Who Did You Tell?

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I told very few people as well when we first started researching sna deciding. Now I tell everyone that I am having the surgery. I am crazy about the band, and can't wait to have it. And I can't wait to be skinny, no matter who knows how I am doing it. I have been close mouthed about going to mexico because there is such a prejudice against having surgery in that country. People think I am going to texas. Others think I am having it done locally. My mom and one friend and DH know that i am going to mexico for it all. Aside from that, everyone has been excited about it...except for the little episode that my mother in law had when we first told her. She has had 4 friends die from GB. She is deathly afraid that this is the same thing, no matter what I say, and that I am going to die from complications.

[mslynn 0]

Kare,

You're right. We can make those categories Family and/or close others.

Thanks,

Mslynn

[CanadaSunshine 0]

I wish I could tell more people, but I got such a harsh reaction from those I did tell, that I knew I needed to keep it to myself to stay strong and positive.

My husband said all the textbook insensitive things you can imagine...but after I showed him my research and convinced him of it's benefits he actually came around and is proud of me for stickin to my guns and making a big change.

My mom was insensitive as well, but now is supportive (and has agreed to keep her yap shut for now).

My best friend is not happy with my decision, and does not even fake it, but she loves me anyway.

After the emotional draining that convincing these 3 very important people that this is a good decision and I'm worth it...I am just not up for doing it all over and over again with each and every person I tell.:cry

At least not pre-op.

I really think that post op, when I begin to feel healthy and strong I will be better equipped to deal with people and their questions.

I certainly don't intend to stay in the closet about it. (Although I understand why some of us do. Weight is a very personal issue and should not be the centre of focus!) I just have a feeling that at some point in time, I may be the one to help someone struggling with the hopelessness and solitude of obeisity, by telling them about this wonderful tool.

...but for now, I just have to settle for trying to keep my chin up (haha, I mean chins) and staying focused on my upcoming banding date.

The rest will come in time.

Sunshine

[mslynn 0]

CanadaSunshine,

I'm sorry your primary support has been a struggle. I think like you I will probably talk more after the initial stress, etc., has worn off. Like you, I don't want to be "The Educator." Best wishes to you on your journey.

Mslynn

[DevilMayKare 1]

DevilMayKare, I worried about the impression my family would have (is that why you didn't tell your family you were close to?).

No, I wasn't worried what they'd think of me--there's just NO DOUBT in my mind they'd be against it. I had my eyes done (bags removed) a couple of years ago and they gave me an incredibly hard time about that--and THAT was in the US. And even if they could understand why I would take such a drastic step they would worry--and worry even more that I was going to Mexico. My parents are in their 70's... that makes a difference. I didn't (& don't) want to put that burden on them.

I didn't even tell my son whom I live with (17 at the time) until after and didn't tell my older son for months.

The absolutely ONLY thing that worries me about my folks not knowing is if I have complications and have to go back to TJ to have the band removed. I'm in SoCal so that isn't that far for me, be arranging it so no one would wonder why I was suddenly gone for a few days could be problematic.

Also since I haven't lost as much as I'd like--or even as much as I have on other programs if everyone knew they'd be wondering why I wasn't losing more. I've been thru everyone in my family being involved in my diet way too many times now. If I were 30, instead of 50 I'd probably feel differently.

[A1ikou 0]

With me the telling is on a need to know basis. My husbands family live in the same apartment block as us and we eat with them a lot, so I told them from the beginning. My family are in the UK (I'm in Greece) and so I didn't tell them, figuring I would surprise them when I see them next- next March- with my weight loss. They knew I was having a surgery but I only told them about the gallbladder half of it. Then my mum came for a visit and so I told her...she was fine and supportive.

I have told 2 friends, one here and one in Uk because we talk lots and I knew I'd end up saying something to make them curious.

I don't have a problem with telling most people but I do have a problem with those people who from the second they know will start judging you every time they see you. This is me and my band and our journey together, the good and the bad. No-one else has any right to judge how well or not I'm doing. So, if there's no reason to know, I aint telling :nervous

[Alexandra 55]

I'm with DonnaB; the LAST thing I wanted was for people to be watching me, even if they would consider it "cheering me on."

Because my insurance battle went on so long, I did tell a couple of professional colleagues. One was wonderful and still is, the other did that "watching" thing I wanted to avoid. Outside of them, though, I really only told my husband, brother, and a couple of other family members and very close friends. I don't regret keeping it close to the vest AT ALL.

[nolagirl2 0]

I started with parents and close friends. Then told my brother and sister. Then told one coworker. Then, after a few too many drinks, told my aunt. As surgery date approached, I told other close friends and the rest of my office. After surgery, found out the aunt had told others in my extended family (who i am NOT close to and do not like). But I don't really care what they think anyway, they are a big bunch of b*tches. My parents told a couple of their friends.

