My surgeon is so rude.

[sbingram12 1]

That is why I don't like going to doctors in the first place. I went into the office, and he pretty much told me that the reason I gained all my weight back was all my fault. I cried so much as soon as I got out of there this afternoon. When he walked in and said hi, the first thing he said was, "Ok, you're back at your starting weight. Now, why do you think that is? Do you think it's because you haven't been following the diet at all? Do you eat ice cream and chips everyday?" I was floored. I had always thought of him as a nice person, but this was the rudest thing I've ever hear from ANYONE I've ever discussed my weight with. After that, he said he'd give me the revision, but then he said, "you know, I'm giving you this revision because the band doesn't really work for some people, and you're one of them, but if you keep stress eating you're not going to lose weight. Eating a whole bag of potato chips when you don't feel good is going to kill you." If that wasn't enough, he also said, "You have to look at what you're eating when you have bariatric surgery, you can't just eat everything you see."

I WAS SO ANGRY. Like, WHAT THE F**K. WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST F**KING YEAR AND A HALF??:mad0: JUST SITTING ON MY A** EATING ALL DAY? Ugh, I was so angry, and I still am. He made me feel so small - not the good kind, the ashamed kind. And why? I've done everything right for the last year and a half with this band and I'm RIGHT BACK WHERE I WAS. That's not MY fault, that's the BAND.:mad0: I said something about stress eating ONE TIME about 6 months ago when I was taking finals (I'm still in college) and now he's throwing it back in my face?? WTF.:thumbup:

He scheduled an appointment for me to get the revision, but he made it seem like he was doing me a huge favor even considering it. He's so rude. When he took me over to the nurses station he said, "Make sure we get her in a sleep study, at her weight we don't know what could happen." at HER WEIGHT? WTF. There are people who weigh 3 TIMES as much as I do that go to that SAME office. I only weigh 237 right now (the same as when I started with the lap band). But the reason I need surgery is because I'm only 5'5" and because of health problems. "Only" is a relative term, but there are people that weigh a LOT more than I do. This whole experience made me so angry.

I just want to get my sleeve done and never have to see any of those people ever again. My question is: how can you work at a bariatric surgery place and be so rude to people about their weight? wtf?

[sumthingwong 1]

at least he listens to you.

[KathyM 14]

somthingwong - not cool.. :thumbup:

sbingram - i'm sorry you had to deal with that. I don't know whether he was having a bad day or what, but he shouldn't have been rude to you. What you have to ask yourself is do you want him to do the surgery? It is your body and you need to feel comfortable with the person doing your surgery. You always have the option of finding someone else, or you can just get it done and hopefully if you sail through with no complications, you wont have to see him much afterwards. Then you can march back into his office a year later and show him that emotional eating hasn't ruled your life. I hope you figure out what you need to do.

Kathy

[deletedsally 8]

I would have a hard time trusting someone to take good care of my physical needs if they were that abusive and insensitive to my emotional needs. These doctors get paid an awful lot of money to provide bariatric care...why enable him by sending your business his way, when you could pay someone else?

[pnw218 14]

I ditto what Kathy said ... to both posters.

Just because they had alot of education, doesn't make them nice people. Unfortunately, sometimes they put themselves on a pedastal and sometimes we put them on pedastals.

Do you have any other options? I get that sometimes tough love must be used, but I'm not sure it was necessary in your case. Especially when you say you are 237 and 5'5"??? Good grief. According to my insurance, with a BMI under 40, you don't even qualify for surgery unless you have other health problems!!

The sleep study is a good thing. I never even realized I could have sleep apnea. I have never had an issue with surgeries and was overweight for several of the nine, altho it can happen.

I have been using a cpap machine for over 3 months and I am feeling better. Less tired during the day and better in the mornings. If you qualify to get one, try to have your dr prescribe one that is auto adjusting for pressure. If not, you will need to have yours adjusted as you lose weight. In another 10 or 20 pounds, I will have my pressure needs recalculated and then they might put me on a set pressure instead of the auto.

Most of us have an issue with food or we wouldn't be where we are. If I could have better controlled my eating, I obviously wouldn't have needed surgery! It is amazing how insensitive people are - especially those who are trained to help us be healthier.

good luck to you! if you have to deal with this guy to get the surgery, do it. You will succeed - it seems almost impossible not to : )

[Globetrotter 1,340]

For a period of time your surgeon is going to be the most important person in your life, do you want it to be someone that makes you feel small? After all the pre-op prep and paperwork that I have gone through I now understand just how much a part of my life my surgeon and his team will be, for at least several years. I'm really glad that I like my surgeon and feel comfortable with him. I would feel anxious if he was a dick.

