me wrong, I'm digging my slimmer body and love to show it off and look sexy, but I don't expect to ever look young again. If I could afford boob, tummy, etc. surgery, I think I would schedule them in a heartbeat! My point is that I think my age, in my case, keeps me from focusing on my imperfections so much. I know that at 20 or 30 or even 40 years old, I would have different expectations of what I should look like....my mental image, I mean.

That being said, I do have issues with trying to please people around me and I think this is tied to my history of being overweight. Correct me if I'm wrong, Tiffy, but this is not a problem you seem to have had. In my case, I try to help people to the point that I don't take care of myself. This is hard to try to put into words, but I seem to try to excel in other ways in order to gain respect from others. I rely on my intelligence, my sense of humor, my ability to tackle problems, my ability to emphasize and communicate effectively, and more I can't think of right now, to impress people or make them "like" me, since subconsciously I think that my looks are a detriment.

This is really hard to try to explain, but I think I have an recent example: this last weekend, I was in Boise, ID, moving my brother, who is my ward, into an assisted living facility where I have also placed my other ward, my mom. I had purchased some fans for their rooms that required some assembly. I had my tool bag and proceeded to glance at the instructions and then put them together. My mom was very impressed that I had the mechanical ability to do that and it won her approval, which secretly pleased me. I am not my mother's favorite child. It's not my imagination; she has said it out loud. I rank AFTER a brother and sister, and only just before a obnoxious, drunken younger brother. When I was growing up, she also voiced her disapproval with my weight, and she felt it was a matter of will power. I knew I was not good enough, so I tried to develop talents or skills that WOULD earn her approval. I got good grades. I cleaned house, cooked and did the grocery shopping. I watched over the younger children. I learned to play the piano.

Now that I'm older and somewhat self-aware, I can see a pattern of people pleasing that started with my parents in order to gain approval and love. NOW I am starting to try to learn to take care of myself before I take care of others. Thank heavens I have a wonderful hubby that encourages me to put myself first.

This has been long-winded, but I hope like you, Tiffy, that others will explore this topic.

[coops 1,790]

Wow...

this is a time bomb topic that goes off in my head nearly everyday!!

My body confidence has been zero for so long I can hardly remember... I think it started when my mother (with all good intentions) took me to the Dr cos I was fat, lets remember this is the late 70's early 80's making me about 9 or 10. He immediately agreed with her and put me on a calorie restricted diet. This lead to me having my own shelf in the fridge with all my milk and butter in little daily portions that I was allowed to eat... my food was literally segregated from the rest of my families. At that age I felt and outcast and I am sure this lead to a hatred of food!

I too was always the fat and funny one of my friends, I looked ok, still do, but I felt awful. I covered this up by being outgoing, chatty and funny - luckily for me I have a good sense of humour and can 'crack' people up in the blink of an eye!

So, as the adult years progressed, my self esteem remained but I forced myself to get on with it and not let it spoil this beautiful life that I have. People are shocked when I tell them that I am self aware and don't like being fat... infact a friend of mine more recently said' Coops I can't believe you are on a diet 'cos you seem so happy with yourself'! Ain't I a good actress... ahmmm... Oscar please!!

The main thing that surprises my husband is my constant failure to loswe weight when I diet ... and he isn't being harsh when he said that... what he means is that when I put my mind to something, I generally succeed as I have an inner determination that doesn't like failure (as I am sure we all do). For example, I went back to uni when my kids were young, I worked my ass off and came out with a first class honours degree... top of the class! This lead me to my current teaching job where I am flourishing and doing a good job; the pupils get on with me and they do well in my class... happy days!

So the question he posed is... Why can't you lose weight when you diet cos you always do so well with other parts of your life? Good question I thought ... and here I am now... 13 weeks post op and slowly losing weight. I get frustrated with my slow weight loss and my hubby seems to think that this is more of a psychological issue ... dunno he might be right? It might just be me and my body. However, I do feel as if my head and my body are constantly arguing with each other...lol... I ain't saying that I am going nuts, by the way... just don't understand why I ain't losing faster as this is what I want sooooo much; to have a slim, healthy body to enjoy the rest of my life with!

I don't know if I will get to goal weight, or how I will feel if I get there... but I do know that I am pleased to be losing and not gaining. I am pleased to feel better and have more energy. I am pleased that I have made this commitment to myself and my family!!

[Tiffykins 673]

That being said, I do have issues with trying to please people around me and I think this is tied to my history of being overweight. Correct me if I'm wrong, Tiffy, but this is not a problem you seem to have had. In my case, I try to help people to the point that I don't take care of myself. This is hard to try to put into words, but I seem to try to excel in other ways in order to gain respect from others. I rely on my intelligence, my sense of humor, my ability to tackle problems, my ability to emphasize and communicate effectively, and more I can't think of right now, to impress people or make them "like" me, since subconsciously I think that my looks are a detriment.

