What did I do to myself?

[Carrie 4]

I still feel like I had this surgery for the wrong reasons, like I was pushed into it due to having to move cross country w/o a support system there, hubby already took the time off, we already got the loan, didn't know if we would get the $5k we had already paid back, etc...

I've kept a happy face as long as I can. Today I feel like shit and I'm deeply depressed. I've been in bed all day. They apparently used betadine which I am allergic to to prep me and I have a rash all over my stomach (I told them and had it on my Bracelet I was allergic) that is driving me nuts, along with a husband asking what's the matter?

I'm really mad at myself for being pushed into something like this. I told the OR staff I had changed my mind but they didn't stop, they just knocked me out and continued.

Back to bed I go... day 5 or 6 or whatever freaking day this is sucks. I can't believe I did this to myself. :001_tongue:

[Skyhigh315 0]

Hi,

That sucks that you're having reasons to regret. That's pretty irresponsible of them to not notice the betadine warning or your instructions to stop. I hope you feel better. For what it's worth, I have similar feelings from time to time--they mostly happen when I miss my old eating habbits or my old menu (like a whole large pizza in one sitting). The almost 70 pounds I've lost, and the way my old clothes fall off me helps me get over it, though!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I'm sorry you're feeling upset. It's definitely not a light decision to have this surgery. The OR staff should've definitely stopped as soon as you told them to stop - it's not an emergency surgery and you were sentient at the moment, so they should've obeyed your instructions. I guess there's no way to go back now, though, so you just have to focus on the positives. I'm not having the cleanest recovery (several episodes of severe nausea, dizziness, etc that led to a trip to the ER and the like), but I just don't dwell on the negative stuff. I remember how I felt BEFORE the surgery - completely out of control with my eating and powerless - and realize things are better now, even though there are a few bumps in the road to recovery. The allergy will clear up soon enough, don't worry about it. It's too bad that the staff was disrespectful of your desires and didn't use an alternative to betadine.

[lunarose 97]

Hi, I can not remember how many times during the first 5 days post op I asked the same question. I think it is normal. It will get better but if it doesn't talk to your surgeon. Are you getting enough fluids in Protein in?

Nancy

[goodlife 3]

I can almost guarantee you in a few months you will be singing a whole new tune.

I think what you're feeling is normal...it seems a lot of people feel that way in the first few days/weeks post op.

But once those lbs start dropping off and you're feeling more yourself, you're going to be very happy.

Just take it one day at a time and before you know it, you'll be feeling much better.

Hang in there girl...

[coreyandbrett 0]

I have heard that some people get depressed for a while afterwards, mainly because of the adjustment to their eating habits. Keep your chin up and think about how much better you're gonna feel about yourself and you can do this.

[Papillon 7]

sending you a hug *squish* hang in there!! If all of these wonderful people on the board can do this, you can too!! I am cheering for you! :001_tongue:

[Donna4545 13]

Some tough love: You signed an informed consent for the surgery, and once you are given a sedative of any kind, just a shot, even if you are still conscious--you can't change your mind after that point--you agreed to that in writing.

I think you need to take responsibility for the decision that you made when not under the influence and not blame others. Listen to what people here have said about post-op depression and focus on getting yourself healthy and happy. Don't you think losing weight is going to be a good thing? Don't waste time looking back at what you can't change, and don't give in to the urge to find someone else to blame. You jumped through a lot of hoops to get this done---look forward not back. I've only lost 40 lbs and my life has changed already, at 6 weeks. Chin up!

[Maddie 9]

As far as your allergy, they made a big mistake. But, when it comes to changing your mind in the OR, they can't do that. You have usually been given a sedative of some sort before they put you under, so they didn't have a choice but to go through with it.

Lots of people have buyers remorse after WLS, I was one of them. You can't change what has been done. But, you can make the best of it.

You now have a fabulous tool for weight loss. Your life can change dramatically for the better. You have probably added 15 years to your life.

Try to look forward and make the best of it. I wish you the very best.

[MINI-Me 196]

Carrie,

You definitely need a big hug. I wish I could give it to you in person. But, just know that we are here for you.

Those first weeks after surgery are an emotional and physical roller coaster. Some people are fortunate to breeze right through it, but most don't. Your body is recovering from major trauma and your homones are raging.

Just tell your husband that you honestly don't know what is wrong, but you just need his support. A hug when you ask for it and space when you need it. And, come out here and rant, scream, cry, and get it out of your system. We are here for you & we've been there/done that & know exactly what you are going through.

And goodlife is right ... in a few months, you will be so glad you made this decision!!!!!!

[christina@MIA 12]

Carrie, I undersand how you feel I am only 13 days post op and still have bouts of depression. The first week I would cry for no reason at all. They call it Post Surgery Depression. Its caused from the Anesthesia. The second week has been better. Now I just get a little depressed because everyone around me is eating yummy food and I just watch. I cant promise it will be better because I not at that happy point yet. I am just greatful I can go to these post and find people who understand me. I hope you feel better soon.

Edited August 31, 2010 by christina@MIA

[Carrie 4]

Thanks everyone. I ended up going with Hubby and the kids shoe shopping. Then I ended up in a really neat store in Plano (DFW area) that buys and resells handbags, so I ended up with a new Black Leather Coach purse for $100. Now I'm home and too exhausted to switch purses, maybe tomorrow.

When will my energy return? When will I poop again? When will I feel like I'm going to survice this? Even though I've had Lap Band I imagine my stomach rotting away with a bunch of other unwanted stomach and then think of the fact I can't eat it's just too much for me to deal with. :thumbup1:

-Carrie

[Lookinupin2010 0]

Being almost 5 months post-op (in one week) I can tell you, you are not alone in this "what did I do to myself" syndrome. We go through it because of the stress that the surgery put upon our bodies, the emotional issues that we have to face because of 'gluttony' withdrawal, and the 'food' (and I use that word loosely) that we are left to eat newly postop.

You will have many episodes of depression, each one from a different issue, but I can tell you first hand....when you start going to your closet and your clothes are too big for you, when you can feel bones that you haven't felt in years, when people say "You look great"...it will make this all worthwhile.

Sorry about the rash, I agree, they should have checked the Bracelet. But I'm wondering, how did you even get to wear the bracelet (even medical) in the operating room. I had papers that asked if I had any allergies to any medications. So sorry you have to go through the rash, but happy that you have met your first bout of depression to recover from our disease.

Hang in there.....:thumbup1:

[Globetrotter 1,340]

This is why one of the many prescriptions I had to fill the day before surgery included one for lorazapam, an anti-anxiety medication. When My surgeon gave me the scrips I thought that was odd, why would I need an anti-anxiety med? Three days after surgery I found out - weeping and freaking out with major buyer's remorse, thank goodness for the lorazapam! By following a strict regimen of drugs and positive thinking in the first week I was able to get over it and now when occasionally the enormity of what I've done "occurs" to me, I just try to move on, spilt milk and all that.

[Jane_J 117]

Hi Carrie, sorry you are feeling low. I think they incinerate stomach bits BTW so don't stress the rotting thing. Concentrate on the fact that you still have the good bit of your stomach there and you will be able to eat soon, it will get better but you will not be able to really pig out any more. Also at the moment you still have residual general anaesthetic drugs in your system which will make you depressed and weepy, so just roll with the punches and don't expect too much of yourself. Focus on the substantial health benefits you will get over the next few months for this transitory bit of misery now. I wish I could give you a big hug too.

Jane x