Good Times, Bad Times - Anyone Else Have Mixed Feelings?

[vinesqueen 2]

Nykee, your honesty and "realness" never fail to amaze me. 'Sho is right, start documenting, start getting things charted by your docs. What you have said shows medical neccesity, not cosmetic.

I think you are sort of stuck in the middle. You've come so far that you cannot see that light where you came from, but you haven't gone far enough to see the light where you are going. And that is a diffiuclt and discouraging place to be. (((((Nykee))))

'Sho, that is so wonderful about the bathing suit! But I honestly cannot think of an NSV where I have mixed feelings. I will have to do some thinking about that.

I cannot offer any thing constructive about your scars. But then again, I don't care if people see my scars, it doesn't have an affect on me what people think about them. It doesn't even occur to me that people might think anything about them for that matter.

[Jachut 487]

NewSho cant you get Dermablend or similar scar covering make up over there? i have a friend who has a huge red birthmark covering half her face and she uses it daily and it really does cover the red/purple tones. Its totally waterproof - she swims several times a week for excercise confidently. I was thinking a good dose of fake tan and some dermablend would hold up for you and make them if not unnoticeable, not so stark.

Sigh. I tend to hold on to the purple colour of scars for a very long time. Six months out, my little scars are losing their colour, but my port scar is going to be purple and large for a long time yet. Although 3 years down the track my caesar scar has all but disappeared so I am hopeful.

I feel good, 99% good about this surgery. I'm sorry for my tummy scars becuase actually I had a rather lovely stomach - I dont have any stretchmarks and whilst it was fat, it wasnt deformed fat, its relatively flat and I could certainly show it in public when the weight's all gone, but for the scars. I'm deathly afraid of a Tummy Tuck, not that I'm going to have or need one, the scar would put me off that.

I'm not too sad about not looking perfect at the end of it - my skin is bouncing back quite well but its still 38 year old skin, the thighs are a teensy bit looser than they once were! But we all have to age and I have great respect for my body and what its done for me over the years.

I'm sadder about my face. I didnt think the effects of weight loss would be so profound in my face, but I've lost a lot of my facial plumpness as I've gotten older - I dont ahve any wrinkles or drooping yet but the undereye circles, oh my goodness i look like a walking skull. I have deep set eyes anyway, but I seem to have developed some pigment around my eyes as well, or else its the veins showing through and they just make me look ill - I now cannot go without at least some makeup every day which depresses me, I loathe that full face of make up just to go to the shops look, Im an au naturale girl at heart. I dont want to spend a gazillion on eye creams just to find they dont work and I'm not sure there's a lot of cosmetic surgery options for it, not that I'd take money that could educate my kids or buy us a bigger house for that anyway.

[NewSho 20]

There are some good suggestions here. I think I'm beyond Dermablend / makeup because the scars are thick & raised, rather than just dark & flat.

Another good point was the sun exposure - I'm definitely protecting my whole abdomen with mucho sunscreen if ever I were to have the nerve to go out anywhere! Right now, I'm protecting the faux BB (which is also pulled down through a new hole after my TT) with a little faux BB jewel - since I think the BB looks like a cave now, and the jewel really helps.

(And yes - I know I'm really hard on myself. I just want to look good again, and it's a difficult process!)

As soon as (or if, LOL) my post-op swelling goes down (from the Mini TT part of my gyno surgery) - then I will try posting a pic of the abdomen in question.

Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...

[Nykee 13]

newsho,

THANK YOU

Your post has gave me hope, when I had so little.

I didnt know anything about recpnstructive surgery, and now I know alittle more (alot more)

You gave me enough 'educated' words about it, that I beleive you and feel like its worth researching (before I was just being neggative)

THANKS sooo much.

I dont know anything about scars either...

I dont notice mine at all..

[lianna 3]

Nykee, you know I love you gurl! Do as she suggests and document...!!!!!!!!!!!!

[NewSho 20]

I can't believe I did it.

I'll put my scar pics out there, temporarily. They WILL be edited off very soon - no need to randomly scare people out in cyberspace. :scared:

Remember, going from Morbid Obesity to just plain overweight is a process - so let's concentrate on the scars rather than body parts that might need work! :phanvan I am fully aware I need about $12-$15K more surgery work, but I'm doing what I can, OK!

I am convinced I'll look like a star when I'm done!

By the way - the pinkish thing in my Belly Button is a BB jewel, it's not a complication!

I had to hurry up and take them in the mirror before my post-surgical swelling got too bad. (Other post-TT patients might know exactly what I mean...)

Happy Band (And Life) Journeys To All...

