Dieting - its my battle!

[SParkle 4]

Its weird how when you lose weight you evoke such emotions in people.. most are delighted for you especially if you haven't seen them for a while. I've been 'dieting' for over 20 yrs, never reached my goal (not yet anyway!!) I lost 56lbs 3 yrs ago for our wedding and regained at least 28lbs....

Anyway.... we were out socialising with a neighbour last week who commented on my weightloss and said how great i looked, don't lose too much etc.....

We also saw her last night, and boy did I suffer at her tongue. We've been invited as part of a party for a paella.... I accepted the invitation from the host saying we'd love to come but at the moment I am on a liquid diet to kickstart my weight loss again ( I'm not telling them about the surgery.....).

The host replied she could do me a salad..... I politely declined saying no, honestly don't worry about me, I'd love to come but I'll sort myself out before we arrive and hubby would love the paella.

Word has got round to the other woman who is going (as it does!) and she laid into me last night saying I was crazy being on a liquid diet... why did I want to lose any more....

I gave her my practised speech about the fact I'd like to be at the higher end of my recommended BMI of 147lbs. Also if I get there my husband added in an incentive that he would give up smoking. ( I actually want to get to 140lbs but wasn't telling her that)

She replied well you'll never get there, she was 5ft 10 and wasn't 147lbs so how did I think I was getting there. (Shes not overweight IMO).

I said well I've battled with my weight for the past 20 yrs... she said well if its not worked then why will it work this time.....(in a really bitter sort of way)

She then started to go onto the fact I have a lovely face (WHY is that ALWAYS the pity comment they give...???) and then luckily we were interrupted by someone else which diffused it... but I was getting SO angry with her.

The good news (?!) is that she said, don't worry we can finish the conversation on Tuesday when we meet up for Paella........

OH JOY!!

The long and short of it kinda sums up why I'm not telling people about my decision for having the surgery.... most people just don't get it. Unless you've struggled with your weight, been bullied etc thru the years then you cannot grasp how desperatly unhappy it makes you inside.

They don't see 'fat ' people as having problems, they see them as greedy.

They don't realise there are eating disorders which make you over weight... they only know about the 'slim' ones.....

I can tell I'm in for an emotional time when we do meet up, andthat I will tell her to butt out if she gets to me too much, its my life and my decision to lose the weight, if I'm not happy with myself then I have the right to do whatever I want to make me happy.

What else is strange is that her husband told me I look 10 yrs younger already!!

Phew.... sorry for the long post but it insensed me that she was really having a go at me for what she thought was fad dieting.... blimey if only she knew the truth I'd be hung, drawn and quartered over it!!

Kathy

[MINI-Me 196]

People really amaze me with their self-imposed "right" to tell us how to live our lives. If it were me, I would tell her straight off when she approaches you that this is your life, your decision, and that you are not willing to have further discussion about your eating decisions with her. If she keeps going, politely excuse yourself and walk away.

Good luck!

[Maddie 9]

There's part of the problem, her husband complimenting you. LOL I bet she couldn't wait to find reason to tear into you.

Also, I'm with you...that "oh but you have a nice face" crap is so demeaning. You know in my opinion people wouldn't butt into your life so much if they weren't so lacking in self-confidence in the first place. Insecure people always try to find fault with others.

Don't defend yourself or your choices. Like mini said, if she keeps going, politely excuse yourself.

Hang in there, we're with you.

[SParkle 4]

Thanks..... to be honest when we were having the conversation I was just so gobsmacked at her reaction I didn't get a chance to react to it... then as the time wore on it sunk in more and more.....

I will tell her to back off when we see her on Tuesday if she starts again....I won't tell her about the surgery - can you imagine the reaction I'd get then??!!

Thanks for the back up...... muchly appreciated!!

Kathy

[thinoneday 445]

I know huh? my coworkers all know that i've had the surgery and still keep telling me that at my heaviest i didn't "look" like i needed to loose weight. . . now that i've lost about 110 lbs and have about 40 or so pounds left, they are still telling me that i don't need to loose weight. . . people are so funny. . . i know that i still need to loose much more, i started that 5 day pouch test diet today, not easy at all. . . thank god for that lentil and barley Soup. . .that saved my life today. . . i am going through some major carb withdrawl. . .want to eat white rice sooooooooo badly. . . but the lentil and barley soup did the job. . .so did the popsicles, and Protein Shakes . . . tomorrow i'll do only liquids, like the first week after our surgeries. . . should be interesting. . . wish me luck!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Wow, is that woman threatened by you or what!! She is simply terrified of you having a pretty face AND a fit body, simply terrified! What a pathetic person. What a BravoIndiaTangoCharlieHotel (there's a swear word in there!)

[SParkle 4]

LOL - thanks for the replies - they made me smile.... I was just so incensed when I posted the original post, but have calmed a little now... although tomorrow night is looming so we'll see what else she has to say.

Globetrotter - thanks very much..... I have to say maybe she has issues with the fact she just had her 60th birthday.... so my being 18yrs younger must sting a little!!

[sickofrollercoaster 7]

I think someone said it so well above... Take the face comment as a compliment, especially while in the meantime you are working on getting trim and healthy. See, you are becoming a triple threat! Pretty face, fit body and great attitude!

I tell some people but someone like that, I will take joy in letting them wonder how it is I was able to slowly lose the weight and maintain.

[SParkle 4]

Just to update.... the evening passed without too many comments luckily.

She did keep apologising for the fact I wasn't eating.... to which I replied well done.. as its my choice. If she chose to give up smoking I'd not apologise for her or feel sorry for her....to which I just want you to be happy.... (she doesn't actually know me!) to which I replied that I willbe - I wasn't and I wasn't healthy, but I will be and I'll also be healthy with it - as well as hubby who said he'll give up smoking if I get to 147lbs.

So all in all a good result I think!!