This is really hard to try to explain, but I think I have an recent example: this last weekend, I was in Boise, ID, moving my brother, who is my ward, into an assisted living facility where I have also placed my other ward, my mom. I had purchased some fans for their rooms that required some assembly. I had my tool bag and proceeded to glance at the instructions and then put them together. My mom was very impressed that I had the mechanical ability to do that and it won her approval, which secretly pleased me. I am not my mother's favorite child. It's not my imagination; she has said it out loud. I rank AFTER a brother and sister, and only just before a obnoxious, drunken younger brother. When I was growing up, she also voiced her disapproval with my weight, and she felt it was a matter of will power. I knew I was not good enough, so I tried to develop talents or skills that WOULD earn her approval. I got good grades. I cleaned house, cooked and did the grocery shopping. I watched over the younger children. I learned to play the piano.

Now that I'm older and somewhat self-aware, I can see a pattern of people pleasing that started with my parents in order to gain approval and love. NOW I am starting to try to learn to take care of myself before I take care of others. Thank heavens I have a wonderful hubby that encourages me to put myself first.

This has been long-winded, but I hope like you, Tiffy, that others will explore this topic.

I used my sense of humor and quick wit to win people over. I was the fat, funny friend, the fun outgoing, dance on the bar "fat" friend. So, I can relate to you doing things, and excelling in certain areas to gain approval and love. I was never good enough for my parents either. I actually have buried my father emotionally even though he is very much alive and well. My mother and I recently had it out over me posting a Sleeve vs. lapband research article on Facebook and she had the audacity to ask me NOT to post bad things about the band because she has one and so does my brother. Of course to appease her, I told her I would hide those posts from her and my brother. BUT, then I called my brother and he told me he didn't speak to my mother about the article nor was he upset that I posted it on FB. I've always been a bit selfish as an adult. I won't deny that at all. I had spent far too many years trying to be the "best" for my parents, and always failed miserably so I gave up and just decided to do what was best for me. I made that very apparent 3 years ago when I packed up myself and my son to move across the country to be with my then boyfriend, and now he's a my husband. Literally, I packed us up, and drove 1800 miles from TX to MA without a ring on my finger not knowing truly what the future would hold for us. Well, look at us now is what I tell my family that told me I was selfish, and living a "pipedream".

I know that my body image issues are deep-seated, and it will take years for me to recognize all that I have accomplished. I know that I'll never really "see" myself as the rest of the world sees me. I know that there will always be some nagging voice telling me that I'm "not there just yet".

Thanks for sharing ! ! !

[chilo1 62]

Just like Coops I've been put on a diet when I was 9, that was the start of my yo-yo dieting fat-thin frustating life! I wasn't however fat all my life, looking back I actually wasn't obese,just overweight i lived on exercise, diets diet pills, but when I look at photos from 10 yrs ago I realise I was never obese until about 8 yrs ago. I didn't realise at the time how fat I was, only when I looked at photos or the reflection of my full body that I was reminded of how fat I actually was. I still socialised and was the funny fat girl everybody would laugh at/ with, even during my "skinny" spells I would be like that though, so I don't know if that's actually just my personality fat or skinny.

I just hope that I get down to near goal at least, of course I still have my fears/issues, even though i'm so happy with my weight loss up to now that I don't really mind that I still have flabby skin. I'm planning to have plastic surgery next year, a Tummy Tuck and a boob job, just to lift them up (after breastfeeding x 3 they look a bit "tired"). In the meantime I'm just working my sleeve the best I can, trying to exercise as much as I can, and TRYING to keep my calories and carbs as low as possible!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

In the meantime I'm just working my sleeve the best I can, trying to exercise as much as I can, and TRYING to keep my calories and carbs as low as possible!

My nut said 10lbs a month average... so you are right on target! Keep up the good work.

I was put on a diet at 9 also... My doc actually gave me Dexedrine! My mom said I was running around and acting strange so she took me off of it. Thanks mom! Anyway I went on many diets and cooked my own dinners, joined weight watchers when they made you make your own ketchup out of tomatoe juice....you know the drill. I have been very successfull at many things, MA degree, world travel, dream job (not a lot of money, but very cool job) and local fame.... Even though I have always thought I was fat (perhaps from those first years of dieting as a child?) I look back now, and see I was not (very) fat untill about 20 years ago(Im 57 now). Funny how you can look back at the old pics and see how you have NO butt and only one chin! I thought I was FAT! This is like a new history for me... All those years I thought I was fat... and now I am saying I was NOT fat then (between normal and overweight). Perception. So now I really am "obese"...why does that word sound so....yuck. And I still feel fat....but not as fat as I look to myself when I look in the mirror. I am really going to have to work on that as I lose weight. Psychologist! Here I come!