Am I worth it???

[mboski 4]

I have been researching Banding for a year and about 1 week ago changed my mind to vertical sleeve. I have been trying to find a way to raise the money. Thinking about credit, refinancing house, borrowing etc. Tonight over dinner in a restaurant I brought the subject up again to talk about with my huband. During the conversation (he is tired of discussing money) he made the comment "I just don't think its work it". Well, of course I heard, "I just don't think you're worth it." I don't think he realized how much that hurt. Does anyone have a spouse or significant other who would give their opinion of whether they thought it was worth it and the benefits they see in having a spouse who had the sleeve done? Thanks for your input. :001_smile:

Mary Beth

100 lbs to loose

[Tiffykins 673]

Hi Mary Beth, my husband gets asked a lot if it was worth it. Grant it, insurance covered my sleeve, but I went through a tough and extended recovery while he was deployed, and he was not allowed to come home.

He'll tell anyone " look at her, look at her smile, look at her, really look at her and you tell me if it's worth it?" He sees the benefits physically, but that's not the part he cares about, ya know, he did marry me at 270lbs. He loved me just the way I was, and still loves me just as much.

He looks at me differently, he looks at me with a new found pride, he loves that I don't get tired walking around the mall, that I'll wear a cute little swimsuit and go out on the boat for hours on end, he loves that I'll do anything and not worry about my fat literally getting in the way.

Is it worth it? HELL YEAH, and if it's not worth it for anything else, it's worth the extra 20+ years I added to my life expectancy by dropping 145lbs. . .

I can honestly tell you (and if you've read around the forum, you know I'm a shoot from the hip kind of girl), if my husband would have pulled that bullsh(t on me, I would have told him "well, will it be worth it to you once I have my feet amputated due to diabetes ruining my circulation in my enormous, chronically swollen feet because my a$$ is too fat to get down there and take of them, will it be worth it when we have to hire a nurse to come in and take care of me when the heart disease takes over, and my heart is too weak to allow me to shower on my own, will it be worth it when you're running to the pharmacy paying those lovely co-pays for 10-12 prescriptions that are treating and trying to treat one of my many diseases/conditions related to my obesity? When will you see that it's worth it for me to be healthy, and happy? It's not about me being skinny, it's not about you being happy with me, it's about MY health, and I kind of like you so I'd like to be around for those priceless golden years without you having to wipe my a$$ because I'm too sick and weak to do it on my own! ! !Love ya babe." And, yes I would have said exactly that to him.

[Becca 108]

YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!! My husband was supportive at first, until the band failed! That's when I started hearing comments of how much money I wasted. And in all fairness, it is true. If you are a self pay, please don't get a band. The medical bills are huge without insurance coverage (or exclusions like I had). Don't give up! In the long run, YOU have to decide to do this for YOU. I am so glad you are researching so that you don't have to go through the pain and dissappointment I have had with my band failure. Don't give up on this!

[Dave_NW 92]

Maybe you should have said, "Well, maybe my NEXT husband will think it's worth it!" And let him sleep on the couch for a few nights. Sorry, but he was pretty insensitive.

Let me ask: Is he thin? I'm guessing he is.

Dave

[SouthernSleever 228]

Maybe you should have said, "Well, maybe my NEXT husband will think it's worth it!" And let him sleep on the couch for a few nights. Sorry, but he was pretty insensitive.

Let me ask: Is he thin? I'm guessing he is.

Dave

That's what I was gonna say!

[MlkPas 5]

I can actually understand how somebody who isn't educated about WLS might be hesitant because let's face it, diets don't work and most of us have spent thousands of dollars on diets and gyms and trainers and Lord knows what-all that ended up not working. I know I've spent more money than I care to count on weight-loss schemes that absolutely weren't worth it!

I think the question isn't "Are YOU worth it?" The question is "Is THIS SURGERY worth it?" Meaning, "If we spend all this money, are you going to get the results are you looking for, or are you going to be disappointed yet again?"

So maybe you should consider giving your hubby the benefit of the doubt and concentrate on educating him on the causes of obesity, the reason diets don't work, and why the sleeve is completely different and much more effective than anything else out there. I know that once my husband heard about all that directly from my surgeon, he was completely on board.

And now, six months later, he will be the first one to tell you that the money we spent on my VSG is absolutely the best money we've ever spent! I'm not only slimmer than I've been in years, I'm healthier and happier and we both have every confidence that I'm going to get to my goal weight and stay there.

[mboski 4]

Wow, everyone is great around here. Thanks for the honesty too! My husband loves me very much and tells me he loves me no matter my weight. I must have been a little sensitive to the comment last night. But I do agree that all my research has been alone at night on the computer and I haven't shared enough with him as to why I believe the VSG would be the "last diet scheme" I ask him to help pay for. I know from reading everything you all have posted that it is a wonderful thing to do for myself. I am contemplating asking my parents for help. (Hey daddy, your 43 yr old girl may not be in college but she is still writing home for money hehehe). We will see. Thanks for being their everyone!

mboski

220 lbs now

would like to be 125 again.

[sleeveorbust 11]

my husby is skinny (bmi 22) and loving and at first he was very apprehensive about me doing this... it is alot of money and we will be paying for this for a long time... but i told myself that if he was going to fight with me to the point where it was him or the surgery.. unfortunately i had made up my mind i was going to do it regardless!! BUT... a happy ending is in order because he started to research it on his own and together we applied for financing and he could not be more happy that i just might be that teenage girl who had so much spunk and life that he met 5 years ago! but thats not the point either.. i just want to be healthy and not let my shame over my body take me away from many life experiences that i want to do!

[Eureka-C 20]

I went to several seminars and dragged him back with me to the best one. He got all his doubts answered by someone who knows the answers and I didn't feel as if I had to be on the defensive.

[peatie 4]

I agree. The best way for him to get on board is to take him to a seminar so he can see for himself, speak w/the surgeons, ask all the questions he needs.

I was a nervous wreck when i told my husband because he had been away for a week while this all came about with me and my decision. I was afraid he wouldn't understand and would never leave me again for a week alone. haha

I just asked him to hear me out and listen with an open mind. It went much better than expected, and it's not to say he isn't still hesitant about it (for other reasons, not about the surgery itself or the reason).

Bombard him with all the info you have, have him lurk here so he can read the good AND bad. Once he's informed, hopefully he'll understand and be completely supportive.

Good Luck! It's a scary place and exciting time for you... i'm right here now too.