Uncharted waters-letting go and moving on

[citygal 0]

During a very challenging time in my life (my marriage) I managed to gain 100 pounds. This morning on the scale I dipped into below the 260's for the first time. I am 7 pounds away from releasing the weight I gained during the very dark time in my life. I am working with a therapist and continuing to pay attention to the emotional effect of losing this weight. I still have a long way to go after this weight is released but it is a meaningful goal to me.

I don't spend my days looking back, but the 40+ pounds I've lost since my band to sleeve revision has cleared away some of the physical and emotional blocks that has kept me from moving forward. My goal is NOT to be thin...my goal is to be fit...strong....happy and capable of inviting love back into my life. I don't want to just count calories...I want to count my blessings.

[texaschick 0]

May you find the strength and courage to reach your goals!

[Maddie 9]

You really got my attention (and got me teary). I wish for you all the things you are working so hard to achieve. Thank you for showing me a better perspective on how to view weight loss. It's so easy to get caught up in just the physical aspect of it and I think keeping our "true" goals in sight can help us stay motivated even more.

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

Amen! I second Maddie's thank you, this is a great reminder of perspective. I certainly did not gain this weight JUST because I love food! I gained it due to the stress I have in my marriage. I am separated now and have been since February. I am working to heal myself first before worrying about the marriage. My main priorities are me and my children. But I know because of this surgery, I will be strong enough physically and mentally to tackle the issues in my marriage once I choose to go there.

Yes, this sleeve is just a tool but it is the one I needed! No, it did not cure all that troubles me but it is greatly helping me dig myself out of one of the deepest, depressing parts of my life and that is the unhealthy weight and lifestyle I have been living.

Happy Sunday everyone, God Bless...

[redroses47 1]

Funny how marriages make you gain weight *ahem* .. alas, I am no different. Since I have been divorced and have stowed away all of the baggage, I found the time for me and this surgery. It's interesting how my approach is (similar to Citygal) in that for me, it's not about being thin but rather happy and healthy. I have a great support around me but no complications from anyone .. that has made the most major difference for me. An inspiring post .. thanks for sharing everyone.

Edited June 27, 2010 by eloquentblue

[SParkle 4]

Such a lovely positive post - I wish you all the happiness in your journey - and thank you for opening our eyes a little to a side we don't always acknowledge.

[Jane_J 117]

Bless you CityGal, we are with you xxx

[citygal 0]

Thanks for all your supportive messages. I know these uncharted waters are only uncharted to me...each of you has affirmed that I am not alone in my fears or in my hopes. I left my husband in 2005 and it took me until 2007 to get through the hell of my divorce. I was sued for support and he actually burned my family photos when I refused to pay him $5000 to get them back. I had the money....I just didn't want to be held hostage to his blackmail.

I refused to be terrorized by him then and I refused to allow food to hold me hostage now. I want my life to be full of love and light.....so I keep working through my fear. What was so startleing was having my therapist tell me how much I still had to work through the darkness of my marriage. What in me allowed me to to "pick" this man and what in me allowed me to stay with him through 2 years of dating and 18 months of a progressively dark and unhappy time. Emotional and financial devestation...he wiped me out....spiritually and financially. I am smart woman who made a very bad choice.

I know my weight was one of the reasons I said yes to this man. Being "fat" kept me in a place where I didn't believe it was possible for me to picked by anyone else. I want this journey with my sleeve to take me beyond thin and to a place of wholeness I have not achieved before.

Thank you sleeve sisters and brothers for letting me put my truth on this site and for accepting me as is....a work in progress.

[Maddie 9]

You are very brave indeed for being so open and honest and for that I applaud you. We have all made bad choices in our lives and some have long lasting and devastating effects. But, look how far you have come. You identified your problem, got rid of it and even had the courage to stand up to it. I know family pictures are so valuable to us all, but bravo for not letting yourself be blackmailed. You have proven to yourself and to him that you are now willing to stand up for yourself and make the proper choices needed for you to live a happy, healthy life. Gratz on what you have accomplished over the past few years and best of luck on future successes.

Hugs,

Maddie

[motherof4 0]

It really is unfortunate that marriage is a factor in our weight gain same here for me, I am still married and probably on the virge of my first divorce we have been married for ten years and I just can't believe that this is happening to me :0( Thanks for the positive post!

[Papillon 7]

Thank you for being so honesty citygal.. it is really hard to be in a relationship where you give your soul and have it crushed. I am glad you are making the changes for YOU!!! I am on the side lines cheering you on!!!

[lmmore 0]

I have always had a theory that the happiest you can be is "happily" married, and the most miserable you can be is "un-happily" married. Where happy and un-happy single fall between the two. I am happy for you to move out of that miserable state. Divorce is the hardest thing to go through, whether your the leavor or the leavee. You are on your way to starting your journey to a better life. Good for you, and best wishes.

[VV2010 1]

Thanks for sharing your story Citygal. A lot of times we tend not to acknowledge all that is behind our weight problems, but you are obviously on the road to a much brighter future. Congrats to you and your success so far - you are very inspiring. Thanks for your honesty:)