Everyone basically knows, and my opinion is, if you have a problem with it, I don't care. It's my decision, my life, my health, my body, my money, my everything. I like having support from so many people. A lot of people say "well I want compliments from people who don't know I had surgery." I sort of don't care about that. I mean, that'll be nice, sure. But I like compliments from people who know. I like that when I send my best friends pictures, they say "Oh my god you look amazing!" So what if they notice more because they know more? At least I get that support and encouragement when I need it.

And I also told my close friends, because I thought about the fact that if they went and had surgery and I didn't know, that would be sad. And just because this is my weight doesn't mean there's anything wrong w/ it. I'm not going to be embarrassed of my weight, obviously it's not a secret.

Also, I don't lie. So no reason to start now.

[Carlene 12]

A few weeks ago, a woman I see regularly at church, but don't even know her name, came up to me after Mass and said, "I just want you to know that you look wonderful! What have you been doing?"

So there I am, standing in God's house....what do I say to this woman? Do I do the half-truth thing and just say I've been eating less and exercising more? I just couldn't bring myself to do that, so I told her that I had Lap Band surgery. I don't know if she had a clue what that was, but she certainly was supportive.

People DO notice, and I think lots of them speculate (especially these days, with WLS being so common). If you eat with someone on a regular basis, I think they will know something is up. I certainly would, if I saw someone put one piece of chicken, no mashed potatoes, no gravy, and no bread on their plate and call it dinner.

But everyone is absolutely entitled to handle his/her own PR any way they choose. There is no "right" or "wrong" answer to the did-you-tell question.

[mslynn 0]

Carlene,

You're right. No right or wrong at all. Just different approaches for different people. I think I'm starting conservative and not telling most people. We'll see how restaurant eating goes. My biggest struggle is not telling some friends that might be hurt if I do end up telling them later. Otherwise, I've told my close family. I do struggle with the issue of lying though.

Mslynn

[jess-band4/06 0]

I told my husband and my Mom at first. My close friends and family all know now. I did not tell several people I know early on b/c I really did not want their opinion. Generally, most people have been supportive, but I have two family members that also battle their weight-one said "oh" when I said I was having it and the other said she was jealous of me. Someone from my synogogue said that I was bold to do it. She is very thin.

I am having difficulty with someone I work with-she had RNY and keeps asking me how much I've lost.

WLS is a personal decision-but I am willing to share my story.

Jess

4/10/06 240/207/165

[PhotoNut 7]

I tell complete strangers in the grocery store if I get the chance! LOL!

I've told the guy doing the landscaping in our yard.

I've told a lot of people I don't know, I've told all of my family, but only two of my closest friends.

[EmileeKaye 1]

For me pretty much everyone knows....all my family knew at the beginning, I told a couple close friends. One close friend told her mom, her mom told her entire family, that I am pretty close to, so they all know, and I have a feeling the few who do know, probably have told other friends who I havent stayed in contact with from High School. Just one of those things I saw no way of hiding.

A family friend works at my hometown bank and I hadn't seen her in almost a year. I went in a couple weeks ago and she couldn't stop saying how great I looked, she asked how much I had lost. This brought the other tellers over and they wanted to know what I was doing, they were all little skinny things and i really didn't feel like telling them everything, so I just said I eat way smaller portions and I have really try exercising daily. Now the family friend may know I had surgery, i'm not sure, i havent told her, but i culd see my dad telling her, so did she know and just not say anything or did she tell them after I left. I dont know or care. At this point, I'm just so damn happy about myself, it doesn't matter at all what other think.

[warmmorningsun 1]

No, I wasn't worried what they'd think of me--there's just NO DOUBT in my mind they'd be against it. I had my eyes done (bags removed) a couple of years ago and they gave me an incredibly hard time about that--and THAT was in the US. And even if they could understand why I would take such a drastic step they would worry--and worry even more that I was going to Mexico. My parents are in their 70's... that makes a difference. I didn't (& don't) want to put that burden on them.

I didn't even tell my son whom I live with (17 at the time) until after and didn't tell my older son for months.

The absolutely ONLY thing that worries me about my folks not knowing is if I have complications and have to go back to TJ to have the band removed. I'm in SoCal so that isn't that far for me, be arranging it so no one would wonder why I was suddenly gone for a few days could be problematic.

Also since I haven't lost as much as I'd like--or even as much as I have on other programs if everyone knew they'd be wondering why I wasn't losing more. I've been thru everyone in my family being involved in my diet way too many times now. If I were 30, instead of 50 I'd probably feel differently.

It really is a very personal decision I think to have the surgery and I completely understand the choice to limit sharing it with others. I think my choice to "share" has come from years of hiding so much about who I am from my family and parents - you know, always trying to be the perfect daughter, sister, etc - and I've come full circle with that so probably disclose TMI (too much information!) now as an extreme opposite of how I was before *L* I'm in "take me as I am" mode these days.

I love this thread, it's so neat to read about the different thought processes and feelings behind everyone's very different decisions...

[sassy&happy 0]

I told my boyfriend, mother, and a close friend. My father would die if he knew!! I felt like since the proces is slower than the bypass that nobody would think anything especially since I am on a diet every other week anyway and have been for years! They might figure I finally stuck with something!