The Embarrassment of Being Overweight

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

The embarrassment of being overweight is only overshadowed by the embarrassment of needed bariatric surgery to stop being overweight.

I have to admit something to the members here. I post at many other forums (not weight related) and I always use the same name. But here, I chose a different name. I am heavy into political debates and I would not want anyone blackmailing me by referring to my postings here.

This may sound small of me, but it is being pragmatic. How can I call for a politician to step up and do the right thing when I can't control my hand from putting food in my mouth?

I know we have a sickness, but the majority of people look down on us for being fat. No matter what vices they have, we are weak (in their minds). That is why that very few of my acquaintances know of my surgery.

[CCBSTX 0]

I sometimes feel the same way, "how can others expect anything of me, when I can't control my hand from putting food in my mouth." Well, I am slowly learning. However, I want to be less harsh on myself. Everyone is worthy of human dignity, including ourselves. I try to remember this.

Yes, at moments, being overweight is embarrassing. Fortunately, we have taken a measure of control back and now we must march on! We are worth it!!!!!!!!!!

Shawn

[pplqueen 0]

I just want to say that there are people with great bodies and self control that will screw you in 2 seconds flat. Shallow people will always be shallow. It is a good thing for us that man looks on the outside but God looks on your heart. If the shallow people were not talking about the fat people, they would talking about gays, lesbians, christians, republicans. So if you look at it that way...... we overweight people are really saving the rest of the world from hurt feelings........But when we get THIN, they are on thier own.... LOL

[dawg 0]

I think that is a wonderful illustration of just how fundamentally flawed our society is.

We live in a world that demands we eat exceptionally unhealthy food, and then we feel personal shame when we are fat. We feel even more shame if we try and take a proactive step to rectify X number of years of systematic programming that fast food is a necessity.

My mind goes through the images of commercials for food that run back to back with fitness and weight loss products.

We are supposed to be ashamed because we are 'different'.

Well, when it comes to being obese, you are a member of the majority. It's the skinny folks who should be ashamed :eek: (sorry couldn't help throwing in some of my typical "dry" humor).

I certainly don't blame anyone for living a different online persona to cover their obesity.

Ironically - I was never of that group. My first online name was "Fatguy"

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

I just want to say that there are people with great bodies and self control that will screw you in 2 seconds flat. Shallow people will always be shallow.

Hollywood people are the beautiful people, but all their money, fame and power can not make them happy, nor cut their divorce rate.

It is a good thing for us that man looks on the outside but God looks on your heart. If the shallow people were not talking about the fat people, they would talking about gays, lesbians, christians, republicans. So if you look at it that way...... we overweight people are really saving the rest of the world from hurt feelings........But when we get THIN, they are on thier own.... LOL

When we get thin, we may still need to save ourselves. When I was in a bariatric support group in NY, there were a few bypass patients who had lost all the weight that they had wanted to, but they were still having divorces, still have problems with their parents, children and/or siblings.

Coming down from 320 to 120 and coming down from 640 to 175 does not make happy anymore than hitting the lottery. It just changes the focus of one's unhappiness.

I was very often the one man with 10-13 women in the meeting. Even the shrink was a woman. While talking, I mentioned that I didn't care what I looked like, nor how other people felt about how I looked and a few of the women asked "then why did you have your surgery?"

"For my health" I replied.

If you had your surgery for the opinion of others or the approval (overt or covert) of others, you will be disappointed when you hit your target weight. Like an alcoholic who has stopped drinking, but is still miserable, achieving your goal does not change the person inside. In fact achieving your goal may remove your only reason for living. Love yourself, no matter who else loves you. Love yourself whether fat, thin or in between.

Note: Though I quoted pplqueen to start this post, I am not referring to anyone in particular. It is a general statement.

An alcoholic learns at AA not to drink that first drink. But he also learns that if he does fall off the wagon, to get right back on without feeling sorry for himself or beating himself up. We are constantly beaten up because we stand out in a crowd, though the US public is doing their best to make us normal (by comparison to the GROWING of the public).

I hope that no one was offended by my thread opening post. It was just a combination of food for thought and confession.

[NJChick 3]

TOM, I'm not offended. I think this is an awesome thread and thanks for starting it.

I for one did not tell my boss what type of surgery I was having because I knew he would look down on me for one, not being able to control my eating and two, for wasting company time on something I should be able to control. He is a military man, 23 years, very disciplined and expects other to be the same... almost flawless ya know (wish I knew his weaknesses, bet he farts during sex... LOL anyway).

