Why don't you just call Jillian?

[KabinKitty 11]

I've only shared with 2 friends, my plan to have surgery. One has been supportive and is thinking about WLS, but the other one said, "why don't you just call Jillian", and she kind of laughed (the gal from "The Biggest Loser" TV show).

At first she was NOT in favor of me having surgery and gave me all kinds of advice on how to eat right, and said just get out and walk every day :cursing:.

I explained all my health problems and how I've tried different methods and I thought she understood, but now I don't think she does.

This is why I'm not telling anyone else, even extended family :confused1:.

[AutumnLily 77]

Its true it is no ones business but your own. I think its better to keep this surgery to ourselves to avoid all the negative people out there with their comments on where we went wrong.

I had a friend that did this surgery several years ago and what people said behind her back was atrocious. I know that I will not be sharing this information with friends and family. Only ones will be the great support network here and also my doctor.

[SParkle 4]

At the end of the day its personal choice whether you chose to let people know or not.... I can totally relate to this - its hard enough explaining I am on a diet, and the reactions I get to that (being lower BMI) so I can't begin to imagine the response I'd get if i told everyone - I really don't have the energy to defend and explain my reasons behind it all.

Its your life...and i wish you luck!

[andrea1124 0]

I've only shared with two of my friends. I casually mentioned weight loss surgery to my oldest daughter, 29, who made a not very supportive remark so I've not talked about it to her again nor my younger daughter, 25. The two friends I've shared with are very supportive, although I think one is less convinced about the idea than the other but she has been very positive with me about it. My husband is extremely supportive. I will not share with the rest of my family or daughters that I've decided to have VSG until I have to. My parents will not be supportive. My sister will support me but will not understand why I'm doing it. A bit of background: My mother is 4'11" and has weighed any where between 90 and 110 pounds her entire life and my sister is built the same way at 5'. My oldest daughter is a bit taller than they are but is also very slim. None of them understand about losing and gaining over and over and have not had weight issues their entire lives. My younger daughter has a tendency to carry more weight but nothing like her momma. I remember being in 5th grade and asking my mother why I had to wear Danskin outfits (Danskin was a brand new stretchy fabric) and not other kinds of clothes and she told me that if I didn't weigh so much I wouldn't have to. Sigh. I need this tool. I know I can lose weight. I've done it time and time again. I cannot keep it off. I need a tool to help me help myself. It's nobody's business but mine but I do not plan to share that I'm having this surgery with anyone that I do not absolutely have to, especially if I get the impression that they will less than supportive. I only want positive people around me for this journey.

[Tiffykins 673]

Tell her "Why don't you call Dr. Phil?"

People don't like change, they don't like the unknown. I have lost friends, I've quit talking to some family members about my weight loss. Go into surgery confident that with or without their support you will do fabulous, and do not allow anyone to bring you down.

[KabinKitty 11]

Tiffykins, what a great idea! Actually I think she does have some physcological issues! It just hurts when I've tried to be a good friend to her. She fell while power walking last year and broke her knee cap. She had to have surgery to wire it together and I cooked food for her spent alot of evenings with her and ran errands. I helped her out alot more than her son and his wife!

Andrea, I have some issues with telling my sons also. One is married with children and the other (my baby) is not married. If I told the older one, he would of course tell his wife, who I'm SURE would share this surgery plan with other extended family members. I don't want any of them to know.

Neither boy lives in this state. The youngest one is a chef and he is very into healthy eating. His g/f's father is a surgeon. I'm sure he would jump on the internet, and talk to his g/f's father, to find out everything he could about this surgery. I don't think he would be approving of it.

I feel like I'm decieving them, but I don't want to tell either one at this time. Actually I don't want to tell the married one AT ALL, EVER because of his wife.

I'm so glad that some of you have been there, and can give me some good advice to make the right decision.

Edited July 5, 2010 by KabinKitty
grammer

[Mi-Mi 0]

well, i have to say that i've been very open about my weight loss "journey" even going so far as to talk about it (as well as my fertility "journey") on my FB page. i am not naive and i KNOW there are some who, even though they may not say it out loud, are talking behind my back about A.) how my decision is stupid and that i could lose the weight naturally if i REALLY wanted to, and B.) why i make such personal information so public. there are several explanations i could give to both of those questions... but the main reason is this: because i don't give a flying fart at this point what everyone else thinks and i've made it clear that if they don't want to be part of my support group then they can at least do the courtesy of keeping their mouths shut.

i have only received 1 negative feedback, and that was from 1 of my very closest friends, and was only out of concern. i thanked her for it, told her that yes the sleeve is less common... not because it is more dangerous or less successful but because fewer insurance companies will pay for it because it is still considered new. then i asked her for encouragement and good vibes. she obliged. and i love her for the way she's supported me throughout my life.

i understand the benefit of keeping it quiet, and sometimes i wish i had done that. but it's out there now. and what if i happen to help someone who may not be as willing to talk about these things? there are too many people, especially women, who are so ashamed to be fat and infertile that they can hardly bring even themselves to face it... much less talk to anyone else about it so that they can find the support they desperately need!

another way to look at it is this....eventually these people are going to see me and my weight loss anyway. am i going to tell them that i'm just watching what i eat? nope. i'm going to PROUDLY tell them i had bariatric surgery and it's the best thing i've ever done for myself and my husband and our future family! it's just not my style to hide behind secrets. why should i be ashamed of making a decision to be more healthy, end my battle with fertility (cross my fingers) and ultimately prolong my life?

now, i'm not criticizing anyone who has made the choice to surround themselves with a very small support group and not tell God and everybody what they're going through. remember, i did say i do understand why some make this choice. but this is just me and my thought process. i hope it makes someone feel better.

