Poll: To tell or not to tell co-workers

[Lisalu 89]

I told just a few people before my surgery.

Now, 8 weeks after, I'm starting to tell more and more people. I only tell people if they ask how I managed to lose so much weight. I could say diet and exercise but that would be a lie of omission IMHO. Diet and exercise haven't gotten me here; the surgery has.

I don't think there is one correct answer about telling or not telling. It's all about what you are comfortable with. I'm pretty open and extroverted so maybe I will tell more people. Others like to keep what they feel is personal, well, personal. Play it by ear.

[Flaca2be 0]

I'm kind of debating on the same thing myself...I'm going back to work on Monday after a month and 1/2 away on vacation and I KNOW they will notice. Before leaving and when this was only a wild idea, I told a couple of colleagues/friends who had mixed opinions about it since I didn't look so much overweight (but in reality I was at the limit between overweight and obese with a BMI of 30.8). One of them wrote to me yesterday and asked me if I finally did it, and I couldn't lie. I am very transparent about everything so it's hard for me to 'lie' about it. She advised not to tell anybody and just say it's a new diet with a nutritionist...I don't know if people will buy it or not but I think that's what I'm going to say. At the end, it's a very personal decision and matter and no one has to comment or have opinions unless it's people very close to you.

[Kabranda 0]

I have told no one but my husband and a close friend and I am not sorry at all. You might have had surgery but you still have to do the work (diet and exercise) to lose the weight.

[sleevegenie 0]

i've told everyone, some of them are jealous, some think i should just have changed my diet and exercised, but i don't really care what they think, and my closest ones are very happy for me and i get complimented a lot, so to each his own. I was denied and had to fight to get my appeal thru and made several calls from work and i'm sure i was overheard but like i said, all i cared about was getting this done and i'm so happy at 3 months out, jeani

[lunarose 97]

Hi, I think a lot depends on how you feel about your coworkers as individuals. What you did was not lazy nor drastic it was necessary would having a tumor removed that may or may not kill you years down the line and would cause you health issues be either? Its not like anyone of us gain a little weigh and woke up and said rather then try the conventional routes we will just go for a quick fix. Surgery is not our first attempt or choice. Hold your head up and if anyone tries to feed you any negativity kick them to the curb.

Nancy

[Robbiehage 1]

It is such a personal decision but I told/tell everyone. I am an elementary school secretary in a close knit school district, everyone in every building and admin know about my surgery. When school started this year I had parents say "Wow, you look great" and I tell them "Thank you, I had weight loss surgery and had 85% of my stomach removed, no bypass" I realize that is a lot of info to just put out there but I have had a few employees and parents express interest. I have also had two people ask if they could have a friend (considering lapband) contact me. I am 50 and finally at the point in my life where I seriously do not care what their opinion is, I have had all positive reactions. On a more personal note I would absolutely hate for any overweight person to think that I am doing this on my own. I tried my whole life and it was NEVER going to happen for me without this surgery. I don't want others to feel that they are just not trying hard enough or wondering what they are doing wrong, I hated that feeling :confused1: I feel great and look much better and sharing the information has worked for me. Good luck with your decision!

[GeorgieGirl1957 0]

I know eventually I am going to have to fess up, but for now I have limited the knowledge to a select few. Several family members do not know yet. I told my mom (she financed the surgery for me) but my dad thinks I had a hernia repair. My daughter knows because she stayed here to care for our foster son while I was in Mexico with my husband. But I didn't tell my son because he and his wife are in the "just do the diet and stick to it" crowd. They run marathons, etc. Plus, I know my daughter in law just thrives on gossip and would be discussing it with my ex and his live in ho, and I don't want them knowing anything about my me or my life.

One advantage? that I have is that I am unemployed so I don't have to deal with nosy coworkers. On the other hand, I also have no insurance, so it was risky for me to self pay and go out of the country for surgery. A calculated risk I was willing to take, but a risk nonetheless.

I am hoping that looking and feeling healthier will also improve my chances of getting a job as I am fairly certain that I lost out on a couple of jobs because of my size. I mean, I was more than qualified for quite a few jobs that I didn't get. Well, it was what it was and going forward from here...I am very hopeful that things will improve on that front. Since I am not working, the timing was perfect to use this time to take care of ME.