[ANITALOU 2]

Well just because he is a "Dr." doesn't mean he has common sense!! We all have a demon or two to fight and unfortunately ours is obvious. Discrimination against "fat" is still thought to be ok....how sad. I am almost exactly where you are- weight and height..and I notice all the time folks "looking" at me...I'm sure they are thinking I can't believe she is going to eat that...I really don't eat that much.. in fact I wore one of those body bug things like on Biggest Loser and the PT said I didn't eat enough... just all the wrong things. It is jsut too bad that we can't just eat what we wnat and it be ok...that is my little fantasy! I will find out my surgery date next week and I am looking forward to getting it over with..I take so many meds...diabetes, hbp, high cholestrol, arthritis, etc... I am hoping this will releve some of this ..losing weight to "look" better is just an afterthought for me. I really hope you consider changing Dr.s this guy sounds like a real A** You deserve better!

[sbingram12 1]

@everyone: thank you so much. I really thought for a the latter part of the day that it was my fault that he got so rude. I guess it's another thing I have to work on: not taking everything that happens as my fault. I'm in the process of looking for a different doctor in my area, and I'll keep you guys updated. Maybe with a different doctor, I'll be able to get a sooner surgery date. I would like to have the surgery before school starts up again if possible.

@ANITALOU: yeah, I bought a body bugg and it said that I was also not eating enough, just all the wrong things.

[deletedsally 8]

Just another quick note. After many years of dieting, weighing and measuring my food, counting every calorie and carb, eliminating all wheat, sugar, and refined carbohydrates, etc...I am of the firm opinion that what goes in a person's mouth is not the deciding factor in body size or shape. Does it make a difference? Absolutely. Can you look at a larger person and assume larger calorie consumption and a complete lack of self-discipline? Not in my experience. In fact, some very reputable medical research indicates that many people who struggle with obesity eat fewer calories than others. The obese people who get attention on television describing how they eat a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, and a loaf of bread for Breakfast are not representative of most overweight people--and that kind of sensationalism just pumps up the self-righteous, condemning attitudes toward people who are larger.

We are dealing with a medical condition that most often has strong genetic and metabolic roots. When I see a client that comes in to my office weighing 350 pounds, I don't look at that person and ask "Why do you eat so much junk...why did you do this to yourself...why don't you go on a diet?" I feel the same kind of compassion that I would feel for a person struggling with any other health problem. If I'm going to ask anything, it might be, "Does anyone else in your family have a similar problem?"

While this doctor may specialize in bariatric surgery, the fact that he is making assumptions about what you are eating based on your body size, suggests that his thinking is in the dark ages. I hope you find someone who will offer you the compassionate care that you deserve.

[KabinKitty 11]

So sorry your surgeon is such an arrogant so and so! Is he very skilled in what he does? If so, I would stick it out. The most important thing is to have a safe and successful surgery.

He may have been having a super stressful day or me may feel like, in part, that he failed you by not helping you to lose the weight after the band surgery. Some people are rude if their ego is bruised.

It's your choice who you have do your surgery. I've experienced very kind caring surgeons and I've had the arrogant type. Both did fine jobs in the ER.

Hang in there and keep your chin up!

[educationrulz 18]

That is why I don't like going to doctors in the first place. I went into the office, and he pretty much told me that the reason I gained all my weight back was all my fault. I cried so much as soon as I got out of there this afternoon. When he walked in and said hi, the first thing he said was, "Ok, you're back at your starting weight. Now, why do you think that is? Do you think it's because you haven't been following the diet at all? Do you eat ice cream and chips everyday?" I was floored. I had always thought of him as a nice person, but this was the rudest thing I've ever hear from ANYONE I've ever discussed my weight with. After that, he said he'd give me the revision, but then he said, "you know, I'm giving you this revision because the band doesn't really work for some people, and you're one of them, but if you keep stress eating you're not going to lose weight. Eating a whole bag of potato chips when you don't feel good is going to kill you." If that wasn't enough, he also said, "You have to look at what you're eating when you have bariatric surgery, you can't just eat everything you see."

I WAS SO ANGRY. Like, WHAT THE F**K. WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST F**KING YEAR AND A HALF??:mad0: JUST SITTING ON MY A** EATING ALL DAY? Ugh, I was so angry, and I still am. He made me feel so small - not the good kind, the ashamed kind. And why? I've done everything right for the last year and a half with this band and I'm RIGHT BACK WHERE I WAS. That's not MY fault, that's the BAND.:mad0: I said something about stress eating ONE TIME about 6 months ago when I was taking finals (I'm still in college) and now he's throwing it back in my face?? WTF.

