Sliced & diced, and stir-fried with, erm, clear liquids?

[WildIris 4]

Okay, so I actually had the surgery a week ago, July 14, and I've been hanging out, bored silly the last couple of days, in a hotel room, recuperating. Couldn't find my password for the forum here, or I'd have posted before.

It went VERY well, though I checked into the hospital at 5:30am on the 14th, and didn't actually get prepped for surgery until 7:30pm that evening. After that, I don't have any clear memories. That's when they gave me the sedative. I think they only did it then to make me shut up, because I remember that I had been making comments to the surgery prep team that they were giving me rat poison derivative (blood thinners--and I was trying rather lamely to tease them), to cover up the fact that I was scared out of my gourd.

Apparently I didn't want to wake up from the general anesthesia, either, because I don't actually remember anything until 7:30ish the next morning, and I could hear a nurse squawking out in the hall, "You gave her IV WHAT?!?" Then The Bitch From Hell marched into the room and announced, "You're taking a walk. Right now." So I replied very suavely by leaning over the bed rail and throwing up on the floor.

I couldn't walk straight. I was only dizzy if I let my autonomic nervous system function, so I tried to figure out some ways to A) not breathe, not blink, and C) lose the whole heartbeat thing. I mean, a pulse is seriously overrated anyhow, right?

Anyway, so this nurse attaches herself to me, and informs me that I never should've gotten any IV pain medication post-op, that I only got to take it orally, and that the reason behind this was because they had a hard time getting me to come around in recovery, and that thereafter, I was going to Start Walking, No More Lying Down, I had to Start Drinking, and Start Peeing Without A Catheter. And that I had to drink 50 ounces of fluids and KEEP THEM DOWN before I could get discharged.

It actually wasn't bad, once she pissed me off enough to make me focus... Took me awhile to get started on what TBFH-nurse counted as my 50 ounces, because I did end up having to get some more pain medication and some serious anti-nausea medication via IV.

And, I should say out of fairness that I really did end up liking her. She was actually pretty funny. I eavesdrop shamelessly all the time, no matter where I am, and I'd hear her out in the hospital corridor griping to the nurses about how I wouldn't cooperate, and I was hopeless, and the surgeon had already yelled at her twice, and then she'd come back in the room and drag me out for a walk.

She was nice enough on several of these perambulations to steer me the other direction when somebody had come in with a perforated bowel and the smell was making me turn right past green into gray...but she made a little dark aside comment about how "THAT'S what it smells like if you don't get walking..."

I'm probably not doing a very good job of relating all this, but she was really very funny, though I don't think she entirely meant to be. I thoroughly approved of her, actually. Absolutely competent, bossy, manipulative in a good way...

She became steadily more approving of me as the day wore on, and I pushed myself to finish my 50 ounces so I could get discharged when she came off her shift at 6pm. I gauged her increasing approval by the fact that I overheard her out in the hall briefing someone coming on-shift telling them that I was really a sweetheart and very polite. It was pretty funny juxtaposed with her bustling into the room a moment later and informing me that I needed to get a move on and drink some more fluids because I was falling down on the job!

She gave me a hug when I left. I grinned really big at her and told her, "That last time I puked on the floor, and it got all over your shoes, I was aiming for 'em." I waited for her to react, then I said, "I'm kidding!" I'm pretty sure I was actually kidding, too. :thumbup1:

All-in-all, not the best day of my life, but not the worst, either. It did have its funny moments. And it's all downhill from here, so to speak...

[momof3girls 0]

What an experience. Congrats on having it behind you!

[wannabethin 0]

Glad you made it through with your sense of humor! Humor helps everything. Thanks for sharing.

Renee

[lamsunshine 2]

lol I can see you leaning over and then letting it all out. That was great. I wish I could of done that with a few of the nurses I had when I gave birth to my daughter. I'm glad you are okay.