I, like you, also had this surgery to get healthy, I am past the point of wanting to look model thin, or anything like that. I just want to be able to run with my DD and be around for many many more anniversaries with my DH.

Good luck TOM, oh and btw, congrats on your 95 lb loss WTG WHOOOT!!!

[pplqueen 0]

I think one of the most important things a person can do for themselves is fix the inside. I don't know how people who read this post are actively practing "the art of self development". It will never do any good to fix the outside if the inside is all wrong. For instance, how many times has someone won the lottery only to be broke in 5 years? Have you heard those stories? I started reading books on personal and self development 4 years ago. It has changed my life. MY income doubled. MY marriage improved, however, the weight is still an issue. I am looking for a balanced life........ Health, spiritual, family, business. So many people are out of balance. They have a great marriage but a terrible career or they are in great shape physically and have a terrible marriage.

I just want balance.... For me this is another step in the process of personal and self development.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

I think one of the most important things a person can do for themselves is fix the inside. I don't know how people who read this post are actively practing "the art of self development". It will never do any good to fix the outside if the inside is all wrong. For instance, how many times has someone won the lottery only to be broke in 5 years? Have you heard those stories? I started reading books on personal and self development 4 years ago. It has changed my life. MY income doubled. MY marriage improved, however, the weight is still an issue. I am looking for a balanced life........ Health, spiritual, family, business. So many people are out of balance. They have a great marriage but a terrible career or they are in great shape physically and have a terrible marriage.

I just want balance.... For me this is another step in the process of personal and self development.

Yeah for this quote. I couldn't agree more. I didn't have surgery to look beautiful. I had surgery because I wanted to feel better, both physically and spiritually. I didn't like myself the way I was. I'm still a work in progress and I'm happier with that now than I ever was then.

Ironically, now that I AM happier with who I am.....everything else seems to be falling into a better place. I have a job that makes me happier, my finances are looking brighter, my marriage is happier. Life is good.

It's only in looking back that I realized how embarassed and unhappy morbid obesity made me.

[NewSho 20]

Yeah for this quote. I couldn't agree more. I didn't have surgery to look beautiful. I had surgery because I wanted to feel better, both physically and spiritually.

We really hate to think of people having Weight Loss Surgery to look better, don't we?

Well, I did.

Yes, I had surgery to look better.( The Shock! The Horror! :faint: )

I certainly think I was attractive before LapBanding but being obese overshadowed that. It overweighed everything in my life from my dating, my relationships, my career and more. Now I'm slowly migrating back to where I need to be. I absolutely know that how we look affects many, many aspects of our lives. Sure as a single gal I may feel it more than some others but I am sure that we live in an environment, a country or a world that thinks it's perfectly OK to treat people based on how they look (or what they weigh.)

That's a fight I was tired of losing.

Not being obese is a lot better, and a lot easier than being obese - for me, anyway.

Now the process of going from obesity to non-obesity has been pure hell.

But I will stand up, anytime, anyplace and say " I did this to look and feel better."

And it doesn't embarrass me at all.

We are living in a Material World, and I am a Material Girl. Somehow I manage to earn more of that Material when I'm not obese. Coincidence? I think not. (*shrug*)

I didn't like myself the way I was. I'm still a work in progress and I'm happier with that now than I ever was then.

Ironically, now that I AM happier with who I am... <snip>...It's only in looking back that I realized how embarassed and unhappy morbid obesity made me.

Hear, Hear. Exactly what I think also. Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

He is a military man, 23 years, very disciplined and expects other to be the same... almost flawless ya know (wish I knew his weaknesses, bet he farts during sex... LOL anyway).

Maybe his weakness is that he is not flawless, but has to wear that shell of invincibility. Just think of how much love, friendship and emotional contact he excludes from his life.

When I was a kid (1950's) there was a full page advertisement on the back of many comic books for a Charles Atlas body building program. It showed a thin man on the beach with his girl-friend. A muscular bully would come by, throw sand in the thin man's face and steal the girl. The thin man would next be seen sending in for the Charles Atlas body building program, working out and finally going back to the beach to take back his girl from the bully by throwing sand in the bully's face.

Question: Why would he want her back?

Well, many years later, I was talking to a woman who was like your boss, so I told her a story, that I had made up, based on that Charles Atlas add. It starts the same, except instead of sending for the Charles Atlas body building program, the thin man enrolls in a Karate class. He is taught to thrust his hand into a pail of small pebbles. At first, his hand stops at contact, then after a few days he gets in about an inch. Every day for months he continues. Eventually he is reaching the bottom of the pail and for many more months, he continues until he feels no pain and his hands are weapons.

