Ooooohhhh: Signin' my [fat] life away!

[vanishingvixen 40]

*editiors note: if you are easily offendable - pls pass on this post. Comedy is my coping tool of choice. Be ye advise)

Welp, Tuesday was the last of a slew of pre-op tests. :w00t: *giggety* Abdom sono, pulmonary function, xrays, and the dreaded Barium Swallow. Actually, the drink itself wasn?t so bad. But, the rolling around on the table like a beached whale (which is EXACTLY how I felt - so I hope no one is offended with that description)? Sooo not what?s hot in the streets?

I thought I was doing somethin when I wore some of my "sexy" big gurl pannies. The sheer, ruffly, extra girly kind. At least I would ?feel? cute underneath that heinous blue, ill-fitting hospital smock. But Nooooooooo. Who do they send as my radiologist? The phinest man they could find. :mad0:

As if that wasn?t bad enough?I had to flop all around on the table, with my lady-bits flopping & flying, & boobs being rolled over on. Struggling w/myself to assume the positions & trying to look as graceful as possible. EPIC. FAIL.:cursing: All the sexy pannies in the world couldn?t erase the tomfoolery goin on w/me wrestling that table. There were moments when I?m quite sure that I was totally exposed from the boobs down. Poor lab techs. They?ll get over their ordeal w/me ? eventually?

Surely I?m not the first fatty-girl to grace their presence. *shrug*

After that, I had to meet w/the surgery nurse to sign all the paper work and hospital consent forms. *sigh* How depressing. Reading (more) of the "what if?s", answering questions about my living situation/family, being asked what size shoe I wore (which was strange ? but apparently necessary to guage the size of whatever blod-clot prevention gear during surgery....who knew?) and then?BAM: ?Do you have a living will or power of attorney for emergency medical situations or end-of-life planning?? :001_huh:*record scratch* I felt like jumping across the desk saying ?WTH do I need THAT for?! I fully intend to wake up from this NOT DEAD? . I guess I did sign my life away, to a certain extent...

But that?s the reality of this thing, huh? It is a major surgery w/potential complications? (easy-way-out my @$$!)

I?ll tell you what, though?I?m glad to be getting this weight up off me sooner, rather than later. That lil' episode with me & the table helped fuel my fire even more. I?m SICK & TIRED of being Sick & tired?and I?m SICK of (and probably from) being?FAT.

There, I said it: I don?t wanna be fat any more.

Stay tuned?

[shrinkinggrl 0]

You are a laugh riot! I can totally commiserate with most of what you said! Here's to us on the downsizing!

[settebee 11]

Yay! I go next week to sign my "fat away"! I love your sense of humor. That's how I felt when I got my upper GI in June. One second I was standing, then two seconds later on my back flopping like a fish out of Water, but I'm sure it's all worth it! When is your surgery date? Good luck to you!!

[*susan* 1,709]

Welcome to the site and thank you for sharing with us. It was entertaining, and I can totally relate to everything you wrote!

[Papillon 7]

HAhah I feel your pain!! I was very embarrassed at the Upper GI ho-down haha. Luckily I was able to wear scrubs but they had this very small step thing that i had to stand on and I was thinking.. "Seriously, have you seen what I am packing in my caboose area?" ROFL... the worst part was drinking that stuff. After fasting all morning I ended up telling the guy.. "If you want to do this test we better do it now... if you make me drink anymore it will end up in that trash can" hahah Luckily the process went along smoothly, I brought a book so I was able to read while waiting for things to move along haha.

[BlaqBeary 23]

Gyrlllllllll!!!!!! Cracking up ova here. We can't cry no more. Laughter and happy tears is what we're all about now. Best wishes to you.

[FitatFifty 11]

HA HA HA! Not offended in the slightest. I can relate to the shock of seeing just what might go wrong...did the signing today, and it was a little unnerving. Your thread was great comic relief.

Fit

[tamboo 0]

funny.....I would totally feel the same. I had my first boobiegram last week and was enough uncomfortable when she picked up my boob and my fat stomach to move them. Never gain will someone have to pick up by stomach. I swear!

[Wedding Planner 0]

LOLOL, I went through the same thing...here drink this thick stuff and now the fizzy stuff, but don't burp, that's a joke. Now lay on this table that's 3 feet wide and do 2 barrel rolls, I got half way around, hit my head on the machine, and told her "fat girls don't do barrel rolls!! LOL

Anyway I signed the paper work yesterday and will have surgery on Wednesday... holy crap!

[*susan* 1,709]

It is so great reading all these stories and seeing that we have all basically gone through the same thing to get to where we are. It is so worth it in the end though!

[Jane_J 117]

Hey VV, LOL, I really understood your post, I remember going for massages, to combat the sheer achyness of being so overweight, and struggling to get on the table, turn over on the table and all the while wondering if it might buckle!

I did a living will before my surgery just to be on the safe side, and I kind of felt that not doing one would tempt fate. Operations tend to bring out the superstitious side of me.

Jane x

[Donna T 0]

LMAO I also signed away my fat forever yesterday- did all the preop paperwork and am ready to rock and roll on Tuesday! Woohooo let the fun begin!