[Desi80 1]

OMG newsho, your stomach looks great. Your scars look better then mine and i've only had the surgery once! YOU MUST WEAR THAT BIKINI! If you don't then i don't stand a chance. Do it for me and all lapbanders!:clap2:

[Jachut 487]

Actually you look rather gorgeous! Those scars dont look so terribly bad to me. I would show off that stomach regardless, its better than 99% of people's.

I think the biggest thing you can give yourself, that you could never pay for is to learn not to care what the heck others think. Everybody is beautiful in their own way and that's the truth. It is so totally true that confidence covers a multiltude of sins.

And a bit of fake tan never hurts although you look nice and brown too.

[Misfortune 0]

This is kinda crazy.. The irony of this whole process is to make yourself look better and then you may feel better! I guess it is quite obvious "we are never happy with ourselves!" And if we are happy, it should be from the inside out, not the outside, in! People let me tell you, and this is very hard for me, because I still have a problem being thankful for who I am, and sometimes i think or really use to think "maybe if I change this, or this..." it will make me feel better about myself and I will be happier. But the truth is "You will never be happy if you dont love yourself just the way you are!" And be thankful for who you are and what you got! God made each and every one of us unique and different in his own way, and he didnt make us that way to see how we can change ourselves or to see who can look the best or be the best ..He loves us all the same no matter our looks, or who we are. In his eyes we are the best!

After I had my surgery and everything happened with me, (near death) I went to also lose weight just like the rest here, I thought it would make me a happier person, and I also thought of my kids and maybe someday my grandkids, and I wanted to be able to run and play with them. Not be so big and unhealthy that all I could do is sit and watch. My mother is very unhealthy and never has anything to do with her grandkids.. And I use her as my example to "What I do not want to be!" So the story is, I had the surgery, things went wrong, I am very unhealthy now, have thyroid problems, have scars like chutes and ladders on my stomach , ribs removed, lost my job, have a hernia the size of a softball, bills out the yingyang!!LOL And all for what? LOOKS! And now look at me.. There will never be a bathingsuite(especially a 2 peice) that will ever look good on me. But you know I went to the pool the other day and watched people. I did not see one perfect person there! But I did see heavier women in a 2 peice and I thought to myself "why cant I be comfortable with myself enough to wear whatever I feel ?" I looked up to them.. And they was not by alll means the girl from the mag! Apparently they was happy with themselves no matter what they wore..

So to narrow down what I am trying to say is, and we have all heard it a million times "Be thankful for what we got and who we are.." There are people that are in worse shape then we all will probably ever be. I really think society today is to Busy(Being under Satins Yoke) worrying about what we suppose to be (by whom?) then what we really are that we forget what is really important! When I was on life support, and came to after 7 weeks, you know what I wanted,? It wasnt a big fat juicy steak, a bowl of icecream with caramel all over it, it was things very simple! I wanted to see the sunshine!! I wanted just a sip of Water against my tongue, I immediately every morning had my window opened so I could see and hear the birds. It was the most beautiful sight I had seen in a while, It made me smile!!!! And It was free! This was something he gave us at no cost, and if we sit back and realize what is very important in our lives and realize the positive (not negative) then maybe we as people will be happy. And not want.... atleast not want for things we do not need.. It doesnt hurt to want for things, because as everyone nows, that is how our life revolves, but all I am saying is dont want so much that it takes over your life. Everything we need has already been gave to us, and if it hasnt, then it will be, without having to buy it! He provides, and if we allow him , what he provides will make us happy!

I really think Nykee you should write down the positive and highlight it in even brighter letters! Possibly really BOLD BRIGHT letters. Put things that you have accomplished and how successful you are and how much work and courage it took you to get those sagging arms, lol big chi chi's. Just think women pay to get those..; ) Try not to look at yourself in such a negative way. Look at what you have , what you got , and most of all what you have acheived. And like my kids said "be proud, those are War wounds, " and apparently you won the war because you are still here to be able to share them with others. I really hope everyone learns to love themselves, because let me tell you from experience you never know when it will be taken away from you!!

One more thing I have to say , is I am not recentful for what happened to me, it was a "experience" one that helped me open my eyes, and I hope by my experience I can also open others eyes, without them going through the pain. And just maybe, that is why it happened , I dont question "Why me?", I ask "What can I do for you God, and how can I return the favor?" So Pleeeeaase everyone put a smile on your face, and when you get down about yourself, just take a walk outside, look at the sun,birds beautiful sky . Or maybe look at that beautiful family member ,freind or maybe your best freind( cat, dog ) whatever it may be. Smile and be Thankful.. And I promise that thought of negativity will disappear. And maybe sooner or later Satin will learn to bypass you and try a weaker person.!

