I feel like being thin will solve ALL of life's problems.. Which just isn't the case.

[Pinkbetty25 1]

Hi all,

So, I am wondering if anyone out there feels like I do... As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be thinner. When I weighed 140, I'd obsess that I needed to be 120.... Someone actually called me out on this yesterday: I feel like once I am thin, all of my problems will go away. If someone is rude to me, etc, I can tell them off (now I just say nothing and pray they don't comment at me. LA is a rude town in general). I'm getting out of a HORRIBLE relationship, and feel I'll now find that prince charming since I'll be attractive. Or get the job I REALLY want... I feel like once I'm thin, rainbows and unicorns will fall from the sky and dance around me. Figuratively speaking, of course. BUT, in reality, I'll STILL be me... Life will still have its difficult moments, etc. I just hope I'm not setting myself up for some HUGE disappointment since my expectations are out of whack. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I hope this makes sense?

[coops 1,790]

Pinkbetty,

I completely understand where you are coming from as I feel very similar!!

What I seem to forget, is that people do not really see me as 'fat' ... what they see is this woman who is funny, confident and out-going... who loves her job and is good at it... who is a great mam and a lucky wife... Basically, our self image is really different to what others see ... x

[Pinkbetty25 1]

SO true, Coops. You are right. Just have to remember the cores of ourselves, I guess. Very true.

[thinoneday 445]

Hi all,

So, I am wondering if anyone out there feels like I do... As long as I can remember, I've always wanted to be thinner. When I weighed 140, I'd obsess that I needed to be 120.... Someone actually called me out on this yesterday: I feel like once I am thin, all of my problems will go away. If someone is rude to me, etc, I can tell them off (now I just say nothing and pray they don't comment at me. LA is a rude town in general). I'm getting out of a HORRIBLE relationship, and feel I'll now find that prince charming since I'll be attractive. Or get the job I REALLY want... I feel like once I'm thin, rainbows and unicorns will fall from the sky and dance around me. Figuratively speaking, of course. BUT, in reality, I'll STILL be me... Life will still have its difficult moments, etc. I just hope I'm not setting myself up for some HUGE disappointment since my expectations are out of whack. Does anyone else ever feel like this? I hope this makes sense?

Bless your heart! How i feel your pain. . . but also realistically you do know that your problems won't go away. . . but you can handle them differently to make them feel like they went away. . all my life i too wanted to be thinner cause i felt it would make everything better. . . but i came to learn (as a thinner person now) that your body size doesn't control lifes challenges. . it is how YOU handle these challenges that matter. . . your prince charming is out there for you sweetheart, and those unicorns and rainbows will be there if you want them to be. . . I'm so sorry your relationship didn't work, but am glad you knew to get out of it. . . no, having the WLS will definately not set you up for a huge disappointment, your going to do that for YOU not for anyone else. . . you have to relearn your eating patterns and adjust to them. . it's a bit of work, but you can do it. . . you have a strong mind and are strong enough to do this and accomplish all you want. . . Good Luck my friend, your going to do fantastic!:thumbup:

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

While I don't necessarily feel that reaching my goal weight will solve all of my problems - and thankfully, my life is free of any major problems right now! - I often wonder about that "what now" moment. You know, once you hit that goal weight and you start to maintain - there's no more positive feedback from the scale or fitting into smaller and smaller clothes. So you have to learn to deal with the fact that this positive reinforcement is gone and you have to look for it in other things. I think that could be tough for me - just kind of settling into life as a slim person and growing to take it for granted.

[DougNichols 124]

This makes sense. I really haven't pursued many relationships since I've been obese, and I do distinctly remember how bad some of them were when I was thin. I guess it's par for the course.

[LAN2k 18]

While I don't necessarily feel that reaching my goal weight will solve all of my problems - and thankfully, my life is free of any major problems right now! - I often wonder about that "what now" moment. You know, once you hit that goal weight and you start to maintain - there's no more positive feedback from the scale or fitting into smaller and smaller clothes. So you have to learn to deal with the fact that this positive reinforcement is gone and you have to look for it in other things. I think that could be tough for me - just kind of settling into life as a slim person and growing to take it for granted.

