My family is trying to talk me out of it!

[pattimomof3nj 21]

My mom let it slip to my brother and SIL that I am headed to Mexico on the 14th for surgery on the 15th, and of course all the are you crazy comments started! They are trying to talk me out of this, and I am beside myself. I was called so many names from selfish to spoiled. My brother was just told that he may (probably) has prostate cancer, and now i'm torn!

He was the biggest speaker, with why can't you just lose the weight yourself, that band didn't work what makes you think this will. what if you die, who will take care of your kids, are you crazy, you are a selfish bitch, you are not my sister.

not sure what to do or think anymore!

[GayleSBennett 0]

Without knowing the history of your family I'm going to try and take the "they just worry about you" position.

Your family may be acting out in anger because you didn't share this with them before and with that said they may be scared. Let them get it out of their system. However, having said that. NO ONE has a right to treat you like crap even if they are angry or scared. I would sit everyone down and state that what they said hurt your feelings, but you understand their fear and anger and you should have shared this with them sooner. Explain that you've done your research and this is what you have decided to do. Give them your information, tell them about this board, the folks here will be all too happy to tell them about surgery in Mexico. As a family, you want and need their love and support. If their concern is solely Mexico, ask them if they can give you the money to have the surgery in the United States.

If they don't support you then don't talk to them until after the surgery. Having this surgery WILL save your life. You've read what everyone has said on this board, this is the best decision they have ever made.

I wish you the best of luck.

[MINI-Me 196]

My mom let it slip to my brother and SIL that I am headed to Mexico on the 14th for surgery on the 15th, and of course all the are you crazy comments started! They are trying to talk me out of this, and I am beside myself. I was called so many names from selfish to spoiled. My brother was just told that he may (probably) has prostate cancer, and now i'm torn!

He was the biggest speaker, with why can't you just lose the weight yourself, that band didn't work what makes you think this will. what if you die, who will take care of your kids, are you crazy, you are a selfish bitch, you are not my sister.

not sure what to do or think anymore!

I do think families react like this out of concern. Isn't it strange how terrible we will treat someone we love when we wouldn't talk to a stranger like that???

Also - it sounds like your brother may be reacting to his diagnosis by focusing his anger/emotions on you. I'm sure he is worried about death and leaving his family alone as well. Do what you need to do for yourself first. Then, you can focus on providing support for your brother and his family.

Best of luck ... and don't forget - we are here to support you.

[JC76 0]

I am so sorry for you that your brother would treat you like that. My family besides my husband and my two beautiful girls are all behind me and they know this is good for me. Now back to my husband and girls...... It's the entire life change with my husband. Smaller amounts of food...the money I'm going to spend out of my pocket...If I get skinny I might start looking for someone else….(by the way, I think that if I stay this size he might start looking for someone else),things like that....my girls say they love me big or small no matter but they have gotten use to me this size. They are scared of the unknown. I just try to reassure them that I will be fine and in the long run I can get back to riding horses again and playing softball with them and living again.

No only that but, I want to be health when one day they (my girls) tell me I'm gonna be a grandmother so I will be able to keep up with my grandbaby.

I hate that your brother talked to you like that but I'm sure he'll get over being mad once he sees the results of the WLS. Good luck to you and I hope you take yourself into consideration...They aren't the ones toting around the extra weight that you have to.

[Peffermintchili 0]

I've not had the surgery, but I can speak from years of being Obese (the last 17 years of my life) and what I've read in these forums.

This surgery gives you a chance to be selfish and do something for yourself. Why shouldn't you do whats best for you and worry about you for a change.

Your family has their own opinions about what is good for you and you clearly differ from those.

Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't let people blackmail you emotionally - no matter how worried they are about you- into NOT doing something YOU want to do.

Live your life, you aren't hurting anyone.

Best wishes x

[laylasmojo 10]

I am sorry that your family treated you like that, I agree with every opne else that they may just be worried about you and with the stress of your brothers cancer it may have just been to much emotion for them to handle and it unfortunay got thrown back at you. I also agree that you shoud try to inform them more about the procedure. When I told my mother what I was doing she was a bit hesitent and gave a little push back as to may be there is another way, but after I showed her that I had done my research and shared that information with her and she did some thinking back to my strugke with weight all my life she is TOTTALY on board with this and is flying out to be with me during the surgey. Well any way good luck with your family I wish the best for you and your brother and I hope that come around and relize this is in your best intrest and in the long run theirs since you will be able to take better care of them when you are healthy and living longer.

[Jane_J 117]

Why is he doing this to you? If he was my brother I would tell him to butt out if he can't be supportive. I would avoid them till after the op, don't let them derail you.

Jane x

[bearwitme 1]

You need to do what is best for you. Not them...

My mom let it slip to my brother and SIL that I am headed to Mexico on the 14th for surgery on the 15th, and of course all the are you crazy comments started! They are trying to talk me out of this, and I am beside myself. I was called so many names from selfish to spoiled. My brother was just told that he may (probably) has prostate cancer, and now i'm torn!

He was the biggest speaker, with why can't you just lose the weight yourself, that band didn't work what makes you think this will. what if you die, who will take care of your kids, are you crazy, you are a selfish bitch, you are not my sister.

not sure what to do or think anymore!

[Mary Gordon 3]

oh nooo, please make them understand that this is your best choice....and that you will be in good hands....hope you are able to convince them, if you're not....i still say you go for it and then when they see the results, they will say you have made the right decision!!!:thumbup:

[sleeveorbust 11]

you are going to be making a life altering decision that in most cases enhances your quality of life for not just you but your children too! The risks are so miniscule compared to the benefits!!!... I really hope that for your sake your family comes around and realizes even if they do not agree with this decision.. They can at least show their love for you regardless!.. Afterall, this decision doesn't happen overnight to get vsg or any other wls but giving them the facts might help to simmer them down a bit!!... All the best to you! Stick to your guns on this one and I hope it all turns out for the better :thumbup:

[ladyrider 1]

I get more concern about going to Mexico than I do about the actual surgery. Just got a text today to not go to Mexico because they are hanging people off of bridges, and drug wars are going on etc etc. Has anyone who has recently gone to Mexico had any feeling of danger? I haven't seen anything about that mentioned on this forum.

[pumpkin07 32]

My husband was born in Mexico and we used to go a lot. We will not travel there now. It is really dangerous. Last time we went we were stopped twice by cops for no reason except to give them money. as an american/blonde blue eyes I was treated very weirdly in our 4star hotel which was a Mex American hotel in Monterrey. Bit took me by surprise bc I have even traveled w GF in Mexico and always was treated so nicely. One night was especially frightening as i truly sensed a man who delivered food to my room was contemplating attacking me. I thought fast and tricked him out of my room and called front desk as he was pounding on my door. So recently we needed to return for wedding and we chickened out and lost 600.00. While there for wedding 1friend was pulled over and held at gunpoint by drug person. It was mistaken identity and finally they let him go.

I bow we all want to lose our weight but it is my opinion that we should pay bigger prices and stay home. Risk of leak and murder/kidnapping too great for me.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Sounds like you need to start screening phone calls and take a break from family gatherings. It's one thing to be concerned and another thing to call you a selfish bitch because of getting the surgery. I'd tell your brother to go take a hike if I were you. Ask him how he got himself to the point of getting prostate cancer if you really want to give him a taste of his own behaviour.