Irritated with people

[mwlj_2010 1]

I'd argue that you are not the same person. As you lose the weight, you project more confidence, happiness and probably are more out-going. I know people respond to that energy.

Whenever we feel good about ourselves, others feel good about us too.

I so agree with this. :nono:

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I so agree with this. :nono:

That's a nice thought, but I think all of these fat-suit experiences on various talk shows and studies such as those that showed that obese women holding a Diet Coke received better retail service than those holding a regular Coke have pretty much proven that weight is the #1 issue at hand - not your internal happiness.

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

Iamsunshine, I'm right with you on your position. These are exactly the reasons why I decided on VSG. My kids, and the opportunity to play together, as a family. In only 4 weeks out and I've increased my activities with my family to triple what they were before, and I must say I'm having a ball.....

[Donna4545 13]

People suck. Fat hate is the last acceptable prejudice. Thin love is shallow love. Only the beautiful deserve to be treated nicely? Not in my moral universe.

[thinoneday 445]

OK ... Maybe this is going to sound really small of me, but people are annoying me.

6 months ago, clerks were not friendly ... they took care of my purchases, etc and sent me on my way. Now, that I am a "normal" weight, I find people trying to strike up conversations, giving me an extra few minutes in line, etc.

Take this morning for instance. My car needed gas, so I stopped by the Quik-Mart for gas. I decided to run in for a drink while the car was filling up. I walk in the door and get greeted with a "Good Morning. How are you today?" from the clerk. I respond and go over to pick out my drink. I try to check out (with 3 people behind me) and he starts chatting about the day. My total was $2.16 and I gave him a $5.00 bill. He made a big production of counting back my money, taking a penny out of the Penny Jar and giving me back $2.85 instead of $2.84. I don't remember a clerk EVER voluntarily taking a penny out for me before. What gives?

Like I said, I know I seem small in this, but it's really bothering me ... Why should I be treated differently now? I'm still the same person - same thoughts, feelings, and day to day routine (minus all the meal time).

Does a thin person deserve less pennies in their wallet than a fat person?!?!?!?!?! :sad0:

Don't feel badly, life pisses me off in general now. . .people to me are more then rude, they are down right obnoxious. . I'm starting to really become a B__ch lately to others. . .I've always been one, but not as openly, but that is ok, cause you know what? All the years of verbal abuse, physical abuse, and just down right meanness from people, I'm NOT taking it anymore from NOBODY. . . I'm going to hell anyhow so whatever. . . . most of "friends" will be as well. . . one big party huh??:cursing:

[breezy 8]

Iamsunshine, I'm right with you on your position. These are exactly the reasons why I decided on VSG. My kids, and the opportunity to play together, as a family. In only 4 weeks out and I've increased my activities with my family to triple what they were before, and I must say I'm having a ball.....

Isn't it great to feel more fit? I am working and playing like I've lost 15 years! Keep enjoying life!

[MlkPas 5]

People suck. Fat hate is the last acceptable prejudice. Thin love is shallow love. Only the beautiful deserve to be treated nicely? Not in my moral universe.

This is an interesting post. Obviously not all people suck. Obviously there are a lot of perfectly nice people out there who are attracted to us when we are thin, who wouldn't be attracted to us fat. Obviously everybody, beautiful or not, deserves to be treated nicely.

But.

I don't think it's helpful to deny that there IS a ton of fat prejudice out there. If you don't believe me, check this out: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/16/health/16essa.html (free registration required) and especially the comments here: The Stigma of Being ‘Fat’ - Well Blog - NYTimes.com

I don't think there is a single person on this board who hasn't been teased or criticized for being fat, is there? And don't we do it to ourselves when we're fat? Haven't we all internalized it that much? I know I have. And I think to say that people treat us better when we are thin because we somehow magically become better, nicer, more confident people when we are thin is just more blaming-the-victim because it implies that fat people bring bad behavior on themselves.

[wannalise 15]

I'm sorry Mini, this is going to be one more of those adjustments. I once heard CC Deville (guitarist for the band Poison) say that he was an alcoholic, a drug addict and as he got sober he gained a lot of weight, he said that people were more uncomfortable with him being fat than a drug addict.

That being said, its important to find new joys in this situation. I dated my boyfriend for 2 and half years, I was the only overweight person he ever dated, I know that if he started dating me after I was thinner, I would have been angry and not trusted that he loved me for me.

Hang in there Mini! And I'd always give you a penny!

[Jolanda 23]

This is an interesting thread, and I agree. Now at BMI 23, I find people in general are more comfortable around me in some ways. But I'm also more comfortable around them, because I like myself so much better nowadays. So which one is the cause, which one the effect? I don't know. But I do know that this makes me appreciate my friends even more: the ones who were my friends even when I was at BMI 40+. And I think people who meet me now after a while and don't exclaim over how much weight I've lost are classy people: it means they probably didn't care much about my weight before, either! Or they're just polite and well brought up. Whichever, I don't care...

[MINI-Me 196]

Hang in there Mini! And I'd always give you a penny!

