Why can't they just say congratulations???

[MINI-Me 196]

So I went home to see my family last week. I finally told my mom about my surgery 3 weeks ago since I knew she wouldn't believe I lost so much "on my own". She had questions, but seemed supportive.

Well ... my mom is a typical southern woman & likes to share the news with everyone. When I got home, people made some comments about my weightloss, but not much. I found out that everyone thought I had been doing Weight Watchers. Mom hadn't told anyone about the surgery. When I asked her about it - she said that it was my "news to share if you want to". So, I slowly started telling family members as the week went by. I don't want to be unfair, I had some support, but most people just told me of all the weight regain stories they knew. I was also told that I had "lost enough". (I am in no way thin - but I am on my way to a healthy BMI.)

One friend of the family even told me "Well, you haven't gained too much over the years." Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I haven't been this weight in my adult years ... well, maybe a day or two, but it all came back and plus some. Do people really look at each other?

I must admit, I felt shattered. I've always been told I was a pretty girl if I could just lose some weight. So, I have taken off the weight & hardly anything was said. Just felt like everyone was waiting for me to gain it all back. People seemed disappointed that I hardly ate anything.

Yes, my family is obese and morbidly obese. My father passed away last year from its complications. Why can't they be happy for me or at least encouraging? I didn't think I was, but I guess I was expecting more.

ok ... I guess the pity party is over. Time to get back to losing weight and being proud of myself!

[SouthernSleever 228]

Sorry you didn't get the support or reaction you had hoped, Mini. You can see you weight loss is amazing and I'd say most people were just jealous or perhaps uncomfortable. We are here for you and I think you are doing amazing!

[MINI-Me 196]

Thanks. Luckily, my husband, kids, and in-laws are here and support me. Just wish the other half of my family (the ones that have known me all my life) could do the same.

I really do appreciate the support system here. You guys are awesome!!!

[sleeve 4 me 910]

We think you are doing a GREAT job :-)....YOU ROCK!

[MINI-Me 196]

We think you are doing a GREAT job :-)....YOU ROCK!

Thank you! :biggrin0:

[euphoric-in-tx 0]

Wow! That completly sucks how they reaccted. But just rememeber people are uncomfortable with subjects they do not know about and lets face it, some people are just down right jealous. So keep your head up and know that you did this for you and feel proud everytime you walk by the mirror or can buy a smaller size. No more tugging at the shirt trying to hide things...lol.

Sarah

[MINI-Me 196]

Wow! That completly sucks how they reaccted. But just rememeber people are uncomfortable with subjects they do not know about and lets face it, some people are just down right jealous. So keep your head up and know that you did this for you and feel proud everytime you walk by the mirror or can buy a smaller size. No more tugging at the shirt trying to hide things...lol.

Sarah

Ha Ha! Funny you should say that. Today, I'm actually trying to hide. My size 10 pants (that I bought 3 weeks ago) are already sagging in the butt. My husband was laughing about having to go shopping again. Not sure I can cram the waist into an 8, but the butt & hips sure want a smaller size. Maybe I should buy a few skirts for the summer - they may be more "forgiving".

Thanks again for the encouragement. I'm not quite as upset about the reaction (or lack thereof) ... it's getting easier. :thumbup1:

[Bornagainbabe 4]

A lot of people don't really understand WLS and why anyone would resort to going under the knife. They only absorb the negative implications by way of the media focussing on disasters (and there aren't that many of those anymore) and immediately form an opinion based on those.

I was lucky. Most of my family and friends were wholly supportive as they knew how much I had struggled for years but there were odd people, and still are, who thought it was too drastic and just couldn't comprehend why I would want to do it.

I have another 28lbs or so to lose to get down to my ideal weight and BMI but when I tell people that they cannot believe it and tell me I don't want to lose anymore, I would look ill, it is too thin etc. etc. but it isn't as that's what I weighed when I got married 23 years ago and I certainly wasn't skinny then, plus they are comparing me with what I used to be at 314lbs as well as being conditioned to accept obesity as being 'normal' nowadays.