I'm at goal, (I could lose a few more lbs. but I'm a light weight now. I'm able to sit and stand and squat without knee pain. I'm able to walk about with a light step and at a faster pace. I can move easier, lift things heavier etc. I am still me however. I don't feel liberated when it comes to many emotional issues which I'd thought getting out from under all that physical weight would produce. Now that the physical burden of excess weight is gone, I'm peaking inside of myself to identify what's in me and how to reconstruct what has been stifled. So a little at a time, issue by issue...without the excess food and layers of fat to buffer me, I observe myself. I see I still exhibit avoidance behaviors...but I am learning new ways to live and utilize time. Human beings are complex, and so is life.

[Pinkbetty25 1]

Thank you all SOOO much. This board is great, and you've all been wonderful. Thinoneday- you are adorable! You made my whole day. I totally smiled when I read your reply. All of everyone's input has been super helpful. And I totally feel you on the "now what" blackberry.

My best friend is probably about 100 pounds, she passed the CA Bar, is an attorney, she drives her red audi that she always wanted, married the guy she'd always wanted... She looks like Barbie... And she has "now what" moments every day because she has accomplished everything. So, yeah, it is kind of a mind trip. I hope you're all having a fabulous week. :thumbup1:

[Deets 0]

i want the unicorns too nothing wrong in dreaming (as long as there is a side dish of reality )

[Dave_NW 92]

It's easy to blame our problems on being overweight. A lot of folks feel that people (or even life itself) treats them differently because of the excess weight. It's actually pretty easy to do that.

But I think after you're thin, when problems do come up, you'll be in a better place to deal with them. I say that because the overshadowing "If only I wasn't fat!" mental argument will be gone. You won't be forced to deal with the problem from beneath that perspective. Problems will certainly come up, but you'll be in a much better mental and emotional place.

I think just knowing where you've been in your journey will automatically make you feel better, and give you a better skill set. And that means when the unicorns do show up, you'll be better equipped to chase them down.

Dave

[settebee 11]

Pink Betty

I understand what you are saying. I'm expecting red carpet treatment, but I people will treat you different. 20/20 did a special on how Obese Americans are treated verses a thinner woman. In one scene they dressed the thinner woman in a "fat suit" and put her on the streets of NY. When she tried getting a taxi, no one stopped, called her names, people bumped into her and knocked her down and no one stopped to help. Everyone pointed, stared and giggled. When she took the fat suit off, everything was the opposite! So sickening! Even in the work place, the thinner women get the promotions and recognized. I've seen it so much! But it just my 2 cents. You guys have a good night. :001_unsure:

[thinoneday 445]

Life for me is the same. . I think it's because i'm tall or have a interesting state of mind. . as a fat person i was respected (or maybe i just thought that cause i didn't care) and as a thin person i'm still respected. . .the only one thing i notice that is different is that men act stupid around me now that i'm thinner. . . but of course I ignore them just like they ignored me when i was fat. . .

[TwoStepsBack 15]

Hey Betty :001_smile:

This is a big one for me too, and something I thought about long and hard before surgery.

I also came out of a very difficult relationship (with an addict in my case) about 18 months before I started looking into this surgery. I had been going to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help with codependancy and negative thinking issues. My depression eventually lifted and all of a sudden I had nothing to worry about anymore! Then the trouble started...

Rather than being able to enjoy having no worries, I found that all my weight issues which I hadn't had the time or energy to address re-surfaced and gave me big "HI! REMEMBER MEE???!" slap around the face...:scared0:

After much soul searching I decided that the only way I was going to conquer this demon of mine was to remove it from the equation completely, and had my sleeve gastrectomy 12 days ago.

I feel great, I no longer want to eat everything in sight, and no longer spend all day beating myself up about what I HAVE eaten.

I honestly believe that having this surgery, and freeing up some of the emotional energy I was wasting on food will allow me more strength to deal with any other problems which may come my way.

Sorry for the long post, I was in a reflective mood! I got to my point eventually! Hahaha. :svengo:

[Pinkbetty25 1]

You are all so DEAD ON! I love this board! Like someone else had said, you guys are all worth your pre-surgery weight in gold!

(I did hear about that 20/20 by the way. It's sad, but true.)