Surgery Secrecy

[teh ericka 1]

Curious about how open you guys are about having had surgery. Do you just tell anyone? Close friends/family only? My boyfriend had bypass surgery 2 years ago and every once in awhile he'll run into someone who is shocked and asks him how he lost all the weight-- he has no problem telling them it was surgery, even people he doesn't know well at all.

It's not that I think this is weird, I just don't know how comfortable I'll be answering that question with acquaintances. How do you guys usually go about it? What about telling others you're about to have surgery? Have you told coworkers etc. what kind of surgery it is when they ask? My mom doesn't even know yet so I'm kind of struggling with the delicacy of this a bit.

Edited August 14, 2010 by teh ericka

[TwoStepsBack 15]

Hi Ericka

I have told my close family and friends and boyfriend. A couple of people at work know because I figured they are bound to notice something when I'm on a liquid diet after the op. We socialise quite a lot at work, so I'm going to be out of the loop for a little while when I'm recovering.

I actually asked this same question a little while back when first looking into the surgery, and the best answer I had was "tell as many people as you feel comfortable to tell, and those you think need to know".

I'm certainly not shouting about it on Facebook or anything, cos it's my business and I'm also worried I might jinx it somehow! Once it's done I'll tell anyone! xxx

[StaySea 2]

I'm very open about it. I'll tell just about anyone who wants to know about it. I'm not a good "liar" and don't like having to keep up a jig about why I will be rapidly shrinking. I just ask that if folks have negative comments on it to just please keep it to themselves. I don't need any negativity while I am trying to change my life around for the better.:thumbup:

[coops 1,790]

Hey,

I told my family, a few (well chosen friends) and only two people in work... my work mates know I had an op, but I told them it was a tummy op... when I go back to work (we are curerently in the middle of our summer hols here; I am a teacher) they will see a difference when I eat, no more bread and Pasta etc. My doc just told me to say, 'Oh, I am on a diet'... I really don't want to discuss this with them as they don't see me as 'big'... they just see me as daft Coops...lol

[christina@MIA 12]

I didn't have to tell everyone....MY moms BIG mouth did! I told her not to tell anyone and to this day she is telling people. Its not that I don't want people to know, I just don't want the negative comments.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I've told my family, my boyfriend, and 5 close friends. I want to tell everyone, but there's a little issue. I'm a student who receives a lot of need-based grants, as I've lived away from my parents for 10 years and receive very minimal financial support from them. Part of those grants is financed through everyone's tuition, so there's definitely a contingent of people in my class who are very bitter about anyone who receives need-based scholarships (not that any of these people need money - I have classmates whose parents bought them $1 mil condos to Celebrate their acceptance to medical school!). If these people find out I used some of my money to travel to Mexico for the surgery, I'm going to have so much venom spewed at me, that it's just not worth it (mind you, all it means is that I'll be graduating with $160K in debt rather than $150K...haha). I think the stress of keeping it secret from most people will be less than the stress of dealing with that BS. One thing I'm considering is simply telling people I had it here in Canada for free after being on the waitlist for a few years and just not telling anyone about the waitlist.

[MlkPas 5]

I told my family and close friends and my classmates at grad school because we are a small, tight-knit class. But I only told a couple of people at work, and I took vacation days for the operation so I wouldn't have to explain why I was out. A couple of people at work have noticed I'm not eating much when we all go out to lunch, but I've just said I'm on a diet (which is totally true!), and nobody has pursued it beyond that, thank goodness. I'm a lightweight and have been losing slowly, so I haven't had a dramatic weight loss that needs explaining.

I'm not ashamed of having surgery, and I wouldn't lie about it if anybody asked me point blank, but I just think it's private information and don't feel the need to tell everybody and their brother about it.

[Carrie 4]

I've told my family, my boyfriend, and 5 close friends. I want to tell everyone, but there's a little issue. I'm a student who receives a lot of need-based grants, as I've lived away from my parents for 10 years and receive very minimal financial support from them. Part of those grants is financed through everyone's tuition, so there's definitely a contingent of people in my class who are very bitter about anyone who receives need-based scholarships (not that any of these people need money - I have classmates whose parents bought them $1 mil condos to Celebrate their acceptance to medical school!). If these people find out I used some of my money to travel to Mexico for the surgery, I'm going to have so much venom spewed at me, that it's just not worth it (mind you, all it means is that I'll be graduating with $160K in debt rather than $150K...haha). I think the stress of keeping it secret from most people will be less than the stress of dealing with that BS. One thing I'm considering is simply telling people I had it here in Canada for free after being on the waitlist for a few years and just not telling anyone about the waitlist.

