15 Weeks & Halfway to Goal

[CraftyChristie 62]

Hey everybody. So I am 15 weeks post op as of yesterday. Got on the scale this morning for my weekly weigh-in and I weighed in at 234.8 .... well 235 is my halfway to goal mark!!

So now I am down 75 lbs of the 150 lbs I am planning to lose. It feels WONDERFUL. I happened to get my hair cut and colored yesterday as well, and took a photo of it after, which is now pretty much my favorite picture of myself... and a great way to Celebrate being half way to goal

I already made it my avatar on here... lol. What can I say, I am diggin' it.

I am feeling so blessed and grateful that I made it here, because a week ago I wasn't doing so well. Basically when I hit 237 which was my lowest weight ever as an adult.... although I felt happy, I also felt scared. Since I am not someone who has ever been thin as an adult, ever!! It is a big unknown for me. Of course I WANT IT... but I guess I'm also afraid. I know THIS person... the weight I am now. I don't know THAT person.... the one I am becoming.

I found myself eating some junk food over the weekend and a couple days into this week. I ate a whole bag of Squiggles (Cookies... sorry BISCUITS... from New Zealand) which I guess is 12 cookies... over the course of 3-4 days. I can say I didn't stuff myself or overfill my tummy... but I know I was eating these because I was attempting self sabotage. I was attempting to prove to myself that I would NOT lose more, that I WOULD get stuck here again like I always do, and start gaining weight back. That I will never be thin and healthy and normal. That I am still controlled by food (even though I really am not anymore, for the most part). I think I was trying to prove all of this to myself because THAT is the ME that I KNOW.

I realized talking to my dear friend April from the boards here (while we were at the gym earlier this week)... that I am carrying some guilt also. Guilt that i had surgery, and that many people in my life who struggle with weight may be feeling jealous even though they do fully support me. I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I don't want to make anyone else feel that they failed and I succeeded, especially because I have this amazing tool to help me, and I was NOT able to do it without this tool. Then there is also the fear that my friends or loved ones are thinking that. "You were only able to get this far cuz you had surgery." Which I guess is true, but it sounds more negative the way I am thinking it. There is also the fear that I will lost my friends.... especially my best friend of 15 years who has always struggled with weight but I have ALWAYS been the bigger one of the two of us, and I will be passing her up soon and be smaller than her. Same with my sister in law, I'm a size away from being smaller than her. I am so worried that when they realize I'm smaller than them, they will not feel good about being around me and they won't want to be. I am comfortable being the bigger one... I don't know how to be the smaller one.

April helped me to realize I need to let go of the guilt and stop worrying about what anyone else is thinking. That if I am going to reach my goals, it will take hard work, and I am earning it, and putting in the time for ME, and that it is not selfish to do so.

Thanks for listening.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Wow. I won't cry because I'm at work but Christie, you said it all sister! I am so impressed that you are halfway to goal at only 15 weeks, gosh I want that to be me! Every worry, every action you mentioned, you were voicing my worries, my actions. You are so lucky to have an April in your life! I hope to connect in person with fellow sleevers when I return to the States.

[greeneyes 0]

Christie you look amazing. I love the hair cut! I find myself nibbling on bad carbs here and there. I dont think there is anything wrong with treating yourself. I believe its about Portion Control and with surgery we deff can handle that lol. I have been feeling guilty about surgery tho. I feel discouraged that I needed surgery to buckle down and eat right, smaller portions and finally working out. I have had a few negative comments from friends about my surgery but I try not to let there opinions get the best of me. But you are doing great and again you look so good!!!

[Brian66 85]

Congratulations, Christie! You look awesome!

I can so identify with your thoughts about guilt. My brother is 4 years older than I am and needs this surgery more than I do. He was looking into it at the same time I was, but his insurance will not pay for the VSG. Needless to say, I feel pretty guilty about being able to have the surgery and having a relatively easy time of obtaining insurance company approval. Unfortunately, we don't have the greatest relationship to being with, so this is not going to help things.

Thanks so much for your kind words about my earlier posting. Hope you continue to do so well and that your husband is doing great also.

Brian

[DougNichols 124]

DAYUM! You're looking good.

[Dansha 16]

Christie you look AMAZING. Cute,cute, and some more cute. Your post was right on target for a lot of people. Keep up you awesome work.:cursing:

Deb

[CraftyChristie 62]

Thanks so much everybody I love sharing on here!

[Maddie 9]

Christie, I fully understand what you were saying about sabotage and the guilt. But, i am so glad that you saw it for what it was and dealt with it. I'm sure it was very liberating. I continue to be impressed with your progress and am so very proud of you.

[tamboo 0]

Christie, you are such a beautiful girl. You are beautiful on the inside which makes the outside even that much more extraordinary. I can relate to the self-sabotage. I have previously lost weight and was down to 201 lbs. I must have freaked out being so close to onederland that I immediately started gaining weight after that. I'm looking forward to tackling some of those mental issues that we all deal with. Congratulations on all of your success. You deserve it!

[BlaqBeary 23]

Hey Christie .... I'm Kristie too.

You are beautiful. Keep up the good work. The hair color is HOT!!!!!!! Have fun with it. Looking forward to seeing your progress. Just think your next 3 month mark could be that you met goal. How exciting is that?

Where did you get the graphic name?

[a.walker 2]

Christie, you look fabulous! I love the hair. You're doing amazingly well with the weight loss, and I am glad you have a good friend who can help you through some of these issues that are bound to come up for most of us.

[AutumnLily 77]

I would say you are an inspiration to many! I love following your blog and seeing your progress. I am jealous that I am not there yet (note I said yet) as I too will be on the loosers bench one day soon. And I know that I CAN succeed by seeing all the great results from everyone. Be a role model as the more you succeed and keep up the more people that are struggling will realise what a great tool the sleeve is and may someday themselves go through with the surgery.

Keep the thougths positive and it should help your mind stay positive. Its a new and exciting path in life that needs to be relished and explored and enjoyed in all its glory.

Lily

[CraftyChristie 62]

Thank you for all the kind words, yall! I have to say I have been continuously surprised how much support is offered to me through blogging, youtube, and this forum. I am so flattered and honored to be an inspiration to anyone. I have had several people tell me that reading my blog is how they learned about the sleeve and discovered it was what they wanted. It is amazing to think little me can have an affect like that which will change someone's life in a positive way. I plan to keep blogging and sharing well after hitting goal... just about maintaining a healthy lifestyle post op, and being available to talk to people who are considering surgery.

As a side note... 233.6 today :huh0:

[wannabethin 0]

Congratulations on reaching your half way mark and then some! Love the new look - you are beautiful!!! Keep it up girl --- you are doing great!:confused1: