Dear abby......

K@t · June 9, 2006

Ok so I'm an avid Dear Abby fan, and just about any other advice column I can get my hands on. I love reading them and reading the responses and seeing if I agree or not.

So this thread will probably be dead in the Water, but I thought it would be fun if any one would like to participate. I'd like to do my own version of Dear Abby here on the forum. If any one has a problem as far as relationships, etiquette questions or any thing you would just like an opinion about, PM me and I'll post a thread with a response. (no names need to be used)

Even if you don't participate it would be a fun thread to read if I could get some people to write me.....

Maybe I'm just being silly but if any one wants to give it a shot pm me!

K@t · June 9, 2006

Dear K@t,

A year ago I met this wonderful man on eharmony.com and we began to date. After about six months I started to wonder about our future and asked him how he feels. To my surprise he said he thinks we are too different and have different goals.

He is fairly wealthy and could easily afford to have a family, while I'm a single mom and make very little money. He says he wants to have a wife to work and make good money so he isn't on his own in supporting a family. He also said he doesn't want to sacrifice the financial comfort he has so far.

After hearing all of this I told him that I can't magically change for him and I couldn't make the changes without commitment.

The problem is, he wants me to make big changes like taking out student loans to go back to school full time before he can commit to this relationship. I don't want to change my life around for him if he isn't committed.

We have been dating on and off for the past six months and we are very good to each other, this is the only real problem in this relationship.

Am I silly to be with a man who wont accept me for what I really am? A low income single mom that really loves him.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

There are many warning signs here. The fact that he doesn't accept you as you are, is the biggest. Don't let him lure you into taking out loans and into changing your entire life with little or no commitment offered. Love is about sacrifice, if he isn't willing to sacrifice his level of financial comfort for you, why would he ask you to sacrifice your already delicate financial situation by taking out loans?

It sounds to me that he is looking for an "out" of the relationship by coming up with impossible hurdles for you to jump and by making comments such as you are too "different". It doesn't sound like he is committed to the relationship and you deserve better! Cut your losses and run, there is some one out there for you who likes you for you and not for what you can give him. You and your children deserve better.

shackdog · June 9, 2006

Dear Kat:

I think that advise is good if the person giving it has the right knowledge and imput and all the facts. The wrong advise given can and does goes damage that at times can not be undone.

In this response that you gave, it has good things and bad things. What if the male side of the relationship just wants to see if his other to be half would help in the financial side of things and if the loans are the way to get a better education then this may be a good thing. I dont know, as I said I dont have all the facts either.

One thing that has always amazed me is that just like all the shows on tv, all the talk hosts seem to have all the answers. I think not,,,,,,,,,,,

Carlene · June 9, 2006

Dear Anonymous...

Nobody asked for my opinion, but here it is anyway....this guy just isn't that into you. My advice is to move on.

PS...my advice is free, and worth every cent.

Elisabethsew · June 9, 2006

I would dump this guy STAT. He seems to have a laundry list of demands that must be met before he will even CONSIDER taking the relationship to the next level. He does not want to jeopardize his own financial situation yet he has no problem suggesting a single Mom take out student loans, etc. RUN!!!

K@t · June 9, 2006

Dear Kat:
I think that advise is good if the person giving it has the right knowledge and imput and all the facts. The wrong advise given can and does goes damage that at times can not be undone.

In this response that you gave, it has good things and bad things. What if the male side of the relationship just wants to see if his other to be half would help in the financial side of things and if the loans are the way to get a better education then this may be a good thing. I dont know, as I said I dont have all the facts either.

One thing that has always amazed me is that just like all the shows on tv, all the talk hosts seem to have all the answers. I think not,,,,,,,,,,,

This was for fun. And all those who participate do so with full knowledge of who is answering the question, they are under no illusion that I'm some professional, and they can do what they want with the advice that is given.

wavydaby · June 9, 2006

I agree. People know in their heart what they want to hear and what they fear hearing... sometimes its a wake up call... some times its what they need.

Mostly people can figure out that 2 paragraphs of a situation does not count as a therapy session. :cool:

Oh by the way

Dear AbbyKat sounds good.