In your situation it's obvious you can't lie about what you have done. I would just say something like an Uncle who was obese saw you struggling and left you enough money to have the surgery. They don't need to be so far up your butt to know everything. If you are going in the medical field and it sounds like to be a doctor this is really just as much as an investment in your future as finishing medical school. It's tough to be 300lbs and tell your 180lb pt. to lose weight!! They are going to be thinking well you need to also, etc. I'd leave it as an inheritance and vague. Maybe through in a few tears of how awesome and close the "uncle" was. I know I'm horrible. :biggrin0:

[GeorgieGirl1957 0]

I don't want the rude comments either. The way I feel about it is this...I have taken so much abuse for so long for long. Pardon the interruption, they just took out my drain...I am on my 3rd postop day

Anyway I took abuse for my bad health and now I don't want to take a lot of crap for doing something about it. Soooo....I told very few peeps. My husband, my mother (not my father) my daughter (but not my son) and a few select friends. For those others who want to know why I am having surgery in Mexico, I tell them I am going for a hiatal hernia repair. I am uninsured and I can't afford US prices. Besides, one of the best docs for my surgery is in Mexicali, Dr.Aceves. The price here is 40% of the US price. That is a 60% savings with 3 days in the hospital and everything included, pre-ops, labs, EKGs, post op meds. The truth is, I WAS diagnosed with a hiatal hernia, but it turned out I really didn't have one after all. A secret I will take to my death.... :biggrin0:

GG

[Kelly G. 2]

I have been open about my provedure with everyone. If I can "inspire" 1 person to improve their health as I have, I will be very happy. I have not had any negative comments, only positive. If I get any negative comments, it will be to my back as I walk away from the ignorance!!

[LapGyrl 11]

When I was pre-op I only told 3 close friends and the family I work with because I wouldn't be able to lift my client for a few weeks. Since I've had surgery I've told a few more people. I'm not keeping it a secret but I also don't feel the need to post it on Facebook either! If it comes up in conversation I'm fine with telling how I lost the weight. I haven't lost a lot so not many people have said anything yet.

[Deborah C 0]

I have told everyone... Why because I feel like I need the support of those around me. I did ask that they not say anything negative as this is my body and my decision. Everyone has respected that. :001_unsure:

[teh ericka 1]

Some great responses here, thanks everyone! I can definitely relate to GeorgieGirl... I think what I'm most afraid of is being judged by people. I think a lot of people are misinformed and think surgery is "the easy way out," rather than just diet and exercise. I have a few friends who are VERY fitness-oriented and though they've never been rude to me about my weight in the past, I can't imagine they'd approve either.

The Mexico part is where I'm really struggling when it comes to my family. My mom is a former nurse and did a lot of medical missions trips to Mexico when I was growing up. I can't decide if this will make her react more negatively or more positively to the idea. I know I'm going to have to just come out and tell her, I'm just afraid of the potential backlash. I guess I'll just have to take comfort in the fact that I have done the research and I know I'm making a good choice, and hope others come around in the end.

[lauramomof3 2]

well i have told just about everyone. when asked on Facebook when i post pics some people ask how i have been losing weight and i tell them. i am like the other person on here, if i can inspire someone to have this surgery and help them be healthy then i will. i also have been an inspiration to a co-worker of mine. she just had the surgery this past monday and she is doing fab. good luck to each and everyone of you. there are going to be people that are negative about it because they don't have the courage and the want to give up food. again, good luck..

[Krista2653 5]

I am being honest about it....there are some people who know and I don't want to pick and chose who I tell and who I don't and try to keep up with who is who. I also don't want to be dubbed a "liar" when I make up another excuse and they find out the truth. Besides, there may be someone who can benefit from my choice to have WLS.

I did read somewhere where someone would respond with "I eat a lot less" when they were asked how they lost so much. I guess this is technically true!!

I personally don't care what others think. If they want to think it is the easy way out, then so be it. They don't have to live with my choice or with my body - I do! I saw where someone had a good response to this reaction: "Well, I certainly hope that if you are at work and find an easier, more effective way to do your job you would go with that route instead of doing things the hard way just to prove something to yourself".

If someone looks at me negatively because of my choice to have WLS, they aren't worth a damn in my book. They should be happy for me that I'm going to be happy and healthy - no matter which route I took to get there!