[jcbydesign 0]

I don't think people notice things like that as much as we think they do. Most of our scars aren't very large, even if they look big to you.

I say WEAR IT!

Janey

[NewSho 20]

Misfortune:

I had a really hard time following your post for many reasons - and not the least because everytime I read the word "satin" I thought of the shiny, soft, synthetic fabric and not Satan. It took me a couple of times to read it to have any idea what you meant. And then I wondered why it was included on a post about my first two-piece swimsuit but, it's here, so there you go.

Believe me, I understand what it's like to feel like plus to have everyone around you (from friends to family to other miscellaneous folks) think that you made a huge mistake in order to look better.

I also had a near-fatal experience just after LapBanding. It was awful - my life was completely at risk. And I ended up with more scars, openings, incisions than I thought was possible for one person to have. Since then, for five long years I've been told by everyone (including my original LapBand surgeon) that "I shouldn't care about how I look, I should just be happy to be alive!" Well, I am very happy to be alive.:scared:

You know what?

For me it's not just enough to be alive, I want to thrive.

I know the horrors of just wanting to live... but now, at this stage, I hope to live well.

I've been at the stage where you are now, Misfortune, and I'm here to tell you that while it is certainly not easy - there is hope at the end of the tunnel. I'm still healing 5 years later, but I'm really focused on getting better and moving on.

Wish me luck in my Quest. I have had a horrible band journey, which made for a difficult life journey - but now I feel I deserve any and all success. You do too.

Happy Band (and Life) Journeys To All...

[Misfortune 0]

Newsho,

I am very happy you are doing well. And yes I did misspell "Satan" lol.. I just now tried to do it again.: ) I have to say by all your comments I have read from you, you seem to have your crap together. I think you are doing wonderful things by responding to LBD.. You seem to have the right things to say . My response to this thread was to the people that seem to cut themselves down.

I am sure Nykee is a wonderful person, and I hope she does not continue to be unhappy because she has had great success and she should be proud of herself, and like you said THRIVE . We have had bad learning life experiences, but we were also blessed. Which makes us seem to try harder, and appreciate a little more. But why have to go through those experiences when it is not needed. Learn from others!

I have not read anywhere on exactly what happened to you, and how or what you experienced, except for it being a near-fatal experience. Do you still have the band?

And one more comment, There is nothing wrong with looking good, and nothing wrong with making changes, everyone wants to be beautiful. And if it makes you happy to do these changes, by all means GO for IT! But make sure if you do make changes, be sure and be happy with yourself just the way you are, because if not, no matter how many surgerys you have, there is always going to be another, to fill that empty spot...And happiness will never come.. Thats my theory, lol and Im sticking to it.. : )

[Meow=^..^= 1]

New Sho.....I think ya look great!!!! wear the suit!!!!

Nykee...I so am there with ya....I also need to lose 200 lbs. when I lost 75 a few years ago I told the doctor I hated my tummy... It was all mushy, lol not the firm fat!!! I do have fear, but I just want to be healthy... I decided I dont care what other people think.. I wear shorts, sleevless tops and all that. I dont have money either, I understand.... Take heart and document... I had a friend that had got her boobs, tummy, vajay jay and legs done on Medicaid

[Misfortune 0]

Meow, I would really love to know how she was able to get all that cosmetic surgery done under medicaid? Shoot, I was dieing and it was hard for me to get help from medicaid.. Just curious how she did that...

[puddin 7]

Nykee, posts like yours always put me on my amino acid soapbox. You sound depressed, and my guess is it's a whole lot more than the way you think you look that's doing it. I have this whole speech about amino acids and methylation and B complex Vitamins and liver function that I'll spare you for the moment. The moral of the story is that the food that we eat has a profound effect on our emotions, allergies, looks, self-esteem, health... everything! And if we eat junk our poor liver works overtime, doesn't have the Vitamins to do its job, and has the inability to rid our bodies of the crap that builds up because of what we eat and we can end up depressed and sick. Are you getting your GOOD Proteins in? Are you taking your daily vitamins (including a good B-complex)? Do you drink the Water you need to? Do you get your daily exercise in?

I'm sure there are other stressors in your life that is causing this depression besides food. Eating the wrong food will just compound that stress and make things 100 times worse. I know that when life is hard it is 10 times harder to eat right and exercise, but giving yourself the flexibility to eat wrong every once in awhile while still maintaining good nutrition is invaluable at times like that. I promise I'm not just preaching here - I live it! And it has done SO MUCH for me that I want to share it with everyone. So good luck to you with what you need to do to help yourself, but please help yourself.