He scheduled an appointment for me to get the revision, but he made it seem like he was doing me a huge favor even considering it. He's so rude. When he took me over to the nurses station he said, "Make sure we get her in a sleep study, at her weight we don't know what could happen." at HER WEIGHT? WTF. There are people who weigh 3 TIMES as much as I do that go to that SAME office. I only weigh 237 right now (the same as when I started with the lap band). But the reason I need surgery is because I'm only 5'5" and because of health problems. "Only" is a relative term, but there are people that weigh a LOT more than I do. This whole experience made me so angry.

I just want to get my sleeve done and never have to see any of those people ever again. My question is: how can you work at a bariatric surgery place and be so rude to people about their weight? wtf?

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that I don't think this was all THAT bad. In fact, if this is the rudest thing anyone has ever said to you then you've led a blessed life. I've had much ruder crap said to me, even by doctors. Does that make it right? No. Does that make it the end of the world, or cause to go running to a new doctor who doesn't know your history and hasn't already seen your insides? No. Unless you have questions about his general competence, technique with your banding, or track record with revisions, it doesn't seem worth it to start over with a new surgeon.

Although it might have been a little out of context, your surgeon's comment ("You have to look at what you're eating when you have bariatric surgery, you can't just eat everything you see.") is very true and very important. But, it sounds like he might have been frustrated with your lack of success (hey, he's human and you're frustrated too, right?) and he let it get the best of him. Maybe his personality doesn't allow him to say things in a more nurturing way. That's not new in the world of doctors. :glare:

I guess my point is that maybe your emotions about your lack of success with the band have caused you to read more into this than there is. I don't say this to criticize, blame you, or demean what you are feeling. I just think that sometimes we have to get past the small stuff and keep our eyes on the prize. My surgeon isn't warm and fuzzy either and sometimes I leave an encounter with him feeling a little disregarded emotionally. :thumbup: But, he took good care of my insides, he answers my questions, and has a great track record and reputation. I can't say this about all the doctors I've had over my 40 years of life. So, I'll just have to get my warm and fuzzies elsewhere. :blushing:

Maybe you can go into your next appointment with him from the perspective of tackling the problem with the band head on and developing a plan for success. That should make you feel better and give him less time for rude comments about your weight.

Please keep us up to date on how it's going and I hope this doesn't offend you. Good luck with your revision.

[SouthernSleever 228]

Sorry you had to deal with that but I wouldn't let ANYONE speak to me that way. I'd call his ass back and tell him exactly how you feel. Who is your surgeon btw? I'd also tell him that you expect to be treated with respect no matter what weight you are. I wouldn't let this slide. It's your resposilbity to set the rules for a relationship with him since he obviously has none for himself.

[sumthingwong 1]

Sorry you had to deal with that but I wouldn't let ANYONE speak to me that way. I'd call his ass back and tell him exactly how you feel. Who is your surgeon btw? I'd also tell him that you expect to be treated with respect no matter what weight you are. I wouldn't let this slide. It's your resposilbity to set the rules for a relationship with him since he obviously has none for himself.

U think he cares? there are thousands of fat people in line to get a wls done. He will pass on her and grab the next one in line.

[Mi-Mi 0]

WOW! i'm kind of floored! well in my opinion you should probably look for a different surgeon.... there are many out there who are just as qualified and successful as yours who are also tolerable. and who knows? if you're truly doing what you're supposed to and you've gained the weight back, you may find out that your original surgery wasn't successful because of something the surgeon did or didn't do! so it's good to get a different opinion in that case too. so sorry this happened to you. sometimes i think doctors (especially those who practice in this capacity) should be required to take sensitivity training from time to time! as you can probably tell, i have not had wonderful experiences with the medical community either.

one thing i might also suggest is that you don't do this quietly. as someone already said, this guy will move on to someone else... he is probably not hurting for money and won't miss yours (i know that's blunt but just stay with me on this.) a professional and straight forward letter to this doctor, the other surgeons in his practice, and to the office manager might be in order. i wouldn't be slanderous or show too many emotions or you might not be taken seriously. just state clearly what happened and conclude briefly how you felt about it and that because of this instance you will take your business elsewhere, and that you will also recommend the same to others who are considering bariatric surgery. i bet you will get some sort of reaction if you do that.

[SouthernSleever 228]

U think he cares? there are thousands of fat people in line to get a wls done. He will pass on her and grab the next one in line.

Yeah, I do think he cares. From all the surgeons who have called me back personally to try to earn my business in my search, it matters a lot. How many people do you think read this thread and will pass on this surgeon. It doesn't matter how many people are in line, when someone puts you in your place it doesn't have anything to do with money.