who did you tell?

[Lisalu 89]

OK, just want to poll people. Who do you tell about your surgery? Everyone, family, friends, only close confidants?

I'm of two minds here. Clearly, it's nobody's business, so I don't need to tell anyone, but I feel like this might be a good opportunity to spread the word about this surgery.

I ended up telling several of my adult students. They asked me how I managed to lose the weight. The women were overweight or obese, some morbidly so. One particularly heavy woman asked, "What is your secret?" I couldn't lie to her, couldn't make her think that if she just had more willpower, she could lose weight and keep it off. So I told them, though it made me feel sort of vulnerable. Most of my co-workers don't know so it's weird to have my students know but not my colleagues. I guess for now, I will decide case by case who I should tell.

[MlkPas 5]

I told my family (DH, DS, my parents), a few close friends, and the people I go to school with (we're a small and close-knit graduate school class). I didn't tell anybody at work (except my immediate, trusted staff -- 3 people) because I have a fairly high-profile position and I didn't want people gossiping about me. So I guess I'm on the case-by-case bench, too!

[Garyb_58 1]

If someone ask how I have lost weight I tell them about the surgery. I live in a small town and have all of my life. So people have seen the weight fall off real fast so they know something is up. I too feel like if we are truthful with people it may help someone make their minds up about having surgery.

[Mary Gordon 3]

i told my sisters and my dad....don't go around telling everyone, but i've had the same case as you, that if my information is going to help someone make a correct decision, then i tell them my experience.

[SParkle 4]

My husband knows (of course) and my best friend. Thats it.

Even losing the weight as I do I have compliments when we go out and questions about what am I doing - I haven't lied.... I just said I was throwing everything at it.... no one has asked me straight out if I have had surgery tho.

I've had issues with people in the past gossiping nastily about me, and I just don't want to go thru that again. Also a lot of people I know now have only ever known me big, and like me for who I am... so I get the comments about don't lose any more... even though I am still in the obese BMI category I (think) I hide the weight well so they think I look fine the size I am. When i say I still want to lose another Xlbs they get shocked - so I'm going to stop telling them that!

Even with my family I don't think they can grasp the emotional issues I have had with food over the years. So for me its a hard decision, but I'd rather not tell anyone else - even telling one person may mean they tell someone else, who tells someone else.... etc etc and suddenly everyone knows even the ones you didn't want to tell in the first place.

[redroses47 1]

Only my immediate family knows. I may feel more comfortable telling people as time goes by but I am enjoying keeping this secret close to my heart for now. My ride has been wonderfully successful so far so I want to keep this one for me, for now.

[Deb 0]

I did not tell anyone but my family. It is kinda hard though because I do not want to lie. I just felt it was no ones business and I was just not comfortable telling. Now I feel that it is too late and I will never tell because people will see me as a liar.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

My family, co-workers, my church family and some friends and that's about it. I will wait to tell my in laws at the next family get together which will probably be a few months after surgery :-)

[Dansha 16]

I told EVERYBODY!!!!!

Deb

[Globetrotter 1,340]

I'm in a peculiar situation; I spend nearly every waking hour with my colleagues and am half way around the world from my family and friends. Only close family knows and I've actually kept some details from my Mother as she can't seem to keep her mouth shut. But my colleagues, we work 12+ hour days together, eat together, get our laundry together. It's really obvious when I suddenly started drinking Protein Shakes all the time and only eating teeny spoonfuls of food. I inferred that I had surgery and I'm sure they've assumed it was WLS, but I did not come right out and say I had VSG WLS.

[Jolanda 23]

One close friend. Nobody else. Some people may have guessed, but I'm not sure. When people ask how I've lost so much weight, I tell them I'm eating everything, but in very small amounts. IMO it's a private thing - but it would be no big deal if someone found out either.

[Lisalu 89]

OK, I know this is a loaded question, but I've got to ask:

Does anyone feel any moral obligation to tell people in order to educate people and combat the stigma of obesity?

I've done the research, I know. Obesity is not a moral failure--it's largely a matter of genetics (see Stunkard 1986 for the landmark study). Diet and exercise do not work in the long run for at least 95% of the people (can't remember the citation here but it's famous). So this idea that surgery is taking the easy way out is just BS---surgery is likely to be the only way out.

I think, ironically, that this is rather like the decision that gay people must make about telling people. On the one hand, it's private and no one's business. On the other hand, the world would be a much more gay-friendly place if everyone came out. Oh, and also it's a pain in the butt to keep secrets and not have people know some significant truths about you. So the question is: how much is the personal political (to use a 70's feminist phrase) and how much is is just personal?

I'm not sure where I land on this.

[MlkPas 5]

I feel a moral obligation not to tell an outright lie if asked directly whether I have had WLS. That's it. I don't feel any obligation to volunteer the information, or even to answer the question. But I don't lie, and that includes lying about this.

As for the stigma and education and so on, I don't feel an obligation to single-handedly take on the task of educating everybody with whom I come in contact. I don't ever participate in any conversations that perpetuate anti-fat bias or stereotypes, but beyond that I make any disclosures on a case-by-case basis.

[wannalise 16]

I never made an announcement, but preop I told that handful of people you would naturally tell, and got to hear lot of opinions that were annoying to me. The best proof that the surgery has worked for me is to look at my butt! Critics are quiet now.

[Donna4545 13]

I only told my mom and my best girlfriend. No one else needs to know--I don't want to have to deal with their judgments/uninformed opinions. It's none of their business imho.