Coming out about WLS

[Lisalu 89]

Hi Everybody,

I'm out (gaywise) with my colleagues at work but not in all places. For example, I'm not out with my adult students. Many are from other countries and I just don't want my sexuality to be the issue. I want them to be focused on the subject matter I am teaching. This caused a lot of friction with my ex-wife. She was out to everyone everywhere all the time and wanted me to acknowledge her as my partner to everyone in all circumstances.

Another problem with being out with people I don't know well is that I identify as bisexual not lesbian. Some straight people think I'll @#$% anything that moves. Many lesbians view me with suspicion because they think I will leave them for a man. I think a lot of people think in pretty rigid categories, so when someone has Fluid sexuality like mine, it just doesn't make sense to them.

But I am getting off topic. I'm here to talk about coming out about WLS. Do we come out to everyone to reduce stigma and educate or do we keep quiet and protect ourselves? I guess I have some guilt about not being completely out with my sexuality. I know why I haven't been but I do agree with Harvey Milk that if we all were out all the time, homophobia would disappear pretty fast. It's just that I haven't been willing to personally pay the price to lead the way. After all, look what happened to Harvey. So now I'm dealing with the issue again with WLS. I feel the most socially responsible thing I could do is to be a champion of WLS, talking about my experience to everyone I can. Part of me, though, just doesn't want to deal with people's ignorant judgements.

What do you all think? What have you decided for yourselves? I'd love to hear your feedback.

[MlkPas 5]

I take it on a case-by-case basis. I haven't told most of the people I work with, because it's private medical information and it hasn't come up. Also, I have a fairly high-profile job and I don't want people gossiping about my health and my weight. I have told all my close friends and they have been almost entirely supportive. I have had a few people ask me point-blank "what have you done to lose that weight," and I've told a couple of them about the surgery and been vague with a couple of them.

I guess my line in the sand is I don't volunteer the information willy-nilly, but I won't lie about it. If somebody asks what I was doing and I didn't want to tell about the surgery, I say "I'm exercising more and eating less," which is true. If somebody came right out and asked if I'd had WLS (which is honestly unlikely because I started out as a lightweight) and I didn't want to tell them for whatever reason, I'd smile and say "that's a very personal question and I decline to answer."

[SouthernSleever 228]

Hi everyone. I hope you don't mind me posting here as I'm not glbt but I'm having this same issue. I've told my Mom and Dad, husband, an aunt and uncle and a bestfriend. I don't know if I want to tell anyone else however I think once I get my surgery and start dropping weight people will assume I had a surgery especially when it drops off so quickly. I don't want to lie to people and I don't want people to think I'm sick or dying but at the same time I don't want to deal with the stuipd things people say or people watching every bite I put in my mouth.

[thinoneday 445]

Hi Everybody,

I'm out (gaywise) with my colleagues at work but not in all places. For example, I'm not out with my adult students. Many are from other countries and I just don't want my sexuality to be the issue. I want them to be focused on the subject matter I am teaching. This caused a lot of friction with my ex-wife. She was out to everyone everywhere all the time and wanted me to acknowledge her as my partner to everyone in all circumstances.

Another problem with being out with people I don't know well is that I identify as bisexual not lesbian. Some straight people think I'll @#$% anything that moves. Many lesbians view me with suspicion because they think I will leave them for a man. I think a lot of people think in pretty rigid categories, so when someone has Fluid sexuality like mine, it just doesn't make sense to them.

But I am getting off topic. I'm here to talk about coming out about WLS. Do we come out to everyone to reduce stigma and educate or do we keep quiet and protect ourselves? I guess I have some guilt about not being completely out with my sexuality. I know why I haven't been but I do agree with Harvey Milk that if we all were out all the time, homophobia would disappear pretty fast. It's just that I haven't been willing to personally pay the price to lead the way. After all, look what happened to Harvey. So now I'm dealing with the issue again with WLS. I feel the most socially responsible thing I could do is to be a champion of WLS, talking about my experience to everyone I can. Part of me, though, just doesn't want to deal with people's ignorant judgements.

What do you all think? What have you decided for yourselves? I'd love to hear your feedback.

I tell anyone who wants to listen! hehe. . . I think its important to let people know that there is another way to lose the weight, and it's successful. . .I let them know that i do have to work hard at it, that this is just a tool, just like a hammer, you have to be the one to use the hammer in order to get the nail where it should be, the hammer just makes it easier to drive the nail. . with this tool, i do have to exercise and watch what i eat in order to get to my goal, the sleeve just makes it easier to get to my goal. . maybe i can help someone else with their weight struggle by telling my story. . but that is just my thinking. . .

as far as your opening sentences. . .thank you for sharing and it's too bad that people think how they do when it comes to those who live alternative lifestyles and love differently. . . the end results still remains you did love and that is all that matters!

Edited September 5, 2010 by thinoneday

[Donna4545 13]

I think that sometimes we choose the WLS closet (and the LBGT closet) to protect ourselves, and we do it for a good reason. We simply don't have the emotional energy to deal with other people's ignorance. And at work, if they act towards us based on that ignorance, we might miss opportunities or otherwise suffer from office gossip, from the perception that we are weak, and therefore less than competent--not a good way to be thought of at work.

Some people DO have the emotional energy to be WLS advocates in their workplace and personal/community lives. That's great! But I am not one of those people. And if I am not comfortable with it, I'm going to be miserable faking the enthusiasm and energy I don't really have.

So let the born activists do their thing; for the rest of us there is no shame in the WLS closet--it's just another survival strategy.