frankenstein

[Guest monster]

i am at a week with the band. the day after getting the surgery done I started second guessing my decision.

why did i get the band? did i really need it? why can't i do this by myself? will i ever feel normal again? why did i frankenstein myself?

i feel like a monster. like something less than human. i do not particularily like medicine, doctors, etc. i see alot of people's personal support habits as crutches, yet i was blind to food being one of mine - until i got introduced to the band.

i thought the band might help. give me that catalyst i needed to recognize what weight loss felt like. a boost of good measure, a routine of healthy eating and exercise, then remove the band, and be solid with my new lifestyle.

it was not an easy decision to undergo surgery, but i did. even though i have lost a good deal of weight in under a week, i am regreting this surgery. i was not extremely large to begin with, only really needed to lose 50-80 lbs to feel comfortable enough to play sports again. why couldnt i do that with other means?

i feel weak having to rely on a surgical implant.

has anyone else felt like this?

[Alexandra 55]

Hi Monster,

To answer your last question first, the answer is yes, I'm sure lots of people have felt like you feel. I had some thoughts like that in the weeks before my surgery. The very idea of a "foreign object" being implanted was absolutely creeping me out. I thought I was a weakling and a loser, and thought about backing out.

But then I changed the way I look at the band. I have a medical problem, and this is an implant to help me live with it. Much like a pacemaker, artificial hip, or fused vertebrae, my band is repairing something in me that did not work--my fullness meter.

Now it works! There's no shame in needing a medical device to better one's quality of life. Does anything think twice when someone says they needed a heart valve replaced? I do understand about feeling like you should be able to do this yourself, and if you think you can then perhaps you shouldn't have had WLS at all. But I know I couldn't, and presumably your doctors agreed that it was medically indicated for you as well.

I think your mood will pass as you heal and see how normal you really do feel. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.

[DeniseG 3]

That's a good way to think of the band alexandra (like a pacemaker)

I felt the same way, and struggle with the same feelings to this day. Especially when I go to a support group. (Which is ironic I guess) I don't see my weight in myself, as much as in others with the band, and I have a tendency to compare them to me. Especially if they are a lot heavier than me when I started. I'll say to myself "I totally understand why that person got a lapband, but I lost 70 pounds once before on my own.....did I really need the lapband?? couldn't I have done it on my own??" But, then reality sets in and I remember all the times I cried in my sleep about all the weight that I was gaining and instead of doing something, I would go get a huge pizza and chow down or, eat junk food. Obviously, the lap band has saved my life. I would be lieing if I said I only eat healthy food. I don't. But, the lapband only lets me eat 1 candy bar vs a bag of minitures.

You have only had the lapband for such a short time, and your body is still in recovery from the surgery. Make sure to visit this site for encouragement. I don't know if you know anyone personally that has had the band but, it helps to talk to someone about what you are going through. I am lucky in that my husband has had the surgery too.

good luck and just take it one day at a time

[Guest monster]

thank you for your replies.

I guess I was just feeling overwhelmed with the week's events.

I have been feeling very recluse since the surgery. I finally opened up to my wife about how I felt tonight, she has been banded for half a year now, and she understood what I was feeling...

hopefully as I get more comfortable with the choice I made I will post my progress here...

thanks again.