That put a big smile on my face today. Thank you! :sad0:

[iluvthesun 2]

Hi Mini,

I've been off the boards for a bit. Moving, separating from my now ex-husband, buying a house etc. One of the things about moving to a city like Ottawa is the cost of parking downtown where I work, the traffic and the use of public transportation.

I hate riding the bus. Part of it is because I have to walk to and from the bus stop and that is difficult for me, but most of it is because I know I take up more than one seat....I try to sit in a spot where there is an extra seat so I don't squish anyone. On Friday I tried to sit in a single stand- alone seat but the seat squished me so I moved.....people would rather stand than sit with me, even when I try to take up as little room as possible. I used to feel the same way about flying, happy to go where I was going, but dreading having to share a seat with someone and squishing them.

I think that things will be very different once I have my surgery (just booked it for Oct. 5th in N.Y). I know I will be more comfortable and take up less space, but I also think people avoid sitting near / making eye contact with obese people for other reasons. I agree with the poster that it is a prejudice like others.

In my organization it is all about "youth" right now....you would think at 48 I was ancient.....oh well, can't (and don't want to) change that one.

I'm happy to see how well you are doing. It's healthy to own the emotion of being ticked at people who treat you different.

Take care,

Nancy, formerly from PEI

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I hate riding the bus. Part of it is because I have to walk to and from the bus stop and that is difficult for me, but most of it is because I know I take up more than one seat....I try to sit in a spot where there is an extra seat so I don't squish anyone. On Friday I tried to sit in a single stand- alone seat but the seat squished me so I moved.....people would rather stand than sit with me, even when I try to take up as little room as possible. I used to feel the same way about flying, happy to go where I was going, but dreading having to share a seat with someone and squishing them.

I don't think this is a prejudice thing. I usually won't sit down next to someone who's big enough to be spilling over into the 2nd seat, because I know both of us will be uncomfortable. If I was a size 0, maybe I wouldn't care, but I personally feel very uncomfortable if I'm squished by another person, I need a certain amount of personal space otherwise I start feeling mentally uneasy. When I lived in Asia, it was very difficult for me to adjust to the smaller seats on public transportation and the constant contact with strangers' bodies.

[MINI-Me 196]

Hi Mini,

I think that things will be very different once I have my surgery (just booked it for Oct. 5th in N.Y). I know I will be more comfortable and take up less space, but I also think people avoid sitting near / making eye contact with obese people for other reasons. I agree with the poster that it is a prejudice like others ...

I'm happy to see how well you are doing. It's healthy to own the emotion of being ticked at people who treat you different.

Take care,

Nancy, formerly from PEI

While I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, I am very excited to hear that you have booked a date. This surgery is AWESOME! As of this morning, I am 4.4 pounds from my stated goal of 135. Still not sure that is exactly where I want to end up, but it feels soooooo good to be in sight of a number I really couldn't imagine 7 months ago.

The next month and a 1/2 is going to fly by for you. Keep in touch!

[BlaqBeary 23]

equal opportunity

OK ... Maybe this is going to sound really small of me, but people are annoying me.

6 months ago, clerks were not friendly ... they took care of my purchases, etc and sent me on my way. Now, that I am a "normal" weight, I find people trying to strike up conversations, giving me an extra few minutes in line, etc.

Take this morning for instance. My car needed gas, so I stopped by the Quik-Mart for gas. I decided to run in for a drink while the car was filling up. I walk in the door and get greeted with a "Good Morning. How are you today?" from the clerk. I respond and go over to pick out my drink. I try to check out (with 3 people behind me) and he starts chatting about the day. My total was $2.16 and I gave him a $5.00 bill. He made a big production of counting back my money, taking a penny out of the Penny Jar and giving me back $2.85 instead of $2.84. I don't remember a clerk EVER voluntarily taking a penny out for me before. What gives?

Like I said, I know I seem small in this, but it's really bothering me ... Why should I be treated differently now? I'm still the same person - same thoughts, feelings, and day to day routine (minus all the meal time).

Does a thin person deserve less pennies in their wallet than a fat person?!?!?!?!?! :thumbup1:

[EJStorm 13]

I used to be normal sized. The heavier I got the more invisable I got. I'm friendly and outgoing. I always have been. But at 300 pounds, if I strike up a conversation, many people will just ignore me. They never did that when I was average sized. People act like fat might be contagious.

Funny thing about relationships. I was really fat when I married my ex. I didn't know he was a "chubby chaser". When I got under 200, he had an affair with a woman who weighed over 400. Next long term relationship started when I weighed 160. After 5 years, he dumped me when I hit 200. He said he was only attracted to tiny women and that even if I lost weight he wold be grossed out by the saggy skin.

I'm truely grateful that I met and married my husband (2 months ago!) at my lifetime heaviest weight. I'm the first "big girl" he ever dated and I know he'll love me whether I'm 120 or 520. He'll love me if I lose my breasts, he'll love me if I become a parapalegic. He'll love me if I burn my face off.

He's supportive of my surgery plan because he 1) wants me to be happy and 2) wants me to live a long life.