Update on Surgery against my Will

[educationrulz 18]

Again I'm sorry I have posted here. I feel that because I am anti-sleeve and had a bad experience this isn't the place for me. I won't pollute you forum with anymore requests for support because the Lord knows I'm one in a million with this.

Best of luck to the rest of you.

Please tell us EXACTLY what kind of support you want since what's been said so far isn't adequate. Then, maybe only those people willing to provide that type of support will respond. Ultimately, we are here to support each other as best we can.

Edited September 12, 2010 by educationrulz
finished

[Jolanda 23]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I hope you'll get the help you need in every way.

[deletedsally 8]

Hi Carrie,

I'm sure that I don't have "all the pieces" that would help me understand your situation. One thing is clear, you are angry. My experience as a counselor is that anger is a secondary emotion. The emotion that usually comes first is one that leaves us feeling diminished in some way...hurt, unloved, devalued, powerless, etc...

It does sound as though you tried to assert yourself in the final moments before surgery, and you feel that the anesthesiologist ignored your true wishes and used medication to render you powerless to object. I agree that this should be brought to his attention and that some type of action should be taken to ensure that he is more careful in the future.

However, my bigger concern is that this may help someone else, but it's not likely to help you very much. Here's what I mean: Several people have suggested that you need to deal with your anger toward your husband. I tend to see it a little differently. As a woman who used to be married to a self-absorbed, controlling husband, I had to face the painful truth: I was married to a man who could not be trusted to pay attention to other people's interests. He could not be trusted to be kind and thoughtful. He could not be trusted to be supportive. If we define love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Scott Peck), my husband didn't even understand the meaning of the word.

I know our situations are different, but from your posts, it sounds as though you are experiencing some similar dynamics with your husband. I was hurt and angry for years, and I let it eat me alive. When I started to feel better was when I started exploring the reasons that I was choosing to give this person power in my life.

Your power to chose to say no to surgery may have been snatched from you by the anesthesiologist at the last minute...but as best I can tell, you had many opportunities to say no to this surgery before you were given the Versed...and it sounds like you are saying that you moved forward with a surgery you didn't really want to please your husband. You don't owe any of us an answer or an explanation...but you deserve an explanation that will allow you to change so that you don't continue to give up your right to make decisions that you feel good about. Most women have a hard time learning to take care of themselves...we are trained to take care of everyone else first.

I wish you only the best and I hope you will feel free to PM any of us if we can help and if you would rather not have your questions/comments open to feedback from the community as a whole.

Edited September 14, 2010 by katt

[thinoneday 445]

Just another doom sayer y'all. .another lets beat down the sleeve person. . best of luck to you Carrie! Cheers to all of you! (clapping) I love my WLS!!!! I've had nothing but luck with this sleeve thingy! Losing weight and getting happier and happier by the moments!

Edited September 14, 2010 by thinoneday

[SouthernSleever 228]

Hi Carrie,

I'm sure that I don't have "all the pieces" that would help me understand your situation. One thing is clear, you are angry. My experience as a counselor is that anger is a secondary emotion. The emotion that usually comes first is one that leaves us feeling diminished in some way...hurt, unloved, devalued, powerless, etc...

It does sound as though you tried to assert yourself in the final moments before surgery, and you feel that the anesthesiologist ignored your true wishes and used medication to render you powerless to object. I agree that this should be brought to his attention and that some type of action should be taken to ensure that he is more careful in the future.

However, my bigger concern is that this may help someone else, but it's not likely to help you very much. Here's what I mean: Several people have suggested that you need to deal with your anger toward your husband. I tend to see it a little differently. As a woman who used to be married to a self-absorbed, controlling husband, I had to face the painful truth: I was married to a man who could not be trusted to pay attention to other people's interests. He could not be trusted to be kind and thoughtful. He could not be trusted to be supportive. If we define love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth" (Scott Peck), my husband didn't even understand the meaning of the word.

I know our situations are different, but from your posts, it sounds as though you are experiencing some similar dynamics with your husband. I was hurt and angry for years, and I let it eat me alive. When I started to feel better was when I started exploring the reasons that I was choosing to give this person power in my life.

Your power to chose to say no to surgery may have been snatched from you by the anesthesiologist at the last minute...but as best I can tell, you had many opportunities to say no to this surgery before you were given the Versed...and it sounds like you are saying that you moved forward with a surgery you didn't really want to please your husband. You don't owe any of us an answer or an explanation...but you deserve an explanation that will allow you to change so that you don't continue to give up your right to make decisions that you feel good about. Most women have a hard time learning to take care of themselves...we are trained to take care of everyone else first.

I wish you only the best and I hope you will feel free to PM any of us if we can help and if you would rather not have your questions/comments open to feedback from the community as a whole.

Very Nice post here!

[determined1 3]

suck it up!! You made a decision, you signed the papers. It's nobody's fault but yours! Grow up... Your husband did not drag you down to the hospital, and nobody held you down while they prepared you for surgery. Jeesh...enough already. Get some help to deal with your "other" issues.

took the words right out of my mouth!! Especially the grow up part and enough already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

I agree with dbrjredd, why do you continue to say you're upset and not happy with the support (or lack there of) on the forum, then keep comming back to see what people have said, and then feeling the need to respond (again) that you don't feel that this is the place for you....?

I'm sorry if I was harsh, but I'm just trying to jolt you into reality...

You seem to be experiencing other "issues" and I stress to you, to seek help, professionally, and not use this forum as a measurement to guage "how" you SHOULD be feeling about your situation. There are lot's of qualified people who can help you deal with your feelings of anger, resentment ect because of your perceived forced situation. Once you work through those issues, you'll feel better, and will be more equipped to focus on accepting YOUR decision and movie on with life. If anything, do it for your child...

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I wish everyone would just stop posting on this thread. That is just my opinion.

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

Why oregondaisy?

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

She has made it clear that she is not happy with the sleeve, and is not asking for support. There are many posters who need and ask for our support. I think this thread just needs to go away and die and let her deal with this in whatever way she wants to.