Something I never thought I'd have to cope with...

[WildIris 4]

This is probably sort of a weird thing to be worried about, but I've noticed recently that guys have started flirting with me, enough that as oblivious as I've always been, even I notice it. Frankly, I don't know how to deal with it. I'd always thought that simply wearing a wedding band would act as a sort of STOP sign.

Part of the time, it's kind of flattering. I mean, it's nice to have it confirmed that I am starting to look pretty enough to have people notice my appearance. I never thought I was anything but average appearance, so it's nice to find out that people think otherwise.

But in other ways, it makes me really, really angry, makes me think, "Why wasn't I good enough BEFORE the surgery?" And it makes me doubt myself, too, like, "Am I somehow giving off vibes that are inviting these strangers to flirt with me?"

I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. And this is not something I can exactly talk to my husband about and get real empathy. He can't say, "I understand." He's male (duh), and he's never been overweight.

[Lori21769 14]

We are most attractive to others, when we find ourselves attractive. What we feel about ourselves we project. Enjoy the flirting.

[Tiffykins 673]

I agree with Lori 100%. I never had a problem dating or getting attention from men when I was single and fat, and it really hasn't changed the amount of flirting that goes on day in and day out for me at 125lbs.

My husband notices it more than I do, and he was obviously completely oblivious to men flirting with me when I was fat. He's a bit more protective, and bit more frustrated when I get all the attention. But, he's learning to just deal with it. He knows I'm not going anywhere. I've actually found that when I wear my wedding band, I get more attention from men. It's like a magnet. My husband said "it's because they know if you were to go home with them, you'd leave them in the morning and go back to your husband." It's a sick and twisted mindset, but it's true. Plus, it's a challenge for a man to land a married chick.

[thinoneday 445]

This is probably sort of a weird thing to be worried about, but I've noticed recently that guys have started flirting with me, enough that as oblivious as I've always been, even I notice it. Frankly, I don't know how to deal with it. I'd always thought that simply wearing a wedding band would act as a sort of STOP sign.

Part of the time, it's kind of flattering. I mean, it's nice to have it confirmed that I am starting to look pretty enough to have people notice my appearance. I never thought I was anything but average appearance, so it's nice to find out that people think otherwise.

But in other ways, it makes me really, really angry, makes me think, "Why wasn't I good enough BEFORE the surgery?" And it makes me doubt myself, too, like, "Am I somehow giving off vibes that are inviting these strangers to flirt with me?"

I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. And this is not something I can exactly talk to my husband about and get real empathy. He can't say, "I understand." He's male (duh), and he's never been overweight.

I am the exact way. . I've noticed that men are so stupid over thinner women. . it really ticks me off. . and just like your thoughts i too think "was I not good enough before surgery" but now I've noticed that I've become what they like to call us "A B---ch" I flip my nose to them, don't smile when they do, and get really sarcastic if they compliment me. . for example one asked me if I'm married, my response was "aren't you? Aren't most of you?" and walk off. . . I feel that now it's my turn to snob them just like how they snobbed me. . . eye for an eye. . .

[DougNichols 124]

I've noticed that men are so stupid over thinner women. . it really ticks me off

Woah now, at least you have good subset of guys that like bigger women. Us fat guys are totally ignored. Looking over the family pics on this site (and others), I see bigger women with mostly non-obese husbands and boyfriends.

The fat men are rare to find. :scared0:

I've had women TURN AND RUN FROM ME in a club when I approached. So don't think the "thin preference" is one-sided. It ain't. :thumbup:

[Lori21769 14]

thinoneday- you sound really bitter. I'm sorry you feel that way, because it really will hold you back personally and waste your time.

I have posted before, I am not attracted to obese men, or short men, or men with bad teeth... it is all about what you are attracted to. You cannot fault a man for having preferences. Chemistry can't be manufactured- you are either attracted to a type, or you aren't.

[Keys Pirate 70]

thinoneday you gotta let that hostility go darlin'. WildIris too, don't let it eat you up, it's just the way the world is. We don't have to accept it but certainly don't let narrow minded jerks get the better of you. There are PLENTY of men out there that either don't mind our heft or prefer it. I've been married to both and what a difference. And, oppositely, there are plenty that won't have anything but an ethiopian build hanging off of them. Just the way it is like we prefer tall over short men or vice versa. Doug is right too, fat men get plenty of predjudice aimed at them as well but it's true, men with a little extra weight can get away with a lot more than women can. Just the way it is.

I've had the same kind of thoughts with my new bod and the attention I get now but... I also think that some of that attention might stem from my constant, glowing, happy smile that I never used to wear because I was mad at the world for my being fat or that I no longer am afraid to make dead on eye contact with anyone any more because I'm no longer worried that the first thing to their mind will be "fat" and then, if I'm not instantly dismissed, maybe see the deeper layers of me. I think happiness is an incredible attractant and, hopefully, that is what you are exuding more than simply being thinner.

C

[Donna4545 13]

Fat or thin, I've never had a problem attracting men. IMHO they are just doing what they are trained to do--they're throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Wedding band? They don't care if you don't--they're just trying to figure it out--or you're "safe" to flirt with because there's no future. I wouldn't be bugged or bitter about it. Just flirt back, with boundaries. Enjoy it.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Well I've barely begun my sleeved weight loss so I'm still huge and I'm here to tell you, it is ALL about attitude. There are LOTS of men out there who revel in lush soft curvacious women. Those who weren't attracted to me, why would I care what a person who isn't attracted to me thinks? The most recent guy had pursued me heavily and when I finally asked him why, he said I was really pretty and had a certain something and he just couldn't take his eyes off me. I don't think it could have been any more pleasurable hearing that sentence if I had been skinny!

[I Can and I Will 29]

Obesity is another area of diversity and discrimination as well folks:tongue_smilie: It's obvious for some when it comes to relationships...pay attention to professional relationships as well.

It may be me; however, I'm still the same professional fat or thin and I've noticed differences in how people approach me and include me in work related decisions.

End result, people are people and we all have biases...it's funny how I have to be careful about not becoming "frustrated" with people who make fat jokes or disrespectful comments...what do they know, they've never walked in my shoes yet, I've never walked in theirs either.

Enjoy the change and don't over think it:blushing: Let people notice the person you are both inside and out...don't be mad or upset about the past, you are moving forward so don't let our old "stinkin thinkin' and hurt feelings" take us back when we've worked so hard to move forward. I'm still in discovery mode and hope to be until I die...makes the ride a beautiful thing you know:biggrin0:

[NtvTxn 1,262]

Everyone has their preferences....I don't like thin men. I like a little meat on their bones. Not fat, but not thin. That's just me.

[firedawg 1]

Woah now, at least you have good subset of guys that like bigger women. Us fat guys are totally ignored. Looking over the family pics on this site (and others), I see bigger women with mostly non-obese husbands and boyfriends.

The fat men are rare to find. :scared0:

I've had women TURN AND RUN FROM ME in a club when I approached. So don't think the "thin preference" is one-sided. It ain't. :thumbup:

i agree 100 %...