When I lost my job and my insurance and tried to get a private health insurance policy, I found out that I was uninsurable at any price. That was like ice Water in the face and I woke up to the fact that it was time to do this. So, I started on a diet and a couple months later with a successful diet, started looking into WLS so that I wouldn't undo my success. The rest is history... (boy did I digress...)

The thing is I wasn't heavy my whole life, only after my first pregnancy and ever since. So I have taken a great deal of grief for putting on so much over the years. I have no desire to take a lot of grief for making the decision to permanently improve my health. People don't understand. It's all about dieting for those who only have to lose a tiny bit. But here's a sticking point for me:

The rate of success for people who have more than 100 lbs to lose, who do it by diet and exercise (and stay at goal for 5 years) is an average of 4%. Those odds suck in my book. I know they are very much against me. I have gained and lost 250 lbs in my lifetime, twice. The yo yo dieting was literally killing me. So I made the decision to do something really drastic. I will be 53 in 3 weeks. I can't keep this yo yo going without it killing me. I can lose...I lose well, but I always gain it back +30% bonus.

So I am 16 days post op, feeling great with no regrets. I haven't had the "OMG what did I do?" thoughts yet. I still feel I made the BEST decision for my health and my life.

GG

[cherice95403 13]

I am not volunteering the information in advance, but I will definitely tell people after. I won't be screaming it from the roof tops, but honestly, I cannot imagine lying about it. Saying you cut portions and are working with a trainer is a lie to me, but that is my own personal ethics (no judgments). People will find out and feel deceived. I have been on the receiving end of the "cryptic" information and I lost all respect for that person.

I am confident that surgery is the best option for me and if the people around me think less of me for doing it, they I don't care about them anyway.

[Texanatheart 1]

Thanks for the input guys. I am 52 so I did this for my health, not so much for vanity. I had a list of medical conditions that was growing increasingly long; all of them weight related. The final straw being when I discovered I had sleep apnea. I'll be darned if I was going to wear one of those machines to bed every night. So, when pressed by some, I had stated that I have medical reasons for losing weight and I am doing it for my health. This, I feel, is not disclosing the whole truth but, not so much a lie of omission. And, some people can sense that if it is 'medical', it may be too private to discuss. Oh, and by the way, my health is much better already!

[KabinKitty 11]

Like another poster, I work with alot of nosey women who gossip and love to put people down. I'm pre-op and don't want to lie. I've told two good friends who know I'm counting on them to keep quiet.

All I have to give my boss is a note from the surgeon for time off work. If anyone asks me, I will tell them I did not have gastric bypass, if they press it to find out what I did, I will tell them that I only share the details with someone who is considering wls for themselves.

I just remember when on obesityhelp.com I learned about this surgery I thought that removing most of my stomach would be the stupidest thing ever! Actually, I felt sick even thinking about it. I thought HOW DRASTIC! Actually it is, but gastric bypass is even more drastic and people don't bat an eye when they learn that someone has had that done.

[wannalise 15]

I didn't tell many or make a huge announcement, I've kind of found that the proof is in the pudding. When people mention it or ask how I did it I tell them I had surgery and have worked really hard. I used to think that this was the easy way out, but its not, I have worked and earned every pound I've lost. The stigma with being overweight is worse than getting surgery. Just do what you feel comfortable with!

Anna

[Fleur de lis 2]

I have told very few people that I'm in the process to get WLS. My mother knows, my boyfriend, and one friend. That's it. And I'm even kicking myself for telling one friend. I'm hesitant to tell others, as well. Mainly because I have family members that are not supportive. As far as friends go, I just don't know if I feel like explaining things to them. As we all know, most people will not understand this decision unless they've been in our position. I'm still debating on whether or not to tell them post-op but I feel like I might have to. They'll probably notice that I'm eating a few tablespoons of food, not drinking, and not stuffing my face full of ice cream. I don't work right now so the next time I have co-workers, they won't even know that I was once much larger.