Edited July 5, 2010 by Mi-Mi

[educationrulz 18]

Here's how I handled this. I told no one except my sister before the surgery. None of my friends or coworkers knew I was having surgery. Had I not been on vacation and needed to request medical leave I would have told them it was some other kind of surgery. Who cares if they find out the truth later? Before surgery, I didn't want anyone's opinion about what I was doing and what they thought I needed to do to lose weight. I did my research and knew what I wanted to do. Since I kept quiet before surgery, I never had to hear any crap from anyone about me having surgery.

Now, that the deed is done I pretty much plan to tell people I know IF they ask how I lost weight. But, I only plan to tell them I had WLS. I'm not sharing the gorey details or becoming the poster child for WLS who runs around explaining it every time someone asks. I'm not sure about telling what kind of surgery I had because once I reveal that it opens the door for more questions that I won't want to answer. If they want to know what's out there in terms of WLS, they can google it. So far, I've only talked to one friend from work and I could tell she was surprised I had kept it from her but she was supportive.

I figure that after I've had surgery, what the hell can they say, "Don't do it!" "It's dangerous!" Here's what I'll say to that: TOO LATE party pooper, my stomach is all gone bye-bye! And in case you haters haven't noticed, I'm looking better every day.

[LAN2k 18]

It was the opposite with me. I told everyone even strangers, and had no negative responses from any one of them. I didn't tell them in a way that sought for their approval. I told them in an authoritative manner honoring my capability to know my own mind, (boy was I ever wrong in that department), and body, and of course research so I was knowledgeable about the procedure, risks, etc. I did wait however until I myself was sure and had the process all ready in motion.

[mellifrits 25]

I am sorry that anyone else has to deal with that. You shouldn't have to put up with any of that crap. I think maybe once I start to lose the weight I might tell people but I honestly my mom and sister support me so really I dont think I need to tell anyone else. My sister questioned my reasons at first but that is only due to her having the lap band and she wanted me to understand how much my life would change. And as for my mom any worries she had she faced with my sister a few years back so she is just wanting me to be healthy. I dont think I will ever tell the friend I live with (over eater that doesn't work out and still weights 90 lbs) since I know she would just talk down to me on how I lost the weight and say, "Well sure anyone can do it that way." But is instead as simple as that and we all know that. Please just hang in there! We are hear for you even if those around you aren't.

Edited July 6, 2010 by mellifrits

[sleeve 4 me 910]

Tiffykins that was a GOOD ONE hahahaha! I may have to use that one day!

[Jachut 487]

I told everyone and wasnt too worried about doing so, when I was banded. But I did fear the judgement of some people. I personally could never have hidden the post op liquids to mushies diet, there's no way my parents and inlaws wouldnt have noticed.

But its an awful feeling thinking that people are going to judge you. In truth everyone has been very supportive, whether they agree with my opinion or not, and that's the truth - not everyone WILL agree with your decision, but anyone with any manners and decency is going to accept that its your body and get on with the business of supporting you.

I have anxiety over PS, I dont have any scheduled and truth is, I could never do it becuase everyone is going to say "oh, you dont need it" and think I'm mad. I dont wish to show my parents or my inlaws my saggy old boobs to prove it, and I dont want to be vain enough to fix what isnt any worse than what everyone else who gets older lives with anyway. You cant have big round bouncy melons till you're 90, afterall. But even though I sort of really would like to do it, I just couldnt face the judgements and opinions.

If I were to do it, I'd do exactly what you're doing - keep it to myself and my husband, I'm not sure I'd even tell my kids, they dont need to know stuff like that and I'd never have an obvious boob job with huge norgs anyway.

[Mi-Mi 0]

LOL!!! "norgs"

[SouthernSleever 228]

My mom, as I've posted before, was very negitive thinking I was going to die. Then she got all excited for me even implying that she would help me pay for it. Over the last few weeks when I have brought it up she brushed it aside and wouldn't talk about it. It might be because she thinks I'm going to ask her for money. Just last night she said, "You know, you just need to let me be in charge of you for a while." "I'll tell you what to eat and what exercise to do." Like I don't know what foods I should eat. She said, "You could save a lot of money." I replied with, "Great and to return the favor you can drop the 300 dollar/month Meds you are on (to treat addiction) and I"ll be in charge of you. You can save even more than I can!" I said, "this is no different than someone who is addicted to drugs or alchol." to which she can relate. She appoligized and asked if I really thought this was the only way. I will tell her and my Dad, my husband, my aunt (who has been very supportive), and my bestfriend and that's it. It simply isn't their business.

[mila1013 0]

oh this is such a difficult thing, no one supports me (my parents are old school and just dont understand) but my siblings are just plain ignorant, and have refused to take me to any appt. or pre surgery (endoscope) that have had anything to do with wls. i have had 11 surgeries my siblings only took me to one, 2 weeks ago my friend took and picked me up from my enodscope, she will also pick me up after surgery on 7-12 for band removal, i didn;t even tell my family for the endoscope or the surgery "I would never do that" or "why don't you just eat less" "she didn't need to do that" hmmm this comes from someone who herself is 100+ lbs overweight so such is family, you cant change people, I have learned to accept it and i am fortunate to have a friend that will take me-i also have in the past driven, left my car there then pick it up days later, or in the case of endo scope ask the endoscope place if my driver can pick me up after 4 pm. or i have taken a taxi there and had her pick me up, i have been doing this for years now-just the way it is, i have learned to accept it, not like it, but just the way it is.......i truly understand