He goes back to the beach and with one blow, takes back his girl. She is so enamored at his fighting prowess, that she takes him back to his apartment to make love. After undressing her he touches her breasts and feels nothing. His hands are too calloused to feel.

Your boss and my female friend may have soft hands, but I wonder how much they feel. That may be your bosses weakness. You may never get to exploit it, but you may not have to. He is doing it for you. My female friend, laughed at my story, but gradually changed. Many months later she confessed to me, that she had taken my story to heart, had gotten back with her boy-friend and were engaged to be married. She realized it was her shell, her lack of feeling that had ruined their relationship and with the help of her understanding of the moral of my story, she had corrected the situation.

[juliegeraci 7]

I know exactly how you feel. I was reading a book about the amazing power of grace. In the book I read that you should reach out and have grace help you in the areas you cannot help yourself. That is when I decided to contact the bariatric surgeon on my area. I went through roughly 2 months of pre op information, appointments, etc. I feel that God has placed me with the right surgeon and that is the road I needed to get on to get this in control. You are not alone when you say you feel you can't control your own hand to mouth. We all need help and we come here to support our decisions to seek it. I am now 8 days post op and feeling wonderful. I know this decision will change my life. Good luck, we are all pulling for you.

[NJChick 3]

TOM thats a great story. I love reading your posts. I'm glad your female friend took it to heart and changed. I agree with you, why would that skinny guy in that cartoon want her back? she is obviously a shallow Hal.

This guy (my boss) has had to many years of "army brain washing" to change IMHO. Your right though, I have picked up in the way he talks that he has shut out a lot of love and friendship in his life. He is all BS. He seems friendly and nice, tells everyone at work he has an open door policy but when you go to talk to him, he slams the door shut. Nice eh.

You know I've had 2 other "hard asses" for bosses and I've always asked God two questions (after going home for the day from work in tears), 1 - why me? and 2 - do you really think I can help change them. It took a few years with each of them but by golly, God does answer prayers because both of them are now really good "friends" of mine. Strange how we are placed in places or situations like this. But this new nut (boss) is gonna be HARD to crack. I don't think I can do it because I've seen to many sneaky things he does and its a real turn off to me. WOW this feels like therapy LOL. Thanks :cool:

Julie, congratulations on your 9 days post op !!!

[Randi 0]

Tired Old Man,

Finally, a happy ending to an age old story.

[Woodys 0]

For me, the embarrassment phase is over, its more anger I have over shear ignorance. To eat is a biological need. Sure, we can control the choices we make on what we eat, but we have to eat to live. Somehow, somewhere, sometime, food has to pass our lips. An alcoholic does not need booze to keep his body alive, nor a drug addict. We have the added burden of necessary temptation because we MUST eat if we want to stay on this earth.

Ignorance vs our guilt of non control.....When I think about this I still get so angry, I can't even believe that it really happened. I was banded last Thursday. When in the waiting room there were quite a few other patients either waiting for their consultation, fill, surgery, whatever.....we were all big people.

There were two Sisters, one waiting to go to OR for her procedure and the other there for support. When the one left the room for her procedure the other started to speak out in the waiting room. She was "normal" size. She was speaking to whomever would listen to her but loud enough that the entire room could hear her.

Her conversations went like this "I hope this helps my Sister, I don't understand why she can't exercise willpower, all it takes is a little willpower......just tell yourself you are not going to eat that and then don't, anyone should be able to do this, its not that difficult, everyone should be able to use their willpower, whenever I have a dress size to lose I just willpower myself to eat only what I can, we all should be able to do that, we should sit and meditate and talk to our fat cells....will them to push the fat out and away"....and it went on and on. No one would speak, anyone's attention she got would just not affirmatively at her.....I couldn't believe what I was witnessing.

My anger over ignorance made me speak out....I told her that this was not the place for talking such rubbish, that she was being clearly insensitive and inappropriate, that anyone in this room has the will power to lose one or two dress sizes and that her personal situation does not compare.......I also told her that if this is the kinda of support that she is going to give her Sister then "God Bless her poor Sister".

Then I got called to OR.....couldn't wait to get away from her.

Carol

[Randi 0]

Good for you, Carol. I know you gave her "food" for thought that day that she wasn't able to just will away. Perfect timing on the call to OR if I must say so myself.