I say just ignore them and don't let it get you down. You know you have done the right thing and will ultimately become healthier and happier for it.

[Netherfield 5]

Hi I am 1 and 1/2 years out from surgery and mostly get compliments and good stuff my way. Last week a good friend said, "geesh, you look so thin!" He doesn't want me to lose more weight -- that actually made me feel good, and I took it as motivation actually. Even if people say I don't need to lose weight, I told them I need to get to goal, which was a healthy BMI and that usually ended the conversation. On the other hand, almost all of us know of people who had WLS and regained weight. Take it as a challenge for yourself NOT to do that. It scares me to no end to gain back weight. That can be a GOOD thing actually. I say to myself, "ok you've been given this new body, NOW what are you going to do with it? We've been given a gift, and I look at it that way and not many people are given a second chance at a body. So take it as a scary challenge for something you vow not to do. It's not always a bad thing to hear of those who regain weight. Apparently it is a possibility (not sure of stats with the sleeve though). Ok, so let's do all we can to put practices into place for us to succeed and not fail! I admit there are days I eat badly and I yell at myself. I made a deal with a coworker that I would let her know everytime I was one ounce above goal weight, and so far I have had to confess one time only. This is a good thing knowing I need to fess up.

Good luck with your continued weight loss and getting to that healthy BMI!

[pumpkin07 32]

You have done a great thing for yourself. If your mom is like mine, maybe she did something like tell everyone to not mention it. People just do the weirdest things sometimes.

But you have done a great thing for yourself, and I guess people don't know how to react. It is like they are waiting for the regain....I get a lot of those lap band stories b/c people do not know the difference between surgeries.

At least we grow up and get to have husbands that appreciate it, heh? I had a funeral to go to yesterday and it was awkward b/c there were a lot of people that haven't seen me in years and they didn't know what to say. They knew I had surgery I'd imagine. But I just said that I'd been fat for 20 years and figured it was time for a change. Or I said I decided to lose my pregnancy weight gain after 12 years - kind of made a joke.

The worst part was b/c my clothes are all falling off I had nothing cute in black so had to wear a bright pink suit so I really stuck out at the funeral. Simply b/c I had nothing to wear like a skirt or dress. It was sorta funny b/c I hadn't thought no one else would wear a summer color, and they didn't. I was like a light bulb. I laughed it off. They probably thought I planned that, but I just didn't have any dressy clothes in my size. haha

[steve-o 0]

I know I'm weird (in oh so many ways), but it drives me nuts when people ask how much I've lost. Is anyone else this way?

I'm sure most people have good intentions, but I've always felt like my body is my own business. Giving them a number makes it too easy for them to pass it around... and they do... because I've seen it travel. I just want some privacy.

Lately, instead of giving them a number when they ask for one, I say "not enough yet", or "quite a bit", but some are quite insistent.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

All I plan on saying is that I was a size 14/16 and now I'm a size ____they can figure it out:laugh0:...I think that's the safest way to go, for me at least:thumbup: I don't want to hear comments like my God you were huge:thumbdown:!!!!

[Mary Gordon 3]

it's hard to understand, but don't take it personally....it's just the way people are....you keep on with your weight loss, that's what is most important for the moment. keep up the good work and if people don't congratulate, you be happy and proud!!! cause you definitely deserve it. CONGRATS CONGRATS!!!!:001_tt2:

[MINI-Me 196]

You are right Mary, but when it's your own family, it's hard to swallow sometimes. You know?

Doing better though. 10 pounds from my original goal. Might lower it a bit, but we'll see when I get there.

Thanks for all the positive responses.

[kbl 3]

it is strange how people that love us or who are suppose to love us can respond to an accomplishment..... weight loss, new job, boyfriend..... hope you just let it slide. take the really good comments and cherish them and drop the rest. i am proud of you and know that you took a big step to regain a healthy you. i guess that is why this forum is so helpful. kelly