[Fleur de lis 2]

I know eventually I am going to have to fess up, but for now I have limited the knowledge to a select few. Several family members do not know yet. I told my mom (she financed the surgery for me) but my dad thinks I had a hernia repair. My daughter knows because she stayed here to care for our foster son while I was in Mexico with my husband. But I didn't tell my son because he and his wife are in the "just do the diet and stick to it" crowd. They run marathons, etc. Plus, I know my daughter in law just thrives on gossip and would be discussing it with my ex and his live in ho, and I don't want them knowing anything about my me or my life.

One advantage? that I have is that I am unemployed so I don't have to deal with nosy coworkers. On the other hand, I also have no insurance, so it was risky for me to self pay and go out of the country for surgery. A calculated risk I was willing to take, but a risk nonetheless.

I am hoping that looking and feeling healthier will also improve my chances of getting a job as I am fairly certain that I lost out on a couple of jobs because of my size. I mean, I was more than qualified for quite a few jobs that I didn't get. Well, it was what it was and going forward from here...I am very hopeful that things will improve on that front. Since I am not working, the timing was perfect to use this time to take care of ME.

When I lost my job and my insurance and tried to get a private health insurance policy, I found out that I was uninsurable at any price. That was like ice Water in the face and I woke up to the fact that it was time to do this. So, I started on a diet and a couple months later with a successful diet, started looking into WLS so that I wouldn't undo my success. The rest is history... (boy did I digress...)

The thing is I wasn't heavy my whole life, only after my first pregnancy and ever since. So I have taken a great deal of grief for putting on so much over the years. I have no desire to take a lot of grief for making the decision to permanently improve my health. People don't understand. It's all about dieting for those who only have to lose a tiny bit. But here's a sticking point for me:

The rate of success for people who have more than 100 lbs to lose, who do it by diet and exercise (and stay at goal for 5 years) is an average of 4%. Those odds suck in my book. I know they are very much against me. I have gained and lost 250 lbs in my lifetime, twice. The yo yo dieting was literally killing me. So I made the decision to do something really drastic. I will be 53 in 3 weeks. I can't keep this yo yo going without it killing me. I can lose...I lose well, but I always gain it back +30% bonus.

So I am 16 days post op, feeling great with no regrets. I haven't had the "OMG what did I do?" thoughts yet. I still feel I made the BEST decision for my health and my life.

GG

I may have to use that one for my father. He doesn't know because about 3 years ago, my mother was going to finance this for me. Once he found out, he managed to convince her that all sorts of horrible things would happen to me as a result of the surgery, mainly death, and she pulled out and took her money back. This time, she is financing again, but we have not included my father on this decision. What makes it harder is that I'm having the surgery in Jacksonville (where my parents live) but I live in Orlando. So I'll be staying at their house while I recover. I don't want to tell an out and out lie, but it's hard to sneak around and "not say" why I've REALLY been coming to visit so often.

Sigh. It's hard being sneaky.

[rick 0]

My office is very chatty and cutting. I didn't want it to be spread around, but I had to tell my boss and he told someone else. It got all around the office the day before I took off for the surgery. That day was rough because I had to defend my actions against the typical ignorance of people who either aren't addicts or who are jealous that I've found this great tool to improve my life. After the surgery, though, all I've gotten is great support and people are in my corner. The way I thought about it was that I couldn't really explain the huge weight loss as diet and exercise, so they would have found out anyway. And maybe, I can help someone with my example of taking control of my life. And if anyone has anything else to say me after that, I just tell them to pound sand. It's my life.

[wannalise 15]

My office is very chatty and cutting. I didn't want it to be spread around, but I had to tell my boss and he told someone else. It got all around the office the day before I took off for the surgery. That day was rough because I had to defend my actions against the typical ignorance of people who either aren't addicts or who are jealous that I've found this great tool to improve my life. After the surgery, though, all I've gotten is great support and people are in my corner. The way I thought about it was that I couldn't really explain the huge weight loss as diet and exercise, so they would have found out anyway. And maybe, I can help someone with my example of taking control of my life. And if anyone has anything else to say me after that, I just tell them to pound sand. It's my life.

I would be pissed at your boss. He is required to maintain your confidentiality. Maybe kick him in the knees?